A/N I'm sorry for the wait, but hey, look how long this chapter is!

Thanks to all reviewers!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Professor Sybil Trelawney was not having a good day. She had a mixed class of third year Slytherins and Gryffindors today and she was not looking forward to it. Every time she had a mixed class of these particular students she ended up having to contact at least half the class's parents. You see this particular class was made up of Harry Potter (who insisted on behaving just like his Father, Godfather, and "Uncle" Remus, she was already envisioning another tiresome conference with said boy's parents), Draco Malfoy (who of course turned his nose up at Divination (it was below his self-declared greatness), Ron Weasley (who specialized in making jokes about Divination and poorly hiding his laughter by stuffing his fist in his mouth), Hermione Granger (who tutted loudly at everything she said), Neville Longbottom (who was forever breaking things), and of course several other students who also got on her nerves but did not warrant the constant rebuke that the other five needed. On this particular day Trelawney had decided to teach a lesson she hadn't taught since the mid-seventies. Three guesses who was in that class. In other words, it had been so unsuccessful the first time she gave the lesson that she had been terrified to teach it for all these years. But finally she had managed to delude herself enough to teach it again. She told herself that no way could this class possibly be as bad as the one she taught all those years ago...

Alas, she was mistaken…poor, sad, delusional woman that she was, she failed to realize that this class contained Harry Potter, the heir of the Marauders (or as Trelawney called them 'the-students-who-drove-her-nuts-finally-resulting-in-her-having-to-get-a-psycological-examination.') In fact, the day the finally made her crack was in fact the day she taught this particular lesson…but, that's a story for another day. Today she planned to educate her class about Oreos…yes, she planned to teach them about cookies. Trelawney sighed as she heard a bell ringing in the distance; her class would be starting in a matter of moments...

"Hellooooooooooo, Sybil, dear." Sirius Black exclaimed loping over to where she stood.

"B-black…" The Divination professor stumbled over his name staring at her former student in abject horror; he was in fact the reason that she hardly ever left her tower. It simply wasn't safe down there with such a lunatic running around. And she simply did not understand why he had not ended up in jail by now! She had protected that he would end up in Azkaban, and damnit she was certain that prediction had been correct! But then she had also been certain James would be dead by now and look how that turned out…

If there hadn't been a bloody full moon that Halloween Trelawney was certain her prediction would've been correct. But, no matter, there was still time for Black to get himself thrown in jail; she just had to keep faith. I mean, had she ever been wrong before? (Trelawney would like it stated for the record that this is in fact a rhetorical question she does not want anyone to answer.) "What is it you want, Black?" She finally asked her fellow professor who was jumping up and down on the balls of his feet in anticipation.

"I want you to swear your complete allegiance to the superior race of the Spoinkles! Buhoohahahaha!" Sirius exclaimed cackling madly. Just as Trelawney was about to start screaming in abject terror an out of breath Remus Lupin came running into the room. He was followed shortly by a cluster of her students; Harry, Hermione, Ron, Draco, Crabbe, Goyle, Neville, and of course Lavender and Parvati who were never late for one of her classes. She did so adore those two girls.

"Siri…Siriu…Sirius…" Remus choked out gasping for breath and clutching his side. Said professor had cornered Trelawney and was proceeding to braid her hair…yes, Sirius Black was braiding his former Divination professor's hair. Finally regaining his breath Remus calmly strode over to Sirius and grabbed him by the arm and proceeded to drag him toward the exit. He paused by Harry who was staring at them confusedly.

"Uncle Moony, what exactly happened to him?"

"Let's just say he and your Dad were doing something stupid and it rebounded on them. And now I'm stuck babysitting your godfather until this wears off. Lily resolutely refused to watch both of them and so I got stuck with Sirius."

"Oh…okay…bye Uncle Moony, bye Uncle Padfoot."

"Bye, Harry!" Sirius exclaimed cheerfully whilst Remus rolled his eyes.

"Bye, Harry, let's go Sirius…" Remus said while forcefully dragging a protesting Sirius toward the trapdoor. "Oh, and Sybil, I do apologize for interrupting your class." He finished not looking the least bit sorry. In fact he seemed rather glad to have interrupted the subject he had always deemed as false in his own Hogwarts years. In fact he and McGonagall held many a long suffering conversation at the staff table. Remus finally managed to get Sirius onto the slivery ladder and the trapdoor closed with a snap leaving Trelawney glaring after two of her most hated former students resentfully.

"Today class, we're going to learn to determine futures based on a mysterious oracle known as an Oreo."

"She's finally cracked…" Hermione hissed to Harry and Ron (said redhead just stared at her blankly due to the fact that he had absolutely no clue what an Oreo was). Several half-bloods and muggle-borns burst into laughter at the announcement or struggled to maintain their composure…they were largely unsuccessful in this endeavor.

