SM Owns. I don't.
This is turning into so much fun to write! Thanks so much to ScottishRose10 for her beta skillz, and really she can relate to Edward's issues. Which I don't know when that will be revealed... Maybe soon, maybe not so soon! But thanks for reading!
Check out ScottishRose10's profile in my fave authors, and read her story!
Edward spent the next few days skillfully avoiding Isabella. It proved to be an easy task as she too was avoiding him. They exchanged pleasantries, and Edward could see that Isabella was putting forth the minimum effort required by Charlie to be deemed a good hostess.
Edward worked hard everyday. He had to learn everything: how to control the horse and buggy, how to plow a field, how to speak Dutch English, and all the rules that went along with living a simple life.
He did not miss television, radio, or the internet. All they did was remind him of the past. Something as simple as a word or sound could bring back memories that crippled him. Being with the Amish, isolated, served it's purpose well.
His only problem: Isabella. He didn't understand how one girl could calm him while simultaneously causing him much annoyance. After the kiss they shared in the corn field it was hard to deny their mutual attraction. But Edward knew his control was minimal at best when he lost his temper, and Isabella could make him lose his temper within seconds. He couldn't risk having another episode.
Edward worked hard to maintain control over his surroundings to avoid any breakdowns, panic attacks, or angry outbursts. What he couldn't control was Isabella or his feelings for her. Strong feelings illicit strong emotions and Edward would not risk bursting the carefully constructed bubble he confined himself to. He was afraid that Isabella had caused a slow leak, and he was working hard to seal it before it turned into a tear, that would soon cause it to burst.
Charlie had explained Rumspringa to Edward in more detail. How he and his wife would turn a blind eye to Isabella's behavior until she was ready to commit to being Amish. He called it a rite of passage. They did not wish to keep the outside world a secret. They felt everyone had the right to choose for themselves, and Rumspringa gave them a chance to make an informed decision.
It almost seemed cruel to Edward. He was worried about Isabella. He knew she thought she knew everything, but she didn't. She was so gullible and naive to the way the world worked. To just let her loose for a year or two seemed like a disaster waiting to happen.
Edward sat on a rocking chair on the porch of the Swan's simply enjoying the fall weather and fresh air. The sun was setting and Edward was exhausted from the hard work of the day. Isabella and Charlie sat behind him in the house; he could hear them through the open window directly behind his head. He chuckled a little over Isabella's stubbornness. It seemed to Edward they were playing some sort of word game.
"Daddy, 'irregardless' is not a word! You can not use it!" Isabella's smile could be heard through her annoyance, and Edward thought it was cute. If this was the biggest argument of her day, she had it easy.
"Izzy, people say it all the time! It is so a word!" Charlie knew his daughter was right, but he loved to get her riled up.
"It makes my skin crawl when I hear people say it! And Just because people say it does not make it correct. People are wrong far more than they are right," Isabella pointed out. "Edward!" Isabella called out through the open window. "Tell my father that 'irregardless' is not a word, please!"
"What makes you think I am not one of the people that makes your skin crawl and says 'irregardless'?" Edward laughed.
Isabella folded her arms - she did not find their teasing funny.
"Izzy, you know I don't like it when you act like that," Charles warned his daughter.
"I'm sorry Daddy, but I think that is enough for one night," Isabella said. She was anxious because Paul had promised to come get her tonight, once her parents were in bed.
It wasn't so much as sneaking out; her parents expected that she would do it, and they would just ignore it. Isabella kissed her father's cheek before she walked upstairs to her bedroom.
Isabella had purchased more clothes during the week to wear. She loved they way the clothes molded to her body and the confidence they gave her. Isabella took out her newest purchase, a short denim skirt that had rips across the back right below the pockets. It wasn't tight; it hung loose on her hips. Isabella took out the makeup she had purchased and carefully applied eyeliner - it took a while to steady her hand enough to actually drag the black pencil across her bottom lids.
She got excited as she heard her parents bedroom door close, the time was getting closer. She didn't have many tops to choose from but finally settled for a white racer back shirt, and then she tied it in a knot on her hip.
Isabella fussed with her hair the longest. She wished that she had hair products - she vowed that her next purchase would be for her hair.
Once Isabella felt that her parents were fast asleep, she picked up her beloved flip flops and crept quietly down the steps to wait for Paul.
The downstairs was pitch black, so she carefully felt her way towards the front door. Isabella nearly jumped out of her skin when she collided into Edward's hard chest. "Holy shit!" she whispered, her heart beating out of her chest. "What are you doing down here?" Bella asked in a hushed angry tone.
