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xxxx
Where do we go from here,
While we're all so consumed by fear,
Why I'm trying not to be suspicious of those I'm suspicious of,
I'm trying to crack open this angry heart and find a little love
xxxx
She woke slightly confused at her surroundings. The last 48 hours seemed like a blur. Slowly the events returned to her. She shivered slightly remembering how quickly her life seemed to change in the past few months. Every day, every moment felt so foreign.
Like she was living someone else's life.
Jaime was sleeping soundly next to her. His blonde hair reflecting softly in the early morning light. He must have snuck in sometime during the night.
He seemed to have grown so much in the little time she been gone. But then again it did feel like a lifetime since she had been in Tree Hill.
Her stomach grumbled and she looked over to find a sandwich on her night stand with a juice box next to it. She smiled, finding comfort in the fact that some things never changed.
Jaime stirred and woke with a smile.
He leapt onto her lap and held her tight.
"I missed you Aunt Brooke."
She cherished the feeling of him in her arms.
"I missed you too."
Eventually he loosened his grip and simply sat in her lap.
"Why'd you leave Aunt Brooke?"
She wished she had answers. Or at least answers she could tell a five year old
"Aunt Brooke was very sad Jaime."
"Momma says if you're sad you should be with family"
She nodded, "Your momma's right."
A lump formed in her throat. Family seemed like an impossible concept to her now.
She turned her head to find Haley clearing her throat from the doorway.
"Come on Jaime. Your dad's taking you to play some basketball so Aunt Brooke and I can talk."
Jaime pouted though the look on Haley's face told him he didn't have a choice.
He kissed her on the cheek, "Please don't disappear again Aunt Brooke."
She smiled softly, "I promise I won't."
She heard the five year old run down the stairs and soon the door shut.
She wondered how upset Nathan would be. She remembers their conversation before she left and how he made her promise to come to him if she needed something. Instead she ran like always.
Haley settled in next to Brooke, cutting off her thoughts.
"Wanna talk?"
Brooke remained quiet. She hadn't really thought of what she was going to say. She had followed an impulse showing up in Tree Hill again.
She was really never supposed to come back.
"Not really…but I don't think I'm allowed to show up in the middle of the night in the pouring rain after having disappeared for four months and not talk about it…"
She trailed off.
"Good answer," Haley replied with a smile.
Brooke could tell Haley wanted to help her, comfort her like a mother's supposed to. Instead Brooke found herself silent, unsure that anyone could help her.
"Brooke please…you've been gone for four months…we had no idea where you were, whether you were safe, if you needed help…anything. ."
She sighed, "I just needed space."
"Brooke sweetie…if you need space you take a weekend off, you don't just disappear in the middle of the night."
She remained quiet.
"Your house went up for sale. Clothes over Bro shut down. Even Victoria came into town looking for you because she hadn't heard from you after you signed your company over to her. We hired a Private Investigator, Brooke. When he came back with nothing we were so scared…"
The frustration was apparent in Haley's voice and Brooke didn't know what to do. She simply placed her head against Haley's shoulder and tried to think of something to say. Somehow explain everything while managing to protect herself from further getting hurt.
"We were your friends. I was your friend." Haley sighed before wrapping her arms around Brooke.
She knew they'd be upset but they were supposed to forget.
"I was so confused and lost and…" she paused, squeezing Haley's hand, "I never meant to hurt you."
"Then let me in." Haley's voice cracked and Brooke knew she was on the verge of tears.
Nothing was how it was supposed to be.
She breathed a cold sigh, someone had to know. Soon everyone would know.
"I never fell down the stairs Haley. I was attacked. Victoria hired someone to steal my sketches, destroy the store, and make sure I wouldn't be a problem anymore," she paused, unsure of how to continue, "And now, now I'm pregnant."
The silence seemed to deafen Brooke.
"Say something…please" she muttered almost regretting coming back.
"Oh God Brooke. I'm so sorry. Why…why didn't you tell anyone?"
Brooke remained quiet. What was she supposed to say? She had tried to deny the act for months but the daily morning sickness had made it impossible to deny.
She had really only acknowledged the reality two days ago when two little pink lines had appeared on a stick she had never wanted to purchase.
Haley seemed to understand the silence.
"Are you keeping it?"
The question was simple enough but every scenario Brooke had run through in her mind had only made her feel ill. Every moment since then it was all she could think about. The only relief she had felt in days was holding Jaime in her arms.
The tears fell slowly and Brooke knew there was no stopping them. She hadn't cried since the day she had left.
