READ BOTTOM AUTHOURS NOTE-IMPORTANT!!

A.N- I do not own twilight or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer does.

Edward POV:

"So...what are we going to do?" Jasper asked.

"We're going to try to find Bella." I stated.

"So we're just going to pretend that nothing is happening. Nothing at all. None of the female population has taken over the shop." Jasper said sarcastically.

"No." I responded lightly.

"You're crazy man." Jasper said sympathetically.

"Now that you have finished insulting my intelligence, can we move it?" I said flatly.

"You have no intelligence for me to insult." He taunted.

I pretended to scrunch my eyebrows in thought. "How does Alice put up with your conceited behavior?"

"Are you challenging my vocabulary? I have been known to be the walkin', talkin' thesaurus." He challenged.

"What? Have you been drinking contaminated blood again?"

"Ooooooh. Not so smart now, are we?" Jasper taunted while poking my arm.

"Jasper……..shut up." I sighed.

"Don't tell me to sh-"I glared at him before he had a chance to finish the sentence.

"Stop fooling around. We need to find the girls." I said before I started to head out of the shop.

"Chicken." Jasper muttered from behind me. I glared at him.

We poked our heads around the corner of the sports shop to check if the coast was clear.

"The plan is to sprint to Wall Mart." I instructed.

"That is the worst plan I have ever heard of! 'Sprint to wall Mart?' What the hell?" Jasper whispered.

"I really wish I had taken Emmett with me instead of you." I sighed.

Jasper seemed to contemplate something. "Where is Emmett?" He asked.

"I….don't….know." I whispered back.

Where the hell was Emmett?

Emmett POV:

1 hour.

34 minutes.

28 seconds.

17 milliseconds.

This is how long I have been stuck in here.

Picture poor little Emmett, in his own little world of happiness because of little Chow, minding his own business, just walking past Wall Mart to get to the car so I could go home and play with Chow, when all of a sudden…..I was AMBUSHED!

Flashback:

"I can't wait to show you you're Room, Chow! I am so happy you like the Doggy-bone wall paper we got from the hardware shop before!" I said in glee.

"Ruff."

"Are you sure you like those dog bowls I got for you? The ones with the racing cars on them?"

"Ruff."

"Are you sure?"

"Ruff, Ruff."

"Good." I sighed.

I had gotten all the things I needed for Chow, bowls, food, brush, toys, blankets, books, hair dryer and straighter (for special occasions) and a bed. I looked ahead and saw Wall Mart.

"Hey, I think we should go into Wall Mart just in case we have forgotten anything."

"Ruff."

I looked around and suddenly noticed that the Mall was empty.

"Wow….There must be some party going on around here…"

"Ruff."

"Good point." I must hand it to chow, he is very intelligent. Not your average dog.

We were in front of Wall Mart when all of the sudden I felt something jump onto my back and push me to the ground. My body went into defense mode straight away, I tried to jump back up…..but I couldn't.

"I thought you said you captured him!" A girl's voice said in frustration.

"I thought you meant the one at the food court!" Another voice cried.

"Ladies, please calm down. We have got him now and everything will be alright." That voice is so familiar…..

"Take him to the room." I was then roughly pulled up and was being taken somewhere. I looked over my shoulder…..and the voice was Rosalie!

"Rosey baby! Help ME!" I cried. She snorted and turned her back to me!

"WHAT DID I DO?" I yelled.

No answer.

"DON'T OUR WEDDING VOWS MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?"

Still no answer.

End of Flashback.

So here I am. I have no idea where I am and for all I know, I can be in freaking Hawaii! Even though this is bad enough, it gets worse…..alot worse.

I'm strapped to a salon seat and being inhumanly tortured.

Actually….that's really funny! 'Inhuman?'

Get it?

As in I'm not a 'Human'

…..

No one understands me…..

"Are you scared yet?" Is that Alice's Voice?

"As if!" I snorted. Just between me and my head…I was terrified.

"Are you sure?" I could the outline of the possible Alice. She was holding something small in her hands. Someone switched on the light and I discovered I was in a Wall Mart warehouse.

"Bella! Alice! Oh my God! I thought someone was going to come and kill me! Rose went mad! She put me in here! Quickly untie me before she comes back!" I cried.

"Where is Edward and Jasper?" Bella said with a stony expression.

"I have no idea!" I retorted.

"Tell us or else." Alice said evenly.

"I. DON'T. KNOW." I shouted.

"Emmett, I am losing my patience. Tell. Us." Bella said quietly.

"Girls, leave this to me." Another girl's voice said.

Oh no.

I suddenly heard a door creak open and out came...Rosalie.

Crap.

"Emmett, Bella needs to know where Edward is. Tell her or you will suffer the consequences." Rosalie instructed.

"I truly have no idea! I was walking to the car, minding my own business when all of a sudden some crazy lady attacked me!" I said in frustration.

"You leave me no choice." Rose sighed.

"ROSE! DON'T DO THIS! PLEASE DON'T THIS!" I pleaded.

She ignored me. Alice picked up her nail polish and started to paint my nails a bright yellow. Rosalie started to put nerdy white socks on my feet and Bella picked up a……..makeup kit.

"PLEASE! DON'T LET BELLA DO MY MAKEUP!"I screamed.

Bella grinned evilly and started to apply mossy green eye shadow to my eyelids. I was shaking in fear when I realized Rosalie had picked up purple….thongs!

