AN: Ok, for giving credit so that I'm NOT copyrighting anything, the lyrics (yes they are lyrics! They did come from the movie 'Holes' I HATE that movie so much!)
Are from The song "If Only" By Fiction Plane and whoever has rights to that song.
It was stuck in my mind and somehow became a large part of this

Chapter 15: If Only, If Only

I don't know how long I was gone but Kei was wrapped in Hattori's arms and Hakuba was leaning over Jii, trying to help him. Hisa was off in the corner and it looked like she'd fallen asleep.

I couldn't believe what an awful person I was. I shouldn't have left them alone.

They all turned to look at me when I came in the window, Hakuba looking away first and Hattori shooting me a ghost of a smile. Kei looked up for a second as well before snuggling back into his arms. I tried to smile back.

"I'm sorry." I bent over Hakuba and drew my hand back before touching him. The detective didn't seem to take my kindnesses to well, especially when he was mad at me, which I knew he was. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have left."

I saw him tremble as he wiped some of the blood from Jii's mouth, the man was unconscious and on his side.

"It's so easy for you to leave…" He clenched his fists. "Don't you think that I wanted to leave as well? Don't you think that I wanted nothing more than to run out of this building and be alone too?"

My throat was tight and I couldn't answer him. I really hadn't thought much about it at the time. Hakuba looked at the floor like he was about to cry but I knew he wouldn't, not in front of anyone at least.

Forget sentiments and repercussions. I wrapped my arms around him, hurting us both because of our injuries. I was at his side so the hug wasn't as personal; it was more protective and indirect. Hakuba tried to push me off but stopped after the first attempted, when he realized he hit my bad shoulder.

"Kuroba-kun let me go!" He growled.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking when I left," was all the explanation I gave him. He struggled against me, searching for a way to make me let go without hurting me any further. He gave up after a minute and I felt his body relax.

"How could you leave?" He put a hand up to one of his eyes and I saw that tears he was trying to hide. I let go of his front but kept on arm securely around his back so the detective wouldn't feel so crowded.

"I'm an idiot remember."

He laughed at that as he wiped them away.

"Yeah. Um… Kuroba-kun can you really let me go? I'm fine now."

"Sorry," I retracted my remaining arm and smiled at him. "It's just when I went off, I thought the one thing I really wanted at the time was someone to hold me. We're different people and I should have realized it didn't translate over."

"No," Hakuba shook his head and laughed again and shivered. "That wasn't it. When you had your arm by my neck you froze me."

"Oops, ah sorry." I reached over for my jacket. "I really should have taken it." I was still shivering a lot and the jacket was the same temperature as my skin when I put it back on.

"How long was I gone?"

"A little less then fifteen minutes." Hattori flipped open his phone to check. "You came back faster'n I thought ya would."

Hakuba leaned against the wall next to Jii and let out an uneven sigh. "So now we have to sit and wait again. I'm looking forward to it."

"Huh?" I looked at him questioningly as he closed his eyes, one of them peeked open.

"It seems that I've either been dealing with physical or emotional problems recently. My mind isn't where it should be," The detective looked over at Kane's still form. "I'd like some time to not think about anything for a while."

"I didn't know there was an on-off switch," I smiled.

"If only there was…" Hakuba closed his eyes again.

"The woodpecker sighs."

It took a few second but Hakuba opened them again to stare lazily at me.

"Now what does that mean?"

I shrugged my shoulders, "It was part of a song or something. I'm not sure where I picked it up."

"You know that sounds familiar… somethin' 'bout a bird and the moon." Hattori cut in. "How did it go? I always wondered."

"'If only, if only' the woodpecker sighs. 'The bark on the trees was as soft as the skies'. A wolf waits below, hungry and lonely. He crys to the moon. 'If only, if only'… or something like that, I'm not too familiar with it, some parts just stuck in my head."

"Not yer burst of inspiration is it?" Hattori smiled. "Maybe I shouldn't have asked."

"I've never thought of it as sad" I mumbled to myself, receiving confused looks from both of them. "Thinking that way, especially when things are hard, shows you still have enough hope to dream and carry on with your life." I laughed a little, "and it's fun to think of trees feeling like clouds."

"Ya know yer really odd." Hattori smiled at me, "but that's a good thing fer you."

"I wonder why it's a wolf and a woodpecker…" Hakuba trailed off.

"Maybe because they're so different." I wasn't really answering his question, just thinking aloud. "You have a predator and an insectivore that wouldn't seem strange to be seen together and yet they don't hurt one another." I chucked, "At least I've never seen a wolf go after a woodpecker or vice-versa."

