Chapter 11

James' teammates had brought him to the hospital wing, where Madame Pomfrey had given him some pepper up potion. James didn't need pepper up potion. He needed Sirius back as a beater.

He didn't understand why his friend wouldn't play quidditch anymore. Sure, they'd had a lot of fights lately and Sirius seemed to have lost the thrill of quidditch, but that still was no reason to abandon your team less than two weeks before their first game. They'd lose without Sirius. Sirius knew how important the first game of the season was. He didn't understand.

"Prongs!" Remus and Peter entered the hospital wing and went straight to his bed, "Are you alright? Laura told me what happened. When can you leave?"

"I'm fine," James answered, "I should be able to leave in a couple of minutes, after Pomfrey checked me one more time. Have you guys seen Sirius?"

Remus and Peter shook their heads and looked at James so worriedly, that James felt as if they were standing at his deathbed. He'd been in the hospital wing before. At least five times every year even. He didn't see why they'd make such a big fuss out of it. He'd had a panic attack over Sirius quitting the team. It was not like he had some scary disease.

"Alright, James," Madame Pomfrey said as she hang over him and felt his wrist, "How do you feel?"

"Fine," James answered truthfully. He knew it was no use lying to her, she'd always seen right through their lies of being ill, so they could miss class. She nodded and placed her hand on his head to feel his temperature. She did a few other odd things – like shining in his eyes with the light of her wand – and then said he could leave and could always come back to ask some more pepper up potion if he felt the need to. He thanked her and followed his friends out.

"So…" Peter asked carefully, "Padfoot quitted the team, huh?"

James sighed and Remus stomped him in the ribs.

"I don't know what has gotten into him," James sighed, "But I do know that he has to snap out of it quickly, 'cause it's not healthy what he's doing."

"Maybe you should talk to him," Remus said," He's always cared a lot about your opinion. Maybe if you talk to him and find out what's wrong with him, we can help him."

James knew Remus was right, but he had no idea as to how he had to do this. Sirius would probably just get angry and he didn't think his friend would come back to the team anyway. It was sad, but true. When Sirius made a decision, he stuck with it. Usually.

When the three friends walked into the common room, everyone fell silent and stared at them. He guessed it had travelled fast that he'd had a panic attack on the field. However, James thought defensively, it was not like he was the first guy ever to panic. He had the full right to do so and if anyone else thought differently about it, he'd glare at them until they felt the same way he did about it.

Laura ran up to them and fell in his arms without saying much. She hugged him tight and for a moment he thought she was crying again. She took quidditch very serious after all. Even Caroline walked up to them and patted him lightly on the back. Lily watched them from the chair she was in and seemed to be in deep thoughts.

"What are we going to do now, James?" Laura asked in a miserable tone, "We can never win this game without him. And we can't lose the quidditch cup to Slytherin. Not in our last year."

"I know," James answered. He turned away from her and climbed the stairs to their dorm. Sirius was sleeping on his bed. James thought about waking him and having their necessary talk now, but changed his mind when he had a closer look to his friend. He looked absolutely and truly awful. His clothes were crooked, his hair slightly broken from washing it two times a day, he was pale and skinny and he had scary dark circles around his eyes. Like a panda bear. A very sad and lonely panda bear.

Could unanswered love do this to a person? Or was it something entirely else that was going on? Did Sirius maybe have some curious and rare (but deadly) disease? Was he truly anorexic like Katie? Had his parents done this to him?

Had Sirius been raped?

He didn't know why the thought occurred to him, but in a way, it felt right. Did Sirius feel dirty and unworthy? Had that person broken down Sirius' self esteem completely? Was Sirius being forced to quit quidditch?

James didn't know what to think anymore, but he knew that he desperately needed to talk to his friend. He had to get some answers so he could think of solutions to Sirius' problems. He wanted to help him get through whatever rough period Sirius was going through. But he needed to be let in into Sirius' world. He needed Sirius to let James help him. And knowing Sirius' stubbornness, that could become a problem. Sirius was way too pride to let someone help him.

James sighed and got into bed. He was tired and angry and confused and worried and a lot of other emotions he couldn't name as well. He wanted to wake Sirius up and talk to him, but on the other hand, he wanted this talk never to come. Angry Sirius was quite scary.

He got up again as he realized he was still in his quidditch outfit. He took his clothes off, took his pajamas and ran to the bathroom. The shower was nice and hot and relaxed his tense muscles. He clenched his fist and smashed it into the wall. His life was a mess. Sirius' life was probably an even bigger mess. But that didn't help that he felt sorry for himself.

