A/N Hello, everyone, and welcome to this latest installment of HDYEYOC I apologize for the lateness of this update.
Thanks to all Reviewers!
Dedication: to The Glowing Mischief.
Disclaimer: I own nada.
"Attention, everyone." Professor Minerva McGonagall called out in a clear voice, managing to silence even the loudest of Gryffindors, (ie. Fred and George). "The headmaster feels that in order for us to achieve a better understanding of ourselves and each other, we should take a er, test of sorts, to allow us to reach this greater enlightenment." Or at least that's what she said aloud, the look on her face seemed to indicate that she thought the whole thing was a bunch of twaddle.
"What kind of test, Professor?" Percy Weasley demanded frantically. "I haven't had time to prepare."
Hermione seemed to be about to echo his sentiment, whereas Fred coughed in a way which sounded suspiciously like 'super nerd,' but of course that must just have been McGonagall's imagination, she must have misheard, Fred hastened to reassure her.
"It is called the Oreo Cookie Personality Test. It requires no studying or preparation, you will not be graded on it." She reassured him.
"But, Professor, what kind of test aren't you graded on?" Hermione demanded.
She really should not have to deal with problems like this, she wasn't the head of Ravenclaw house, after all, such problems were best left to Filius Flitwick.
Hermione at this point seem to register the title of the test and along with the other muggleborns and halfbloods was staring incredulosly at their head of house while the purebloods looked mostly puzzled.
"No, you did not mishear, Miss Granger." McGonagall prempting the girl's question. "I did say Oreo Cookie Personality Test, muggle psychologists have found-"
"What's a psychee-whatcha-ma-call-it?" Ron inquired interrupting his transfiguration teacher.
"Like a Mind Healer." McGonagall answered.
"Then why didn't you just call it that?" Ron asked with all the splendid illogic he was known to possess.
She really was not paid enough for this. "Never mind that, as I was saying, these muggles found that the manner in which you ingest these cookies indicates what personality type you have, Professor Dumbledore feels that we can all learn to understand each other better if we take this test. Now let's just get this done with as swiftly as possible, so I can sit and ponder what I did to deserve this, let's begin with the first years. Miss Vane, you're first." She said levitating a cookie and a glass of milk over to the girl.
The first year, who would be known primarily for trying to dose Harry with a love potion several years from now, took several quick bites soon consuming the entire cookie. She sent Harry what was meant to be an enticing look, although it was plainly lost on the Boy-Who-Lived-to-be-stalked-by-dark-lords-and-preteen-girls.
"This means that 'your boss likes you because you get your work done quickly. You always have a million things to do and never enough time to do them. Mental breakdowns and suicides run in your family. Valium and Ritalin would do you good.'" McGonagall recited. "Could anyone tell me what this means?"
This incited several apathetic looks, as well as a whispered conversation between Fred, George, and Lee Jordan which she was pretty sure was about whether letting off a load of dungbombs would be sufficient to put an end to this torture...meanwhile, Hermione and Percy both raised a hand frantically in the air and began saying 'choose me!' several times in a row, so that it became almost a chant of some sort.
"Miss Granger you can have this one, Mr. Weasley you can answer the next one." Percy looked disappointed whereas Hermione looked gleeful having one this most recent addition of who could be the biggest nerd.
"It means that she is good at multi-tasking but at the same time will face trouble because of how much work she takes on, this could lead to other, er, problems down the road." Which was a nice way of saying mental breakdowns and suicide.
"Alright, Mr. Sloper, you're next." McGonagall said once Hermione was finished. Jack Sloper just ate his oreo one bite at a time. "You are lucky to be one of the 5.4 billion other people who eat their Oreos this very same way. Just like them, you lack imagination, but that's okay, not to worry, you're normal."
She continued on finishing the first years with only a few minor incidents including Neville losing his toad only to have it reappear on Lavender's head, setting off a round of high-pitched screaming. "Well, let's just get on to the second years, shall we?"
"Ginevra Weasley, you're first."
"Ginny, professor." Said girl protested.
"Just eat the oreo, Miss Weasley." The transfiguration mistress said warily.
Ginny rolled her eyes and ate solely the chocolate portion of the cokie and not the inside.
"This indicates that you enjoy pain." McGonagall informed the girl.
"That's Ginny for you, such a nice, sweet girl." Fred remarked.
"Shut it, Fred." Ginny said elbowing her brother in the side and proving that her description had been accurate.
"Creevy, you're up." McGonagall said ignoring the siblings.
Colin like Romilda Vane ate his cookies in small quick bites, prompting the professor to read the same description again, thus creating the second commonality between the two besides their desire to stalk Harry, like stalking stalkers who stalk.
McGonagall continued onward with the other lesser known second years who no one really paid attention to, or knew existed, there were rumors that those students spent their time practicing blending in with the decor to avoid notice, and were in fact masters of a rare chameleon spell. If you believe such things.
"Miss Granger, you're first."
