Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age.
Silence. How do you explain silence? It's the moment before sound. The moments before the battle were intense silence. Excruciatingly intense. The dangers of the days to come were hanging in the air like a bird gliding through the skies. Slowly moving forward. Elise was looking out the window. The soldiers were getting ready to march. The battle was still ahead of them. But her mind was not on the battle. Not on the dangers or the Archdemon. No, her mind was filled with love and regrets. Of squandered opportunities and choices made. She had left her father and her mother to die. She had become a Grey warden and met Alistair. She had come to like him and to trust him. And even to love him. The she had met Zevran. In him she had seen something that even he himself hadn't seen. And she had loved him too.
When Riordan had told her and Alistair what had to be done, in order to kill the Archdemon, her heart had hit the bottom. Riordan had offered to take the killing blow. But what if he failed? What if Alistair or she was closer? All of this had been something that Morrigan had pointed out. And they were good arguments. She loved Alistair too much to let him die, but also too much to force him to lay with Morrigan. And the child Morrigan said the ritual would produce. Too much was uncertain about the child. Morrigan wasn't exactly the mother of good and kindness. She was no Maker or Andraste. And the child would have the power of an old God. So she had turned down Morrigans offer. For better or for worse.
She hadn't told Zevran about how the Archdemon was killed. As she was wandering the halls of arl Eamons castle, unable to sleep, it was on her mind all the time. She was holding the earring he had given her in her hand, squeezing it. When he had told her that he loved her, in his own special way, she had been so happy. Now all she could feel was sorrow. She wished she had cherished her time with him a lot more. She had always put up things, thinking she would have time for it later. And now there might not be a later.
Her mind was so wrapped up in thoughts, that she didn't even noticed that someone entered the room. When a pair of arms wrapped around her waist she gasped in shock.
"I'm sorry," whispered a soft voice in her ear and then a pair of lips was pressed against her neck, just below the ear. "I did not mean to scare you. But you need to be more alert my dear Warden. It would be really easy to assassinate you tonight."
"I thought you had given up on that, Zevran," she said and turned around to face him.
"There are other assassins out there, beside me."
"Many assassins that would take on a Grey Warden?"
"Not unless they had a death wish."
"Like you…"
"Yes, like I used to have," he whispered and caressed her cheek. "Not anymore, my dear Warden."
He kissed her and she wished she could just forget about tomorrow. Forget about the battle and the darkspawn. If only the world would be just the two of them. No darkspawn. No war. No death. She pushed him away.
"Zevran, I…"
She didn't want to say it. But she had to. She couldn't just leave him without letting him know. If she died tomorrow, he had to know.
"I love you, Zevran."
"I lo…" he began, but she put a finger over his mouth.
"Please," she pleaded and then the tears came. "I don't ever want to lose you. I know it's stupid. I fell in love with an assassin. One who knew nothing about love. And yet I can't do anything but love you."
"Don't forget, the son of a whore," Zevran said with a smirk.
She laughed.
"Of course not. An assassin and the son of a whore. What was I thinking?"
"That I am incredibly handsome and charming."
"And cocky and arrogant," she added with a smile. Then she sighed. "Thank you Zevran."
"What for?"
"Everything."
"This sounds like a goodbye."
She looked into his eyes. Strangely they seemed sad. Like he was hurting. It was something she had never thought to see in his eyes.
"No, Zevran. I could never say goodbye to you. I love you too much."
"Then how about we talked less," he said and kissed her.
As the kiss continued and Zevrans hands found their way under her clothes, she knew she had lost. She couldn't tell him anything. She couldn't ruin what maybe would be their last night. She gave into the passion and let it fill her up, pushing out all thoughts of war, death and darkspawn.
Riordan was dead. Somehow it seemed as though Morrigan had seen into the future and now Elise started to regret turning down her offer. They had fought the darkspawn and wounded the Archdemon. Now all they had to do was kill it. Elise picked up a sword, but froze. She was afraid. But she had to do it. Just as she readied herself to run toward the Archdemon and kill it, someone grabbed her arm.
