Chapter 2

Tim was lost in thought and drove home on autopilot. Gibbs had given him a lot to think about. What surprised him was Gibbs' willingness to let Tim bend the rules and his statement that he trusted Tim to handle it. He knew Gibbs trusted him with lots of things, even if part of that was because he didn't understand half of what Tim did. But Gibbs was protective of all his team members, especially Abby and Tony.

Tim didn't begrudge either of them for it. He knew Abby filled Gibbs' need to protect a daughter, to make up for the one he hadn't been able to protect all those years ago. And Tony needed a dad. Tim had figured that out from observing Tony and putting together the little pieces of information he would drop from time to time about his childhood. But seeing Tony's dad earlier this year, watching him in action, took it from theory to true understanding. Tim knew he and his own dad butted heads often. McGee senior was a navy officer, used to being obeyed. And Tim, as timid as he could be, had a determined streak that had let him finish school years ahead of schedule and join NCIS before he could legally drink, then onto the agency's top team working for the legendary Gibbs. But he and his dad loved each other and would be there for each other if something happened. Tony's dad never even knew he'd had the plague.

Tim locked his car door and headed to his apartment. He'd managed to stall Abby until Friday, but that only gave him two days. Tony already thought Tim had rejected him. He could ask Abby for more time, but the longer he went without answering her, the more likely it was she'd tell Tony she'd asked him back. And Tim didn't want Tony to find out that way. No matter what he decided, he knew he and Tony had to sit down and talk things out.

He had never imagined finding himself in this situation. Usually, he had a hard enough time finding one person interested in him. Having two people asking at the same time was unheard of. And having them both be co-workers he was interested in, made it borderline hinky.

He thought back to that moment in Mexico when Paloma Reynosa threatened to take Abby and he offered himself to the drug cartel in exchange for her, trading one life for another. He would do it again in a second. Abby was a part of him, had been from the moment they met. Heck, from the moment she'd asked him how his SIG was hanging during that first phone call.

Even before he joined the team, they had spent hours together in the lab working, their minds merged as surely as if there was a hardwired connection between them. That had never changed, no matter what their personal relationship had been. First dating, then exclusively dating, then friends with benefits, then just best friends. She was Abby, his Abby. He'd dated other people but always felt a little jealous when she dated other men. She was the same way. They had shifted into being just friends sometime during Ziva's first year on the team, and despite a couple of near-misses, they had kept it platonic since then.

From the beginning, he could picture them together forever. He could see them spending lazy Saturday mornings in bed, then in later years, spending Saturday afternoons at the park as they watched a sandy-haired girl in pigtails chase her little brother around the playground, their wide green eyes sparkling with mischief. They would work until late into the night at NCIS on a case, but find time to eat dinner together in the lab, tapping away at their respective keyboards as they talked about their day.

It wasn't the white-picket fence dream — Abby still wore her collars and chains and would hunt for black onesies with sarcastic slogans for their children — but it would suit them, that mix of adventure and comfort, just as they suited each other.

And even as he dreamed these visions, Tim knew that he was picturing the safe route. Abby wouldn't believe him — safe was a word she would never use to describe herself. But being with her was comfortable, familiar. Adventurous, sure. Never boring. But he knew what he would be getting into. Especially since Abby would only have suggested getting back together if she was finally ready to get serious. That's why they had backed away all those years ago. He had been ready for forever and family, and she hadn't been. They had danced around the subject ever since, as though he was waiting for her to catch up so they could get back together. For all she was closer to Tony's age than Tim, she hadn't been ready to settle down before.

Tony was the same way. He had been happily hopping from woman to woman before the fiasco with Jeanne. Since then, Tim wasn't sure exactly what was going on with Tony. That woman Vance had them bring back from Chicago last year had hinted that Tony was in the middle of a dry spell. That wasn't too long after the whole Claire debacle. He'd heard Ziva riding Tony a few times about needing a woman, finding a real relationship, but if it had happened, Tony wasn't talking about it.

He snorted. Of course, since Tony was looking to date him, he obviously wasn't looking for a woman. Tim still hadn't figured that out. Tony had never given any indication he was anything other than a 0 on the Kinsey scale — Tim refused to count the Voss case — despite all his ragging on Tim over the years. For all Tony talked about his love life, it was strictly women. Which didn't mean it didn't exist. Tony could hide more about himself than anybody he knew, despite his incessant broadcasting of his private life.

That's why Tim had been surprised by Tony's reaction when he cornered the senior field agent in the elevator earlier that day, following him in and flipping the emergency stop switch.

"OK, Tony. Spit it out. What's bothering you?"