James grabbed his wand and fixed his knuckles, that laid open and were bleeding from their collision with the bathroom wall. If Remus saw his fist like that, he'd send him back to the hospital wing right away. He didn't need someone fussing over him. He needed someone fussing over Sirius.

He dried his body and hair and got dressed for bed. He quickly brushed his teeth and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked slightly pale and very tired. The two probably had a lot to do with each other.

When James got back in his bed, he crawled under his covers and wanted to world to go away. He wanted to fall into blissful dreamless sleep. Even Lily-dreams wouldn't sheer him up this time. They'd just make him realize what he'd lost with his stupid behavior. He wasn't proud of himself.

But James couldn't sleep. He laid awake for hours and heard Remus and Peter go to bed and fall asleep. He listened to his friends' deep breaths and really wanted sleep to come. But the more he wanted sleep to come, the more awake he felt.

When it was around two in the morning, James was sick and tired of waiting for sleep. He got up and tiptoed down the stairs to the deserted common room. The fire was out already and everyone was sleeping peacefully in their cozy bed.

James plunged himself in the sofa that faced the fire and stared at the ashes. He didn't know when exactly, but after a few minutes, he was fast asleep.

He woke up to soft voices and checked his watch. Six AM. He closed his eyes again and wished for the voices to shut up. They did, after a little while and James fell back asleep.

He woke back up and hour later to different voices, that wouldn't go away. He opened his eyes and slowly got up from his lying position to a sitting one. First, he saw no one, but then, he noticed Lily, Laura and Caroline fussing over something. They had their backs to him, so he could watch them without being seen himself.

James tried to hear what they were saying, but they were talking to softly. He didn't like that. Maybe they were talking about him or any of his friends. Maybe this was some really juicy gossip that he really needed to hear. Maybe they were discussing ways to get Sirius back into the team.

He guessed that it was none of the above when Lily softly cursed and dropped a book that read 'Transfigury' and something else he couldn't read because she was too quick picking up her book. She froze before she laid the book back on the table though, and turned around slowly towards him.

"Potter!" she shrieked, "Are you spying on us?"

"No," he answered, "I fell asleep on the couch and you woke me up."

"Oh…" Lily said. She looked at him for a few seconds and turned back to the table.

"Sirius…" Laura asked. James shook his head. She sighed and covered her face with her hands for a second. Then, she turned back to the table as well and went back to whatever she was doing before James interrupted.

James climbed the stairs to his dorm and was just in time to see Remus coming out of the bathroom with a towel around his hips. Peter was already dressed and back asleep. Sirius was still asleep.

"I'll talk to Sirius," James said. Remus nodded and got quickly dressed. He woke Peter up and the two of them went down for breakfast. James was left alone with his best friend. Or at least, someone who used to be his best friend.

He walked up to Sirius' bed and shook him gently. Sirius groaned, but didn't wake up. James shook him a little harder. Sirius opened his eyes this time and glared at him. His eyes quickly shot to the bathroom and he started getting up.

"We need to talk," James said.

"I don't want to talk," Sirius answered bluntly.

"Then, at least listen to what I have to say," James answered him back. Sirius gave a little nod with his head.

"We're worried about you Sirius," James started, "You've been acting weird ever since we got back to Hogwarts. At first, we could still ignore it, but now it's getting out of hand. Tell me what's going on, I want to help you."

"You can't," Sirius snapped, "Leave me alone."

"No, Sirius," James shook his head, "I'm your friend, you can trust me."

"Correction," Sirius said with a lot of poison in his voice, "You were my friend. I could come up with a lot of excuses as to why it is better that we don't interact anymore, but as a matter of fact, I just don't want to know you anymore. I don't want to talk to you anymore – ever – and I don't want to be around you anymore either. The Marauders was a lame invention of lame and stupid kids. I'm over with it and I'm over with you. So, let me get my shower and don't talk to me anymore."

Sirius got up and wanted to walk away from his former friend, but James grabbed his hand. Sirius glared at James and James looked back sadly.

"Padfoot…" James started.

"Padfoot is dead," Sirius interrupted, "And I was serious about leaving me alone."

When James didn't let go of his hand, Sirius threw his other fist towards his used-to-be best friend. James' quick reflexes kicked in and he could stop the fist before it caused any damage, but Sirius had taken the chance to free his other hand and stamped away from his very shocked friend.

James heard the bathroom door fall into its lock and knew Sirius was right. The Marauders were over.

Yay, another chapter!

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