A.N- I don't own anything but the silly plot of this particular story. Characters belong to Ms. Meyer.
I sighed against Edward's chest s as he slowly pulled his fingers through my hair. I felt him smile as he nuzzled my cheek. I had just woken up a few minutes ago and it was just past ten in the morning. "How did you sleep, beautiful?" He whispered. I grinned and arched my back, effectively stretching it. "Well, I slept in an overly large, kinda useless, but comfy all the same bed with my gorgeous boyfriend. Need I say more?" I responded with a yawn. He grinned mischievously. "Gorgeous boyfriend? Don't you mean handsome or charming boyfriend?" As he spoke, I felt his finger trail the length of my arm. Hmmm...He seemed very playful this morning. I swatted his arm away, trying to lean closer to him. "No actually, I believe I did mean gorgeous. Why, not a manly enough description for you Mr. Cullen?" I replied, trying to hide my smile.
He sighed dejectedly, sinking into the pillows. "I always knew this is how our relationship would be. I would look after the house while you bring home the money. I guess I just feel that I'm not respected in our relationship..." he trailed off dramatically. I stared at him, half in confusion and half in humour. Did he drink contaminated blood or something?
I placed a hand on his forehead, pretending to check his temperature. "I think we need to call Carlisle, you're burning up." I declared in a serious tone. He sighed again and was about to say something before he got interrupted by a distant shout from somewhere in the house.
"Don't worry Bella, he's not dying. He just has blue-balls. Quite common in Nerds, Geeks, Loners and prudes. All you need to do is pull off-"
One word: Emmett. Thankfully he didn't get to finish his sentence, as there was a distance 'wack!' and some scolding from Esme. Edward groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration while I stupidly blushed. Reason #57 that I should become a vampire: blushing is put to an end, closely followed by reason #58: spiders and bees cannot hurt me so I don't need to have a spazz attack each time I'm near one.
My stomach suddenly rumbled and Edward pushed himself off of the bed, stretching his arm towards me to pull me up too. He led me towards the door, but paused before he opened it. "Even though I really don't want to face another day of Emmett and Alice, you're hungry and sadly I don't have a mini fridge installed in my room." He suddenly got a pensive look in his eyes and he smiled. "I should look into that, actually..." He trailed off. I shook my head and pushed him through the threshold.
Second chair from right. Kitchen table. Kitchen quarters. Cullen household. 45o south east. Forks. Twin city of Spoons. Not actually famous for spoons but for the largest melon in the world.
"Apple juice or orange juice, Bella?" Esme asked. I smiled. You would think with being a vampire for oh-so-many years, you would completely forget to cook, or would at least be a little worse than the average person, but Esme was the only known exception. Not only was she the best chef I have ever met, but she loved cooking as well. Instead of simply getting take-out or something, Esme would insist on whipping up something extraordinary every meal I had here. I felt bad for making her clean and cook, but I reminded myself that she loved doing it. Apparently she loved to bake when she was human.
"Orange please, Esme. Thank you." She smiled gently as she placed the cup next to me. I had just finished my pancakes and was watching Edward cringe slightly at the orange juice placed right near him. That's one of the main things I'll miss about being human, not being able to eat real food. However, the pros defiantly weigh out the cons.
Carlisle had left for work an hour ago. Jasper was lounging on the couch, reading a new book on the fall of the French revolution. Apparently, he had gotten in a heated argument with someone on about the third main reason it did happen. With his personal knowledge and the info he was gathering at a speedy pace, he would have the best comeback in history so far. Rosalie was flipping through the channels of the huge plasma television with a bored expression. Alice was sitting on the carpet, painting her nails. Emmett was...surprisingly quiet. Too quiet, in fact. He was looking at something on the laptop with interest painted on his face. I turned to face Edward, who was idly playing with my fingers. "Does Emmett seem...a little too quiet to you?" I whispered right in his ear. Emmett didn't even look up. Weird. Edward glanced at him, eyebrows knitting into a frown. He nodded slowly. "Yeah, I guess so. Usually he would be doing something that involved noise or embarrassment." Jasper peeked up from his book, quickly glancing at Emmett with confusion. "What are you doing, Emmett?" He questioned. By now, Alice and Rosalie paused their activities, focusing on Emmett.
