Title: She is…

Chapter 2: Everything I need

Author: Ellibells

Summary: Set in episode 2x25 of Gossip Girl following the Constance and St Jude's high school graduation when Chuck runs to Europe – the build up of his return to Blair.

"What am I doing? I love her. I love her… I love her"

A/N: Thanks for the great reviews! Also little note about this chapter, it's not just Chuck's point of view here, I thought I'd mix it up and put some Blair in too, so hope you enjoy :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl this is merely a fictional story :)

The next morning when Chuck woke up, he looked like crap and felt just as bad. The Sun was beaming through the cracks in the curtain and he was laid on the bed still fully dressed. The first thing he did was look at his phone. He reached over to the night stand next to the bed and picked it up. It was 7.30am and he had a long day ahead.

"Let's do this", Chuck said positively as he stretched his aching limbs and started to get out of bed.

He walked into the large en-suite and walked over to the basin. He placed his hands on the counter and leaned his weight onto his hands while he looked himself over in the mirror.

"Why did I do that to her? I never should have left, gossip girl was right, I am a coward, I need to fix this. She needs me, I need her, she is everything I need. I will not be weak anymore. I'm Chuck Bass!"

After some long thought Chuck approached the shower and turned the water on.

He stripped all of his clothes and stepped into the spacious shower, immediately the warm water hit him, it was like sharp knives cutting at him. He hissed at the sensation but as his body got used to it, so he started to clean himself, getting rid of the old Chuck Bass, the coward.

By 9am he was down in the hotel lobby waiting for his limo. He had dressed in a black pin-stripe Gucci suit with a light purple shirt, accompanied by a dark purple tie and a pair of black Bottegas.

"Mr Bass, your limo is outside", the gentleman at the front desk announced with a smile.

"Thank you", Chuck said with a nod as he paced towards the entrance of the hotel where his limo was waiting.

"Centre of Berlin", Chucked stated to the driver who was holding the limo door open.

The driver nodded to show he had understood and then shut the door after Chuck.

It was going to be a long few days before he got back to New York and he had a lot to do and think about.

For starters he needed to collect a number of gifts for Blair that included her favourite Falke stocking from Germany and her favourite macaroons from Pierre Hermé's in Paris and the next thing he had to do was think of a way to tell Blair he loved her. Truthfully, he felt like a scared little boy, if he told her how he felt, that meant he would be vulnerable and he had never let anyone see him that way, not even his father. Although Blair had seen him upset after his father died, this vulnerability was all new, he couldn't just dip his toe to test the water, he had to dive in head first if he wanted to be with her. And that's one thing he knew for definite; he wanted to be with her for the rest of his life.

xoxo

It had been five days since Chuck had left for Europe after failing to tell Blair he loved her at the graduation party. She was distraught, she couldn't sleep, she didn't want to eat and she felt empty and she had nothing left to give. It was a Saturday and Blair Waldorf had been at home watching Hepburn movies since early morning as she couldn't sleep. It was now three o'clock and she was still in bed when she heard the elevator door.

"Blair! Blair, are you home", Serena shouted from the living room.

Blair wasn't in the mood for one of Serena's lectures but she had nothing better to do, so Blair got out of the comfort of her bed, slipped her slippers on and started to descend down the staircase to find Serena at the bottom looking very worried.

"What is it now? I was relaxing until you rudely interrupted me", Blair stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

"B, you have to snap out of it, you can't act like this, it's not healthy staying in all day, you need to get out, get over Chuck", Serena demanded.

"I don't know what you think you're talking about. I am over it. I am over him", Blair threw back with a stern tone as she walked down the rest of the stairs and placed herself on the sofa in the living room.

Blair wasn't impressed by the rude interruption or by the accusation that had just been thrown at her. She just sat and waited for Serena's next move.

Serena moved across the room until she was sitting directly in front of Blair on the coffee table.

She looked at Blair with eyebrows raised, head tilted and the look on her face that said I-know-you're-lying-I-can-read-you-like-a-book.

"What! Don't look at me like that", she snapped.

"B, he doesn't deserve your love. You need to start living again, it's been five days and you've done nothing but sleep and watch Audrey, I know you're hurting but…", Serena shot back with her concerned face again before Blair interrupted her this time.

"I-I-I'm exhausted! All the time, when I'm not sleeping or watching movies I'm in tears…I-I love him and I know he loves me too, why won't he tell me he loves me?" Blair breaks down in deep sobs, tears rolling down her cheeks uncontrollably.

Serena grabbed Blair and held her in a tight hug, rocking her a little to sooth her.

"Oh Blair, he's a coward", Serena could feel the pool of tears wetting her top as she held her best friend.