"No. I should do it."
She turned and saw Alistair. His face looked stern, determined.
"No Alistair, you're king now. You have duties to Ferelden."
"Elise, we both know I'll make a terrible king. Anora is the better choice. This," he said and pointed to the Archdemon, "is the best king I could ever be."
"That's not true! You will make a great king. Ferelden needs you. But I am no one."
"You know that's not true, Elise. You are a far better Grey Warden then I could ever be, and Ferelden needs the Grey Wardens. And then there's Zevran."
"He will understand! I'm not letting you kill yourself! Not after everything we went through to put you where you are!"
Alistair laughed.
"And what would I do there, without your help? Face it Elise, the only reason I am king, is because of you and Eamon. Once the two of you are gone, I am nothing. I don't know anything about being king. Anora is far better at ruling. And you have Zevran. Me, I have no one."
She felt the tears beginning to fall.
"No, Alistair. No, no, no. Don't do this to me."
Alistair chuckled.
"To you? I'm doing it for you, Elise. Now you can stay with Zevran, though I still wonder what you see in him."
Elise hit Alistair softly in the chest and smiled.
"And I'm doing it for Ferelden."
He pushed her away a bit and raised his head.
"Zevran!"
The elven assassin walked over to them. Alistair let go of Elise and gently pushed her into Zevrans arms.
"Hold on to her. Don't you ever let go of her, or hurt her. I swear I'll come back to haunt you if you do." He paused and looked at Elise. "Goodbye, Elise."
It was as if everything went really fast and really slow at the same time. Alistair ran toward the Archdemon, with his sword held high. Elise screamed and tried to get out of Zevrans arms. Zevran held her tighter, but it took all of his strength to hold her. She struggled harder the more he restrained her.
"NO! Let go of me! He's going to die!"
She screamed and clawed at Zevrans arms, but he didn't let her go. She saw how Alistair sunk the sword through the Archdemons head. Another screamed came out of her mouth and was joined by the death-cry of the Archdemon. When the Archdemon died came a shockwave that pushed them backwards several feet. They landed on the ground and Zevran shielded her from the shockwaves that came after. Elise clung to Zevran, crying and sobbing into his chest. Once the Archdemon was dead, the waves stopped and everything became very still. From a distance they could hear the cheering of the soldiers. They had won, the Blight was over. But Elise cried. Alistair was dead. When Zevran loosened his hold on her a little, she quickly wriggled out of his arms, got up and ran to Alistair's body. She dragged him away from the Archdemon and held him in her arms and cried. She kissed his forehead and rocked him back and forth, like she was comforting a child. He was dead, and nothing she did could change that. Yet she didn't want to let go. Zevran stood a few steps back and looked at her. Inside feelings he never thought he could have swirled like a storm. He was angry, because all he could do was watch. To the scene before him he could find no solution or way to make it go away. He was sad, because the woman he loved was sad. He was jealous, because he could see that she loved the dead man. Hadn't Alistair told him to never let her go? He certainly knew he never wanted to let her go, but if she didn't want to stay, he wouldn't restrain her. He knew too well how chains felt, even if they only existed in one's mind. He turned around to walk away and suddenly stood face to face with Wynne.
"Are you running away, Zevran?"
He avoided her eyes.
"She loves him. I don't know why she chose me, when it is obvious she loves him. I won't force her to stay where she don't want to be."
He walked away. Wynne looked followed him with her eyes, as he walked over to door and the stairs leading down to the lower floors of the prison. Now more than ever before, she knew there was more to Zevran than he let on. What they had seen from the start had only been a mask, to shield from the pain and the hurt. And now that wall had crumbled, for better or worse. Then she turned her gaze to the last Grey Warden of Ferelden, the one who had torn down those walls. Elise was still holding Alistair in her arms, still crying and sobbing loudly. Wynne walked over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. Elise turned her head and saw Wynne's caring eyes. Wynne kneeled beside her and put her arms around her. Elise flung her arms around Wynne and cried.
