I don't own these characters; Disney does.
15: Pirates Versus Ninjas
"Thank you, God! A port!" Ron literally leaped off of the Anything's Possible and landed none so gracefully on the wooden pier. It seemed like it had been an eternity since they had last seen a port.
"If he kisses the deck, he's on punishment," Shego remarked, referring to Ron's childish behavior.
"Agreed." Kim peered over the side of the ship to make sure Ron's mouth stayed firmly away from the ground. He was rubbing the wood, but nothing more than that so far. Still, she would keep an eye on him.
"I know how he feels, though. It seems like we've been out to sea forever," Monique declared, throwing up her hands and stretching.
"Well, it's your fault. You and the deep water rescue team here," Shego quipped, motioning to the whole crew, not including herself.
"Yeah, because you were objecting so loudly when we took those slave ships," Monique replied in a deadpan tone.
They had honed their skills at taking down large slave ships and had spent a lot of time at sea doing so. The improvements Wade continued to make to their weapons and ship made it easier and easier to take down their prey. He managed to make their guns fire with the flip of a switch and hold more than one round, so each of them could fire more than one gun and let loose multiple shots. The ammunition he dreamed up made it simple to bring down a prize.
After taking the ships, they always sailed the slaves to the same chain of islands. The islands were close and it was a good way to check up on the other people they had rescued. During that time, they taught the escapees how to use the ships they stole and also helped establish villages on the islands. It was a bit of a setback as far as following the map went, but other than that, they gained in infamy and fortune, and felt pretty good about themselves for sticking it to Hench Company as well as what they felt were unjust laws of the Empire.
"I can't help it if slave ships carry a good amount of swag with them," Shego huffed, almost as if she was insulted by the implications that she liked to do the right thing.
With a scoff, Monique rolled her eyes. "Oh, yeah, it's definitely the swag that gets you moving."
"Mo," Kim sighed. "Don't get on her or you know she'll be twice as difficult the next time we run into a slave ship."
Monique chuckled. "Aw, but Captain, you'll straighten her out, won't you?" she asked with a wink. Kim knew there was something more behind those words and gesture, but, damn it, she could not figure out what it was.
"Hey, nobody straightens out the Dragon of the Sea!" Shego proclaimed with a haughty smirk.
Monique only rolled her eyes again, deciding against starting any trouble. The ladies and Wade disembarked from the ship. They went their separate ways almost immediately, just agreeing to be back at the ship in two days, if only to make sure they were all still alive.
Before anything else, the ladies wanted to bathe. They were all in agreement with that. They easily found a rather glorious bathhouse and spent most of their afternoon there. They traded soaps, oils, and lotions, each more sensual and sensational than the last. Hot water, steam, and massages all felt like heaven.
"How did we live before this?" Bonnie asked and then moaned as the masseuse hit a particularly sweet spot. This was not the first time they had a treat like this, but it might have been the best one yet.
"Was it really living?" Shego replied from across the room.
"Couldn't have been," Monique concurred with light laugh. The first time they did this, she had been nervous about showing her back, but she quickly got over it.
"Even I have to agree with that," Kim said. This was not even an indulgence to her. Her muscles needed from all of the fighting they had and would undoubtedly do again sooner than they needed to.
After that, they broke apart into the expected couples. Bonnie and Monique disappeared, searching for an upscale hotel, claiming they wanted to sleep in proper beds. Shego rolled her eyes and gave them a skeptical, knowing smirk. They ignored her and walked off, arguing with each other about what type of room they wanted.
"One room," Kim muttered, referring to the departing pair.
"I told you how they are. You thought I was making it up?" Shego inquired, arching her eyebrow.
"No, I guess it just never occurred to me… even though we…" Kim trailed off, not too sure how to explain herself. Really, no matter what Shego said, she still could not picture Bonnie and Monique beyond the petty squabbling they engaged in everyday for the whole day. Her mind could not fathom them not only getting along, but somehow loving each other, too.
Rolling her eyes, Shego waved the whole thing off. "They put on a good act. But, when no one is around… or when they just don't care that someone is around, they go at it like a newlywed couple."
Kim gasped. "They seriously would do things like that in front of you?"