"Do you have a comment Miss Granger?" Trelawney asked her voice losing its usual mystical tone (although she had lost her mystical effect a while ago, due to the fact that her many shawls were hanging lopsided and her hair was sticking up in random braids, but it appeared that the Divination professor either didn't notice or didn't care, perhaps a combination of both.) Lavender and Parvati were both busily shooting Hermione scandalized looks.

"Um…yes, I mean no…er, Professor." Hermione responded turning bright red. Ron promptly started giggling…I mean chuckling! Yes, chuckling…in a very manly fashion of course…right…that's exactly what he was doing. Hermione promptly kicked him in the shin and Ron muttered a loud 'ow' which caused Trelawney to stare in their direction, so Hermione angrily attempted to kick Ron yet again except this time she accidentally kicked Harry who let out a loud yelp. "Sorry, Harry!" Hermione exclaimed when said boy glared at her reproachfully.

"I haven't even started my lesson and already you three see fit to ruin it." Trelawney said once again throwing her goal of appearing mystical right out the window. "Potter move by Malfoy. Parkinson come take Potter's place. Weasley go sit with Parvati and Lavender." She ordered while all students involved glared at her (excluding Parvati and Lavender who could never be upset with her. Besides they planned to take advantage of this opportunity to teach Ron to show some respect for Divination! Even if it killed them). "Everyone send one person from your table to get a container of Oreos and some milk and glasses." Trelawney continued. Each group dutifully sent someone up to get the Oreos. Well, there was a slight hitch in the group of Blaise, Harry, and Draco, in that Draco seemed to feel that Harry should get up and get the required elements and Harry seemed to disagree with Draco's sentiment. In the end Blaise had to get up and get the Oreos because the other two third years were sitting with their arms crossed having a glaring match. "Now class I will explain to you how to determine your futures using the Oreo. Each one of you must simply take an Oreo and eat it however you would like to, the people in your group will determine your personality based on the manner in which you eat your Oreo. I will be walking around." Trelawney warily explained the directions to her class.

"Well, go on, Malfoy, eat the bloody Oreo." Harry ordered glaring at the blond Slytherin seated across from him.

"I don't eat Oreos." Draco replied scowling at Harry. "But, I wouldn't expect you, with your mudblood mother to have that level of class." He continued idly examining his finger nails not at all aware of the angry shade of red his rival was turning…but, that obliviousness would disappear in 5…4…3…2…1…and before anyone had time to stop him or even notice what was happening, Harry had pulled out his wand pointed it at Draco's heart and proceeded to threaten him.

"Say something about my mother again, go on, I dare you." Harry said his emerald eyes narrowed dangerously. Draco rolled his eyes at Harry and lazily pulled out his own wand.

"You really need to work on your anger issues. Have you seen a Mind Healer about your rage? Because if not I think you should seriously consider doing so…"

"Potter! Malfoy! Put down your wands and report to the Headmaster's office." Trelawney ordered angrily. She could feel a migraine coming on, she really should have let Harry stay by Ron and Hermione. Alas, hindsight is 20/20. The two rivals stood up, lowered their wands and proceeded toward the trapdoor. They exited the room with little incidence excluding when they both tried to shove the other through the trapdoor. But, no one got hurt...that badly.

"This is all Potter's fault you know." Pansy said in a bored tone. Hermione scowled at the other girl.

"As if, Malfoy provoked him." The bushy haired girl responded.

"Parkinson, Granger the only thing I want to hear you discussing is Oreos." Trelawney said swooping down on the third year girls. "Now, eat a cookie, Miss Granger." Hermione scowled at her teacher but dutifully took an Oreo and proceeded to take small, meticulous bites out of the cookie. "Now, Miss Parkinson, why don't you read Hermione her fortune?" Pansy could think of about a million and one reasons why she shouldn't read Hermione her fortune but decided that she had no interest in getting detention over this, for now anyway.

"You follow the rules. You're very tidy and orderly. You're very meticulous in every detail with every thing you do to the point of being anal retentive and irritating to others. Stay out of the fast lane if you're only going to go the speed limit." Pansy recited. "They forgot know-it-all mudblood." Pansy hissed quietly so that only Hermione could hear her. Hermione narrowed her eyes at the Slytherin.

"Now, Miss Parkinson, you eat an Oreo, and Miss Granger you tell her the fortune." Trelawney said breaking up the 'love fest' between the two girls (meaning the old bat remained completely oblivious to the fact that the two girls were fingering their wands in anticipation of hexing each other and continued to order them to do her little experiment).

"You are good at business and take risks that pay off. You take what you want and throw the rest away. You are greedy, selfish, mean, and lack feelings for others. You should be ashamed of yourself. But that's ok, you don't care, you got yours." Hermione read off the piece of parchment Trelawney had given them. "Well, they've got you pegged, Parkinson, well, they did forget pug-faced pureblood elitist."