Emmett distractedly looked away from the screen and shrugged. "Just reading." he responded. This doesn't sound good. Emmett willingly reading? Something must be up. Alice sighed and rolled her eyes, a slightly disgusted look on her face. "Really, Emmett?" Edward suddenly groaned, looking like he wanted to laugh but just couldn't. Jasper closed his book and placed it on the coffee table, eyes slightly wary. "What are you reading Emmett?" He asked slowly.
Emmett must've realised that everyone was focused on him now, because he grinned, eyes sparkling mischievously. "Have any of you ever heard of a lemon?" Jasper rolled his eyes. "Yes Emmett, it is a yellow, sour citrus fruit. Why?" Emmett smirked. "No, I know what a lemon is, but do you know what a lemon is?" Edward sighed. Emmett grinned like a maniac. "How about you just read it, Jas? I can't exactly explain what it is." Jas shrugged and placed the laptop on his knees. Alice muttered a faint 'ew'.
I looked on curiously as Jasper snorted as he began to read. His expression, however, quickly morphed from humour-filled, to horror stricken. He emitted a whispered 'Oh My God' as he stared at the screen. I turned towards Edward who had a grossed out expression on his face. "What's he reading Edward?" I asked, curiously. Edward stared at me for a moment before sighing. "A lemon. A sexually graphic story written by fans of a certain book, film, TV series etcetera. This particular story was about Harry Potter's own Minevra McGonagall and Poppy Pomfrey. All I can say is the Harry potter series has been ruined beyond repair for me." I stared at him, completely gobsmacked. "Are you serious?" I questioned faintly. My question seemed to wake Jasper up from his trance. He leapt up from the spot on the couch, throwing the laptop towards Emmett who effectively caught it with a self-satisfied grin. Rose's face was screwed up in disgust, while Alice simply ignored her distraught husband. Said husband began to pace the length of the couch, sputtering before he finally burst. "YOU ARE ONE SICK, SICK PERSON. SICK TO YOUR CORE, THAT'S HOW SICK YOU ARE. YOU HAVE NOT ONLY RUINED HARRY POTTER FOR ME, which means you have to pay for the tickets I bought for the new harry potter amusement park, seeing as I cannot go now, BUT YOU HAVE PUT AN IMAGE IN MY HEAD THAT I CANNOT ERASE. WANT TO KNOW WHAT THIS IMAGE IS, EMMETT?"
Emmett shrugged. "Sure, I love listening to your problems, Jas." Jasper completely ignored the Emmett's comment. "I'M IMAGINING THE TWO WRINKLY, ANCIENT PROFESSORS DOING THINGS THAT SHOULD NOT BE DONE PAST THE AGE OF 60! YOU WERE READING PORN ABOUT OLD, FICTIONAL PEOPLE!" Emmett grinned. "Kinky." He seemed thoughtful for a moment, before he turned to Rosalie. "Hey babe, how do you feel about Ms. Cope joining in our-"
"OK EMMETT, that's enough. You're making everyone uncomfortable. Including myself." Esme interrupted.
Rose stared at Emmett with a disgusted expression. "Ok, so, we have two options here. First one is that you are truly sick. Second is that you're bored in bed. Seeing as the second one is entirely impossible thanks to your...creativity, the first one must be the answer. That's gross, Emmett." Rosalie then stood up and started to walk towards the front door. "I'm going for a drive, bye." Alice jumped up, darted towards me and took my hand, rushing towards the door. "There's a sale going on at this shopping strip. We have to check it out. Bye boys!" She excitedly explained. Edward pouted and sadly kissed my cheek. "I'll miss you." He whispered. "I'll miss you too." I replied before Alice tugged on my arm again. "Hurry up, Bella! You have T-minus-2 seconds to get your butt out of this house and into the car." Edward rolled his eyes and pecked me on the lips.
Before I left, I caught a glimpse of Jasper throwing a heavy book at Emmett's head.
*Hides from rotten fruit and smelly shoes being thrown*
I'm truly sorry I haven't updated for around...a year, but hopefully this will somewhat satisfy your needs! It's just a filler chapter so I can get used to writing this story again. I apologize for the fact that it isn't very funny, and not even a dare, but as I said, it was a filler. More chapters will be written, but the timeline is a bit all over the place. I'm sorry. Life can be annoying sometimes.
Anyway, I hope you like it and please review!
Oh, and if you have any ideas that you would like to see in this story, PM me or put it in a review!
p.- I haven't actually read a lemon, but let's just say I discovered what it was the hard way. Those two sentences have scarred me for life.