Hermione consumed the oreo via small, meticulous bites prompting the description, "You follow the rules. You're very tidy and orderly. You're very meticulous in every detail with every thing you do to the point of being anal retentive and irritating to others. Stay out of the fast lane if you're only going to go the speed limit."
"Cough, Percy junior, cough." George like his brother was mysteriously developing some rare form of bronchitis which prompted him to cough words.
"Mr. Weasley do you have a need to see the school nurse?" McGonagall demanded.
"No, professor." George said promptly.
"Than do stop coughing." She replied. "Ron Weasley, you're next."
Ron as it turns out dunked his Oreo.
"Every one likes you because you are always up beat. You like to sugar coat unpleasant experiences and rationalize bad situations into good ones. You are in total denial about the shambles you call a life. You have a propensity towards narcotic addiction."
"Speaking of which, Ron, we have some new totally non-addictive products you should try." Fred said innocently.
"There will be none of that, Mr. Weasley, I'd not expect such behavior from someone in my house." His professor said sternly. "Mr. Longbottom, you're next."
Neville like Ron dunked his cookies, prompting more offers from Fred and George which were only silenced when McGonagall threatened them with three rolls of parchment on 'why we do not offer addictive substances to underclassmen.'
Which, of course, forced them to ask if they were allowed to offer them to upperclassmen.
It was one of those if you give a mouse a cookie situations.
Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil were next, both girls stated that they didn't eat oreos on the grounds that it would damage their figures, earning them the following description: "You probably come from a rich family, and like to wear n"ice things, and go to up-scale restaurants. You are particular and fussy about the things you buy, own, and wear. Things have to be just right. You like to be pampered. You are a priss."
Harry twisted the oreo apart eating the inside and then the cookie, prompting Fred and George to note that they ate their Oreos the same way, and McGonagall to read the description "You have a highly curious nature. You take pleasure in breaking things apart to find out how they work, though not always able to put them back together, so you destroy all the evidence of your activities. You deny your involvement when things go wrong. You are a compulsive liar and exhibit deviant, if not criminal, behavior."
Seamus ate the entire thing at once prompting the description: "This means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to be with, exciting, carefree with some hint of recklessness. You are totally irresponsible. No one should trust you with their children."
Whereas Dean took small quick bites earning him a place alongside Romilda Vane and Colin Creevy.
McGonagall than had the dubious joy of moving onto the forth years which at least meant that she was close to halfway finished, which was good as she could see attention was beginning to waver, indicating that something would soon be blowing up if her more er, adventurous students were forced to pay much more attention. "Miss Bell you're up."
"Your boss likes you because you get your work done quickly. You always have a million things to do and never enough time to do them. Mental breakdowns and suicides run in your family. Valium and Ritalin would do you good."
"That is why Oliver likes her, you know, because she gets hold of the Quaffle so quickly." Fred informed them.
"I'm not her boss." Oliver protested.
"Sure, whatever you say, Supreme Dictator of Quidditch." George remarked innocently.
"Silence. Or there will be an extra hour of practice tonight." Oliver replied, proving their point but still managing to win the battle. But he would not win the war Fred and George vowed. The twins were silenced however by the threatening glares of their teamates who had no desire to practice another hour.
McGonagall made her way through the forth years finishing with Cormac McLaggen who twisted it apart eating only the inside and tossing out the cookie he earned the response "You are good at business and take risk that pay off. You take what you want and throw the rest away. You are greedy, selfish, mean, and lack feelings for others. You should be ashamed of yourself. But that's ok, you don't care, you got yours."
She then moved on to the fifth years starting with Lee Jordan, who ate the entire cookie at once, the twins who had been discussed alongside Harry. She then moved on to Alicia Spinnet, who dunked her oreos, and finally Angelina Johnson who ate her cookie in quick bites in the same way as Katie.
The sixth years were next, and McGonagall read off their descriptions quickly noticing the way Fred and George were whispering in the corner suspiciously. She really needed to get this done so that she could get out of here before they did whatever it was they were planning.
"Percy Weasley, it's your turn."
He, predictably, ate his in the same way of Hermione, prompting suggestions from the Weasley twins that the two should get married, and them to launch into song: "Percy and Hermione sitting in a library S-T-U-D-Y-I-N-G, first comes homework, then comes OWLS, then comes a high-level ministry position."
"Detention." McGonagall informed them benignly. "Oliver Wood, it's your turn."
Oliver like the twins twisted his oreos apart, eating the inside and then the cookie. The Gryffindor team really was composed of fine individuals, four people who exhibited deviant and/or criminal behavior, two people with a family history of mental breakdowns, and one with a propensity toward narcotic addiction. Yep. They were all quite sane. Relatively speaking, perhaps if you turn your head to the right and squint a tad.
"We are done, go about your business." Their head of house said disappearing out the portrait hole.
A/N Woot, I'm watching Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone as I write this chapter. :) ABC Family is having a marathon. ;) Review! Update should appear next Tuesday.