I've been wanting to write this for a while now, but I never did because I know how many people dislike OC's. But you know what? I'm just going to do it. HUNK x Joey (The merchant's daughter in Meine Freunde and Mental Notes.)
If you do NOT like OC's, then I suggest you don't read it.

Warnings; OC-alert. Side-story to MF and MN. Mild language? I'm writing this from Krauser's point of view! YAOI! Luis x Leon! And eh, OOC Wesker. I don't own RE! Capcom does.

Enjoy. =)

He is harder to approach than Wesker is. He is mean, cold and very hard to break. Making that man like you is something that a lot of people don't even want to try, because it's too much of a hassle anyway. It's time-consuming and most of us just don't want to spend that much time on trying to get to a person that looks like he'd rather kill you than share his life with you.

She is annoying, talkative and a bit on the weird side. She calls everyone 'strange' while she is actually stranger than I am, and I am Jack, it's not easy to beat me in a game of being strange. She spends her time sitting around, fixing our guns and she has this annoying obsession with Wesker's pony Mr. P. And last, but not least, she likes him.

I like them both. I like him because I was able to befriend him in only a matter of months, and I like her because she's so damn loud, which I can be too. I just don't understand why she wants to be with him, because that just seems like a lost cause. Or well, it seemed like a lost cause until last night.

Last night there was a party. Wesker was so damn happy about moving our stuff to Tricell, that he actually threw a party to celebrate it. It wasn't the best moment to throw a party outside, seeing as it was raining, but I don't think anyone could've stopped him from doing so. If Wesker decides to do something, it will happen, whether something interferes or not. And so he had that party, in his backyard.

Not too many people showed up, because most decided not to come to Tricell with us. I think there were only twenty of us there, and they were mainly scientists and people I didn't want anything to do with. I did however like a handful of people there, so I will just stick to writing about them. I'm sure you don't care much about scientists either, because they're not that interesting anyway. At least not to me, because I'm not that smart. But that's fine, I've got a mutated arm to make up for the lack of brains, so no harm done there.

Luis was the first to show up, and he actually showed up with Leon. I knew Leon was coming too, and while I wanted nothing more than to kill him, I couldn't do it. Wesker had told me that he didn't want any trouble while we weren't fully stationed at Tricell yet, so I left him alone.
Luis and Leon are a couple now, by the way. They keep sitting down in corners, staring at eachother. It's quite disturbing, but at least Luis got Leon to cut part of his bangs off, so now Leon looks less emo.

After Luis and Leon, HUNK showed up. He was wearing shorts, which made me wonder what had gotten into him. HUNK's been a bit on the strange side lately, and I can't help but wonder if I perhaps infected him with my insanity. I hope not, because I don't like being held responsible for someone else's state of mind. My own state of mind is hard enough to control already.
Ahwell, at least he looks good in shorts. The man has nice legs, let me tell you that.

After HUNK, only a bunch of unimportant people entered, so I am not going to tell you about them. They didn't do much anyway, they always talk about viruses and that's just plain boring. I already have a mutant arm, so I don't need a virus anymore. I can't risk mutating even worse, seeing as that might completely destroy my good looks, and that would be devastating, for both me and the rest of the world.

Eventually everyone started dancing and drinking, and it actually became a real party, despite the strange people at it, and Wesker's odd taste in music. I still wonder why that man is such a big fan of Bryan Adams, but hey, who am I to judge… I still love Abba.

After about an hour of pretending not to care and rolling his eyes at people who couldn't dance, HUNK approached me.

"Jack," he stated, "I'm bored."

I shrugged. "So?"

"So… Entertain me or something…" He sighed and stared at the door.

I frowned and couldn't help but wonder why he was here in the first place. After that one Christmas-party where I accidentally kissed him on the cheek, he had been avoiding any kind of event where people could get drunk, so it was quite the miracle that he had decided to come to Wesker's party.

"You're weird," I finally stated.

HUNK shot me a glare. "Why is that?"

"You just are… Must be the pants." I envied him a bit, because I look stupid in shorts. My knees are really bumpy. "You're waiting for Joey, aren't you?"

