Disclaimer – Please see chapter 1
A/N – Thank you so very much for all your wonderful reviews, they are great to read, I really do appreciate them, keep them coming!. I really did laugh at some of you thinking I was going to make Eklie 'The Daddy' , I may be a little insane but not that much! lmao!.My usual apologies again for not having the time to reply to them. Story is beta'd by myself so any remaining mistakes are all mine, so I apologize in advance. Hold on for the ride guys, a few little surprised in store for you today! R & R Enjoy!
Fall Out Boy – Chapter 23 More damned questions
Sat on the rock looking out over the bright expanse of lights of Vegas in the distance, then up at the twinkling stars, Gil let out a long controlled breath as he tried to relax his whole body, it usually worked for him when he came here, but not so far tonight.
His cell phone left in the car, his thoughts turned first to Charlotte, knowing now, how she had turned so quickly to another much younger, fitter, virile man for a relationship around the time they had dated, then given up, brought up his old deep routed insecurities.
That if the right woman was ever to come along that he knew was 'the one', they'd only end up hurting him painfully when they left him for a much younger and more interesting model.
Charlotte hadn't been that much younger than himself, not like the fifteen years his junior that Sara is now, which made it all the more painful for him to accept what he knew now of her having conceived a child with this guy.
Gil never had the feelings for Charlotte that he now harboured for Sara, it was just his, in his mind, pathetic attempt at trying to get a life as he had been told to do so many times by his friends, to start to date women and get out more.
They'd had dinner quite a few times, kissed tentatively occasionally, he'd even stepped out of his comfort zone to try to create something unusual, by setting up a date at his place listening to Pink Floyd with the Wizard of Oz Movie playing on mute, but that idea had been scoffed at by her, eventually leading to him being practically dragged into his bedroom for their one and only venture into the word of mistaken intimacy.
Her fleeing his bed only a short time after their huge awkward, and embarrassing mistake, left him feeling empty, unhappy and destined to be forever lonely and single for the rest of his life.
Charlotte even commented on how she had wanted him to just take charge, pin her and be masterful, but that wasn't him, but she hadn't bothered to take the time to learn that about him, she'd not only judged him too, but wrongly like so many others in the past, not only women either.
His only other very brief foray over the years into seeking some kind of physical intimate contact was with Heather Kessler, but that had left him with those very same feelings, along with a whole new deep sadness at the realization of sex without love being so pointless and futile.
Charlotte, Terri and even Heather, there was never that joint connection with them, not like the instant pull that Sara had on him since that very first time they met, he'd felt it with her instantly, and he was sure she felt it too.
But why had both Charlotte and Sara been attracted to Pettigrew, sought out his time, and his attentions? what was it that the paramedic could offer them besides the obvious.
Running a hand over his face wearily Gil knew the answers to his own questions, no matter how hard he tried to over-ride them in his own mind, his age, and perhaps even his character was the major factor in all this for him, for them.
Socially inept, boring old science geek and stupid fool to boot, he internally chastised himself, what woman could possibly want to love him, understand him, not judge him, give themselves up to him fully, open themselves up to him, letting their raw vulnerability, their whole being be shown to him?
Still doubting, his long term observations and personal experiences still present, that the person actually existed, he thought maybe he'd set his standards and expectations to high for any woman to be able to possibly achieve.
But Sara fit that bill perfectly, that fantasy, that idealism he'd imagined time and time again all those lonely nights he'd laid awake hoping and wishing.
So what was it that Sara wanted from him, saw in him that others failed to see, wanted to share with him, had persistently but silently pursued him for? Could It be all those attributes he was looking for, being returned sincerely and honestly was the simple answer?.
Letting out a forced huff of air now in distaste, Gil looked skyward, why now after all the months he'd spent brooding with barely contained jealousy over Sara's brief interlude with Pettigrew, did the man have to come back into their lives so abruptly in this way, with his and Charlotte's child right in the middle of all this, innocent and unaware of the probable complications and implications for the future.
Many more questions bombarded his brain at that very last thought, what would Sara think of all this, would she be angry at him having dated a former co-worker, be emotionally stressed that she was now caring for a child that could very well have been his, but turned out to be a former boyfriends who'd made her into the other woman in their relationship.
Would she still want to look after the boy knowing the new information? The possibilities, the likely ramifications of doing so?.
Be willing to still enter into a tentative romantic relationship with himself now, or push him away, for his last chance at happiness dying a pitiful death before it even began?.
Letting out a groan Gil got to his feet, this just wasn't working, all this thinking and trying to rationalize, put things into perspective to try to come to some solutions that could help, were just creating more and more doubts and questions.
Yanking out the car keys from his pocked, knowing the calming effect that he knew Sara could have on him, plus the need to tell her and hopefully discuss this with her, he made over towards his car having made the decision to return home to face the future and whatever it held for him.
Letting himself in the front door he glanced at his watch to see that more time had run away from him than expected, it was now after ten pm ,and the house was pretty quiet except for the low volume on the TV set, with the low hum of the air conditioning ever present.
"Hey" Sara called over the back of the couch as he dropped his briefcase, keys and wallet, and shrugged out of his jacket by the front door "You really didn't have to take the night off to baby sit me you know Gri..Gil" she said nearly slipping up again.
Smiling at her warmly, seeing her in his home relaxing comfortably already seemed to ease some of the earlier built up tension in his body "Hi" he said, then added with a pointed look "I know, but I wanted to Sara" as he slipped off his shoes then walked towards the kitchen to make a drink "Any problems while I was away?" he said changing directions with the conversation.
"No. Kye seemed to settle down pretty good after I tucked him in and read to him. The dogs have both been out in the yard and are now sleeping off the energy they used out there" she said getting to her feet.
"Good, I'm glad to hear that. Tea?" he asked as she came over to the kitchen counter.
"Please" Sara answered as she took a seat watching him move about with practised ease and familiarity, seeing the contours of his muscled back as he reached around for items.
"Hows everything at the lab......With the case?" Sara asked tentatively eyeing him to see if he would look at her, as she played with the edge of the bandage on her hand.
Breathing in a long breath Gil turned to her, reluctantly speaking "There's......Been a few new developments...With the case...Ones that we need to discuss" he said locking his slightly worried gaze with hers "You up to that now, or we could do it in the morning if you'd prefer" he finished saying.
Noting the worry in his eyes, Sara frowned a little wondering what they were about to discuss "Sure, now's okay, but can we sit on the couch for this" she suggested.
Smiling at her eagerness and curiosity to get on with another private talk Gil nodded before speaking "Yeah why not. You go on over and I'll bring the drinks over" he said turning back to his task.
A/N – This was a pretty hard one for me to write today, POV's are certainly not my forte, but I had a go non the less. I hope you all enjoyed this next chapter in the story and will continue to stay with it. The next couple of chapters will be a little angsty, and hopefully soon you will all start to get an idea of why I chose the title of the story for this one. Next post mid week is at all possible.
Please take the time to leave a review they are most welcomed and greatly appreciated, plus I absolutely love reading them!