Shego shrugged. "Nothing too offensive to your pure senses, I'm sure. Some kisses, rolling around in their bunk, and things like that."
Kim nodded, even though that was more than she wanted to know. It was not that two women doing that scandalized her, especially considering what she now did with Shego. She was scandalized knowing about what another couple did behind closed doors with a witness around. Shego chuckled a bit, sensing she had given Kim too much information. She threw her arm around the redhead.
"Come on, Princess, let's go for a drink together and then find our own comfortable hotel room to mess up," the older woman declared.
The captain sighed, but she did not decline. They went to a nearby tavern, where Kim ordered her usual tea. It caused a fuss, as was expected.
"Can someone please explain to me what is so offensive about tea?" Kim sighed as a bunch of drunkards got in her face. She was unaware of a bar rule stating people had to drink alcohol.
"You'd think the red hair and the fact that you ordered tea would give you away at this point," Shego commented as she rose to defend her captain… or just to join in on the fun, depending on who was asked.
"No, that sounds too much like learning something for most sea dogs," Kim quipped as she crouched into her fighting stance.
Shego and Kim got some good playtime out of a few burly men who took exception to Kim wanting to enjoy tea while in a bar. Then, of course, a couple of men had to join in because they wanted some time with the cute redhead. It then ballooned into a whole big thing with men getting upset over the fact that two women were beating other men. This was Shego's favorite thing about being around the captain — all of the trouble she unintentionally attracted by simply being herself.
During the brawl a curious sight caught Kim's attention from outside. She thought that she saw a dark fellow yanking a girl around on a chain, but she only saw a glimpse of it, so she could not be sure. She remembered what Ron told her about Monty Fiske and what he did with Yori, the girl he basically kidnapped from the East. She could not go investigate because she had to deal with the idiots who wanted to beat her head in for having the nerve to drink tea in a bar.
"Princess, where have you been all my life?" Shego laughed as they finished laying out the group of rowdy men. She threw her arms around Kim and held her close, quite serious about her words. She had never met someone so… similar to her. She felt so connected to the redhead, especially when she saw Kim fighting.
Kim yelped from the surprise weight hanging on her. "You just like a good fight," she stated, knowing that was the only reason Shego would ever be affectionate with her in public. It was also the only reason Shego would praise her in public, too.
Shego grinned. "You got me there!" She leaned in very close to Kim's ear. "Now, how about we go find some place comfortable, so I can show you just how much I like a good fight?" she purred in a low tone.
Still rather naïve, Kim did not get the words per se, but the tone made her face flush like it was painted red. Shego chuckled a bit from the sight and decided to take it a step further. She nipped Kim's ear lightly, causing that scarlet blush to become almost as dark as brick. The laugh continued on and Shego led a dumbfounded Kim out of the tavern. They did not pay their tab.
-8-8-8-8-
Ron wandered the busy market, not paying too much attention to people around him. Several people rushed by him, cries of "fight!" making them move to a row of bars down the street. Instinctively, he knew that had something to do with his captain and Shego. After all, they could not go into a pub without causing a scene. Well, more Kim could not go into a tavern without causing some kind of commotion. It seemed like tea-haters of the world followed her around to start with her the second that she ordered tea. Although, he was certain that was just an excuse men used to pick a fight with her with the hopes of beating her before driving her to further ruin. His suspicions were confirmed about his crewmates when he heard people screaming that the "Red Devil" and the "Dragon" were fighting against some rag-tag group of sailors who obviously did not know who the two women were.
"I need a cool pirate nickname," Ron muttered, earning a skeptical look from Rufus. "Oh, come on! Something good like… Ron the Instant Death!" He struck an exaggerated kung-fu pose with that.
Rufus shook his head. "Uh-huh." The rodent snorted.
"No? What about…" Ron trailed off as his attention was drawn to a specter in the distance. Well, he thought it was a specter, but he was willing to bet it was the real deal. "Yori…" he breathed the name like a prayer and a call for salvation. "YORI!" he now hollered of the din of the city, hoping to be heard.
The shout did not carry over the noise of the crowd, not that it mattered. Yori was out of sight before he even managed to get that yell out. She was gone within the blink of an eye, like a ghost, but he was still sure she was truly there.
