Chapter 6: A Glass of Brandy
A Glass of Brandy
Juliette sat down heavily in her chair and stared at the mounds of papers on top of her desk. Truly, it was a mess.
Reports, requests, bills for approval, order requisites, letters from locals asking for help with all manner of things. Her father had made this all look so easy, she thought. She pushed that thought aside and picked up her glass of brandy.
She didn't drink normally. Juliette and Delilah had snuck some wine from the cellars of Highever when they were about 14 and learned the hard way what over indulgence had meant. They had had such great fun until she had become sick and Delilah fell off a bench, knocking herself senseless. She could still recall the hangover, her mother's loud lecture and her father's choice of punishment. Juliette had been assigned to kitchen duty for a month, under her Nan's intense supervision.
Tonight however, she intended to let the brandy do its best to help her relax. Though as tightly wound as she was it seemed a bit unfair to the brandy.
The more she thought of the letter the angrier she became.
Alistair really had no right to make her do anything, she was a warden after all, and truly only had to answer to Weisshaupt. Juliette would go as a courtesy to the king of the land that was her "jurisdiction". She knew that Alistair understood this which made the tone even more annoying. Alistair didn't need to tell her, she would have come if he had asked.
He was acting very 'royal' and she was unsure why. But two could play pomp and circumstance so she had sent a messenger ahead to Denerim. Wade's Fine Armor had finished her ceremonial set and she would be picking it up in person. They would go there upon their arrival in the city.
Juliette walked over to her window and saw the day was drawing to an end.
Alistair was a brave fighter, hardened in battle, but he had been so easily manipulated immediately following the Landsmeet. It had caused the end of their relationship, her heart to break and her trust in him to evaporate. She was very unsure of what he would do once the full story was revealed.
The man she had loved would have understood her choice to spare The Architect.
It was The Architect's belief that the darkspawn could be liberated from their enslavement to the song of the old gods. Juliette's purpose was to end their existence and if The Architect could end their desire to taint then her need was met.
Now though, she and Alistair did not share the same purpose. His perception of things would be changed and that made her nervous.
She took a long drink from her glass, feeling the brandy snake through her throat and down into her belly.
Juliette remembered she had skipped dinner, so perhaps not so unfair to the brandy after all.
Smiling she began to feel a bit better and decided that she should finish the glass off. She tipped the glass up and made quick work of it.
"A little leg stretching can't hurt either." and she headed out of the office. She wanted to walk up to the ramparts and loose herself in the views.
Juliette took the small flight of stairs down a bit more quickly than normal. The end of the steps let out into the main hall and when she reached it she had to steady her hand on the opposite wall to slow her momentum.
She let out a little yelp and then giggled.
Juliette strode through the hall and opened the door that led to the long flight of steps to the top of the keep. She hurried through and soon arrived at the vantage point she had desired.
The sun was just nestling into the horizon to her west. Colors seemed to be everywhere. Shoots of vibrant pinks and oranges cast a glow on everything, making even the battle beaten walls of the Vigil look, well, less ugly. Juliette smiled to herself.
When she had been a girl, coming to the top walls of her father's castle had been one of her favorite things to do. Often her mother joined her and they would sit quietly together, listening as their world was tucked into its' bed.
Juliette had been so small then, naïve too. She remembered that she had felt no worry or fears, just the contentedness of a loved little girl. She missed them all so much some times.
She sat down on to the edge of the wall and swung her legs over either side. Straddling the wall she watched a torchbearer walking to each torch, lighting them one by one. She heard mothers calling their children in for the night, the last songs of the birds and watched as a few bats zipped above everyone else's heads.
Juliette rested her back against the wall and closed her eyes.
"Do you think it wise to pass out whilst you dangle above the Keep?"
Her eyes snapped open. Nathaniel was standing in the doorway.
"Hi Nathaniel," she replied, her smile relaxed."No, I expect it would be unwise to do so. I appreciate you pointing that out to me. What are you doing up here?"
"I saw your rather graceless entrance to the hall and thought it best if I check on my drunken commander, lest she pitch herself from the rooftop." he answered.
Juliette patted the stone next to her and then swung her right leg over the wall to put her knees together, making room for him to sit. She was now facing out and he settled next to her.
He seemed to fill the whole space of the cut out they were sitting in. When had his shoulders gotten so big? He was a hunk of muscle and she felt slight next to him.
"You have been climbing castle tops since you were tiny," Nathaniel said quietly. "Honestly, it's always made me nervous."
"I love the peace. No one seems to ever look up," she answered. "It's nice to blend in a bit."
"So why are you up here seeking peace?" he asked gently. "Surely you aren't concerned about Denerim."
She smiled at him and looked down. "I'm nervous, Nathaniel," she admitted."Really nervous," she repeated and fell silent.
"Juliette," Nathaniel said. "I asked. I can listen."
"You called me Juliette," she said in surprise. "You know," she said changing the subject, "that I used to come and sit in the battlements with my mother. I remember the last time you all came to Highever as a family, I sat up there waiting for any glimpse of your arrival."
"I don't think about that very often," Nathaniel replied quickly, and she could sense him withdrawing.
"Nathaniel, please understand me," she said earnestly, "I loved those visits."
"So what are you so nervous about?" he dodged the topic.