"Nothing, Probie," Tony said, a big grin splitting his face.

But Tim had known him long enough to realize the grin was nothing more than a mask. "Not working, Tony. One minute you're trying to get my attention, the next you're running away. Something's going on, and if you don't spit it out, I'm calling in the reserves."

Tony's head dropped back against the elevator wall with a thunk. "Abby?"

"I was thinking about Ducky, but Abby works. Or would you prefer Ziva? Or maybe Gibbs?" Tim kept his tone even. Tony was too good at hiding and deflecting for him to back down.

"No way." Tony straightened up. "It's not... It's none of their business."

"Then talk."

"I wasn't just messing with you." When Tim didn't answer, Tony continued. "Last year. With Claire. I wasn't just messing with you."

"And how does making me fall in love with you as a woman online count as not messing with me?" Tim knew he sounded cranky, but he really couldn't understand how Tony could try and talk his way out of that one.

"OK, the woman part of it was messing with you," Tony said. "The rest of it wasn't. It started out that way, or at least I convinced myself it did. You wouldn't have had that kind of a conversation with 'Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo.'" he said, air quoting his usual self-decreed title, complete with big grin. The senior agent dropped his fake smile and looked down to the ground. "Why would you? All he does is superglue your face to your keyboard, tease you about being gay and mess with your stuff. I didn't want to tell you it was me because I knew once I did, you wouldn't believe I liked knowing you as you, not as Probie. And after all the times I asked, hoping you were at least open to exploring, and you shot me down insisting you weren't gay and you weren't bi, I knew you wouldn't be interested in anything anyway. But I had to find out what it would be like to flirt and have you flirt back." He sighed. "And then I realized you really had fallen for me, and I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't because what exactly was I supposed to say?" He let his head fall back against the elevator wall with a thump. "So once I flip the switch, we don't ever need to speak of this again, but you have to understand. I wasn't just messing with you."

And before Tim could figure out what to say, Tony had turned the elevator back on, and they were headed back to the bullpen.

He'd barely had a chance to think about Tony's completely unexpected confession when Gibbs had sent him to the lab and Abby had suggested they get back together. He'd stammered out something to buy him until Friday to answer her. Fortunately, Tony hadn't expected an answer. He probably didn't even realize Tim was considering him as a potential partner.

He finally had wrapped his mind around the idea Tony was interested in him, but he still wasn't sure what to do with that information. Ever since Claire, he had started to wonder just who Tony really was. Tony should have started laughing at him by the second or third day, but he hadn't, just let the joke play out. That had always made Tim wonder just exactly what was going on. Tony obviously had more to him than the goofball frat boy he liked to play at work. That mask always had concealed a competent, intuitive investigator. With Ziva gone, they had gotten closer, and Tim liked what he saw. He'd realized Tony was much closer to Claire than he was to the Very Special Agent persona he habitually wore. And he had liked spending time with Claire. Even after he knew it was Tony, he'd let himself get lost in the illusion that Claire was a woman, not his long-time co-worker. When the McNicknames and teasing weren't there, he and Tony got along well.

Their friendship had only gotten stronger while Ziva was gone. They had taken to getting dinner at least one night a week, if they weren't stuck at the office. They would hang out at Tony's and watch movies, enjoying time together outside the office. By the time they had tracked Saleem to Somalia and volunteered for the rescue mission, they shared a brain in the field almost as much as he and Abby did in the lab. Looking back, knowing what Tony had shared with him earlier that day, he looked at their growing friendship as a relationship and was stunned to find that in that light, it was at least as strong as his earlier relationship with Abby had been. They shared different interests, than he and Abby, but movies and runs with Jethro were as much a basis for more as computer games and playtime with Jethro. Tony encouraged him to try things he never would have considered, like the time they went rock-climbing and Tony talked him through his freakout until he could handle the idea of something that involved heights. It went both ways, too. When Tim scored a ticket to a gaming convention, Tony came along and had as much fun as Tim. The only aspect missing had been the physical, and Tim wasn't worried about that. Tony was obviously attracted to him, and Tim had never been able to disagree with Tony's assessment that he was a date most people would kill for. He was attractive in his suits and fancy shoes, but somehow Tim found him just as much so all covered in desert grime, sweat and the evidence of Saleem's interrogation tactics. Now Tony admitted he was interested, and that made Tim rethink a lot of things.

But this was Tony. The only long-term relationship he'd ever had was an undercover op that almost got him killed. He didn't get kids at all, and family was a four-letter word to him. Dating Tony would be fun and definitely wouldn't count as playing it safe. They challenged each other to step outside their comfort zones too much. But Tim was ready to settle down, ready to start a family. And he couldn't see Tony wanting to do the same.