"He's… dead…"
"Yes dear. He is dead."
"And he's never… coming back…"
"No. He isn't coming back."
Elise whimpered and cried. She wanted to break something. To rip, tear and smash something. She wanted to destroy something, just like her own heart felt it was broken.
"It's not fair!"
Wynne couldn't help but to smile.
"I know, dear. It isn't fair, but it had to happen. You know it. And now you have to let go. It was Alistair that died. Not you. You have to go on living, even if it hurts."
Anger filled Elise. How could she disregard his death like that? How could she just tell her to let go? She pushed away Wynne, and then she saw that Wynne was crying too.
"Oh, dear child. He died for you to live. And so you have to live." Wynne placed her hand over Elise's heart. "Keep him here."
Elise wrapped her arms around Wynne again and hugged her tightly. Then she backed up, wiped her eyes and looked around. She couldn't see Zevran anywhere.
"He left," Wynne said softly. "If you run, you might catch him in time." She looked over at Alistairs body. "Don't worry. I will take care of things here."
No more needed to be said. Elise trusted in Wynne, just like she had trusted in Duncan when she had left her mother and father to die. I seemed like death was following her around, taking away everything she loved. She shook her head. No, not everyone was dead yet. She ran toward the doors leading downstairs. She ran through the corridors and the rooms. Around her where bodies of darkspawn and soldiers. In the corner of her eyes she noticed darkspawn lurking in the shadows. But she ran passed them. She ran passed the blood and the death. She ran toward something more important. Something worth saving. When she saw him, his back toward her, leaning against the wall, she stopped running.
"Zevran," she whispered.
Even though it had been a very low whisper, he had heard her. He turned and she saw in his face, something she never thought would be there. Jealousy, sorrow. Hesitantly she walked closer. She placed her hand on his cheek.
"I love you Zevran."
He scoffed and turned his head away.
"Do you really? Are you sure you don't confuse lust for love. Maybe that's all we had. I saw the way you held him, looked at him. You love him, Alistair, don't you?"
"Zevran," she whispered again and then smiled. "Jealousy doesn't suit you." She sighed. "Yes, I love him. He was my best friend. I love him like a brother, like one who could truly understand me and the taint that runs in my blood. We were Fereldens last Grey Wardens, now there is only me."
She turned his face toward her and kissed him softly.
"But you, you I love like the air. I need you beside me now, or I will fall apart. Without you I am nothing, for my family is gone. And now Alistair is gone."
When she looked at him, he had his eyes closed. Elise didn't like that much, because he was harder to read when she couldn't look into his eyes. Yet she loved it, since he always looked so peaceful with his eyes closed. Especially right before he woke up. Suddenly he opened his eyes, and she was caught in his gaze.
"Like air?"
"Like air," she answered. Then she sighed and leaned into his chest. "I will always love Alistair; he will always be on my mind. But I love you now and forever."
She felt shivers run down her spine as he ran his hands through her hair. Then he tilted her head upwards and kissed her. When their lips broke apart, she snuggled into his arms. Zevran felt torn. She wanted to stay. She said she loved him, and yet she loved Alistair. Zevran wasn't sure he could compete with Alistair. It had always been so easy for him to be so certain, until she had come into his life. She had him always on the edge, always unaware. Love, friendship, fear. All was so new to him, and yet it wasn't. He had known those things once, but his training had erased them. Now those feelings made themselves so clear again.
"What are you doing to me?" he whispered softly into her hair.
"Hm?"
"Nothing, love."
He held her tighter, and he realized he was stuck. There was no turning back, and he didn't even want to turn away now. He was exactly where he wanted to be. And it was his choice, unlike it had been so many times before.
Fin