"I don't sleep much. I like sitting outside," Edward explained. He fumbled a little before lighting a small gas light and held it up. He carefully took in Bella's appearance and cursed himself when he felt his dick grew in size. Isabella was the first girl that he had kissed in two years. Also in the past year, his dick had ached with the need to release his seed, although he couldn't even bring himself to jerk off. The fact that this girl made him hard seemed like a miracle. He thought for sure that he would be impotent for the rest of his life. His nightmares even scared away his never failing morning wood that had always been there. Now he came to a place with values two hundred years old, and this frustrating girl gave him wood with her long legs and damned doe eyes.
Isabella adjusted her skirt and smiled tensely at Edward. "I suppose I will see you later," she told him, trying to stay calm. She began to walk toward the door when she felt Edward's lean fingers wrap around her forearm and turning her back around to face him.
"You are going out? Looking like that?" Edward asked. He feared for her. He knew how boys were, drunk boys nonetheless, who had someone like Isabella, a girl who wanted to rebel.
"What, it doesn't look good? I admit I don't know that much about fashion, so if this is not something a modern girl would wear to a party …" Isabella mumbled looking down at her barely there ensemble.
"It's not that Isabella, you look better than good," Edward said defeated once again by the girl. "I just wish you wouldn't go. I worry." Edward told her.
"Don't be silly, Paul won't let anything bad happen to me," Isabella tried to ease his worry. It was silly as far as she was concerned.
Edward chuckled a little at her statement. "No, he will be doing bad things to you," Edward spoke under his breath.
"And who says I don't want him to?" Isabella demanded. This was her time to figure out if what the world had to offer was what she wanted. She wasn't going to spend her Rumspringa at bowling alleys and church sing-alongs.
Isabella noticed the flashing truck lights outside her house, signaling that Paul had arrived for her.
"He is here, I have to go," Isabella said, glancing down at Edward's hand that still grasped her arm.
"Then I am coming," Edward said.
"I don't need or want a babysitter Edward!" Isabella was furious.
"Who said I want to babysit? Maybe I want to have a little fun," Edward lied, raising an eyebrow suggestively at her. Flirting had become so foreign to him. He hated to resort to it, even though he knew Isabella would respond. He was fairly certain Isabella would respond to any type of rebellion or danger, and if that included her thinking she was going to bang the boy in the room next to hers, so be it. There was no way he was letting her out of his sight so that a bunch of horny guys could gang bang a girl they got drunk.
"Fine, let's go have some fun," Isabella smiled. She moved her fingers over his jaw, letting her fingers dance across his lips. "You can't look Amish, go change. I will wait with Paul in the truck."
I am screwed,Edward thought as he pulled out the clothes he arrived in. His hair was a mess again, sticking up in twenty directions. He carefully slipped on his black Nikes and crept down the stairs. It was one thing for Charles to overlook Isabella's sneaking out, but he wasn't so sure it would go over well if he found about his.
Isabella threw the truck door open when she saw Edward approach. Paul was driving and in the middle of Isabella and Paul was a local boy, James. There wasn't exactly room for Edward in the truck but Isabella had thought ahead. She pulled herself off the seat and allowed Edward to sit down before resting her ass on his thighs.
"Edward, you remember Paul, and this is James. Guys, this is Edward," Isabella introduced them. She smirked back at Edward because she could feel the hardness resting between her ass cheeks. She used her hand to brace herself against the glove box as the truck took off, jolting her forward. She moved her body against Edward as they drove into the darkness.
Edward's teeth clenched; the more Isabella moved, the more he was nestled snuggly in her crack. She flirted openly with Paul and James, taking swigs of whiskey as the truck bounced up and down on the country road. She seemed to like to make a play on words like coming, hard, and wet when she flirted. It made Edward want to claim her right then and there. He reached out and touched her exposed hip, stilling her movements against his throbbing cock.
"Please stop," he whispered in her ear.
"Why, you don't like where it's going?" Isabella whispered back, grinding down more deliberately.
"I just asked you to stop before I explode," Edward told her, squeezing her hip harder. Isabella didn't fully understand the mechanics of the male anatomy.
"Explode?" Isabella asked a bit confused.
"Yes, as in coming," Edward clarified. Which just proved to Edward why he risked Charles' trust by coming out with Bella tonight. "See, I knew it. This is the last place you belong. You certainly do not need to be taken to some bonfire hoe down in the middle of some field to be feed booze and fucked by a line of guys." Edward whispered harshly in her ear.
"So you did come here to babysit," Isabella stated, the anger radiating off of her. She crossed her arms as she always did, once again full of frustration with Edward Cullen.
"Because I care, that is why I came. Because I don't want something fucked up to happen to you. Because I don't think you know what English girls are really like, they all don't party and fuck all weekend. I understand you want to experience things, but you don't have to go to extremes," Edward didn't want to fight with her constantly. If they weren't flirting they were fighting. There was no happy medium. Neither could figure out the dynamics of the relationship they shared.