"NO. PLEASE. NOT THONGS OVER SOCKS! THAT'S A NUMBER ONE RULE IN FOOTWARE! I DON'T HAVE WRINKLES YET; THEREFORE I AM NOT ALLOWED TO WEAR THONGS AND KNEE-LENGHTH, WHITE SOCKS!" I screamed in pure agony.

I looked over to my nails….which weren't as bad as I thought they would be.

"Hey Alice, that colour really compliments my eyes. Don't you think?" I inquired.

"Well, obviously! I was going to choose a baby pink but can you believe they ran out!?" Alice said in annoyance.

"Damn!" I sighed.

"Yeah. I know." Alice sighed as well.

"Alice, no talking to the gay guys!" Bella scolded.

"HEY! I'm not gay! You can probably say that about Edward, but not me!" I exclaimed.

I looked around and a flash of Black and yellow caught my eye. I focused on it only to find it was Chow. In a Bumble bee costume. Oh my God.

"Alice? D-did you really dress Chow up in a bumble bee costume like I said I dreamt of before?" I choked up.

"Oh yeah! Doesn't he look so cute?"

"You can't dream" Bella pointed out. I ignored her.

"I am so touched. You are the best, Alice!" I can't believe it! He looks soo cute in it! I just want to eat him up!

"Can I just ask why you have attacked all of the men in the shop?" I asked Bella after a few minutes of silence.

"She is sick of guys." Rosalie snapped.

"But….what does this have to do with anything?"

"She wants to scare Edward." Alice interjected.

"Actually…Jasper was playing with my emotions which made me sort of snap at Edward. Then Rosalie and Alice heard about it and they wanted to start a revolution but I'm not upset anymore. I wasn't even upset in the first place!" Bella explained.

"Well…Can you stop now?" I asked innocently.

"No." Rosalie snapped.

"No way." Alice said.

"I just want to go back home." Bella sighed.

"Well…Just make Jasper say sorry." I put in.

Rosalie and Alice seemed to be contemplating what I had just said.

"Fine. Ok." Alice said with a grin.

"Can you please untie me now?" I said after a moment.

"Not yet." Rose said with a grin.

"Damn." I whispered. Rosalie then slapped me across the head.

Jasper POV:

We were at the front of Wall Mart and preparing to go in. Edward and I had gone past some shops for weapons and shields against the female species.

"Checklist." I instructed.

"Water gun?" I whispered.

"Check." Edward sighed.

"Fart-bomb?"

"Check."

"Cheap perfume?"

"Check."

"Two dollar shop lipstick?"

"Check. This is so childish." Edward sighed.

"Prepare to enter." I whispered.

"Three. Two. One. Go! Go! Go!"

"Stop being an idiot." Edward whispered.

We dropped to the ground and crawled up to the checkouts. Coast was clear so we rolled rapidly to the first aisle. Storage. We then heard something move.

"Did you hear that?" Edward whispered. I nodded.

"You can run, but you can't hide…" A female voice said through the Store speakers.

"Crap. Security cameras." Edward whispered while pointing to a black security camera.

"Sprint to the next aisle. Now!" I instructed.

Edward took a deep breath, stood up, held his water gun in his hands and sprinted.

"EDWARD! WATCH OUT!" I yelled. Women were throwing plastic storage boxes at him from the top of the aisles.

"CRAP!" Edward yelled.

That was when I got attacked by balls. Balls of all kinds. Basketballs, baseballs, soccer balls and footballs. I dodge most balls but tripped over a basketball and fell on my face.

"JASPER!" Edward yelled from the end of the aisle.

"LEAVE ME! SAVE YOURSELF!" I shouted.

"NEVER!"

"GO! NOW!" I bellowed.

Edward saluted me before bolting…………straight into a pole.

Wow. He didn't get very far.

All of a sudden, three female figures towered over me.

"Had enough?" I looked up to see who the voice belonged to. I would have never guessed who it was.

"Alice?" I whispered in astonishment.

"-and Bella and Rose." A familiar voice said.

"Bella? Rosalie?" I whispered.

"You're behind this?" I asked flatly. They nodded.

"You guys are Spaz! What the Hell?" I shouted in frustration.

"This would have never happened if you didn't use your power in the wrong way." Rosalie said flatly.

"Well, excuse me for actually having a power to use!" I exclaimed. Rosalie slapped me across the head.

"Say sorry and everything will be ok." Alice said with a smile. I frowned.

Edward had then gotten up and walked across to us. He was facing Bella with a pleading smile.

"Do it." He said through his teeth while still facing Bella.

"Fine. I'm sorry I used my power and caused everyone to hate the opposite sex." I sighed.

"Now give everyone a big hug." Emmett said.

Everyone turned to face him.

"Where did you come from?" Edward asked.

"-and how did you get out of the salon chair?" Alice asked in a surprised tone.

"That's for me to know and for you to never find out." Emmett said mysteriously.

"Umm…ok." Edward said awkwardly.

"Anyway, who wants to go home?" Alice said after a moment.

"We all do." I sighed.

Everyone went hand-in-hand with their partner while heading to the car park.

A.n- I'm totally stuck for ideas. I don't want this story to become stupid and pointless. Fellow fanfictioners or even readers who just find this story funny, please inspire me with ideas for our favourite Cullen family to follow through. Thank you to all my loyal readers-you guys rock :)