"I'm not seeing things. She was there. She was there, right, Rufus?" Ron turned to his friend, who shrugged.
Ron shook his head. He was not seeing things and she was not a phantom. Yori was at this port, which meant he could finally get her away from Monkey Fist. But, in order to do that, he knew what he had to do.
"I gotta get the captain!" Ron realized and he bolted off in the direction he had seen all of those other excited, bloodthirsty men going. He could not take his former captain and a crew of kung-fu monkeys alone. But, with Kim, and maybe Shego by his side, they could do anything.
The cook easily found where the brawl had been, but he was told he had missed the Red Devil and the Dragon of the Sea. He hollered at the top of his lungs in a panic, but had the presence of mind to ask which way the two women went. Kim would have been proud to see that he did not just panic in a crunch as he would have done in the past. Apparently, his captain was rubbing off on him after a short period of time together. After being told which way they went, he was off in that direction.
It was not too hard to find out where Kim and Shego were. They stood out in a crowd and all sorts of people pointed him in the direction they went. He ended up outside of a swanky looking hotel, which did not surprise him. He knew Shego liked the finer things in life and Kim liked being comfortable when she could. Finding the duo in the hotel would prove much more difficult than anything else, Ron knew that.
"I think this would be easier if we find Kim first," Ron said to Rufus, who nodded in agreement.
The blond figured the best thing to do with locating Kim would be to ask around, like before. Unfortunately, he found out that the hotel clerk was pretty serious about his job for some reason; the reason happened to be a threatening glare from Shego not too long ago about her not wanting to be disturbed. Ron sighed as he hit the unexpected road block, shoulders slumping as he tried to think of something better than just knocking on every door until he found Kim.
"Hey," Rufus squeaked as he got an idea.
"You thought of something, buddy?" Ron inquired.
Rufus nodded and then he pointed over to the register book, which the clerk flipped through. Ron arched an eyebrow, confused for a long moment. And then it was clear when it dawned on him what Rufus wanted to do, as his face brightened, but Rufus would need a distraction for it to work.
"I gotcha, buddy." Ron gave Rufus a high-five.
Rufus leaped off his shoulder. The blond strolled off, pretending to look around. He "accidentally" walked into a bellboy, who held a few bags. The bags flew out of his hands and Ron then stumbled into a patron, who was not particularly happy about the move. The bags opened as soon as they hit the floor, the contents spilling all over. Ron started apologizing loudly and rapidly. The commotion drew the attention to the desk clerk, who wanted to smooth things over to avoid losing a customer. Ron tangled himself in some clothes while trying to get up, which caused more apologizes. The bellboy and patron started screaming at the blond oaf.
Ron glanced at the desk while attempting to get the clothing off of him, but managing to tangle himself up more. Rufus hopped up to the register and started going through it. The cook mentally smiled while seriously trying to figure out how to get all of the clothing off of him. Over all of the shouting, the sound of cloth tearing seemed to ricochet off of the walls. Ron chuckled sheepishly as a blush burned his cheeks.
"Uh… that should fix up easily," he commented and the fuming bellboy took a swing at him.
Ron yelped and ducked, the punch sailing over his head. The bellboy's knuckles impacted the patron's chin. Before an apology could be uttered, the patron attacked the bellboy, who fought back. The desk clerk tried to break it up, hoping the patron did not leave after all of this trouble. Ron pulled a face as he eased away without any problem after that. He snickered just a little bit at how clever he and his little partner were. It felt good to get away with something.
"Did you get it?" Ron asked Rufus as the bald rodent scurried back up his body and sat down on his shoulder.
Rufus nodded. "4-0-3."
The blond bolted up the steps of the building to the top floor. Finding the room with no problem, he tried the doorknob without thinking. It turned, so he barged right in.
"Kim—!" Ron swallowed the rest of his words because of the sight that greeted him.
It was not to so much that Kim and Shego were in bed together. It was not even that Shego had Kim pinned to the bed by the mouth. He actually did not think that was so strange since he knew what ship life could do to some men, so it kind of made sense that it could do that to women, too. No, the part that had him swallowing his words, and almost his tongue, was the fact that Kim was aiming a pistol at him and Shego had one hand ablaze, ready to fry him.
