Chapter 41

Hotch and his mother had finally managed to cheer Dave up a bit. He still felt this mind-numbing pain that he might have lost the love of his life for good, even though he tried to be rational and convince himself that maybe it wasn't all as bad as it looked at the moment. At least he knew what he had to fight for. Hannah and Henry. He might not be able to make Jennifer realize that they belonged together, but he sure as hell wouldn't be standing there and watch how he got pushed back as the children's father.

After they had talked for another while, Gracia had offered to cook some dinner, but Hotch had declined, wanting to go home to Jack. Dave, too, wanted to go see JJ and the children before they went to bed, realizing that they were probably expecting him just like every other night.

"You really shouldn't be driving anymore tonight, Dave," Hotch said. "Besides, your car's still at Quantico. I can take you to JJ's if you want to."

Dave agreed and quickly got dressed again, his clothes halfway dried, before they said goodbye to his mother. Hotch already went out to the car, as Gracia was drawing her son into a bone-crushing hug, giving them a few moments for themselves.

"Don't worry too much, Davey. I'm sure everything's going to sort itself out," she said gently.

"Thanks Mama. For everything tonight." Dave kept holding her for a little longer than usual, showing her how grateful he was for having her, knowing how much she loved holding her only son.

"It's my job, remember? I'm always here for you if you need me, you know that," she replied, giving him a kiss. Bending down to do the same, he whispered tenderly: "I love you, Mama."

xxx

On the short ride to JJ's apartment, Dave and Hotch barely spoke, and when they did it was only meaningless small talk. Hotch reminded his friend to keep a civil tone with JJ, knowing that Dave had a tendency to lash out when he felt hurt, and it definitely wouldn't help his case if he upset her.

"Good luck, Dave." Dave only nodded and gave Hotch a short "Thanks, Aaron" before getting out of the car. He would thank his friend more properly for everything in the morning, but right now his main focus was JJ.

Walking up the stairs to the front door, he felt his heart clench again. What if this was over soon? What if he wouldn't be able to come to her house anymore and see his kids every night? He hesitated to put the key into the lock over these thoughts and sank down on the stairs.

Was he really exaggerating as his mother had said? Was he reading too much into JJ having a date with someone else? One date did not mean she was getting married to this guy right away. "That's right," he thought to himself. "It's just dinner, nothing else." He started to repeat this in his head like a mantra, willing himself to believe in the words as they ran through his head. Once he figured he had calmed down considerably, he got up and went inside before he could change his mind. He found JJ and the kids in the living room.

"You're late," JJ stated as he walked past her to scoop his daughter up from the playpen. Gently kissing her forehead and cradling her against his chest, he answered: "I was at my mother's."

"You could have called."

Feeling a bit of anger rise in himself at her words, he turned and hissed, more sharply than he had intended: "We're not together, JJ. So why bother?" He immediately regretted the words once they were out. He didn't want to hurt JJ, especially not when she had asked a reasonable question, considering that he had spent almost every night since Hannah's birth at her place.

"Dave, are you okay?" He heard her ask. She didn't sound as if she had any doubts as to why he was being angry like that. Of course she knew that her date confession had thrown him off balance for a while. So he didn't even bother to try and sound convincing when he pressed out: "I'm okay." Clearly she had to know that he was not.

Yet, he didn't want to fight with her. Not now, when he still felt and knew he could only be unreasonable, and not in front of the children.

"Let's just get the kids to bed and them I'm outta here." He went over to sit down in front of the couch where Henry was playing and let the little boy crawl into his lap. Looking up, he saw JJ stare at him in disbelief.

"What's that supposed to mean now? You're always staying here during the week."

"Well, maybe we should both start to get used to me not being here as often anymore, shall we?" He spat out. "Great," he thought sarcastically. "Not fighting in front of the kids is really working well."

"What?" JJ clearly couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Are you telling me you don't want to be with your children anymore?"

"I would never not want to be with them. Or you. You should know that!" His voice was getting louder and more accusing. "But I'm sure your new boyfriend wouldn't be too happy with me spending my nights at your place."

"My boyfriend? This is our first date!"

"First, huh? That implies you're already wanting to have a second date with him!" Dave was all but shouting now, while his mind was yelling at him to shut up before he could cause more damage. He saw JJ having a retort on her lips, but a small whimper from Hannah in his arms stilled them both in their argument. Looking down on her sleepy face was all he needed to calm down.

"I don't want to fight, JJ, okay? Let's just drop it," he said almost softly, hoping she would get the hint and not pick up the fight right now.

"Dave, please tell me what's going on!"

He thought for a second, and then replied as calmly as he could: "You were right. You're single and I have no right to interfere with your love life."

"Now that doesn't sound very convincing. Why don't we talk about everything?"

"No. I don't want to talk about it. I've tried for months, and you wouldn't listen. Now I don't want to talk anymore. I get it. You don't want to be with me. I'll get over it."

He got up with both Henry and Hannah in his arms and went over to the nursery with them, leaving a stunned JJ behind. Changing them into their pajamas, he didn't notice JJ standing in the door and watching him. He was lost in his thoughts, mostly angry about himself that he was on his way to ruin whatever was left of his relationship with JJ. This was not going as he had intended it, and he knew that if he continued to act like that, he was probably going to push her into that jerk's arms himself. "Pull yourself together!" He mentally scolded himself. "If not for yourself, then for them!"

He didn't look up when JJ came over and took Hannah out of his hands, laying her down in her crib. Doing the same thing with Henry, he kissed both the kids goodnight and went back into the living room again.

"Dave-" JJ called for him after she'd closed the door to the nursery.

"JJ, please, not now. Look, I'm sorry for being an ass again," Dave said, willing himself to get the right words out. "I don't want to stand in your way. I just want you to be happy, and if you can't be happy with me, then I have to accept that." Boy, did he really say that? So much for fighting for her. It was true though. All he really wanted was her to be happy, even if it meant that he was going to be unhappy for the rest of his life. And maybe, just maybe, she would realize what she was missing without him.

"Just promise me one thing, Jennifer," he pleaded softly. "Please don't take them away from me."

"I promise," JJ whispered, taking a step towards him. "But you should already know that I could never do that." They stared into each other's eyes for a few seconds, not sure what to say or to do now. Dave wanted nothing more than to kiss her again, but he didn't dare do it, afraid of another rejection. He wasn't able to read her face right now, his whole profiling abilities seemed to have left him in this moment.

"I should go to sleep as well, I didn't exactly have a good day today," he broke the silence after a while.

"Stay here tonight. Please." JJ asked him quietly.

Dave nodded. He hadn't really planned on leaving again anyway, despite his biting hint from earlier. Having to take a cab to Little Creek and back to Quantico the next day didn't exactly appeal to him in his current condition.

xxx

Not much later he was lying on JJ's couch, not able to sleep yet with his mind filled with what had happened the past day. Was he being overly dramatic? He didn't think so before, but thinking about it now, he realized there was some truth to it. He needed to come up with a decent plan that would help him make her see that he was so much better than this jerk. His mind reeled all kinds of ideas to manipulate JJ's date, but he quickly put them away as childish. It surely wouldn't help him if JJ found out as it certainly wouldn't let him appear in a good light.

After hours of lying awake, he came up with a basic plan on how to proceed now. He would give her this date, but after the weekend, he was going to strike in full blast. There was no way she could say no to what he had in mind.

He didn't imagine that luck would be on his side for once before he actually had to take any action.