Disclaimer: No, I don't own Gossip Girl, because if I did, none of the things I'm writing about would even be happening in the first place.
AN: Okay...finally. I'm so sorry, I got extremely busy. And then certain spoilers came out and I was uninspired. But I just decided to contiue on the path I was already taking this story, so here it is. This chapter has about a thousand different movie references (let me know if you caught any of them, because that would be pretty cool, lol), because I imagined the whole thing playing out like scenes as I was writing it. I really don't know how that's going to translate to the actual words, but I think it works pretty okay, lol.
Thank you to: HJiloveyou, gleefulvall, HnM skinnys, CrazyBitch10, out of original names., JuseaPeterson, weasleywarrior and hardtoswallow for reviewing ch. 4, and JuseaPeterson for reviewing ch. 3 as well. :)
Breathing hard, Chuck moved carefully through the room of gorgeous, gyrating bodies. The guys in casually undone suits clutched glasses of scotch or champagne while the girls' summer dresses swirled flirtatiously. Everyone was laughing or gossiping in either French or think accents. He edged his way around them and towards the French doors that looked out onto the darkened night. Stepping out onto the balcony, Chuck breathed in the faintly humid summer air. The sun had set long ago, but the lights of the city caused the balcony to glow with a faint light that silhouetted the stunning figure ahead of him.
His shoes slightly scuffed the ground, causing a scraping noise. Blair must have heard it, because she straightened slightly. Turning, she looked slowly over her shoulder, shock registering on her features when she realized who stood behind her.
Chuck's breath caught in his throat as he looked at her up close for the first time in nearly a hundred days. She was even more beautiful now, with a few locks of hair escaped from where she'd pulled it up, her cheeks flushed and dewy from the heat, and her brown eyes wide, surrounded by dark, curly lashes. He took in the way her dress skimmed perfectly over the curves of her body and the way her hands were clasped nervously in its folds. He looked at her in a reverie until somehow he managed to shake himself out of it and look down and to the side, studying the intricate swirls of the balcony railing.
"Chuck?" Blair's voice was somehow both soft and accusatory at the same time. "You're here..."
Blair wasn't sure what to say. It felt both so completely strange to be here, looking at him, and not be shooting snarky remarks about what he'd done in his direction. He looked older, almost, but not in a bad way. Almost like his eyes had been darkened and visage shaped by some hardship since she'd seen him last. His face was a mixture of sadness and pain and relief, the same expression she'd seen when he'd come to her the day after his father's funeral a year and a half ago, and she had the sudden urge to wrap him in her arms and comfort him, like she had then. But she didn't, of course, because the distance between them was greater now. A lot had been done, a lot said, that couldn't be taken back or changed, even if they both wanted it to be.
Chuck nodded slowly, trying not to meet her eyes with the irrational fear that he'd been sucked into some vortex from which he could never escape. But somehow he felt like he already had been. "You know I can't resist you," he drawled in the same way he always had, but it fell flat this time, felt different. Both of them knew that this wasn't the time to be making smarmy jokes. He took a step closer to her, shuffling on the stone ground, and Blair's eyes immediately shot to his cane.
"What is that?" Her voice raised an octave as she remembered his aid and saw the limp that required it. "What happened to you?"
Chuck tensed up and accidentally dropped the cane to the ground, leaning awkwardly onto the railing for support. Blair turned to face him, and the golden highlights in her hair were illuminated by Paris spread out behind her. "That's, uh..." he gave a forced, uncomfortable smile. "A long story." It's not that he didn't want her to know, it was just that he didn't want her to feel like he was trying to get her pity, which he knew without a doubt that he didn't deserve.
"Chuck, you know there's no use hiding anything from me." Blair shook her head slowly, another ringlet falling from her half-up hairstyle. She bit her lip and tilted her head to the side, trying to get a better view of his face to figure out what he was thinking.
Chuck turned away to stare out at the flower-covered balconies of the apartments across from them, swallowing hard and clenching his jaw. "Because there's no way you could possibly hate me more than you do right now?" Coming out of someone else's mouth, the words would read as sarcastic, not sad. But Chuck's voice was just hoarse, wounded and regretful, and, despite herself, Blair's heart sunk.