Shego sighed when she saw who it was and then rolled her eyes. "Ah, this buffoon has the worst timing!" She had only just found out how much she enjoyed Kim's company and now she had to deal with interruptions!
"Yes, Ron?" Kim asked with a sheepish sigh, face flushed from embarrassment and also from the heated activity she was engaged in with Shego. She lowered her pistol and sighed again.
"Uh… wow…" Ron muttered, his brain not exactly working yet. He had almost died, after all. By the hands of his captain no less.
Shego growled. "You better start talking, boy, or running. Take your pick!" Her hand flared higher.
"Uh… Captain… Monkey Fist is at this port," Ron reported, stammering slightly.
"Monkey Fist…" Kim echoed and then it dawned on her what he was really trying to tell her. "Where'd you see him?" she inquired, pushing herself up and trying to move Shego off of her.
"Where do you think you're going, Princess?" Shego gently demanded, forcing her weight back onto the redhead. That action earned her a glare from the younger woman for a second.
Kim gave her a teasing grin. "Business, Sparky. Now, let me up." That earned her a growl from Shego and the green-skinned woman leaned down, nipping at Kim's bottom lip.
"Hey, this is important!" Ron barked.
"Fine, fine, fine. I'm getting up," Shego groaned, rolling off of the captain.
With the helmsman on her feet, Kim was able to get up. She had to fasten and straighten out her shirt, but nothing more than that. Shego only had to fix her shirt since Kim was nowhere near as bold as she was. They exited the room without a word and walked across the hall. Ron was confused about what was going on as Kim knocked on the door.
"Hey, this is your Captain speaking: get your act together and get out here! We're going back to the ship!" Kim announced, speaking into the door.
"The hell!" Bonnie's voice screamed.
"She said stop fucking each other and get out here or we're coming in!" Shego announced. "And it won't be to join in!" she added with a wicked smirk and a wink toward the captain. Kim colored quickly at that and Shego chuckled.
Kim cleared her throat, hoping to rid herself of her embarrassment. She turned her attention to Ron. "Do you know where Wade is? If things get sticky, we don't want to end up leaving him behind or something."
"I know where he went," Ron confirmed.
"Go get him and meet us at the ship," Kim ordered.
"We'll get this two!" Shego beamed, smiling as she kicked the door in.
Kim palmed her own face and shook her head while Bonnie and Monique screamed at the top of their lungs. Ron pretended not to see anything and blamed the wolfish whistle on Rufus. A shot went through the wall outside, causing Ron to duck, and smoking pistol dropped from Bonnie's hand.
"Oh, come on! Now, I have to pay for the wall!" Kim groaned. It was bad enough she had to pay for damages at the bar.
"I keep telling you, Princess, pirates don't pay for damages," Shego remarked, which only earned her a glare.
-8-8-8-8-
The Possible Company regrouped at their ship. Bonnie and Monique shared an aggravated look, which was directed at Shego. The helmsman only spared the gunners a pleased smirk, obviously still feeling good about herself.
"To Hell with you, Shego!" Bonnie threw her a rude gesture, which only made her smirk more.
"Hey, if I can't have a good time, then no one can have a good time. We all know this," Shego replied.
Wade could only wonder what was going on, but since it was between the ladies, he figured it was best he did not know. Besides, he was used to the almost endless fighting. He never knew alpha women could be just as argumentative as alpha men.
"So, Cap'n, what's the plan here? Hell, for that matter, what's the problem?" Shego inquired.
"The problem has to do with the lord we 'borrowed' this ship from," Kim replied.
"I get the feeling it's more than that. If it was just that, I think four of us would still be behind closed doors," the pale woman commented.
"It better be more than that!" Bonnie huffed, folding her arms tightly across her stomach.
"It's much more than that!" Ron chimed in, appearing thoroughly offended by things. Rufus shook his "fist" in outrage. The fact that Ron raised his voice caused the other crew members to blink hard from shock.
"Basically, we have a rescue mission to conduct. Lord Monty is holding a girl captive and we have to get her away from him," Kim informed the crew with a smile that they were all becoming familiar with.
