A/N hello, everyone, I apologize for the slight lateness of this.
Thanks to all Reviewers!
Dedication: To E. for their review.
Disclaimer: I own nada. ;)
Unlike the other professors who had been greeted by incredulous questions such as, 'you're kidding, right?' and 'you have got to be joking,' Professor Sprout's Hufflepuff replied to her announcement of an Oreo cookie personality test with decidedly more enthusiasm and less griping. She knew most people considered Hufflepuff's to be the leftover house, but really, she much preferred her students who were usually polite, friendly, and loyal to the other students who were constantly fighting with each other or debating as the Ravenclaws referred to it.
"Why don't we push some tables together so we can all enjoy our Oreos as a group?" Hannah Abbot, currently a third year, suggested.
Her suggestion was met with enthusiasm by the rest of her house who hurried to assist her, and Professor Sprout was happy to report that moving the tables only resulted in seven injuries including one rolled ankle, three jammed fingers, a sprained toe, a bruised forehead, and a broken nose. Contrary to all rumors, Hufflepuffs were definitely not prone to random bursts of klutziness, she had no idea how that notion kept cropping up everywhere.
She sent the injured students to the hospital wing, and told them they were excused from the assignment; they seemed vaguely disappointed but willing to accept it.
"Miss Jones, would you be so kind as to pass out the milk and cookies to your classmates."
"Of course, professor." Megan replied leaping up from her spot at the table and accidentally smacking Zacharias Smith who was seated next to her in the mouth and causing him to begin bleeding profusely. "Ohmygosh, I am so sorry!" She exclaimed. "Are you alright?"
He nodded his head in reply not caring to move his mouth much.
"Perhaps you had better go to the hospital wing, Mr. Smith?" Professor Sprout suggested gingerly.
He seemed to agree because he nodded his head and got up to leave the room. Megan immediately attempted to chase after him shouting out apologies only to trip over a chair and smack her head on a table. At least half of her classmates immediately surrounded her.
"Are you alright, Miss Jones?" The herbology teacher asked crouching down beside the girl.
"How many fingers am I holding up?" Laura Madley who wanted to be a healer demanded.
"Eleven?" Megan asked.
"Two." Laura replied looking at the other girl strangely. Probably this was due to the fact that it was in fact impossible for her (barring the presence of a birth defect she did not have), to hold up eleven fingers.
"We had better get her to the hospital wing. Laura would you be so good as to escort her?" Professor Sprout requested briskly.
"Of course, Professor." Laura agreed stooping down and pulling the other girl up, allowing Megan to lean against her for support.
As they left the common room, Professor Sprout began to get the feeling that Professor Dumbledore wouldn't have assigned them to take this test if he had known so many of them would get injured, but then again maybe he would have.
Nonetheless, she forged bravely onward; Hufflepuffs were nothing if not committed (although she was beginning to think maybe the other houses were right when they said Hufflepuffs should only be allowed to use safety scissors...)
"Okay, this is what we are going to do, we are going to CAREFULLY make our way back to the tables, then we are going to CAREFULLY sit down, and then we are going to CAREFULLY pass out the Oreos, and then we are going to CAREFULLY eat them." Professor Sprout commanded stressing their main goal for the next hour or so.
"Don't worry, professor, we've got everything under control." Owen Cauldwell said in a way that would have been reassuring if he hadn't tripped over a first year and sent them both tumbling to the ground. He ended up with a quill embedded in his hand, and the first year ended up with ink in his eyes unable to see.
"...That's what I was afraid of." She muttered. "Volunteers to take them to the hospital wing." She got about a dozen volunteers all of whom rushed over to help, only to have them collide with each other, resulting in at least half of them having debilitating injuries. She ordered all of them to just go to the hospital wing.
Over half her house was already in the hospital wing. "You know what let's just forget the whole table thing, just sit down wherever you are and we'll have a nice picnic on the ground."
Unfortunately, they seemed to take her words literally because they all flopped down directly where they where resulting in around five of them sitting down on something sharp, and one even tumbled out a window, although she was able to catch him with a levitation charm.
She sent the injured students to the hospital wing, and resolved that she would right Professor Dumbledore a nicely worded letter about how it was not safe to give her house these types of projects, and she would very much appreciate if he would refrain from doing so in the future. She would be sure to include a lovely pumpkin bundt cake with the note of course, because that would be sure to soften the blow her words may cause.
Professor Pomona Sprout glanced around the common room and found that she was left with just ten students. "Let's just finish this up, shall we?"
"Professor, we haven't even started yet." Hannah Abbot pointed out.
"Yes, well, we'll just complete the assignment with you remaining ten students, Miss Abbot you're first. Eat an Oreo, please."
Hannah took an oreo and ate it by dunking the oreo, prompting Professor Sprout to read the following description: "Every one likes you because you are always up beat. You like to sugar coat unpleasant experiences and rationalize bad situations into good ones. You are in total denial about the shambles you call a life. You have a propensity towards narcotic addiction."
Her classmates immediately rushed to comfort her and assure her that they didn't think her life was in shambles, but if it was in shambles they would be quite happy to help her fix it in any way they could.
"We're making excellent progress indeed, Mr. Finch-Fletchy, why don't you go next?" She suggested brightly, her spirits raised by this small success.
Justin ate his in quick bites earning him the description: "Your boss likes you because you get your work done quickly. You always have a million things to do and never enough time to do them. Mental breakdowns and suicides run in your family. Valium and Ritalin would do you good."
"Justin, if you have too much work to do, I would be happy to help you!" Rose Zeller exclaimed drawing nods of assent from others in the room.
After this fuzzy interlude finished, Professor Sprout called on Ernie MacMillion to eat his Oreo, unfortunately they were unable to ascertain how he ate his Oreo because he began choking on the cookie, and had to have one of his classmates give him the Heimlich. Professor Sprout suggested he go see Madam Pomfrey just to be safe.
"Why don't we just conclude with you, Mr. Diggory?" Professor Sprout said settling on the person who would be her favorite student if she had been prone to playing favorites.
"I dunk them like, Hannah."
"Perhaps we can form a support group!" Hannah, who had a massive crush on Cedric, suggested.
"Er, yeah, maybe." Cedric said noncommittally.
"Wonderful." Hannah said brightly.
"I think that is quite enough for one day." Professor Sprout said firmly rising to leave the room. "Have a nice afternoon." She called as she retreated from the room.
A/N Erm. Yeah, I've probably read one too many pieces of flair about Hufflepuffs spending the day with safety scissors and glitter glue. :P
Review! Update will occur approx. Monday.