She sighed. "The King is a different man than when he was simply a Gray Warden. In many ways, he's changed completely," she explained, and rubbed her temples. "His letter was disconcerting. It started out personal and then he became very, well, kingly. I don't understand why."
"But he knows he can trust your judgment," he argued. "Did he not defer to you during the Blight, even though he was the more senior Warden?"
"Yes, but he didn't have advisors with their own agendas tugging on his ear then," she replied. "It was just us versus the end of everything. It tends to make people pull together," she quipped.
Nathaniel wondered if her choice in words didn't mean more than she intended. "So you think he may be upset with your agreement with The Architect," he prompted.
"Oh, who knows?" she leaned her head so that it rested on his shoulder. "I don't know him anymore. I just wish I had an idea of what I'm walking into."
She raised her head, sighed and dropped it against his shoulder again. "Nate, what will I do if he disagrees?" she asked, sounding younger than her years. "March into the Deep Roads and hunt the creature down? How can I justify risking wardens on a goose chase?" she finished.
Nathaniel heard her questions, but was fighting to control his urge to pull her closer. She was clearly scared and wanted his advice and all he wanted was to pull her in and feel her, smell her, protect her. He worked to regain his focus.
"I suppose that he could try to make us do that," he managed. "But it seems a foolish solution to me."
"Well then, we may be in trouble," she laughed humorlessly. "For Alistair can certainly be a fool."
He had known that the past she shared with the King was making this situation more uncomfortable for her, but the jab revealed the hurt she still clearly felt. "A fool for not making you his wife?" he asked softly.
Juliette raised her head and looked at him. The last of the sunlight formed shadows across his face, making his strong cheekbones and chin look more chiseled. She found herself wondering if his lips were as ridged as his features or if they would be soft. Her eyes widened at the thought.
"Where did that come from?" she said to herself and then turned red realizing she had said it out loud and seeing his confusion. "Sorry, I got uhm," she stammered as she recovered her train of thought. She took a deep breath and answered him, "Sounds as if you heard some things," she replied. "Mind if I ask what?"
"Oghren said that you and the King had been lovers," he said bluntly."And that he had ended it to take the crown."
"Oh," she said softly.
"Is that correct?" he asked, dreading the answer.
"Yes and no," she answered and looked uneasy. "Yes, I loved him and for a time he loved me. I think it kept us both sane," she closed her eyes at the memories. "No, he didn't end it to get the crown; he already had it. Arl Eamon had Alistair worried about an heir and since it's hard for a warden, let alone two wardens to have a child, he asked me to leave; in front of our entire group."
Her answers matched what Oghren had already told him, but hearing it from her made it seem worse. "I'm sorry, Juliette," he said with sincerity.
"Well, what's a little humiliation between friends, right?" she quipped. "Anyway, after we defeated the Archdemon, I did just that. I marched in the big parade he had planned, waved at the crowds, and kept marching right onto Highever. I haven't spoken to him since, not really anyway."
"Didn't you see him when he came to the Vigil?" Nathaniel asked.
"Yes, but thankfully there were darkspawn strewn about and wounded to take care of," she answered. "I let him go on his way as soon as I could. It's one of the few times I can call the darkspawn helpful."
Nathaniel chuckled, but his face fell as a thought occurred to him. "Are you worried to see him; aside from the actual reason for our going?" Please say no, he thought.
"I suppose," she said. "I can't imagine it will be comfortable. But I've long since given up pining for him if that's what you meant."
That's exactly what I meant, he thought with relief.
"He made a responsible decision; I just got caught in the crossfire, that's all," she defended as she began kicking her feet. "I wish he hadn't handled it so publicly but he wasn't wrong," she smiled, before adding, "Just an ass."
They fell into silence and stayed that way, her head on his shoulder and watched the last of the sunset and soon it was becoming quite dark.
"The sun is gone, Jules," he said gently against the top of her head. "Let's go inside and get you to bed," he told her. Slowly, Nathaniel slid backwards and dropped down before turning to reach for her.
She was amazed he used his nickname for her and distractedly placed her hands on his shoulders as he lifted her down with no obvious effort. When her toes gently reached the stone walk, neither one of them immediately released the other, her arms were still around his shoulders and his hands stayed on her hips. Looking up at him, she closed the gap, resting her cheek against his chest. "I have missed your friendship, Nathaniel," she said softly.
His arms cradled her for the briefest moment, before she felt him stiffen. He was silent for just another moment and then cleared his throat.
"You shall always have it, Commander." he answered awkwardly. He stepped away from her, and avoided her eyes.
Juliette was horrified. "Nathaniel, I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to..." she felt so embarrassed at his reaction to her. She tried to smile but it faltered. "Yes, well, I appreciate your advice on the matter," she said politely.
"Shall I see you downstairs?" he asked courteously.
"No, no thank you. I'm fine," she waved a hand carelessly. Maker! He couldn't even look at her.
"Good night then, Commander," he stated and practically bolted through the doorway.
Juliette watched him disappear and leaned back against the wall, utterly humiliated. "Ugh!" she moaned and tapped her head against the stone wall a few times. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" she said.
For the first time since he had returned to Vigil's Keep Nathaniel had been himself with her and what does she do? She snuggles him! "Just after you admit to having slept with the King too!" she groaned. "Maker, what he must think of me?"
Juliette rested her cheek against the stone, feeling its moist coolness against her skin.
"Damn brandy!" she huffed and she left the battlement for the safety of her bed.