This chapter is really just to annoy Jessa L'Rynn. Sorry, I couldn't resist.
1.
Jack just couldn't take it any more. He couldn't take the angst, couldn't take the struggle, couldn't take watching everything he cared about turn to dust, and he really, really couldn't take any more of these stupid reruns.
He shot the TV to hell, then used his new and improved vortex manipulator to the London Blitz, where he shot himself.
For a moment nothing seemed to be happening.
Then the paradox caught up with him and he winked out of existence.
And just like that, Torchwood was no more.
And there was much rejoicing among the Ten/Jack anti-shippers.
And then they were all sporked to death by the Jack/Ianto fans.
2.
The Doctor tried to focus. It was vital that he concentrate. Everything, but everything, hung in the balance. It was a matter of life or death.
"I'll see your Resurrection Gauntlet and raise you a hand in a jar."
His opponent raised an eyebrow. "A hand in a jar? Nothing doing, buster."
"It's my hand!"
"No."
"Okay then," he said, sweating. "I'll see your Resurrection Gauntlet and raise you a sonic yo-yo."
"Acceptable. You know, it's really a shame, me taking your stuff like this," she said, laying down her hand.
He stared. "What?!"
"Hand it over, dude," said the mysterious fortune-telling girl who liked to hang out in bars.
Giving up, he stood up and began emptying his dimensionally transcendent pockets. "This may take some time..."
3.
The Doctor and Romana cautiously raised their heads, choking on the smoke.
"Oh dear," said Romana.
"My TARDIS!" screamed the Doctor.
"I'm dreadfully sorry," said Romana.
"My TARDIS!" screamed the Doctor.
"How was I supposed to know it was explosive?"
"My TARDIS!" screamed the Doctor.
"Never mind, we can steal you another one."
"My TARDIS!" screamed the Doctor.
"It was getting on in years, anyway. Never worked properly. I rather hated it, in fact."
"My TARDIS!" screamed the Doctor.
"Although I will miss my wardrobe."
"My TARDIS!" screamed the Doctor.
"Will you please shut up?!"
4.
"Look," said the Rani. "This is my dear little Woogums."
The Master looked nervously at the smelliest, evilest, red-eyed-est fluffy bunny rabbit he'd ever seen. It had vampire fangs. It winked at him.
"Ah. One of your, er, experiments, is it?" he inquired, hoping she didn't notice the quaver in his voice.
"Yes. If he tries to bite your leg off, just hit him on the nose, he's a sweetheart, really. Go on, pet him."
The Master stuck his fingers in to the cage. Not a smart move.
"AAAGH! AAAGH! AAAGH, HE'S JUST BITTEN OFF MY KNUCKLES! AAGH!"
"Yes, I'm afraid he does that sometimes," the Rani said, shaking her head distractedly as she examined her latest T. Rex fetus. "Bad wabbit."