"An' they're both dreamin' together. Kinda reminds me of you guys."

"Hey, I am not like that." I folded my arms across my chest carefully. "I don't sit there and dream of things changing, I change them myself."

Hakuba yawned. "I wouldn't put it past you. I guess that would make you the woodpecker who wants the impossible."

"No," I smiled to myself and thought of all the gems I'd stolen, returned, and had to still take. I didn't even know if I could find Pandora but that wasn't going to stop me. "I'm more like the wolf crying to the moon."

"How so?"

"Forget it," I tried to brush the detective off but both of them were looking at me with open curiosity.

"I woulda pegged ya for the woodpecker too. Why the wolf?"

"No reason really, it doesn't matter."

Kei pushed herself out of Hattori's arms and looked at me with her red eyes; there was familiarity there that I wasn't sure how to respond to. She freed herself the rest of the way and went over to hug me. I was amazed that she was in the same room, let alone willing embracing me.

"You miss your daddy just like I miss my brother." She snuggled herself into my jacket. "I'm sorry but I was mad at you. I didn't know you hurt too."

I swallowed hard. "Kei-chan, how did you know that?"

She looked up and me and touched the left side of my chest. "I hear everything, even what people don't say." She started crying, "Most of the time they are bad things but not with you or with them," she smiled a little bit as her eyes closed and she rested comfortably against me. "That's why the bad people want me dead."

I held her as she fell asleep in my lap. Her skin was warm and I felt bad since I would only be making her colder.

"Believe it or not, Kei-chan's one of the main reasons I asked you to help me." Hakuba spoke up. "She said that you wanted to save everyone. It's why she let go of me so easily in the fire."

"What's that 'bout yer da-" Hakuba held out an arm to stop Hattori from continuing even though he wasn't near the other teen.

"Kuroba-kun I don't see how it matters now but if it's bothering you, and if you want to, you can tell us. I've already told you that I'm not going to hold any piece of evidence or knowledge over your hand and Hattori-kun has said the same."

"I'm sorry, but I can't," my voice was soft. "Can you pretend you didn't hear that?"

"Sorry we've already heard it and it's going to affect how we feel whether we want it to or not." Hakuba waved me off, "but I won't delve into it since it seems important to you that I don't."

"It's part of that 'will keep us both safer' policy I have going."

"You're father is? I don't see how."

"Which is a good thing, and which is why I can't talk about it." I chucked darkly, "I know you can't help it but try not to put the little pieces of information you have together."

"Like you said, it's impossible for me not to do that. I'm still getting blank so you don't have to worry."

"I ain't getting blank but what I'm seein' is too familiar." Hattori lifted a knee and put his hand on his forehead. "So I'm probably just addin' parts that I don't have so I can get some sorta picture."

"Then try not to think about it anymore."

"Hey, I've got two things that I can sit here for the…" he checked his phone, "next twenty minutes an' think about. I don't wantta think about the other."

"You've made several implications that you know who the people we're looking for are. Do you?" Hakuba asked him.

"What implications?"

Hakuba turned to me. "I'm sure you've had other things on your mind but Hattori has mentioned twice now that he knows who these people are and just recently confirmed that he's almost certain it's them."

"'Course the detective would rat me out." Hattori snickered. "I ain't sure it's them yet, I wanted to talk to someone 'bout it but they're not pickin' up their phone. I tried when he went out."

I felt my stomach growl and Kei giggled as it woke her up.

"Sorry."

"I'm hungry too." She looked at the others. "They ate something today but I can wait. I'm good at waiting." She watched me. "You didn't eat."

"Seems I was distracted by someone," I tickled her and a got a laugh. "Don't worry, I can wait too."

"Kuroba-kun you've been at your house all day and didn't eat anything?" Hakuba looked at me like I was crazy.

"I wasn't home for your information. You ran off so I decided to take the rest of the day for myself too. You were lucky to catch my in the first place." Kei held me tighter before I spoke again. "It's part of the reason I feel so bad about everything. I could have done something but I was off having a good time."

"And I was off acting like a child and making Hattori-kun baby-sit me. We both had our reasons at the time and didn't know they were in danger."

"I know." I sighed and pushed Kei's hair out of her face, it was thin but her bangs had grown long enough to hit her in the eyes. "I could have at least eaten."

"Ya, I had to make him." Hattori pointed at Hakuba. "He was complainin' about me followin' him so I finally said that all the yellin' was gonna make him hungry, and he wouldn't be able to do it anymore, so he agreed to get some food with me."