HUNK scowled and grunted something under his breath. "Give me a break, why would I be waiting for her? All she ever does is annoy me with long stories or strange comments. I'm glad she's not here."

"Good, because she said she wasn't coming in the first place, she's got a date tonight."

"What? With who?" It's funny when HUNK keeps a stern face, but his eyes twitch. It always makes me want to touch him.

"I don't know," I replied. I reached out and placed my hand on his hair. I just can't control the urge to touch people sometimes. "Does it bother you?"

"Oh shut up." HUNK swatted my hand away, turned around and stomped off, probably in order to glare at some other people.

I sometimes wish he would loosen up a little, it would do him good. And I know he can dance, I have seen him do it before. It was on that same party where I accidentally kissed him on the cheek. That man has got some moves, alright.

I did know who Joey went on a date with, though. It was Ricardo Irving. I still don't know why she would go on a date with him, but she did. Lucky for her, it didn't work out that well.

When I was sick of talking to several boring people, tripping over Luis who was sitting on the ground licking Leon and bumping into Wesker while he was performing his rare fire-breathing-trick, I decided to try and dance myself. I ended up dancing with Sergei Vladimir, who wasn't that bad.

After three really fast songs, Wesker's soft side kicked in again and another Bryan Adams song started to play. Sergei, being all tall and Russian, wasn't very good at the whole slow dancing thing. He grabbed me, pulled me against him and held me so tightly I thought my muscles were going to pop. While fighting for air, I suddenly felt something warm in my neck. I realized it was Sergei, and I was enjoying it, until he bit me. Hard.

"So comrade, it appears you belong to me now…" Sergei smirked and licked his bloody lips.

Damn Russian had given me a bloody hickey! "I don't belong to anyone, thank you very much."

"Yes you do, comrade… I bit you, so you will turn into a Russian man too! And together we will drink vodka and wear hats with earflaps!"

I scratched the mark Sergei had left in my neck and grinned. "Biting me won't make me Russian! You're confusing Russians with vampires, you moron." I shook my head and walked off, hoping he would decide to leave me alone for the rest of the night. I wasn't interested in him, he was too tall for comfort.

Wesker, who was finally done breathing fire, walked up to me with a frown. "Did you just get lucky with the colonel? Jack, I would've expected someone more dignified with you…"

"He bit me." More dignified? Seriously? "I didn't want him to, you know?"

Wesker gasped. "He bit you? Now you will become Russian too!"

"What?"

Wesker nodded. "Really, how do you think I became British?"

"You were born in England?"

A light chuckle. "Oh Jack, no… Jason Statham bit me." And Wesker walked off again.

I felt my eyes widen and turned around. I couldn't turn Russian! I liked being a German American, I was proud of it! Oh Vladimir, you'll pay for that…

I was still stomping around and feeling worried, when Wesker grabbed my shoulders and turned me to face him. "I was kidding Jack, wipe that panicked look off your face…" He giggled, stumbled backwards and went up to Excella. He appeared a bit drunk, so miss Gionne was in for a real treat.

I shook my head. "What is the world coming to?"

As I was regaining my composure and grabbing a beer, someone screamed. It sounded like a woman, so my Krauser-senses kicked in and I went towards where the sound was coming from. Just as I arrived, I realized I wasn't needed.

"You damn pervert!" Joey was standing near Wesker's tool shed, her eyes fixated on Irving. "That was so not needed!"

HUNK was standing right behind her, one of his hands was clenched into a fist and the other placed on Joey's shoulder. I wondered if HUNK had hit her, it wouldn't have been a big surprise.

Irving looked a little frightened. Perhaps he wasn't used to women yelling at him? "I am sorry, okay?"

"Sorry doesn't cut it!" Joey yelled. She then brushed HUNK's hand off her shoulder and turned around. "Strangah, I coulda hit him myself!"

Oh, so HUNK hit Irving… That'll do too.

I saw HUNK shake his head and walk off. "Well, suit yourself," he stated while disappearing around the corner of the shed.

I went after him because I was curious. "Yo dude, what was that about?" I stood next to my friend and pointed at where Joey and Irving were. "Did you hit Irving?"

"He was being an idiot and I kept hearing Joey saying 'no', so I figured he was harassing her or something." HUNK sighed. "You do something nice, and the woman gets angry, I don't get it."