"We're risking our necks for one girl because Stoppable wants us to?" Bonnie inquired with a scoff.
"Why the hell not? We did it for you, and not a day goes by I don't regret that look because of it," Shego remarked, pointing to the expression on their captain's face. "She looked just like that before we walked in that auction house, you know?"
A smirk stayed on the older warrior's face because she figured at least they would not be bored. They were not going to be doing what she wanted, but they were going to be doing the next best thing more than likely. And, she knew they would like to stick a slaver and Ron said Monkey Fist was just that.
Monique grimaced a little. "Can we not talk about that place and just figure out how we're going to get the girl from Monty because we all know that once Kim gets that face, we're going to do something crazy, anyway?" They had seen that face enough at sea to know it spelled trouble, usually for the people they were up against.
"The lady makes a point," Shego concurred.
"Okay, first off, the girl's name is Yori," Ron informed them all.
"And second of all, we're getting her away from Monty today. We'll be more effective if we stay on land since we could easily cut any distance between us without worrying about a huge ocean to escape in," Kim stated soundly.
"And you have a plan, O Captain?" Shego asked.
Kim put up a finger, like she had a bright idea. "I do not," she admitted. Did she ever? Most of her life, and thus their lives, was lived spur of the moment, thinking on her feet. "I just think this battle would work out best for us on land. Right now, all I have worked out is finding Yori and getting her back to Ron."
Shego shrugged. "Sounds like a plan to me," she commented with a lopsided grin.
"So… we actually have no plan?" Monique asked to be sure. It was a reoccurring theme with their lot.
"None whatsoever," Wade confirmed.
Monique smiled. "Just the way I like it."
They all got moving before Bonnie could start complaining, which she did anyway. She and Monique grabbed more ammo for their guns and they took a couple of rifles, just in case their pistols were not enough. After that, the hunt was on for Lord Monkey Fist.
It was not that hard to find him, which kind of surprised most of the crew. Apparently, not only was it not an ordinary sight for a man to tug around an Eastern woman with a chain around her neck, but he had some distinguishing marks — monkey hands and feet. No one seemed too fond of him either, considering him creepy and arrogant, so they were eager to see the "Red Devil" and her crew take him on.
"I get the feeling most people don't like this guy," Shego commented.
Monique somehow managed to not roll her eyes. "What makes you say that?"
Shego shrugged. "They're pointing us to him with a glee in their eyes, like they want to see a brilliant ass-kicking." She smirked, showing she planned on giving them what they wanted.
Thanks to the directions, it was easy to find their prize. Monkey Fist was at a respectable tavern with papers in front of him and a half-eaten meal. Yori stood behind him with her head down, but that did not hide the thick chain going from her neck to his hand. Kim and her crew all growled from the degrading sight. Even if Kim did not know Yori was someone to Ron, she would have stepped up because of the chain and collar.
"Excuse me, sir, but I think you have something that doesn't belong to you," Kim said as she approached the scowling lord.
Dark eyes snapped up, glaring at Kim like the most violent hurricane. She did not back down, which only seemed to make the eyes that much darker, like staring into a bottomless abyss. Nothing in her demeanor changed, though, if anything she seemed more confident.
"Leave me be, wench," he ordered her in the harshest tone he could mutter. It would have spent lesser folks fleeing as quickly as possible.
Kim managed to hold in a scoff. She wanted to give him a chance before seriously antagonizing him. "Once again, I think you have something that doesn't belong to you. If you let her go, I might consider not whipping your ass," she declared, showing she spent too much time with Shego as far as her vocabulary went.
"You must be out of your mind, girl," the lord declared as Yori's head popped up to see who was crazy enough to try this demon of a man.
"We've been telling her that since we met her, but she doesn't seem to believe us," Shego remarked, coming to stand behind the captain. The rest of the crew stepped up behind her.
"Ron!" Yori's onyx eyes lit up as she saw the blond cook with the group.
"You!" Monkey Fist's voice boomed as he climbed to his feet… or monkey hands from what the Possible crew could see.
Monique and Bonnie, who had seen a lot of crazy things at sea and probably worse on the plantation, almost vomited from the sight, but they were able to keep it together. Shego stared for just a moment. Was he born that way or did he somehow do that to himself to go with his name?