"It seems we've gotten off subject again," Hakuba intoned dryly. "I would like to know who these people we may or may not be up against are."

Hattori's easy smile and careless posture disappeared. "I ain't sure it's them yet."

"But if it is, who are they?"

"I don't know much myself either. I get all my info secondhand so I don't have much. What I do know is that they're killers in every sense of the word. They don't like havin' anythin' connected to them either so it's sense that, if the kids were connected to 'em…" his eyes were serious when they met ours. "They would do anythin' in their power to kill 'em. They've got a lot of backers out there in high-end corporations and stuff too. We've had a guess that there's a bunch of 'em in the government as well."

"We?" Hakuba asked.

"Ah…" Hattori looked at me.

"Him and Kudo-kun… How did you two get involved with them?"

"Well I kinda thought ya knew that." Hattori looked off to the side. "I don't know if I should be tellin' ya that kinda stuff without him."

"I'll talk to him later about it then."

Hakuba held out his hands. "Wait, wait a minute. I've heard his name several times now but I don't know how Kudo-kun's involved with any of this so why do you keep bringing him up?"

"Kudo has more than enough to put up with and can't help us directly. If you recall he was the one I called that night to pick us up. He also seems so be dealing with things I haven't comprehended before now, so he's only helping when he can."

"I'd like to be in his seat."

"No ya wouldn't" Hattori yelled, looking away from him. "Ya don't know anythin' about what Kudo's gonin' through so don't ever say that in front of me again!"

We'd all stilled and Hattori was staring daggers at Hakuba.

"He doesn't know. I don't even fully know what's going on. Stop it Hattori-kun." I tried to relax the situation but I didn't seem to work. Kei peeked her head out of my shirt.

"Hattori-niisan, Saguru-niichan doesn't know. Don't get mad at him." She turned to Hakuba, "and Saguru-niichan, Kudo-niisan is trying to help but he can't right now. Don't be mad at him either."

Both of them shot me an icy look and I pointed to the girl.

"Hey I didn't say anything!" Kei just curled up in my lap again with a smile on her face. Both of them relaxed and Hattori looked at Hakuba apologetically, though he didn't say anything. I was getting tired of everyone fighting.

My back straightened and Kei perked up just a few seconds later. "Let's go." I handed her over to Hattori but he wouldn't take her.

"I take it that means our rides here. Geez you got good ears. You take the girl and I'll help the old man."

"No-"

"Hey! I said I got the old man. Don't worry, I'm not gonna hurt him. You wouldn't be able to carry him even if you tried. "

I frowned at him for a second before nodding. "Thanks, I'll come back up for Kane-kun." I thought about only implying it but Kei would have known what I was talking about anyway. I made it down the stairs first since I already had Kei in my hand and Hakuba still need to wake Hisa up.

Professor Agasa was down the street a bit since the addresses on some of the buildings were next to illegible and he didn't have a GPS function like I had. I waved him over and he stared blankly at me for a second before coming.

"Where's Hattori-kun?" He asked when I placed Kei in the seat next to him.

"He's still in the house and the person he's with is injured so we need to get to the hospital as quickly as we can."

"Ahem...ah, who are you?"

I frowned at him for a second before remembering my very different appearance. "Kid."

"Ah, sorry, I should have realized it." The professor straightened up and eyed the girl. "How many are you trying to fit?"

"There are two…" I stopped and took in another breath. "There's one other child with Hakuba-kun and Hattori has… the person who's injured." I eyed his small car and counted in my head. "We should fit."

Hakuba came out the entrance just as I was going back in. "Hakuba-kun, sit by the window behind Kei-chan and let Hattori-kun put Jii-chan in the middle so that you and me can keep him steady."

"Sure, wait. Where's Hattori-kun supposed to sit?" Hakuba was almost at the car when he stopped.

"Tell him to sit up front with Kei-chan. There's not much room."

"O…kay," Something else must have crossed the detectives mind but he let it go as he got in the car with Hisa.

I had to wait at the bottom of the stairs for Hattori. He had Jii on his back so that his ribs wouldn't do anymore damage to his lung. Hattori was clearly struggling under the man's weight but when he reached the bottom he refused my help.

"I got it. We really need to get this guy to a hospital. I don't know now long ya can survive with a collapsed lung but it can't be long." He took in a big breath and went off to the car. It amazed me how Hattori could carry Jii when he must have been almost twice his size and weight.