Neither was paying enough attention to realize they fought because they were denying each other.
"Whatever," Isabella said. She was thankful Paul and James were paying no mind to her and Edward. They were too busy listening to the music Paul had booming through the speakers.
Paul parked the truck several yards from the party. The fire was blazing and the party seemed to be in full swing. Kids were doing keg stands, passing pipes, and a few girls ran around in just their bras. It was obvious to Edward which girls at the party were Amish and which were not. The wilder girls like Isabella were the Amish ones. That is why so many local boys came - they were much more willing than the girls they went to school with.
Isabella took another swig from the flask when Paul came up behind her. He placed his hands on her hips and pulled her back against him, walking her slowly forward. Isabella moved her head to the side allowing Paul's lips to find her neck. The bite mark from Edward was almost completely faded.
"Let's have some fun," Paul yelled over the music. Isabella smiled wide. She felt Paul begin to move behind her to the music. She started to move with him, enjoying the effects of the whiskey. James came to the front of her and joined in the dance. Isabella placed one hand on James' hip, and wrapped the other one behind her on Paul's head. Paul kissed down Isabella's neck as James' hands explored her sides.
Edward watched the two boys take advantage of Isabella's willingness to be what she thought was normal and choked back the urge to pull her from the middle of them. He knew the only way to get Bella away from them, was if he offered himself to her. Edward swallowed and walked over to the threesome. He reached out and grabbed Bella's arm, yanking her towards him. She was flush against his body and confused about his actions. "You sat on my lap grinding your ass up and down my cock the entire ride here, I want you tonight," Edward said before kissing her deeply, claiming her.
"Sorry guys," Edward smirked at them. "Maybe next time," he added with a wink taking his doe-eyed girl away. He took her to the keg and pumped a red cup full of beer handing it to her.
"What is going on?" Isabella asked, taking the beer.
"You want to have fun; I don't want you to get hurt or taken advantage of...so, I'm offering to be your bitch. I will help you accomplish any experiences you wish to have during your Rumspringa, as long as they aren't too crazy. You want to get drunk like an English girl, fine they get drunk. You want to smoke pot, fine most do that. But most do not have threesomes or smoke the shit they are passing around in those pipes."
"Huh...so if one of the experiences I wish to have is sex?"
"Most English girls wait until they are in love, or at least think they are. They don't just screw any guy that asks them. Trust me." Edward laughed. He spent most of his high school years trying to make girls think he cared enough about them to fuck him. And it worked. Although by the time he left, he was pretty sure he had been dubbed the male whore of the Irish community in Chicago.
"I am already promised to Jacob if I stay. There is no need for me to fall in love." Isabella pointed out.
"And if you leave, you will have plenty of time to fall in love. There is no need to act like a slut." Edward regretted the word the minute it left his mouth.
Isabella was fuming. It made her want to run to James and Paul and let them have her, just to spite Edward.
"I'm sorry!" Edward said quickly. "I didn't mean for it to come out like that! Listen, you want to have sex, fine. I just don't want you to be used like some cheap slut, and that's all that will happen if you let it happen at a party like this."
"Fine, you can be my bitch." Isabella said. "I want to dance more," she demanded. She reached for his hand and he held her close as they danced to the music.
Paul came up behind Isabella and began to move against her, Edward pulled Isabella away, "I don't share,"
"Izzy?" Paul asked, hoping she would tell Edward to back off.
"Sorry Paul," was all she said before resuming her dance with Edward. He moved behind her and trailed his hands up her stomach, then her sides, skimming outside of her breasts. Isabella tilted her head back and kissed him, pushing her ass against his cock as she swayed her hips to the music.
"I need a refill," Isabella stated, taking the last swig of beer. She began to stumble towards the keg, not noticing Edward wasn't following. Isabella looked back to see Edward frozen, his gaze locked in the smoke that rose from the fire.
"Edward, are you coming?" Isabella called out.
Nothing.
"Edward! Earth to Edward!" Isabella called again, this time walking towards him.
Stillness.
Isabella peered at him, confused. She said his name again, this time she was right in front of him. His green eyes were empty as the fire reflected in them. He never looked down at her and Isabella was scared. She was about to put her hand on his chest when Paul came running up to them out of nowhere and punched Edward's arm playfully to get him out of his daze.
Edward's head immediately snapped to Paul. His heart was racing, his breathing was becoming shallow, and he could taste the smoke. He was no longer at a party being held by rebellious teenagers - he was in his own personal hell. The leak in the bubble got larger, and the sting from Paul's punch was like a pin that quickly pierced through a balloon. Edward could even hear the loud pop inside his head.
