Chapter 6

JJ and Rossi proved their words to their Unit Chief over the next months. Their behavior towards each other at the office and on the cases was nothing but professional, everything seemed to be just as usual – except for the fact that they avoided each other like the plague. They'd easily fallen into a habit of taking turns when Morgan or Prentiss asked for spending lunch together, or when the team went out to have dinner together during a case. Every once in a while, they realized, both of them had to be present at those occasions if they didn't want to raise suspicions among their fellow team members, but they both made sure to sit as far away from each other as possible. And it seemed to work, neither of the rest of the team questioned anything.

Of course it was also because Hotch did his best to help JJ and Dave out. He refrained from teaming them together for interviews with witnesses and the like, something of which both were extremely grateful for.

When JJ reached the end of the first trimester of her pregnancy, she decided it was time to tell the rest of the team. The were all astounded about news, since they hadn't been aware that JJ had been dating anyone since Will, but everyone was really happy for her.

"So, are you going to tell us, who the lucky father is?" JJ involuntarily cringed at Garcia's innocently spoken words as they filed out of the round table room at the end of their meeting. Trying not to lose her composure, JJ answered: "Garcie, it's not important. He's not part of my life, or the baby's."

"He let you down?" Emily exclaimed with an incredulous look.

"It was just a one-night stand, girls. There's no need to complicate things any more for everyone," JJ said with a certainty she didn't know she possessed in this situation.

"JJ, you of all people were having a one-night stand? Like I believe that." Garcia didn't want to give up so fast, but was shut up by JJ immediately.

"Garcia, stop it. I don't have anything else to say about this other than I've just said."

Penelope exchanged a skeptical look with Prentiss, but they didn't push the matter.

"So, any preferences after Henry? Want to have a girl this time or another boy?" Emily asked then, changing the subject.

"To be honest, I haven't quite thought about that." JJ smiled. "But I've always wanted a little girl."

"Oh, a girl would be great!" Garcia threw in excitedly. "Just think about all those fancy little dresses you could don her, and what you could do with her hair and so on!"

"I don't doubt that you would like that, Penelope," Emily smirked.

"Oh yeah, I have quite a few ideas already," Garcia admitted.

"God help us all!" JJ laughed. "But you do know it could still be a boy, too, don't you?"

"I know, I know. Doesn't change the fact that I already have the perfect ideas."

***

It wasn't near as easy to pretend as JJ thought it would be. Seeing Rossi every day at work was hard, painful even.

Three months ago, she never would have thought that she'd dread to go to the office every day. In fact, it had been quite the opposite. Besides the fact that she loved her job, it was the prospect of being with Rossi that she had been looking forward to every morning. And now she couldn't believe how it all had turned out.

Every time she saw him she berated herself for not being able to get over her feelings for him. True, she was still more than angry with him than she'd ever been with anyone in her life, but deep down she knew what she missed the most during the day. Him. Their lunch breaks together, their coffee breaks, talking about Henry with him. He had always asked about the little boy, seemed genuinely interested in everything, which made it even harder to make sense of his behavior now.

Now, the same man broke her heart every day a little bit more. She would never admit it, but the one thing she secretly hoped the most was that he would eventually come around. She was too proud to talk to him, however, and no such thing happened.

He ignored her just as she did him

Every night, she cradled Henry to her chest until he was asleep, while tears were running down her cheeks. "Oh Henry, sweetheart, I never wanted it to come this far. How did I let this happen?"

She cried herself to sleep at nights, and in the mornings she needed longer to apply her makeup to hide the dark circles under her eyes with every day. She was functioning on minimum hours of sleep and it became more and more obvious that the whole situation was taking its toll on her.

When someone asked her about her tired looks, she usually told them something about Henry having colics.

Hotch and Rossi were the only ones who knew what was really going on with her.

"JJ!" Hotch approached her one day as they were on their way to another case. "Maybe you should stay behind this time, get some rest."

"I'm fine, Hotch," JJ answered with determination.

"You don't look fine."

"I know, but it's going to be okay. I just need some more time to get over it."

"JJ..."

"Hotch, please. Let me do my job. I'm not sure if I could handle it, if you took that away from me. I need to occupy myself with something."

"All right, JJ," Hotch sighed. "But be careful, will you? And talk to me if you need anything."

JJ nodded.

"Shall I talk to Dave again? Maybe you two manage to work everything out?"

"What good would it do? You heard him."

"I was just thinking..."

"Hotch, leave it. He made his intentions very clear, don't you think? I'm not interested in hearing it again."

***

For Rossi it was just as hard seeing JJ suffering. It bothered him more with every day that her usual bright smile, which he had been looking forward to every morning when he left his house, had vanished off her face completely.

Pregnant women were supposed to shine, to become more and more beautiful as the pregnancy proceeded, but the only thing on JJ that indicated she was expecting a baby, was her growing belly. It was nothing like when she was pregnant with Henry.

Not that she wasn't beautiful anymore, Rossi still found her to be the most stunning woman he'd ever laid eyes on, but the glow that seemed to surround her, that lightened every room when she came in, it had disappeared. His heart ached every moment of the day, but he couldn't bring himself to take a step forward.

"She's better off without me," he told himself every night, sitting in his living room recliner with a glass of Scotch in his hands.

He went from one glass after dinner to at least three or four until he was drunk enough to fall into a dreamless sleeps at nights. After a while he couldn't even remember anymore what it was like to start work without a hangover.

It hurt, too, that he also seemed to have lost his best friend. Hotch and he weren't talking anymore as well, which was more due to his own refusal rather than for Hotch's lack of tries. Dave just couldn't look into his eyes anymore. He missed their gatherings in either one of their offices after work, but he was nowhere near ready for Hotch's reproaches and advice concerning JJ.

As long as the cases were keeping him busy, it wasn't so bad, he didn't have to think about her and the mess around him all the time, but the lonely breaks and evenings at home were hell. He tried to tell himself that without a doubt JJ would never speak with him again, that her ignorant behavior gave it all away, but he also knew that it was all due to his own fault. No matter how often he told himself it was all for the best, that he would just screw up if he were a father, deep in his heart he was wondering all the time if he was making the right decision, or if this was the biggest mistake in his life.