He remembered the case of the missing baby right after Tony's op blew up — literally. Tony had sat there by the fireplace, his suit soaked, looking first at Ducky examining the baby held by his healthy parents and then at the team, a bunch of single people with crazy lives. Tim could tell Tony was torn. He hadn't really been the same since he had told Jeanne the truth, and Tim had always wondered if Tony was considering what might have happened if he hadn't, if he had left NCIS and become Tony DiNardo. But Tony hadn't, even when Jeanne came back and accused him of murder. Ziva had mentioned Tony had told Jeanne it was all a lie, turned his back on Jeanne to stay with the team. Turned his back on the possibility of a family to continue fighting crime.

He frowned. Or was it turning his back on Jeanne to stay with his family? With Tony, it was impossible to tell sometimes. He was complicated, all sorts of masks and jokes built up to hide himself from people. After meeting his father earlier in the year, Tim had an idea of why. Just as Gibbs had reverted to his teenage habits when they had traveled to Stillwater almost 18 months ago, Tony regressed when his father visited. Tony's dad was a smarmier version of Tony, his charm overlaid with a veneer of ingratiating oiliness that made Tim appreciate that Tony, for all his faults, was at least sincere. Goofy, obnoxious and self-promoting, but sincere.

In some ways, that's what worried Tim. Tony sincerely didn't understand children and didn't know how to act around them. After meeting Tony's father, Tim understood why, but that didn't change the fact that Tim had always wanted to have a family some day. After helping Abby's friend out at Christmas so her nephew could see his mom on a video feed, he was even more sure of it. The awe on Fisher's face when he opened his eyes to see his mom on the MTAC screen was the best Christmas gift Tim had ever gotten.

Tim wanted that experience, wanted children who looked for Santa on Christmas Eve. He wanted to teach them how to ride a bike and help them with their homework. He knew being a special agent wasn't exactly the most family-friendly career, but he would find a way to make it work. He could always go back to Cyber-Crimes, or write full-time, or stay on the team and find a way to juggle everything.

When Abby had told him he would make a great Santa this Christmas, he hadn't been able to keep himself from thinking of a future Christmas, the two of them waiting for the kids to go to bed so he could sneak the Santa presents under the tree. He'd almost asked her to come over that night after they finished at the Navy Yard, see if she was thinking the same thing. But then Carol had mentioned they were going back to her house for Christmas Eve before midnight Mass and Tim's request died unasked.

Since then, the time had never seemed right. He'd been about to in Mexico, then he stuck his, as Abby put it once, "size 12 foot in his size 10 mouth." After that, things had been too crazy. He'd known Abby was torn over the report for the cold case, known she struggled with what to do. He had wanted to talk to her about it, but he was afraid that opening that can of worms would close down options for Gibbs and Vance. Not to mention that Vance had him running some secret missions of his own, ones he couldn't tell Abby about. Just like Vance had Tony running secret missions, including that trip to Mexico to follow Alejandro. Tim wasn't in the loop on those, but he was enough of an investigator to put the puzzle pieces together.

That was over, and while the effects still were rippling through the team, life had started to settle back into its normal craziness. At least, he'd thought it had. Today made him seriously reconsider that.

Tim knew he was going overly analytical on this one, but he opened a blank spreadsheet on his computer. There had to be a way to figure this out logically. He started listing all the things he wanted from life on one side: kids, a full life partner, adventure, etc. Then he added a column weighting each one. Finally, he added two more columns, one for Tony and one for Abby. He started entering values on a scale of one to 10, with 10 being the highest. Abby scored higher on the family and long-term partner categories, while Tony did better on things such as adventure and shared interests. Finally, he typed in the complicated formula that would add up all of those numbers, weight them and give him a result.

Tim lost himself in the math of it all. The soothing logic of numbers allowed his brain to relax and stop spinning in circles. Life might be messy, but numbers weren't.

Until he finished entering his best guesses of how relationships with Tony and Abby would stack up on all the things important to him and realized they worked out to the same result. Tim smacked the heel of his hand against his forehead. How could two people so different provide the same answer? Sure, life with Tony would be more adventurous, and life with Abby would have the quirky family life he thought they both wanted. But with that many variables, all of them weighted, to have the results come out the same? Since when had math started conspiring against him? The rules didn't help. Math didn't help. Even logic didn't help, though he had kind of expected that since logic didn't really factor into either Tony or Abby's world views.

Tim sighed as he looked at the clock: 0100 and no answers. He turned off his computer and headed to the bedroom. He was just going to have to talk to each of them tomorrow and hope he didn't give anything away as he gathered more information.