A/N I have modified history, Lily and James have not died, and neither has Sirius, or Dumbledore, because I won't let them! Ahem I am in Sirius denial.
I AM IN SIRIUS DENIAL! SIRIUS IS NOT DEAD! AND I WILL NOT LET YOU SAY OTHERWISE! If you too are in Sirius denial then copy and paste this into your profile. Because Denial is not just a river in Egypt!
Disclaimer: I do not own the quiz results or the characters. But I do know that SIRIUS is NOT DEAD repeat NOT DEAD. STOP TRYING TO SPREAD YOUR LIES!
Thanks for all the fabulous reviews they make me so happy! Lol. Keep reviewing!
The staff of Hogwarts was seated at the long table in the room. Dumbledore aka Lover of Lemon Drops aka Guy-with-eyes-that-won't-stop-damn-twinkling aka guy who would have gotten Sirius killed if I didn't write it out aka Manipulating Old Man aka the dude with the really long beard aka King-Of-How-Not-To-Understand-That-No-One-Wants-A-Stupid-Lemon-Drop aka Master-Of-Skirting-Around-the-Issue aka The-Only-Person-on-The-Face-Of-The-Planet-Who-can-talk-for-nine-hours-and-still-not-have-made-a-point aka The-Wizard-Who-Just-Wouldn't-Shut-Up aka Sir-Talks-A-Lot had called an emergency meeting and they were all eager to hear what it was that was so important he had woken them at four in the morning for. Well Snape wasn't so eager; I mean it was four-in-the-bloody-morning-who-wakes-up-at-four -in-the-morning?! And several staff members seemed to have fallen asleep, but still they were eager…or maybe that's what the Dude with the Really Long Beard told himself. He had to think these things otherwise…well…he didn't know why…but…whatever.
"I call this emergency staff meeting to order." Guy-with-eyes-that-won't-stop-damn-twinkling said in a loud voice. Everyone looked up and tried to act interested, well almost everyone, but well…Snape wasn't much for socializing…or politeness…or water…or soap…the list goes on. "Today we are here to discuss a very important manner. It has come to my intention that no one likes my lemon drops. I mean they are really quite delicious, I'm beginning to get offended, but alas; it is fine, because I have considered the matter and concluded that maybe you fancy chocolate. So, I now will be giving out Oreo's a muggle cookie I'm rather fond of. And they come with a quiz that will evaluate your personality based on your method of consuming them!" Lover of Lemon Drops exclaimed.
Everyone groaned and several Professors moved to stand, but Guy who Would have Gotten Sirius Killed if I didn't Write it Out was Faster. He murmured a complicated locking spell which would prevent anyone besides him from opening the door. "Now, you would all like to have an Oreo wouldn't you?" Dumbledore asked the twinkle in his blue eyes positively maddening. Snape fought the urge to tear out the old man's eyes if only to stop the damned twinkling.
"No, I wouldn't like a bloody Oreo." Snape said.
"I assure you Severus there is no blood on these Oreos." Manipulating Old Man said. "I checked myself." He added as an afterthought. This caused a murmur to go through the room as to why he would need to look for blood on the cookies anyway. "As soon as you eat your Oreo and take the evaluation you are free to leave." Dumbledore said. "Maybe this will teach you not to disrespect my lemon drops." King-Of-How-Not-To-Understand-That-No-One-Wants-A-Stupid-Lemon-Drop added. Snape muttered to McGonagall that clearly Dumbledore had finally cracked. Nevertheless each professor picked up a cookie off their plate and glared at it. Flitwick shrugged cheerfully and ate his cookie. He always was a damned morning person Snape thought to himself with a grumble. "Is he serious?" Remus murmured to Sirius who was the History of Magic teacher he had never bee to Azkaban because Peter had been discovered before he could reveal the Potter's whereabouts to Voldemort.
"No, I'm Sirius." Sirius responded causing everyone to groan. Remus shook his head at his friend.
"You had to do that didn't you?" Remus asked.
"Yup." Sirius said as he shoved the cookie into his mouth. Remus rolled his eyes at him and managing to scare everyone he slowly and methodically ate his cookie in perfect unison with McGonagall. Sirius edged his chair away from his friend looking thoroughly terrified. Dumbledore cleared his throat interrupting his staff which was slowly edging away from the Defense Against the Dark Arts and Transfiguration Professors.
"Now that you are finished I will tell you your results pass in your evaluations." Master-Of-Skirting-Around-the-Issue instructed. He took them and peered at the answers through his half moon spectacles. "Minerva, Remus it says the following You follow the rules. You're very tidy and orderly. You're very meticulous in every detail with every thing you do to the point of being anal retentive and irritating to others. Stay out of the fast lane if you're only going to go the speed limit." Dumbledore read as the staff members that weren't sleeping burst into laughter.
The-Only-Person-on-The-Face-Of-The-Planet-Who-can-talk-for-nine-hours-and-still-not-have-made-a-point allowed the laughing for a moment before reading off Snape's results. "I feel at this point I must explain that these opinions are not my own but rather those of a highly competent muggle research agency." Dumbledore disclaimed. "Severus, you are good at business and take risks that pay off. You take what you want and throw the rest away. You are greedy, selfish, mean, and lack feelings for others. You should be ashamed of yourself. But that's ok, you don't care, you got yours." Sirius started whistling and clapped.
"Bravo, Snivellus!" Sirius exclaimed.
"You're an immature imbecilic ignoramus."
"Try saying that five times fast!" Sirius exclaimed unfazed.
"I'd rather not." Snape replied. Remus rolled his eyes and whispered to Sirius that Snape had in fact just insulted him. Sirius's eyes widened and he opened his mouth to retort just as The-Wizard-Who-Just-Wouldn't-Shut-Up interrupted.
"Sirius it says…This means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to be with, exciting, carefree with some hint of recklessness. You are totally irresponsible. No one should trust you with their children."
"I always knew, Potter shouldn't have trusted you with being godfather of his kid, but then I give him to much credit, he doesn't have the intelligence to realize that you can't be trusted with a kid." Remus had to hold Sirius back when he tried to launch himself across the table at Snape. Snape smirked at the struggling wizard.
"I'll kill you Snivellus." Sirius said; the only thing preventing him from reaching Snape was Remus who was slightly stronger then Sirius due to being a werewolf. But that could only protect Snape for so long.
"Albus, I really think that you should just let us go before Sirius gets free and kills Severus." McGonagall said logically.
"Fine." Sir-Talks-A-Lot said in a resigned tone as he unlocked the room.
A/N Review! Who do you want next?