"No," she said gently. "Because you know I'm going to find it out anyway." As soon as the words left her mouth, Blair mentally slapped herself. What was she doing? She wasn't feeling bad for him. Chuck Bass? She should have just answered yes. But there was something so different about him. It was like what had happened between them had snapped something in him, like it was a last straw in some way, and now he'd seen too much to be who he used to be. He seemed so lost.
After a long, deep sigh, Chuck turned to her and managed, all in one breath, "I was mugged and shot in an alley in Prague, about a week after I saw you last. They wanted money but they wouldn't let me take them to a bank and there was a struggle, so..." Chuck let out a breath, his eyes searching Blair's wide, shocked ones for a moment before looking back out at the city. "I was told that would have died if I hadn't been found exactly when I had."
He could hear Blair's sharp intake of breath at those words and turned to look at her. She stood still a careful distance away, chest heaving with surprise. "Oh my god. Chuck." She reached for him then, blindly grasping, and settled for wrapping a hand around his arm, as if making sure that he was really there. Chuck would never admit how right it felt to have her touching him again, and despite the circumstances he felt the most comfortable he'd been all summer. "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell anyone?"
Chuck shrugged. "Because I didn't want anyone to know. You told me to never speak to you again, and the others...I didn't think it would have mattered."
Blair shook her head fervently, her heart pounding in her chest. "That's not true. Lily, Eric, Nate...they've all been so worried." She looked at him, then, leaning with both elbows on the railing, his eyes staring blankly ahead as if he was afraid to meet hers.
Chuck nodded in affirmation of this, albeit reluctantly. "Serena told me." He let out a small, distrustful laugh. "I was surprised, to say the least."
Chuck, people care about you. No matter what," she took a deep breath before continuting "happened...there are people back home that love you."
"Like you?" The words slipped from between his lips without a thought, but he instantly regretted them. His grip on the balcony tightened so much that he could feel it cutting into the palms of his hands, bracing himself for her reaction.
"What?" Blair shook her head, not in a negative motion but a shy one, looking down at her glossy nude Louboutin heels.
"Do you still love me?" Chuck asked quickly. He kept staring out at the scenery below, as if it would hurt to look at her.
Blair sighed, half frustrated and half upset. He could see tears glimmering in her wide brown eyes, and it made his heart hurt. "Chuck...that's not fair."
Chuck turned toward her, meeting her tearful eyes with his pained ones. "You're right, I'm sorry." He reached out a hand to take hers, but Blair would only let him graze her fingertips before she pulled her hand away reluctantly and turned back to face the city.
"Where have you been all summer?" she managed after a long moment of silence.
Chuck sighed. "I've kind of been…working."
Blair raised her eyebrows, although she didn't look back at him. "You have been working." She said it as a statement rather than a question.
"Yeah." Chuck studied her for a moment before leaning down to pick up his cane, if only to have something to occupy his hands with. When he was standing up straight again, he moved even closer to her. "Listen, Blair." He reached up a hand and let it lightly graze her arm. He could feel her shudder slightly under his touch, and she turned to face him. He gripped her arms with both hands. "I hate myself for hurting you. I hate who I am in…" he took a shaky breath "…in general. I tried being someone completely different, but you're too hard to give up." He let out a little chuckle. "I want to change who I am, for real. No more 'I'm Chuck Bass.' No more hurting the people that I care about." He stopped rubbing his hands up and down her arms for a moment to look straight into her eyes. "No more hurting you."
Blair blinked back at him, the tears from before gone now, but her eyes left glassy and sad. "You can change without changing who you are, Chuck," she said softly.
"No." Chuck shook his head emphatically. "No, I can't. I don't want to be me, anymore, Blair!" He clenched his jaw so tightly that he felt like he was going to break it and glared at the skyline, trying to calm himself before snarling, "I hate that guy."
This time it was Blair that reached out a hand, rubbing it over his arm comfortingly. She let him breathe hard before saying quietly. "I think I'd miss you, a little bit. Maybe." Her voice was uncharacteristically shy, as if she was afraid to admit any sort of feelings at all.
Chuck turned his head to search her irises, his eyes moving back and forth quickly as he watched her. "Really?"