"You're not supposed to understand women, they don't even understand themselves." I rubbed my hickey again and scowled, that actually still hurt. "I'm sure she feels all happy now though, even though she would never admit that to you."

"What?" HUNK took a step towards me and smirked. "Hey, who the hell kissed you?"

I grunted. "Shut up."

"Hah, well if there is someone else around that you're interested in, at least you won't be kissing me anymore."

"That was an accident!"

"Yes, you accidentally walked up to me, stared at me and placed your lips on my cheek," HUNK replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Exactly!" I replied. "If you're not going to be nice to me, I'm going to ask Joey out before you even see her again." I smirked. "How'd you like that?"

He shrugged. He always shrugs, I sometimes worry about his shoulders rolling off. "Be my guest."

I decided to put my words into actions and went to look for Joey. I found her standing next to Luis, staring at how Luis' and Leon's lips were locked. She looked content, which was a bit disturbing to see. Why is it that girls always like seeing Luis and Leon together? I still think they make the weakest couple to ever roam the planet. And if they were sitting like that, one magnum bullet would take care of the both of them.

If only I had a magnum…

Joey turned around when I stood behind her. "Ohai, strangah! Who gave you that hickey? Did ya buy it at a high price?"

I scanned the area for Sergei and noticed how Wesker was punching him. Maybe Sergei was trying to turn Wesker into a Russian too? "No, I didn't pay for it…" I muttered. "Wanna go out with me sometime?"

"Who, me?" Joey asked. "No." I saw her bend over and pet Leon. "Heehee, so cute."

Leon shrugged wildly and stopped kissing Luis. He turned around and glared at Joey. "Stop touching me!"

"Then stop kissing that strangah! It's such a turn-on…"

"He's my turn-on, you find your own!" Leon grabbed Luis in a protective way and hugged the Spaniard tightly. "Don't worry Luis, she won't hurt you…"

"Can I join?" Joey asked with a mischievous smile.

"No! Let's go Luis, we must run while we can." Leon pulled Luis back on his feet and started to walk off, every once in a while glancing behind him to see if Joey was following them.

Joey stared at me and shrugged. "I was just kidding…" She suddenly smiled like a crazy person and punched my arm. "Oh strangah, did ya see what HUNK did? He punched Irving for me! How amazing is that?"

I knew that would make her happy. "That's quite amazing coming from him…"

"Ya think he'd dance with me? I only went out with Irving to make him jealous, but then realized you can't compare those two, and that nobody would ever be jealous at him anyway… So we came to the party instead of going to the movies. Also, he's too touchy, it annoyed me."

I rubbed my forehead, sometimes she gives me a headache. "I don't know, ask him."

"How?"

"With your voice, how else? He's not the type to understand subtle hints… Or at least he doesn't respond to them." I glanced at HUNK who had joined the party again and was talking to Wesker. "Oh yeah, why isn't your dad here?"

"He is," Joey stated, "he just doesn't feel like showing himself. I think he's in Wesker's bedroom, taking a nap."

What a weird family. Well, at least he's not here, talking about tampons. "Oh, cool. I should talk to him if he ever wakes up and does not get killed… Now go ask HUNK to dance with him before I do so myself."

"Okidoki." Joey left me in order to talk to HUNK. I figured I'd follow her because I wanted to know what would happen, and to hug her if HUNK would scowl at her and reply with a 'hell no'.

HUNK and Wesker fell silent as the girl approached them. A bit amused I saw Joey twirl a strand of hair around her finger and tilt her head sideways. Girls… They all flirt the same way. "Strangah…" she stated, "you need to dance."

"Who, me?" Wesker asked. He went up to Joey, grabbed her and started to do something that looked like the Macarena, almost punching Joey while doing so. At that point I was sure of the fact that Wesker was drunk.

Joey quickly took a step back, looking horrified. "Not you! Are you drunk?"

"I don't know!" Wesker replied with his hands on his own shoulders. He shook his hips, stumbled to the side and bumped into me. "Ah Jack… How's it hanging?"

"It's fine." I muttered. "You need to drink some coffee." I turned my boss around and pointed at the kitchen. "Go get coffee, sir… It'll do you good."

