Disclaimer – Please see chapter 1
A/N – Thank you so very much for all your kind and wonderful reviews, I really do appreciate them, keep them coming!. My usual apologies again for not having the time to reply to them all, but I have so busy as usual. Story is beta'd by myself so any remaining mistakes are all mine, so I apologize in advance. R & R Enjoy!
Fall Out Boy – Chapter 20 More talk
Breakfast wast taken care of pretty quickly, after Sara praised his wonderful cooking, backing it up with the most erotic sounds he'd ever heard out of her, long drawn out moans as she chewed the food reverently.
Gil had found it utterly distracting trying to concentrate on eating his own food without choking, or emitting some kind of aroused sound himself.
Good job Gil didn't have to hurry to clear the dishes away from the table, but they'd decided to chat some more after Kye left the table suitably stuffed with gorging on the pancakes quietly, returning to the couch once more after.
Shifting uncomfortably in his seat Gil, was more than happy to stay seated with the massive arousal going on in his lower regions right now, not really ready to take up talking like he'd done earlier, but he reasoned that was the lesser of the two evils in this moment, the last thing he wanted to do was stand and reveal to his own embarrassment the huge boner he was sporting.
"You okay?" Sara asked with a little frown at his awkward and nervous movements "We can do this later if you'd prefer" she added thinking he wasn't ready to take up where he'd left off earlier.
"No!" he said too quickly causing her curious frown to deepen "Urm, no I'm okay...It's okay" he stuttered out whilst looking at her a little startled, then added more calmly to try to avoid attracting more attention to his discomfort "Lets talk while we finish up our drinks. Kye's settled so we are okay to continue" he said letting out a long controlled breath at the end.
"Okay" Shaking her head perceptively, she gave him a small reassuring smile, then decided to jump straight in to their serious conversation "I know you explained all that about us now being on 'an equal par in the academic field of our chosen careers', that you had, 'still have' personal insecurities and we both had our own personal obstacles to overcome. But less than a year ago 'You told a suspect that you just couldn't do it', in relation to entering into a relationship with someone who had offered you a wonderful life" she saw realization, then shock register on his face as she spoke "What else has changed so much over this time to make you change your mind now?".
Gil sat there, his erection forgotten and disappearing rapidly as he stared at her dumbstruck, Shit! She heard the Lurie interview. Why the hell did I have to stupidly let myself get so damned tired, then let my mouth run off with my personal feelings being expressed? He thought, aware that his eyes were wide, so he tried to regain his composure some.
Sara sat there looking at him expectantly, but gave him time to recover over the shock of her admittance, of hearing the end of his last ditched attempt to get the doctor to confess.
Trying madly to get his thoughts in order while still reeling from her words, he then decided that the truth was his best way forward if they were to gain any more ground than they had done earlier.
The big problem for him now was actually confessing one of his greater insecurities to her, when he'd hoped he would have more time to tell her eventually.
Rubbing a nervous hand over his face while glancing away from her over to the couch to check on Kye, a stalling technique he'd used numerous times, he then let out a sign and focused back on her face.
"Sara...." Gil started then saw a touch of disappointment appear in her eyes, the sort where she fully expected him divert, or just ignore her question, so he spoke quickly to try to show her he was in fact going to explain as best he could to her.
"Sara. Do you remember around the time of the Haviland case?" he winced slightly at seeing her face harden a little, Damned! That was when I found out about her relationship with the paramedic, then treated her so badly the next shift, letting my feelings of jealousy escape. Why the hell do I have to remind her of that jerk, or the complete jerk I acted towards her that night? He thought quickly, trying to find another route to explain, but not finding one.
"Around that time, and later. I had been dealing with a very personal dilemma, one that could have a great negative impact on my future career, and my life as a whole" he sighed, this was difficult for him.
Watching him play with his cup handle, Sara realised he really was trying to explain to her, but it was obviously difficult for him "You mean all that time you seemed to back off from spending any time with the team, locking yourself away in your office with paperwork so much, avoiding any interaction with anyone?".
Gil nodded with a sad look her way "Yes, unfortunately, and I'm sorry if I was ever hurtful or mean to you during that time Sara, I really never ever meant to be like that with you" he added before taking a deep breath to continue.
"Okay. Your forgiven" Sara replied with a light smile.
He gave a weak smile in return "The night you asked me to dinner after the explosion in the lab, everything by then had come to a head and needed to be dealt with quickly, before any time I had left ran out" he said, watching her tense up at him mentioning the declined dinner invite, he forged on "My dilemma..Or more so my increasing worrisome medical problem........A genetic one I have always been aware of, that could have affected me at any time during my life, needed prompt action....." he said, but was interrupted by Sara.