Blair bit her lip with a small smile. "Really."
And then, without thinking, Chuck leaned in and kissed her. It was gentle at first, but soon grew forceful as they pressed themselves against each other, leaning on the railing that kept them from tumbling onto the glowing streets below. She was struggling him out of his jacket and his hands were grabbing at the tops of her thighs, the tension between them exploding as their lips collided, over and over again. Chuck ran a hand up her arm and pulled the strap of her dress down over her shoulder, exposing the porcelain skin underneath as he leaned down to kiss it. They kissed furiously and passionately, thousands of emotions rushing through their heads.
And then, all of a sudden, Blair shoved him away. She was breathing hard as she pulled the strap back up onto her shoulder, and her hair was mussed and lips red and chapped. There was a flush in her cheeks, and she was stunning. Chuck gripped her arm gently and stroked his thumb up and down it, relishing in the soft feel of her skin. "What's wrong?"
Blair grabbed his wrist, pushing his arm away from her. "Everything about this! You can't just show up here after what you do and expect everything to be okay, Chuck!"
Chuck shook his head wildly, reaching for her again. "No…no, I don't…" But he realized that maybe somewhere deep down inside, he'd hoped that it all would be okay, that everything would turn out like it always had in the past and nothing would have to change. But it was clear now that that was an impossible notion.
"It doesn't matter, Chuck. I can't be with you right now. Or ever, probably! There's too much risk, too much…" Blair shook her head, looking searching the ground like maybe it would hold the answer.
"Passion?" Chuck grabbed her hand. "Please, Blair, just listen to me, please. I'll be different, I'll change. I'll be the kind of person that you want to be with, please." He was begging now, and it felt strange but familiar. Why did it always come to this?
"Chuck." Blair again grabbed his wrist and again pushed his hand back to him. "You cannot change for me. You need to do it for yourself." She backed away from him, shaking her head. "You're so misguided in all of this, you're just going to come out more screwed up than before, if that's even possible."
"What am I supposed to do, Blair?" Chuck's face softened. "Just tell me, what am I supposed to do? What can I do to make you feel the same way about me as you did before, back when…back when you loved me?"
Blair stared at him, her eyes shining and brimming with unshed tears. She opened her mouth to reply, as if she was going to say something heartfelt, but nothing came out. Instead she turned her back to him so he could only see the silhouette of her curls and dress against the dark sky and refused to face him. "Nothing," she choked out.
Chuck looked at her for a long moment. He'd gotten the answer that he probably should have expected, but at the same time, it still stung just as hard as every other horrible thing she'd ever said to him. It stung worse, because this time…this time it felt final. It was permenant.
He gave a small nod, swallowed hard, clenching his jaw, and turned around, grabbing his cane and moving off the deck as slowly as he could, as if she was going to turn and call for him. But by the time he made it to the elevator, he was sure she wasn't.
Raging with sadness and anger and unrepressed fear for the future, he slammed a fist into the to button close the doors and then another one into the gold-mirrored wall of the elevator. His thoughts wild with emotion, he continued banging on the wall until his hand was battered and stung.
Chuck let out a pained noise as he sunk himself to the ground, his entire body aching. He felt as if he could no longer stand, so there he sat, leaning his head back against the wall and squeezing his eyes closed, wishing everything would go away.
It was probably a strange picture to others – Chuck Bass, the playboy billonaire in a perfectly tailored thousand-dollar suit, slumped in the elevator with his cane propped beside him, in a sort of agony – but it was a harsh reality to him. When he somehow found himself in the lobby, he blindly struggled out onto the street and managed to get a cab. To the driver's request in barely intelligible French as to where he was going, Chuck pulled the key card that Eva gave him out of his pocket and threw it into his lap. Then he leaned his forehead on the cool glass window, breathing hard with tears in his eyes, barely in control.
By the time he arrived at the hotel, Chuck was still shaking but slightly calmer. He managed to pay the driver and make his way through the lobby, taking another elevator up to the fifteenth floor. It was a tall building, towering over the city, and as Chuck walked down the carpeted hallway with closed doors on both sides, he caught a glimpse at the end of the hallway of a large window, framing Paris. It seemed like the light at the end of a tunnel, and Chuck fleetingly wondered how long of a fall it would be before he'd meet concrete.