"Do you have a problem with me, Granger?" Pansy asked standing up and pulling out her wand after noticing that Trelawney had moved away from them to talk with Ron's group. Hermione responded by rolling her eyes, because it was glaringly obvious that she had a problem with Pansy. The two girls promptly proceeded to hex each other, Hermione hitting Pansy with a stinging hex, and Pansy getting Hermione with a Jelly-legs jinx. At this point all hell broke loose in the classroom and Gryffindors and Slytherins began to throw hexes back and forth across the room at each other despite Trelawney's repeated yells for them to stop. She was finally forced to shoot sparks in the air with her wand, this effectively got their attention.

"This entire class has detention, I will see you all here at nine o'clock Friday night." Trelawney said in a deadly tone. "Class dismissed."

Meanwhile in Dumbledore's Office…

The scene in Albus Dumbledore's office was amusing to say the least. This incident between Harry and Draco had been the sixth that month, and he had been forced to fire call their parents who had promptly come to his office for a conference. And so, Harry Potter found himself sitting in a chair next to his Mother, with his Father on her other side. His father, James Potter, was bouncing up and down oblivious to his surroundings, and Lily had a firm hold on his arm keeping him in the seat. Draco was seated in between his parents. His father was scowling heavily in the direction of the Potters. And his mother was looking toward the other Professor's in the room with disdain, well specifically one professor, Professor Sirius Black, her cousin. Said cousin was being a disgrace to the Black family once again as he stood next Professor Remus Lupin rocking back and forth and laughing psychotically. Professors Minerva McGonagall and Severus Snape were also present, both looking extremely angry.

"Draco, Harry, I expect you know why I called you here." Dumbledore began what was obviously going to be a long speech which no one would understand the point of.

"Headmaster, I've had enough of these students, they're hooligans every one of them!" Trelawney exclaimed storming into the room taking no notice of the other residents.

"I am presently engaged in a conference, Sybil, but you can file a complaint and leave it on my desk, however it is doubtful that I will ever read it, you can ask Severus about this, he will be sure to tell you that I never listen to a word of his complaints." Dumbledore said in a pleasant voice. Sirius and James applauded him loudly when he said this, and he gave them a small nod in reply. The two looked pleased with themselves and proceeded to play a game of Patty-Cake while Lily, Remus, and Harry buried their faces in their hands looking mortified.

"Headmaster…" Lucius Malfoy began his dislike of the man clear. "In light of the fact that half of your staff is insane…" He continued with a gesture to where Remus Lupin was repeatedly hitting his head against the wall, Sirius was playing patty-cake, Trelawney was muttering to herself, and Snape was attempting to break free of McGonagall's spell that had bound him where he stood to attack James who had dyed his hair pink. "I think you should drop this matter, I would smile upon such an act," Malfoy said even though we all know Lucy has never smiled a day in his life. "And I won't feel the need to have all your professors fired." Dumbledore smiled at Lucius and seemed to consider his offer.

"I cannot simply let these boys off scot-free, Mr. Malfoy, if that is what you're suggesting, however I will award them each a week of detentions to be served with Professors Black, Lupin, Snape, McGonagall, and Trelawney alternatively. And take fifty points from each of their houses. And besides that, I will let the matter 'drop.'" Dumbledore replied. "Lemon drop?" He queried with a smile as Malfoy senior scowled at him.

"Thank you for giving Harry such a mild punishment, Headmaster." Lily Potter said giving her son a death glare. "James and I will of course make sure he never does such a thing again, won't we James?" Lily asked her husband who responded by grinning evilly and casting a severing spell on both Narcissa and Lucius as they disappeared into the now emerald flames. Sirius quickly followed it up with a color changing hex causing his cousin and cousin's husband to have red and gold striped hair. "James Potter! Sirius Black!" Lily exclaimed. James promptly exchanged a scared look with Sirius and ran out the door of the office with Sirius not far behind. "If you'll excuse Remus and I, Headmaster, we need to go catch those two morons before they hurt themselves." Lily said with an eye roll.

"Headmaster?"

"Yes, Harry?"

"Can we go?"

"Oh…yes, go ahead, but first tell me why won't anyone eat my LEMON DROPS?!" Harry and Draco exchanged fearful looks and fled the room heading to their opposite common rooms to the sounds of Trelawney complaining about their families.

An hour later…

James, Lily, Sirius, Remus, Harry, Hermione, and Ron were sitting in Remus' quarters in the castle. Lily and Remus had finished lecturing the group for their abysmal behavior and were recapping the story of their own adventures with Oreos in Trelawney's class. James and Sirius were starting to regain bits of their sanity, not that they had much of it in the first place, and were contributing to the story telling.

A/N Okay, so, this chapter is finished, but I kind of hate it…let me know what you think of it, review please. I'm going to write the Marauder era chapter of this as well, I've already started it and it should be posted soon.