"Yeah, me! Now let Yori go or this might get a little messy," Ron proclaimed, feeling much more courageous than he had in the time that he spent with Monkey Fist. He had friends that would stand with him now.
"You think I'm worried about you? You should be more worried about what I'm going to do with you when I get you back to the ship, especially since I know you had something to do with my other ship going missing! Ninja monkeys, attack!" Monkey Fist ordered, pointing at the group.
"Those are words I never expected to hear in a row like that," Shego remarked.
"Yeah, well, I'm sure your eyes never expected to see the call answered either," Kim commented as a swarm of monkeys dressed in black seemed to pop up out of nowhere.
"It really is never a dull moment," Shego declared, dropping into a fighting stance just as the monkeys attacked.
While Shego "played" around with the monkeys, Bonnie and Monique opened fire on the attacking primates. Kim charged Monkey Fist while Ron went to get Yori. Monkey Fist was caught off-guard by Kim's skill and she hit him with enough force to get him to drop the chain that connected him to Yori.
"You little fool!" Monkey Fist declared and he went at Kim with vigor. He was very surprised to find her defending against him with ease. The fact that she smiled at him while doing it enraged him more.
"Shego, can you give us a hand over here!" Ron called, yanking at Yori's collar, wanting to free her.
Shego glanced up to see what he was doing and shook her head. Flipping over to him, she landed and sliced through the metal collar as if it was paper. Yori yelped, but by then the collar was already on the floor. Shego was back in the fight by the time Yori realized she was free. She and Ron then wasted no time going after the monkey ninjas, dropping them with almost the same ease as Shego did.
"Oh, yeah, this is just how I envisioned spending my day," Shego growled as she dropped monkey after monkey.
"Trust me, this was how everyone envisioned it, I'm sure!" Monique sarcastically replied as she fired one of her pistols at the monkey.
Monique and Bonnie used non-lethal ammo, which Wade developed. It was made from some sea life poisons, but they never bothered to ask him exactly what it was. They just knew it left men and monkeys alike stunned and drained for enough time to accomplish their goals. Now if only Wade would develop a better gun, they would be in business, Monique thought, as she pulled out another pistol since they still only had a single shot for each one. Little did she know, but he was working on that.
"Screw this," Shego decided, knowing how to get things moving much faster.
Hands flared and Shego practically walked through the wave of monkeys, making her way over to Monkey Fist. Honestly, Kim looked like she had everything in hand, but Shego wanted to get back to the ship and find another port, especially since they now had Ron's precious Yori. Really, there was no reason to hang around anymore.
"Sorry, but I need to cut in, Princess!" Shego moved right in between the battling pair, slashing at Monkey Fist.
"I got it, Shego! And that was the worst pun ever!" Kim huffed, tempted to kick the other fighter in the back for interrupting her battle.
"What? That was brilliant!" Shego argued, dodging a kick and moving in with one of her own.
Kim was not ready to yield the battle to her helmsman, so now Monkey Fist had to deal with the two warrior women. He growled when he noticed they smiled as they assaulted him. It was almost like they were toying with him, he silently noted. The growl turned into a whimper and he suddenly dropped to the floor. Kim and Shego looked at each other, silently asking what the hell just happened.
"We don't have time for your kung-fu crap! I have needs that need to be met today and, damn it, I will have that!" Bonnie declared, a smoking pistol in her hand, pointed at the space Monkey Fist had stood in.
Kim rolled her eyes while Shego broke out laughing, long and hard. Bonnie quickly realized Shego was probably going to use that outburst against her, but right now, she did not care. She wanted to get to a safe port, relax for a few days, and spend sometime with Monique that involved screaming, but not at each other for once.
Silently, they all agreed with Bonnie's attitude, though. They quickly finished up with the monkeys and made sure to tie Monkey Fist up as best they could. On their way back to the ship, Bonnie and Monique let it slip to some Navy officials who were willing to listen to them about the outlaw tied up at the tavern. Monkey Fist was arrested and on his way to prison while the Possible crew was on their way to the next port.
-8-8-8-8-
Next time: the crew stops to clean the ship. What could possibly go wrong?