His eyes were no longer empty. They were filled with anger and hate. The smells and sounds of everything he was running from flooded him, igniting his temper. He didn't like to be punched, no matter how innocently.
Edward didn't think twice as his instincts kicked into high gear. He swung at Paul with a right hook, before skillfully grabbing him in a head lock. James came to his friend's aid and threw a punch at Edward that he blocked like it was an afterthought.
"Edward! What are you doing?" Isabella screamed at him. She saw the anger and hate in his eyes, but she also still saw the lost and broken man. And just like that he was back. He looked up and saw her doe eyes, dropped Paul who was gasping for air, and started to back away.
"I...ah...I'm sorry," he said, before he started to walk away. Isabella got down next to Paul and helped him up, making sure he was okay.
"I have to go talk to him," Isabella said once she was sure Paul was okay.
Isabella pushed through the crowd, searching for Edward. She didn't care that a few guys slapped her ass on the way. She just wanted to make sure Edward was okay. "Move, please," she said pushing drunken teenagers out of her path.
Her heart raced; she was scared she would never see him again. She didn't want to lose him.
"Edward!" she called once the party was behind her. He didn't answer her, but she saw him in the distance.
Edward sat in the back of Paul's pick up truck, his head down; Isabella saw how defeated he looked.
Isabella jumped up on the tailgate of the truck to sit with him. "What was that Edward?" Isabella asked him. She was desperate to know what had made this man so broken.
"That is the man I run from," Edward said. "Anything can trigger it. That's why I am here, there are less things around to cause the panic attacks... and the violent outbursts that follow...and um...let's just say that I have never stopped at the simple plea of someone before." Edward recalled the night he spent drinking himself into a stupor at a local pub. Some poor guy accidentally elbowed Edward after grabbing his beer off the crowded bar. Edward had snapped. Threw the man on the bar and pounded on him until he was physically removed. He spent the night locked up and was sent to a hospital to receive help. He thought it was all a waste of time. That was just one breakdown in his past that led him to where he was today. He was scared about the damage he could inflict on someone.
"I don't know what it is Isabella, but you pulled me out. No one has ever been able to pull me out," Edward told her. He looked in her eyes and she couldn't control herself. It was as if she was made to comfort this man. She crawled back on his lap and straddled him, he buried his head in her neck clutching to her hair and neck. Isabella hugged him close and she could feel him clinging to her for dear life.
Isabella wanted to ask him what caused the panic and outbursts, but was afraid she would push him too far. She hoped that in time Edward would find a way to talk about it. For now she would settle for calming him, because it ripped her heart out to see him struggling. Paul and James were terrified of the hate and anger that filled Edward's eyes, but Isabella never was. Her instincts told her that this man would never hurt her. He may not believe that, but she did.
"I'm sorry, I ruined your night," Edward finally spoke. His heart had settled back in his chest and the knot in his stomach loosened to allow him to breath.
"The night is still young," Isabella said, removing herself from his lap.
"What do you want to do, Bambi?"Edward asked, with his trademark smirk. Isabella knew Bambi was a cartoon deer, she just didn't realize why Edward called her that. It didn't matter. He could call her his boo and it would make her heart flutter.
"Um...this," Isabella said touching her lips to his. Edwards hand rested on Isabella's jaw and it moved with it each time Isabella opened her mouth against his.
"Isabella, I don't know if this is right," Edward said, stopping the kiss.
"Edward, it's right. Stop fighting it," Isabella pleaded, kissing him again. "Let me in," Isabella whispered against his neck.
Edward allowed the kiss. Moving his mouth against hers, he stopped to suck on her top lip. The simple act of kissing Isabella made him forget all his worries. It had been so long since anyone had touched his heart like she was.
"What else do you want to do?" Edward asked, as he sucked on her earlobe.
"Nothing, this is perfect," Isabella panted.
"Well, I am not going to put on a show for these kids - they may not care, but I do," Edward told her.
Isabella was disappointed but also felt very special. Edward was right all along. Paul was content to bring her out and use her for his pleasure, while Edward wanted her to be more guarded with her emotions and body. She had plenty of time to experience life - she didn't need or want to be used.
The experience she was searching for was to be normal. And Edward was right, normal girls weren't sluts – sure, they had the choice to be - but it wasn't what Isabella wanted.
"I am really screwed up Bella," Edward told her.
"I don't care," Isabella told him.
Of course she would say she didn't care. Edward thought. She had no idea what she was getting herself into.
"And I am too selfish to walk away," Edward mumbled. "When I am with you, I feel normal. Like a man again."
"Well, you can't walk away, you're my bitch, remember?" Isabella laughed.
Edward thought it was ironic that he offered to be the one to protect her, since he felt like a time bomb waiting to explode.
Review? Please? I am working on a teaser.