I went up and placed my jacket around Kane. It wouldn't help the boy but it would make me feel better and the car had heat. I stopped for a second to look at him.

Kane was small for a ten-year old and he'd shown more responsibility and tact than I knew I had at that age. I had to use both arms to carry him but I didn't really care. I just wished I could have been there for him when he had needed me.

When I got to the car Hattori was taking deep breaths in the front seat and sharing some dark looks with Hakuba.

"What's wrong?"

"We've got a problem." Hattori sighed and rested his arm against the door frame.

"What is it?"

"It's in your arms." He looked at me out of the corner of his eye.

"Huh?"

"Kuroba-kun," Hakuba cut in since he was sitting right next to me "I know that we've all agreed that nothing was our fault but wouldn't it seem strange if we came in with a little boy who none of us were related to, dead? It would draw suspicion and I can't let anyone know about this case yet."

"So what are we going to do with him?" I propped Kane's body up better so I could look over at the detective when I shut the door.

"I'm not sure. I could call his parents but…" Hakuba stared drumming his fingers on the handle, smiling darkly. "They're going to kill me."

"I'm surprised they let ya take this case on. Why didn't they got to someone better known? Or the police?" Hattori craned his neck over the seat to look at Hakuba, "It just doesn't make sense to me. Not that I'm sayin' yer bad or anythin'."

"Because I'm not well known." The detective leaned back and Hisa stretched. "What they did to the children wasn't legal but I'm family and I'm a detective and I can't be traced. No one would think I had them. Maybe the families knew who was after them and they just wanted to cover their trial," he laughed humorlessly, "Maybe I'm just bait to wipe away their mistake without them feeling as if they'd done nothing to pervent it."

"Don't think like that." I would have knocked him if I could have reached over Jii, "You go call the kids parents and we'll drop him off at… ah. Hey Hakase, there's no way you'll let us use your house is there?"

"None," he confirmed. "Ai-kun's still there and I don't think it would be good for her, she hasn't been herself lately."

"Gotcha… I guess we could…" Hattori pondered with me.

"Mom shouldn't mind. Let me call her." I reached an arm for Hakuba to give him his phone.

"Kuroba-kun don't you have… ah, sorry." He shook his head for a second before remembering everyone already knew who I was. "Don't you have a phone? I've called you before."

"Yeah but I left it at…Hey!" I turned sharply to face him, "How did you get my number that time?"

"My father is in the investigations department." He tapped the side of his head, "It was easy." He handed over his phone.

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes and called up my mom. Hattori already started directing the professor to my house and I felt a stab of nervousness before shoving it away. So what if the whole world knew where I lived now?

"Hello?" My mom's voice was tired and it occurred to me how late it was.

"Sorry Okaasan, um…" I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say to her. "Something happened and Hakuba-kun needs to call one of the kid's parents but… we need somewhere to put them while we wait. Can, can we keep them at home?"

I heard my mom take in a shuddering breath, "Who was it?"

Of course she picked up on my hidden words. "Kane-kun."

"Sure, I'll leave the front door unlocked but I don't think I'll be able to stay awake. What happened? Are the other children all right?"

"Their fine," I reassured her. "Jii-chan's hurt and needs to get to the hospital then I'm stopping by someone I know to see if I can get some answers. I'm going to keep the girls with me."

"Okay Kaito. If you need me, I'm here." There was a smile in her voice laced with the sadness.

"Thanks mom." I hung up and handed the phone back. "You should call their parents." I closed my eyes and tried to picture the man who'd taken Kei from me after the fire but his image was indistinct.

"I know," Hakuba opened the phone back up and scrolled through to find the number. He sighed and put it to his ear as he closed his eyes. Kei crawled over Hattori to look at him.

"Don't listen to mommy. She's just scared."

Hakuba smiled at her. "I know Kei-chan, I just wish I didn't have to make this call."

"Me too," Her smile went away but she didn't sit back down. Hattori put his hands to her waist to keep her from falling over when the car turned.

"Hello…" Hakuba replied to the phone, with all the outside noise I couldn't tell what was being said but I heard yelling. "I'm sorry its late… yes… yes…" Hakuba swallowed and ran a hand through his hair. "Yes… Kane-kun."

Hakuba held the phone away as the person on the other line was in hysterics, the detective was shaking and had his eyes closed. When the yelling was bearable he put the phone back. "I'm sorry… I know… I know… It's not…" His breath caught in his throat and I was tempted to take the phone from him. Whoever was on the other end was clearly blaming the detective and, even though I could understand why, Hakuba was with me and I knew he was hurting and I knew how bad he felt.