Wesker nodded and danced off. I'm sure his intentions were good, but something distracted him on the way to his kitchen and he ended up disappearing between the scientists again.

It's a bit disturbing seeing your boss that way, let me tell you that. I can't wait to confront him with the things he did and said last night, it should turn into a very fun fight.

While I was trying to keep an eye on Wesker, Joey was staring at HUNK, appearing a bit uncomfortable. "Now that was scary." She snickered. "Strangah, listen. I didn't mean to yell at you earlier on, thanks for getting rid of Irving for me."

HUNK shrugged lightly. "Sure."

"Now be nice and show me what it looks like when a man dances in his shorts."

I laughed, that wasn't the most logical way to ask someone to dance, but at least it was more original than 'can I have this dance?'

"They're not shorts… They're not short enough to be called shorts…" HUNK replied, ignoring the question. "What is it with people saying stuff about my pants? They're cool."

"I didn't say they weren't cool, strangah."

HUNK just raised an eyebrow.

I noticed how Joey was growing impatient. "Damn it strangah, why can't you ever be social? I just want to dance, but you change the subject into your pants. I don't care about your pants, okay? I'd probably like you more without them anyway." Joey gasped when she realized she had said that out loud. "Well, that's not what I meant, strangah! But it did kind of rhyme, hah! I was just trying to say that ya know… I like you, so you should dance… With me, not with anyone else, because…"

"Are you ever quiet?" HUNK interrupted her 'speech' with a smirk.

"No! I won't be until you start being nice, okay? I will talk your ears off if…"

And then, finally, I got what I had been waiting for ever since Joey had joined our gang of strange comrades. HUNK stepped towards her, grabbed her shoulders and kissed her. I saw Joey struggle for a moment, probably to say something again, but when she noticed you can't fool around with Mr. Death, she just enjoyed it.

And I enjoyed it. I enjoyed seeing her, but not hearing her.

After a minute HUNK let go of her and turned to face me. He looked annoyingly proud. "See that, Jack? She can be quiet!"

At that moment Leon walked by. He smiled at Joey with a content look on his face. "Well done finding your own turn-on!"

Joey winked at him. "Don't worry strangah… I still wanna join if you let me!" And she started to walk after Leon as he ran off again to protect Luis.

HUNK at his turn then went after Joey, grabbed her arm and started to pull her towards Wesker's kitchen, where Wesker had finally arrived too. "Miss, let's see if I can help you find your sanity back… I think you'll need that if you want me to kiss you more often... I know I will."

Joey just looked happy as she followed him while carefully avoiding Wesker's robotic arm-movements. "Good plan, strangah, good plan."

"And stop calling me strangah."

"Sorry… Michael? Michael is an archangel, you know?"

"I know, you told me that… At least six times since we met."

And they finally disappeared from my view and hearing. Just as I was about to kick back and relax, Wesker grabbed me from behind.

"Jack…" he whispered. "Jack listen, the bees bought booze and are now break dancing," he quoted Chris' e-mail and giggled. "I should try break dancing too!"

I rolled my eyes, pulled my boss away from the crowd and brought him to his bedroom. I kicked the merchant out and sat down on Wesker's bed. "Sir, you need a nap."

Wesker yawned. "Perhaps I do…"

"Not perhaps, for sure," I stated. "Go take a nap."

Wesker promptly started to undress himself until he was only wearing his boxers, and he plopped down next to me. "Jack, tell me a story first…" He giggled again. "Oh hell, this is going to hurt in the morning, isn't it?"

I nodded and started to think of a story, but before I even began with 'once upon a time', Wesker was off to dreamland already.

So in the end, this really wasn't that great of a party for me, but at least it was for other people. As for myself; My time will come some other day. And I will make sure to avoid Vladimir from now on, because my neck still looks like a mess.

Until we meet again… And remember ladies; As long as you're old enough, the Krauser loves you.
Call me.

Hah, no crack! And Jack seemed saner than he usually does in my fics. I might be maturing or something.

This was just a side story. I hope you liked it. If ya did, let me know. If ya didn't... Ahwell, better luck next time?

Have a nice week! :D

FUNK