SM Owns E and B – I don't
ScottishRose1028 is my lovely Beta for this story.
I really would love to get more people reading this – so if you like it – could you rec it for me please?
Isabella drove down the country road with her sister and Emmett, tears brimming in her eyes from walking away from Edward. Soon the country turned to suburbs, with apartment buildings and row homes on either side of her as reminders of why she left.
Edward needed to fix himself. She couldn't be his crutch; it wouldn't be fair to her, or the child she now carried. He had to come to terms with whatever he had done. She didn't doubt that he loved her – she doubted how much was pure love and how much was his need to feel safe.
He had told her he would protect her, but he also was using her to protect himself. They had collided into one another so forcefully, so full of need, and now Bella was dealing with the mistakes of her sins.
"Bella?" Rose asked cautiously from the front seat.
"Yes, Rose?" Bella asked.
"Are you going to tell me what's going on? What happened?" she asked her sister.
"I don't know what happened, Rose. But I refuse to marry Jacob, and make him take on the burden of raising someone else's child."
"No, but you could stay and marry the father, he is Amish, isn't he?" Rose asked. She had no idea about the man that was now living in her former bedroom.
"Not exactly, it's very complicated Rose." Isabella tried to explain that she didn't want to explain.
"Isabella, it's not a married man's child?" Rose asked, of course she would think the absolute worst.
"No, it's a very confused and broken, man's child," Isabella said, thinking of her first love. Remembering the way he had made love to her the last time. The way he cared for her, showed her with every touch how much he needed her.
She pushed the tears back and continued to stare out of the car window, watching buildings whiz by. Soon they arrived at the apartment complex. Emmett opened the door for his new sister, who climbed out carefully. Isabella looked around at her new home, praying that she was doing the best thing for Edward, the best thing for their baby, and for herself.
She didn't have time to think about her choice. She couldn't stay in the community and have a baby out of wedlock, and she couldn't marry the father until he was baptized. She loved Edward enough to marry him, even if it meant living the Amish lifestyle with him. But that was impossible. If it came out that Edward got her pregnant out of wedlock, they would both be shunned.
Soon, they arrived at the modest apartment Rose and Emmett lived in. Emmett carried Isabella's bag up as Rose showed her around the two bedroom apartment. Emmett placed the bag on the floor at Isabella's feet, and she smiled at him in response before he left to watch whatever sport happened to be on television.
Isabella sat awkwardly on the twin bed as she took in her new surroundings, thinking of Edward, and hoping she hadn't broken his heart too much.
Sweat and dirt dripped off of Edward's skin as he sat in a hole dug in the ground, a prisoner of war. The smell was worse then anything he had ever experienced before. He would have thrown up had he had anything to eat in the past two days. They had given him very little to eat and he could feel his body wasting away. The sunshine crept in through cracks on the trapdoor above him; it was the only light that he had seen. He could hear them coming now – the door opened above him, the light blinding his eyes. A man with a shotgun stood in front of the sun, and although Edward couldn't understand the language being spoken, he knew that the man wanted him out.
Is today the day? Edward thought to himself as he climbed out. The man walked behind Edward, the gun digging into his back until suddenly, Edward saw him. Another American solider. He noticed the group that had congregated around his fellow solider, one of the men videotaping the scene.
Edward was pushed forward, to the center, and he looked around. He was surrounded by enemies.
"Take," one said in broken English, handing Edward a heavy metal pipe. "Kill," he stated, pointing to the other solider who was crying out, screaming not to kill him.
"Fuck you all," Edward spat. "No fucking way!" He yelled at them as he threw down the blunt weapon.
The shotgun touched Edward's head. "Kill, you free. Don't kill, you die," the man said, handing him back the pipe.
"Please don't! Please don't," the other soldier begged. "Don't fucking do this!" Tears poured down Edward's face.
"Kill, you free! You go home!" The terrorist yelled over the desperate pleas from the other soldier. Edward knew that either way, he would die. If he didn't do it, they would kill the other soldier anyway – then they would kill him.
Edward heard the gun cock, and cried out as he swung the pipe as hard as he could, praying the first blow would be enough to kill the other soldier, that he wouldn't suffer. He hit him three more times and blood splattered his face and chest, as Edward screamed how sorry he was.
He collapsed onto the sand covered ground and wiped away the blood, sweat, and tears with the back of his arm after he threw the pipe away from him. It was silent for a moment. Edward heard the wind blow, and a gust of sand blinded his sight. When it settled, the soldier's body was replaced, as was the silence; in its place, swaddled in a blanket, was a crying infant.
Edward woke up in a cold sweat, breathing heavily, panting for air at the nightmare. Only it wasn't a nightmare – it was his reality. He couldn't escape it, he couldn't forget it. It haunted him every second of every day.
Then he remembered the end of the nightmare, the baby. He didn't know what that meant. In reality, after he had murdered the soldier, they had released him into the desert where he had wandered until helicopters located him. There was never a baby. Edward couldn't imagine why he would dream about a baby, a baby just as real, just as touchable as that metal pipe.
It was the first dream that strayed from the truth of what had happened that day. All the drugs that they had pumped into him when he returned – the Army's failed attempts in dealing with soldiers who were suffering from PTSD was a joke as far as Edward was concerned – an opinion shared by his father, a respected doctor.
His father was working hard trying to bring awareness to the Army, to try to help them learn to heal the returning soldiers. In all honesty he didn't thing they weren't doing much better now than when they had called it 'shell shock' during the first two World Wars.
Edward slept very little in the days following his Bella's absence. He worked outside with the horses in a zombie-like state. He even took Bella's horse RJ for a ride through the trails by the school. That was where he saw Sarah.