"I don't know…I don't know anything…I wanted a baby so badly and now…it just seems so cruel…"
Haley wiped her tears, "Its ok…you don't have to decide anything. We'll go to the doctor's tomorrow and figure something out. You've got me. You've got everyone."
Brooke felt so exposed there with Haley. She'd kept it all in so long she felt almost naked bearing her soul.
"What happened to my house?" she asked quietly. Haley's solutions made it all too real. She'd spent months hiding and now all her secrets were in the open.
"We bought it. Me, Nate, Lucas, Peyten, and Skills. We couldn't imagine someone else living there. We knew you'd be back."
Brooke felt at a loss for words once again. It felt so odd. She had tried to cut all ties to Tree Hill but they had refused to be lost so easily.
"I want to go there. I need to get my life together."
Haley looked hesitant.
"You should stay here Brooke. After everything you should just rest and…"
Brooke cut her off, "I need time Haley. It's too much. I swear I'm not running I just need to be collect my thoughts…" she squeezed her friend's hand, "I'll be back. I promise."
xxxx
She entered the house hesitantly, unsure of what to expect. She turned on the lights and looked around. It was like she had never left.
Guilt built in her stomach. They were supposed to forget. She was supposed to become no one to them.
She sat down on the couch losing herself in her thoughts. She felt so unsettled. So unsure.
When she left she had a plan. It was simple and it was the best for everyone. Back now she felt like she had miscalculated everything.
The door opened and shut without her even noticing.
"I didn't know whether to believe Haley or not when she said you were back."
Brooke turned to find Lucas standing by the stairs. His shoulders slumped and his eyes looked hooded.
"Yeah, I guess you can't ever really leave Tree Hill."
And awkward silence built between the two. She felt so distant from everyone but especially from him now.
Brooke moved to the kitchen to better see him.
"How've you been Lucas?"
He shifted awkwardly, "Better."
"How's Peyten? I was going to call her."
"I don't know. I haven't talked to her in a few months."
She laughed slightly. Her fingers tapped the counter top out of nervous habit. Lucas' tone seemed to make her nervous.
"Is she so involved in the label that she's been neglecting her fiancé-slash-husband?"
She's not sure if they got married while she was away. She feels like an outsider not knowing the details of her friend's lives.
"Peyten and I broke up Brooke."
She laughed again. Peyten and Luke couldn't break up. They were meant to be. Just like Nathan and Haley.
"That's funny Luke. Seriously…how is she?"
His expression was strained and Brooke felt unsettled.
"After you disappeared things just fell apart Brooke. She moved to New York a while ago."
She felt tears again.
"No…no…no. She couldn't have. This isn't how it's supposed to be."
"What's not supposed to be? What did you expect Brooke. You left your best friend. You left me. What were we supposed to do? Huh?"
He's still by the door and Brooke can hear the anger in his voice.
She should have realized something was wrong when he didn't come in or hug her. Instead he remained distant at the door; holding in something that she knew now was anger. Anger at her and her actions.
She's not sure what she expected when she came back but this wasn't it. This wasn't what she imagined their lives would be without her.
"How could you leave us like that? We were falling apart and you just left us. Did you even think or was it another impulsive Brooke move?"
"I had to leave. Everything was wrong and I knew you'd be alright without me."
He groaned, "Alright without you? We just buried Q and then you disappear. How could you do that? Do we all mean nothing to you?"
He's nearly yelling at her and she felt the blood rush to her face.
She wonders if they will ever understand. She's afraid they won't and she'll have to forever live with the guilt that was building inside of her.
She could fix this. She was good at fixing things…except herself.
The room began to spin a little and she held the counter for support.
"You all meant everything. I couldn't burden you more. You had enough pain and I couldn't add. So don't you dare think I left for any other reason than helping all of you. You had each other and that was supposed to be enough."
She yelled back at him. This wasn't meant to be an argument but her voice grew louder with each word.
"You don't get to judge me for leaving."
She shut her eyes tight as sharp pain surged through her abdomen. She bent forward and placed her hands on her stomach trying to stop the pain. Instead it only intensified. Her legs gave out and she felt Luke reach her seconds later.
He called her name but it just faded like everything else. She felt so empty again.
xxxx
Oh when the lights go out,
All I can dream about,
Is how, we've seen better days...
xxxx
Amos Lee
Cliffhanger! I know I'm bad but it isn't as bad as it seems. The next update will be significantly faster. I wrote this chapter once and then pretty much tore it apart and rewrote it. That usually doesn't happen. Let me know what your thoughts are and thank you for the reviews. Knowing people enjoy the crazy ramblings in my head makes me feel a little less insane.
Thanks for reading!