"Your hearing" she blurted out quickly, as all the bits to the puzzle in her mind came together at once "Damn it Grissom! I knew there was something wrong when you asked that Westcott woman to repeat the answer to her question, then you seemed to take ages responding to her in the movie guys case" Sara was now up and pacing near the table "All those times I spoke to you, and all I thought was that you were just ignoring me when you didn't answer me" she huffed out, before taking a short breath "Your hearing was giving out wasn't it" she said not giving him any time to reply to her.
"God! Why didn't I make the connections before? The evidence was there right in front of me?" She said rapidly "You never gave us any indication of what was happening to you. You never told us....Me. I could have helped you....I was supposed to be your friend, and I missed what was staring right at me because..I was..." she stopped her runaway mouth suddenly as it lost steam, afraid to continue with her admittance that she had been pissed at the time, ready to call him on his behaviour towards her.
She took in a deep breath then slumped back into her seat looking at him with some sympathy and understanding now "That's why you had time off just after I asked you to dinner isn't it? To have the problem corrected? Surgery?" she asked quietly.
Reaching across the table Gil grasped her hand in his gently, then gave it a light squeeze seeing the concern in her face "Yes. That night you asked, I was about to contact my physician to schedule a procedure that wasn't guaranteed to fix my Otosclerosis. My mother was deaf so I always knew there was a chance I could inherit the condition, and if left untreated would become deaf also" he paused gazing at her and hoping she would understand what he was now about to say "I couldn't accept the invite, although I would have really liked to have done. But with all the stuff at the lab going crazy, then my impending surgery" again he paused bracing himself for his next confession to her.
Taking in a deep steady breath he spoke quietly "All that was compounded together with the very thought of it being impossibly true that a beautiful woman could ever want anything more to do with an old fool who may, and could very well loose his hearing to add to all his other many flaws" he broke the gaze looking down at their joined hands "I was scared of loosing everything, tried to just ignore it, hoping it would just stupidly disappear, and I never told anyone because I didn't want any fuss or anyone to worry.
Gil let out a long sad sigh "Then I gave up on any idea that we could ever embark on a romantic relationship after that, and that's why I ended up sort of confessing to the suspect, knowing I'd be foolish to even try then" he felt her give his hand a firm squeeze to get him to look up her "Besides I didn't think it would be fair to burden you with my problems Sara" he said finishing on almost whisper as he looked up and caught her eyes with his.
All of his explanations to her so far finally seemed to make perfect sense as many things slotted into place in Sara's mind, making her understand what had been going on for both of them in this often tumultuous relationship they'd had so far.
His old fashioned values, his deep seated insecurities, his lack of confidence with people around him in the world, his flirting then backing off from her when she threatened to get to close to him.
Grissom's evasiveness, his much sought after solitude, his reluctance to go out in the field and work on cases, but more so his determination not to collect and process evidence when his former mentor Phillip Gerard was working for the defence on a case.
Suddenly things seemed more clearer, more positive, more in their favour for an attempt at trying to build up some kind of close relationship now, which made Sara feel confident enough to display openly, her often desperately hidden emotions from him.
What he saw reflected made his heart swell, he saw unshed tears glazing her eyes, with kindness and love for him clearly on show in her features.
"Gil I would have helped you through it all, had I have known" she reiterated softly, as she brushed her thumb over the back of his hand "You have to know that firstly. And I don't care about your age, whether you can hear or not, if your socially awkward and sometimes inept at some things. None of that matters to me" she said as her voice broke a little at the emotion coming through in her words "I care a lot for you......You know" she added as she felt him tug on her hand as he stood up.
"Come here" he whispered as he pulled her up out of her chair, into his circle of arms close to his chest, as he gently embraced her "I think this is long overdue don't you" he said soothingly, as he tightened his hold around her, using one hand to hold the back of her head against his shoulder lightly.
A/N Not sure I'm really happy with this chapter today, I don't think the conversation flowed smoothly enough for me, and stayed in the characters I perceive them to be, but hey I tried, & I hope at the very least some of you enjoy it though. The next chapter is going spring a couple of surprises I hope for you, and we will soon be getting back to the case at hand, some more twists to come soon! Next chapter to be posted Friday, sooner if permitting!
Please take the time to leave me a comment, they are always very much enjoyed, encouraging and appreciated.