Dedicated to Lemondrop xxx, for giving me this fantastic idea. I'm sorry, I tried to put in chocolate, but it was just too insane by then.

"Oh, my god, you are insane!" Caroline shrieked, bursting into laughter.

"I most certainly am not!" the Doctor said, affronted. They were sitting in front of the TARDIS, watching the smoke clear. Caroline noticed, suddenly, that the Doctor was still holding her hand. She didn't mind, though. She turned and looked directly at him. God, he was attractive. And funny, don't forget funny. And he was an alien. With a spaceship. My god.

"So, where you come from, Mars or wherever, is it normal to kidnap young women and blow up their jobs?"

He looked away. "Not really, no."

He was the sensitive type, too. Didn't want to talk about his home. Maybe he'd run away or something. She always did fancy a rebel. "Are all Time Lords as crazy as you?" she said, looking into his eyes, artfully letting her bleached blond hair fall across her face, widening her eyes, and affecting a cute, innocent sort of accent.

He looked back, and leaned forward almost imperceptibly. She seized her chance and leaned forward too, their faces growing closer and closer…

…and then he jumped up, pulling her up too. "Oh!" she exclaimed. "Oi!"

The Doctor clasped her hand in his hands. "Caroline," he said seriously, "would you like to travel with me?"

Yes! she yelled inwardly, but outwardly she made herself look uncertain. "Is it always this dangerous?" she asked, widening her eyes again.

He grinned. God, he really was very attractive. "Yep."

She appeared to hesitate, and then said excitedly, "Oh my god, I'd love to!"

"Yay!" he said, hugging her. Then he started unlocking the TARDIS door. Caroline said, "You never answered my question. Are all Time Lords this crazy?" She giggled.

He looked down at her with sadness in his eyes. "Caroline, I lied to you. There aren't any Time Lords any more. They're all gone. I'm the only one." His voice wavered and a tear rolled down his cheek.

"I wouldn't bet on that," said a caustic voice from behind them.

Caroline jumped, and swung around. She saw three women standing a few feet away, their expressions arranged in variations on an irritated theme. The one in front had red hair and looked like she was ready to slap someone. The tall, glamorous one to her right had an expression of mildly annoyed amusement. The teenager to the red-head's left looked like she'd stepped from the pages of a teenage fashion magazine, and she was merely frowning.

The Doctor saw them, and made an incoherent 'herk' kind of sound.

"Ready to kidnap another innocent woman?!" shrieked the red-haired one in front. She looked hard at Caroline, and shrugged. "Somewhat innocent, anyways."

"Hello, darling," said the tall, glamorous one. She walked up and wrapped an arm around the Doctor's shoulders in a rather seductive way. "Got over me pretty fast, I see."

"Is this an old flame of yours?!" Caroline inquired angrily of the Time Lord.

He looked dazed. "Romana?" he asked the glamorous woman.

"Who else, dearest?"

"I- I- I- you're alive! And... but... you regenerated! How-"

She stepped back, frowning. "You've gotten a bit slow, haven't you?" She waved at the red-haired woman. "He's all yours, Donna."

The red haired lady slapped him. Really hard. Caroline was surprised she didn't knock his teeth out. "What was that for?" he asked in an injured tone.

"What was that for?! What was that for?! That, spaceman, was for sucking out my memories and dumping me on Earth, ya looney!"

"What?" Caroline asked.

The teenage fashion model spoke now, for the first time. "How ya doin', Dad?" she asked cheerfully.

Caroline shrieked, "Dad?! You can't be more than fifteen years older than her!"

The girl winked. "We're aliens, y'know."

"Oh my god!" She backed away.

"Caroline, no! You don't understand!" he said desperately.

"I don't think I want to!"

Romana said, in a condescending tone of voice, "You see, your Doctor's actually over a thousand years old."

"I so am not! Nine hundred and four, at the most," said the Doctor bemusedly.

Caroline reeled from this latest revelation. Then she slapped the Doctor too, as hard as she could, although not quite with Donna's strength, and yelled, "You pervert!"

"Caroline, you don't understand! Really you don't!"

"See you around, Martian," she said, and took off.

Jenny grinned. "I like her," she said.

"I don't," Romana muttered. "Bleached little chav."

"I'm detecting a tone of jealousy," commented Donna.

"Yeah right!"

The Doctor sank to the ground, leaning against his TARDIS. There was only one thing that could be said, in a situation like this.

"What?!"