When he got to room 1532, he tentatively slid the key card into the door and listened to it click and the green light flash before he pushed open the door, hesitating for a moment prior to stepping into the room. It was lit, but dimly, a relaxing, comforting sort of light, although Chuck felt anything but. There were floor to ceiling windows on one wall, a large bed to the right, and a sitting area to the left. The room décor was cream and black and luxurious, and he wasn't sure how Eva had afforded it.
But there she was, sitting with her back to him, her blonde hair spilling over her shoulders and wearing a black cotton robe. She turned when she heard his footsteps scuffing over the carpet, and relief registered in her features when she saw him.
"You came," she said, her eyes lighting up, standing and making her way over to him. She ran her hands over the sides of his body as she embraced him, and Chuck tentatively wrapped his arms around her, letting his chin rest on her shoulder. His eyes were red and face probably streaked with the angry tears he'd hardly felt falling, but she didn't seem to mind. He nodded carefully.
Pulling away, Eva took his hands in hers and leaned in to kiss him, a longer, more seductive kiss than usual. Letting go of him, her small hands moved to the front of her robe, and she untied it, letting it slip off of her shoulders.
"Wait." Chuck shook his head, his voice cracking. "What are you doing?"
Eva smiled. "This," she said, her accent thick over the word as she dropped the robe to the floor to reveal lace-trimmed lingerie. Chuck took a step back, feeling completely filthy.
"Oh, I don't think…" He was shaking his head harder now, wildly. He wouldn't allow his eyes to meet hers. "I can't…"
"Yes, you can." Eva slid her hands under his jacket and shrugged it off of his shoulders, leaning in to kiss him hard. Chuck tried to turn his head, still able to taste Blair on his lips, but he was too numb to make a real effort. So he allowed her to lead him to the bed and remove his shirt, going through the familiar motions because he didn't know what to do. He was lost in confusion.
Soon enough, they were lying on top of each other, wrapped in the silk bedcovers. It should have been an intimate moment, but to Chuck it couldn't have felt more impersonal. Eva kissed him on the check and then the neck, and then came up for air, murmuring a request onto his lips. "Come away with me. Let's go away together, get away from here, yes?"
Chuck's hand found her hip underneath the sheets, nothing but instinctive. He nodded again. He couldn't do otherwise, because this was it. This was all he had left.
Eva's smile sparkled in the soft lights as she leaned down to him again. She touched her lips to kiss softly and they moved together, Chuck's eyes clenched shut in a mixture of sorrow, regret and pain.
"Nothing."
AN: So, ta-da? CB finally spoke. They'll speak again next chapter, which will be the last chapter. And then there will be an epilogue. Soooo...the movie references...the one where Chuck is in the elevator against the wall with his cane was inspired by a scene in the movie The Aviator (incredible film, just BTW...you should see it, lol), where Howard breaks down in private after a...difficult conversation...it wasn't in an elevator, though. I'm not really sure where it was. And the Chuck punching the elevator came from Revolutionary Road, where Frank what's-his-name (Wheeler?) punches a car... The robe thing was kind of duh...Titanic. (I've been on quite the Leonardo DiCaprio bender lately, if you haven't noticed...) And then the rest came from my mind, really vague inspirations. Although when Chuck says, "I can't," the way I was imagining it was from a scene in something, but I honestly do not remember what movie it was, so I can't tell you that, lmao. Oh, and the Chuck wondering how long the jump from the window would be was from Mal's line near the beginning of Inception... "If I jumped, would I survive?"
Okay, so as for the chapter...Chuck and Eva should be by no means rootable...if they are, I'm not doing my job correctly, lol. I was trying to contrast the two scenes, both quite literally with both Blair and Eva's reactions to seeing Chuck in the same structure, and just in general, with the CB scene being very descriptive and emotional and the Chuck/Eva one being kind of raw and blunt. So I hope that worked...um...yeah. I don't know when the next chapter will be up, because I've only written a little bit of it, but I want to finish this story by the time the show comes back. So I have like three weeks, lol. So, yeah, there's my super-long, detailed, unecessary author's note...REVIEW, PLEASEEE. :)