A/N Thanks to all reviewers! I created a new character for this chapter. Arianna is Remus's cousin and Tonks is a sixth year in this chapter.
Disclaimer: You can't have everything. Where would you put it?- Steven Wright
"Hey, Padfoot can you do me a favor and watch Harry for me?" James asked coming through the Floo in Sirius' office at Hogwarts with Harry in his arms. The little boy was wriggling and demanding to be set down. James obliged and Harry promptly went over to Sirius and demanded to be picked up.
"Pa-foot?" Harry said mispronouncing the nickname. Sirius took one look at his godson and crumbled. He knew that he had classes today, he knew that he would have to bring Harry to them, and he knew it would be a pain but as the little boy looked at him with big green eyes he couldn't say no; and Sirius was willing to bet his stash of chocolate which he hid from Remus that this was what James was counting on.
"Fine." Sirius said with a long suffering sigh.
"Thanks, Padfoot." James said grinning at his friend before saying bye to Harry and going back out the Floo.
"How do I get myself into these things?" Sirius asked the two year old. Harry giggled and Sirius shook his head and headed out of the room to go find Remus; maybe he would be willing to watch Harry for a bit.
"Moooooooooony?" Sirius said drawing out the name. Harry upon spotting his Uncle Moony was intent upon saying hello.
"Down." Harry ordered sternly. Sirius distractedly put the little boy down and Harry went over to Remus tugging on his leg. "Up." He said.
"How'd James rope you into watching Harry again?" Remus asked. "Remember what happened last time…"
"Yes, well no one was seriously hurt."
"The poor Hufflepuff girl spent a month in the hospital wing, and don't even get me started on what happened to the Slytherins…"
"That's in the past, I'm perfectly capable of keeping Harry entertained without endangering the lives of the Slytherins."
"Mmmhmm."
"If you're so worried why don't you watch him?" Sirius asked hopefully. Harry was getting bored with Remus and started wiggling and demanding to go by Uncle Pa-foot as he called him. Remus noticed that Harry's version of the nickname rhymed with Ka-put as in what Sirius would be if he let anything happen to Lily's baby boy.
"Can't. We have a practical lesson, today, and it's Slytherins and Gryffindor, I really can't have Harry get in the middle of them when they are practically itching to hex each other, what with the upcoming Qudditch match." Sirius rolled his eyes at his friend and accepted Harry from him. Harry squealed in delight and grabbed a fistful of Sirius's hair and yanked. Sirius looked at Remus for help as he struggled to disentangle the little boy from his hair. Lily had assured Sirius that Harry's fascination with pulling his hair was just a phase and he would grow out of it, and yet he'd been doing it since he was like a month old and he was two and still pulling on it. Remus laughed and told Harry in a firm voice that he had to let go; and when that didn't work he bribed him with a cookie.
"All right let's just go get breakfast." Sirius said when he realized that Remus wasn't going to watch Harry for him. They headed into The Great Hall and up to the staff table. Harry clapped his hands excitedly as he sat on Sirius's lap he peered to Sirius's left where he spotted one of his favorite targets.
"Minnie!" Harry squealed as he pulled on her hair causing it to come out of it's bun.
"Honestly." McGonagall started dryly fixing both Sirius and Harry with a stern look after she fixed her hair. "I would think, that by now, you would have learned that I do not appreciate being called Minnie." McGonagall said firmly.
"Of course, Minnie." Sirius replied sweetly.
"Sirius Black!" McGonagall warned. "It's bad enough that you and James never respected your Professors now you're teaching Harry to do it to!" McGonagall exclaimed as she thought horrified of seven years of teaching Harry who was rapidly becoming a mini-James.
"Yes, of course, Minnie." Sirius said nodding as he handed Harry a piece of toast. McGonagall rolled her eyes heavenward as though begging for an intervention of some sort.
In Sirius's sixth year Slytherin/Gryffindor class…
"Today we are discussing Oreo's…" Sirius informed his History of Magic class. Several of his students stared at him as though he had finally cracked. Not that many of them were sure of his sanity in the first place. The only one who seemed entirely unfazed was Sirius's cousin Tonks who was leaning back in her seat changing her hair with a loud pop every few seconds. Harry had tottered over to her and was clapping his hands and egging her on.
"Professor?" Arianna Lupin Remus's cousin asked raising her hand.
"Yes?" Sirius asked anticipating her protest. She was related to Remus after all…
"Shouldn't we discuss…well…History of Magic…?"
"Well, as I am the professor and I get to make the lesson plan I say we should discuss Oreo's! Are you questioning my competence at making a lesson plan? Do you disagree with my authority?" Sirius questioned drawing delight from the girl's horrified glance.
"Of course not, Professor!" She exclaimed. Sirius smirked to himself. She was easier to manipulate then her cousin.
"Well then let's begin…" Sirius said pointedly ignoring the Slytherin's who were glaring at him. "By the way anyone who has a problem with my choice in topic can feel free to write me a ten thousand word essay on why they wish to fail sixth year." Sirius said as he pulled out the muggle magazine he had taken the quiz in along with twenty copies of the quiz printed on parchment. He waved his wand and the papers distributed themselves. Sirius collected the papers after five minutes. He wrote a tally on the board. Out of twenty students; Four didn't eat Oreos (No doubt Slytherins), Three twisted it apart ate the inside and tossed the cookie portion, three ate only the cookie, two ate it slowly and methodically, three ate it one bite at a time, one ate it in feverous nibbles, two dunked them, one ate the whole thing at once, and one twisted it apart and ate the inside and then the cookie.
"Tonks, according to your results, your boss likes you because you get your work done quickly. You always have a million things to do and never enough time to do them. Mental breakdowns and suicides run in your family. Valium and Ritalin would do you good." Sirius said reading out of the magazine. Tonks made a face at her cousin before wrinkling up her nose and changing her hair to a bright pink causing Harry to shriek with laughter. Sirius laughed at his cousin before continuing to read off the results. Finally he reached Arianna. "Same thing as Remus…" Sirius said dryly. "You follow the rules. You're very tidy and orderly. You're very meticulous in every detail with every thing you do to the point of being anal retentive and irritating to others. Stay out of the fast lane if you're only going to go the speed limit." Arianna shrugged at her Professor who was doubled over laughing. Tonks too had broken into laughter. Arianna rolled her eyes at her friend in a perfect imitation of Remus when Sirius or James was bothering him.
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