A/N: okay, so now apparantly i've missed a piece and i lost it on the cpmuter, so live with it. hahah!

The Shepherd girls/womans whatever, have gone back home. And Mer/Der gets TWO whole chapters now before we'll turn somewhere else.

"bring it back to the time when you and me had just begun
when I was still your number one.
Do you remember all of the times we had"
Mer looked at her watch singing quietly as she turned up the volume on the radio in her cellphone.
I miss when I was everything, before this shit happened, we're just a boring married couple.
Mer She sat in the sofa in Dereks room, they had a private room for these two last days here, or well, she thought of it, they would go home the day after tomorrow but they'd had it for another day before.
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
Mer hummed low to the new song, and she realized the clock was 1.15 AM. She giggled a little to herself and she started to sing when Derek turned to her. He was able to sleep without all the machines and stuff, only a monitor and the IV, but he had heard her sing but he wouldn't admit that to her. HE looked at her face, she had a kind of miserable face, he didn't know why, but he knew he treated her more, like he had treated Addie. He felt he needed to change that.
"Good morning, night or whatever my beautiful dearest" He smiled humbled.
Meredith turned her face to him in shock,
"You don't sleep?" She laughed quietly
He gave her a short nod and sighed quickly, Mer took a deep breath.
"Whatever, its homeday soon. And I talked to the chief or whatever, I guess he's chief now until you get back?" She rolled her eyes
"Whatever, I'm off for four days then, so you can get all fixed at home"
She gave him an enormous smile as she felt her pager vibrate.
She ran out of the room,
"Be right back my love" As Derek looked after her.
Derek lay back in bed, he pulled the hands through his hair, and he sat on the edge on the bed. He started to saunter and looked out through the window, to see the shape of space needle. I've lived here for; seven years and I haven't been at Space Needle with Mer, we've been dating for, 5 years, atleast. Seriously
At that exact moment he decided what he were going to do. He just didn't want to plan it until he was back at home. He felt that it was the right thing, and he knew it had to be in around three weeks.
He started to think of when Teddy would let him go out around people, he put himself to check with her, and he had to call his mother.
Mer walked back in just as he sat down on the bed again,
"I miss your mom though they went home yesterday"
Derek looked at her.
"So do I, it was calming those two days she was here,"
Mer looked down in the floor.
"She's coming back next week, when I go back to work so you're not alone at home."
Meredith took a deep breath as she looked up to meet Derek's reaction.
Derek giggled as he saw Mers terrified face.
"And you are scared cause?" He stood up and walked over to Mer, and sat down beside her and kissed her softly on her lips. Mer felt a tear running down her face and she quickly dried it away.
Derek looked at her, caressed her hair and her back and held her tight to his chest.
"What's wrong Beautiful? It's not like I'm leaving you" He had a really worried tone when he talked.
Mers innermost wanted to tell him what it really was, tell him about the miscarriage that she could dream nightmares about, that could wake her up screaming in the middle of the night, the flashbacks she had of Gary Clark, and everything.
"I just, I just want it to be as it should be" She sobbed into his chest. Derek pushed her even tighter to her chest, and smelled her hair, took deep breaths of her smell.
"I keep thinking you don't love me as much as before, or that you stopped loving me."
"I know, I know " Derek never thought of that he answered to both her announcements until he heard her sobs.
He doesn't love me, Mer thought while she fell asleep in his arms. If I leave, he won't care.
Derek held Mer in his arms until she fell asleep, she slowly relaxed in his grip and her sobs slowed down to regular breaths.
"Mer I'm NOT finished loving you, not in atleast 70 more years! I love you till the day I die. " He whispered, hoping she heard him, as he started to form his plans.
He put her down and lied down beside her, he looked at his watch which showed almost 4 am, and he closed his eyes and fell asleep tight to Mers body.

As Derek woke up again, Mer was gone. He felt his heartbeat increase and he made a quick phone call to his mom,
"Hi Mom, it's me!"
He heard her voice on the other line and he slowly calmed down.
"I need your help, can you plan a real wedding, like a big one to take place in three months, NOT telling Meredith?"
"Of course but, shouldn't she try out the dress and all that? Knowing there's a wedding?"
Dereks laughed
"She won't know and Cristina has her dress, I never saw it so we can use it! And she will think it's the dress she's going to try when it's the wedding? PLEASE MOM"
As he finished that sentence Mer opened the door.
"Mom, can you hang on for a bit. Or, I'll call you back" He hung up his phone and looked at Mer, her eyes were red, swollen and he could see she had cried.
"Mer?" He looked at her as she breathed.
"I don't know, Derek, I don't know what to say." She started to cry again, and Derek jumped out of bed and pulled her into his chest. Mer crawled out of his grip and looked at him.
"I'm not sure what I'm doing. But, yeah…"
Derek looked after her as she walked out, he felt like he'd been left, maybe she dumped him. He wasn't sure. He quickly dialed Teddy's number.
"Shepherd, what's up?"
"Teddy, when can I be out, around people, apparently I, yeah long story! Whatever, I need to go out on dinner, as soon as possible. When?"
Teddy looked at the date of the day, and counted for herself.
"Well, tomorrow I guess."
Derek smiled, "Thanks, awesome!"

He hung up and called the Space needle restaurant.
"Hey, I need a reservation tomorrow at 8 pm."
They spoke a while, and he fixed the perfect table before he hung up.
He lied back in his bed, and fell asleep just before Cristina marched in.

"IDIOT" she yelled as Derek slowly opened his eyes. Derek looked at her, and he didn't get it.
"You said, you didn't love her anymore? WHY? She hasn't been through enough?"
Derek realized she was talking about Meredith, and he opened his mouth.
"I need your.. " He started but Cristina cut him.
"You, FIX IT!" And she turned to the door.
"Cristina, STAY. I need your help.." She turned around and looked at him.
"I want to help an idiot?"
Derek gave her an irritated glance.
"Shut it Yang, Just help me.. Tomorrow around 7.45 pm you take her and driver her to space needle. Please?"
Cristina glared at him, "Yeah, sure.. just fix it!"
Derek scoffed, "I will, don't tell her. Just, don't okay?"
She smiled, "Sure but why?"
"Because I'm proposing, again, and this time we're having a REAL wedding. In a church, with a dress and a minister and you know, all that?"
Cristina giggled "Sounds awesome McDreamy, I won't tell!"

Cristina drove home and she promised Mer she could sleep on her couch. It was dead quiet in the car, and as they walked in Mer started to sob.
"Get yourself together" Cristina looked at Mer.
"But, I think.. I think I dumped him. Or he dumped be, he said he didn't love me anymore…" Mer cried and Cristina scoffed at her.
"Give it a break, you'll come around."
They walked in and Cristina gave Owen a kiss on the cheek as she passed, and he looked at Mer.
"She thought she dumped McDreamy, McDreamy has a plan, Long story" She whispered.
Owen nodded, and walked into bed. Mer sat on the couch while Cristina got her a pillow and a quilt.
"Did I do something stupid when I dumped him?" Mer looked at Cristina with something looking like deer eyes,
"You look like Kepner, you know that?" Cristina whined.
Mer looked at her.
" I did break up with him, I did… didn't i?"

OHHHH, i know.. i am mean. An awesome cliffhanger!
and i who planned to publish chap.6 .. no tomorrow, ohyes!