"Shh…I'm here", she soothed.

After a few moments Blair got herself together and pulled free of her best friends hug. Her eyes were all puffy and red from the amount of crying she has just done. Just as Blair was about to say something Serena interrupted yet again.

"Two words, retail therapy", she announced with a comforting smile on her face.

After a few sniffles, Blair whipped her eyes, "Yes, you're right. Shopping is the only way", Blair said quietly followed by an unconvincing smile.

"Ok good, now you go get dressed and I will book us somewhere for lunch because you look like you haven't eaten in hours and I will call the limo", Serena assured.

Blair's only response was a small nod and then she started towards the staircase before going to her room to get dressed.

xoxo

Chuck had been in Germany since Friday afternoon and he was now on his way to the airport from picking up some gifts for Blair from Berlin. He had a flight to Paris scheduled at noon and that meant a long flight for him to think about what he needed to do.

"Mr Bass, we have arrived at the airport", Bruno the driver notified Chuck as he opened the limo door for him to get out.

"Thank you, and my ticket?" Chuck questioned as he got out from the vehicle.

"Waiting for you at the check-in desk as requested Mr Bass", Bruno assured before closing the limo door and returning to the driver's door. He received a quick nod from Chuck and then drove away.

After Chuck had successfully checked in, he had made his way through the airport to departures where he boarded the plane, first class of course.

He was now seated and had an eight hour flight to think about what he needed to do in order to get Blair back.

Chuck loved Blair, he had loved her since he could remember, since they were children, although he hadn't realised what the feeling was until the night at Victrola. The butterflies wouldn't go away and from then on he knew he needed Blair Waldorf, she was everything he needed and more. She had accepted him as himself and he had done the same for her but he didn't know how to handle all these new feelings, so he bottled them up and ran.

Chuck did a lot of thinking about his relationship with Blair and how he realised he was in love with her, but also about how he had never felt so attached to someone.

"All this talk about how you have to be with Nate or the world will end, face it, it's over"

"You sound like a jealous boyfriend"

"Yeah right. You wish"

"No, you wish!"

"Please! You forget who you're talking to"

"So do you…do you…like me?"

"Define like?"

"You have got to be kidding, I do not believe this!"

"How do you think I feel, I haven't slept, I feel sick, like there is something in my stomach…fluttering"

"Butterflies?"

Chuck smiled at the thought of him and Blair as he drifted off to sleep to their memories.

"This is pretty much the worst birthday ever"

"Maybe it could be salvaged"

"Is that our sex tape?"

"It's the Erickson Beamon necklace…no I couldn't"

"Yes, you can"

"Something this beautiful deserves to been seen on someone worthy of its beauty…I really am sorry…"

xoxo

Serena and Blair had been out shopping all afternoon; they had been to Gucci, Tiffany's, Barney's, Henri Bendel, you name it, they shopped in it. They had enjoyed lunch at the Russian tea room and then continued to shop a bit more. When they finally decided to call it a day, they headed back to the Waldorf household and had a girl's night in with some more Audrey Hepburn movies as requested by Blair and a bottle of wine, requested by Serena.

They were now cuddled up in Blair's bed in their pyjamas watching Breakfast at Tiffany's with a glass of wine each and some popcorn.

"I'm so proud of you B", Serena complemented with a smile.

"Thanks S; you were right, I'm not going to let Chuck Bass beat me. Blair Waldorf always wins and tomorrow is a new day and I know that in time it will get easier but for now I'm happy where I am, snuggled up watching Audrey", Blair explained as she rests her head on Serena's shoulder.

"You go sister! That's the Blair I like to see, fighting talk!" Blair just giggled and leaned back into her pillow.

That night Blair and Serena finally settled down to go to sleep but Blair just laid there and thought of him.

She thought of the time he admitted his feelings for her at her seventeenth birthday and the first time she realised she loved Chuck Bass. He lingered in her heart and mind wherever she went and she couldn't compress the butterflies that fluttered every time she thought of him, she felt like a love sick puppy, but she was a love sick Blair Waldorf.

On the outside no one would even assume she was hurting but on the inside she was empty. Numb. How could just one person make another feel so isolated?

She wasn't strong enough and gossip girl was right about all of them; Chuck was a coward for running but Blair was weak for letting him get away, if only she would have stopped him…

Blair's thought trailed off until she realised she had been crying silently.

"I need you…" She whispered to herself before she cried herself to sleep hoping Chuck was thinking about her just as much as she was thinking about him.

…

A/N: I hope that was ok… Reviews are good :) I love reviews! Yeah! Thanks for reading!