Kei beat me too it.

She leaned far over the seat and if Hisa hadn't held her up she would have fallen on top of her.

"Mommy be quiet!"

Hattori turned around and leaned over, trying to pick her back up, but she shoved him away. "Saguru-niichan helped us mommy and you didn't! Ojiisan got hurt too just like my Niichan!... Stop yelling mommy! Everyone's hurting and you're just making it worse!" Kei cried into the phone and at this point I took it away from her.

"Hello, Kei-chan's mother I presume."

"And so what if it is? Who the hell is this and what happened to my little boy!"

"He was left with an acquaintance of mine" I stressed, "at a place we thought was safe. My acquaintance is critically hurt and he did everything he could to save your son, I would appreciate if you didn't blame anyone for trying their best."

"What would you know? You sound like a brat yourself! That damned brat thinks he's such a great detective and he couldn't even save my son! You have no business telling me what to do!"

I could see how she'd rattled Hakuba. Whoever had placed him in charge of helping the children must have done so behind her back since the venom in her words aimed at him seemed like it had been there for a long time.

"I have no business at all telling you what to do. I'm just saying that it wasn't from lack to effort that we lost your son." I looked down at Kane in my arms. "We have him with us and I was personally with him when he died and can tell you that we honestly did everything that we could. I know you don't want to go the police so if you would like to pick him up, you can do so. I'll send you an address."

"Who the hell do you think you are? I don't remember anyone mentioning another child," she spat. "Taking my children! I want Kei-chan back too! Give them both to me and I'll go to wherever the hell you want!"

I looked at Kei and she shook her head vigorously. I mouthed I'm sorry to her since I had no say over her safety. I smiled coyly to myself and thought that Kid might have something to say about it though. Kei caught onto my thoughts and nodded.

"Sure. Since you sound distraught, I'm afraid that meeting you at my house is less then favorable. We can meet wherever you want."

Kei's mother swore at me before giving me an address and a time for tomorrow. I eyed Hattori when I repeated them aloud. He glanced at the professor who slumped over as he drove and nodded. We'd need a ride. I hung up the phone and handed it back to Hakuba.

"Thank you Kuroba-kun… I don't think I would have had a very productive conversation with her."

"It's fine." I eyed Kei and smiled, "Are you ready to get stolen?"

"Yeah!" She jumped up where she was still on Hakuba's lap and hit Hisa. Hattori pulled her back into the front this time, despite her struggles. He kept kneeling on the seat to face us instead of turning back around and Kei stood beside him.

"What are ya talkin' about?"

"Kei-chan's mom wants her back but that will only put her in the open. Since puttering her in danger is a bad idea and keeping her against her mother's will is illegal, it seems I'll have to steal her."

"You've got to be kidding me." Hakuba put a hand to his head. "Do you know how many cops will be involved if you kidnap a child, even for her own good?"

"Then I won't tell the cops," I lost my smile, but I decided this was one time they wouldn't get a warning. "I'll make sure I take Kei-chan where her mother can see me and if she wants to get the police involved, let her" I smugly told him, more in daring to her if she tried to go against me. "But I don't think she will."

"And if she does?"

"Yeah, yer a good guy but I don't think anyone'd take kindly to Kid stealing a child."

"I'll have a bad reputation then, so what? At least Kei-chan will be safe." I reached over and touched her lightly on the nose, "I'll return her when this is all over and after we get back from…" I stopped, about to say Kudo's… "Professor Agasa's house she can hang out in the secret room. It' safe enough and I trust my own house."

"Like I said, yer crazy." Hattori smiled at me. "Don't scare her too much."

"Who?"

"The mom, I heard ya talkin' to her. I never heard ya talk civilly to someone like that unless ya where really mad at 'em and couldn't talk normally." He laughed, "I think ya must have picked it up bein' Kid. Ya get so mad ya just default to another mind set so ya don't go raving off on the person. Ya did it when Hakuba left at the station too."

"I never noticed." I thought back but couldn't picture myself getting mad at anyone but Aoko, and with her I always acted my usual self.

"I don't think ya really get mad a lot. I'm not talkin' about normal I got a B instead of an A on my English test mad, I mean like ya would a hit the person if they were close enough an' not feel bad about it mad."

I shrugged and laid against Jii. The man had been unconscious the whole ride and I was nervously trying not to think about it. Kane's body in my arms made sure I had other things on my mind.

"Why can't anything with you detectives ever be easy?" I moaned to myself.

"If only… If only…" Hattori started laughing.