She sat under a tall tree by the school yard, reading a book. Edward wasn't sure why he was drawn to her, why he rode the horse up and dismounted, but he did.
Sarah stood with a smile, and brushed her dress down, letting her book lie face down in the tall grass.
Edward held the horse's reins as he greeted Sarah.
"Edward, it's very nice to see you," Sarah said, petting the horse's nose. "Did you know that a horse has amazing peripheral vision?" she asked.
"I don't know much about horses, Bella was just teaching me to ride before she left," Edward told her.
"See, how his ears just pointed at you? That is how you can tell where he is looking. His ears will point in the direction he is looking," Sarah explained. "How is Bishop Swan doing since Isabella left?"
"As well as can be expected," Edward told her, as he thought to himself how Charles was taking it much better then he was.
"I certainly miss her, it was very nice getting to know her at the school when she helped me," Sarah told Edward.
Edward just nodded; he didn't want to talk about her. Part of him hated the way she had left, so fast, so abruptly. It left him feeling anger towards her, like she had abandoned him. She had known how much she calmed him, had helped him get through panic attacks. Thoughts like these, soon brought on guilt. He felt selfish for wishing she stayed for him. He didn't want her to stay and always wish she was somewhere else, anywhere but there. He knew he had to let her go.
"How do you like the church services?" She asked him.
"I..ah...well, I haven't gotten a good hold of the German, so, I don't understand all of it," Edward said a bit embarrassed as he tilted his head to the side, his fingers automatically going to his hair.
"I could teach you," Sarah told him.
"I would like that," Edward said.
"Do you have anywhere to be? We could start now," she suggested, anxious to spend time with him.
"Now? I suppose now is a better time than any," Edward shrugged. Sarah smiled at him, her blue eyes locking with his. She let out a small laugh as she looked down, and toyed with her apron.
She looked back and took the horse's reins from Edward, "Follow me," she said, walking toward the small rundown horse stable. She put the horse safely inside, enjoying the short walk she had just shared with Edward.
She began telling him words in German, followed by English, laughing at his attempts to pronounce some of the words.
"Himmel," Sarah said, "is Heaven,"
Edward repeated the word carefully; he did remember hearing it several times.
"Unsah fadder im himmel, is our Father who art in heaven,"
"Fadder?" Edward asked, trying not to laugh.
"Yes, fadder," Sarah told him, not understanding his amusement with the word.
"It's like a three year old trying to say father, that is all," Edward attempted to explain.
Sarah shrugged, "It's our language Edward, it's how we speak. She translated the entirety of the Lord's Prayer with Edward, who didn't find the rest of the translation so amusing or nearly as easy. He could almost see the relationship in the first sentence of the prayer, but the rest was not as simple.
"Do you like poems?" she asked.
"I can appreciate them," Edward told her.
"See if you can figure out any of the words," Sarah told him as they sat beneath a tree.
"Heut is 's xäctly zwanzig Johr
Dass ich bin owwe naus;
Nau bin ich widder lewig z'rück
Und steh am Schulhaus an d'r Krick
Juscht nächst ans Daddy's Haus."
Edward stared at her blankly, "Ah, Daddy?" he asked.
"Close, grandpa," Sarah explained. "Any other words?" she asked.
"Haus, house?" he looked at her for confirmation. She nodded at him, "xäctly, exactly?" He wasn't so sure of that one, but it sounded close. She smiled at him wide and confirmed. "Schulhaus. Schoolhouse?"
"Yes! See you are learning," Sarah beamed.
"It's easy with such a great teacher," Edward returned the smile. "Can you translate the poem into English for me?"
"Sure," Sarah said,
"Today it's exactly twenty years
Since I went up and away;
Now I have returned, once more alive
And stand at the schoolhouse by the creek
Just next to Grandpa's house."
"You like that poem?" Edward asked.
"It sounds nicer in the language it was written in, the translation does not flow as well," Sarah explained.
"I see," Edward said, leaning against the rough bark on the tree behind him. "Listen, I had a really nice time today, and I appreciate everything you taught me today, but I think I better get back," he told her.
"Of course," Sarah said, as they both stood.
"Would it be okay if we did this again tomorrow maybe?" Edward asked her.
"Same place, same time?" Sarah asked shyly.
"Ja," Edward told her, showing off his new limited vocabulary. "Danke," Edward thanked her again.
"Nichts zu danken," Sarah blushed.
Rosalie made plans to take Bella to the doctor's. But first, she made Isabella sit down at a computer and fill out information in order to get health insurance through the state.
Once they made it to the doctor's and had an ultrasound done, Bella found out the date of conception – the very first time that she and Edward had been together. That had been over two months ago, how had it taken her so long to figure it out?
"Well you are due in June, you can have the baby and go back right at the end of the school year. It will give you plenty of time to marry by November, Bella."
"And I just leave my baby with you?" Bella asked her sister as they drove away from the doctor's office.
"Yeah, I can't carry any children, Bella. I would love it, care for it as if it were my own." Rosalie said. And she meant every word.
"Yeah, but Rose, that is if I want to go back," she pointed out. "And what if Edward finds me?" Isabella asked, secretly hoping that he couldn't live without her once she left, and that he had left to find her.
"Edward? Who is Edward?" Rosalie asked, making a sharp turn.
"The father," Bella told her lowering her voice as she rubbed her stomach.
"This screwed up guy?" Rosalie asked, crinkling her eyebrows.
"He is getting help, if he knew all this was going on, he wouldn't be able to get the help that he needs," Isabella explained.
"What kind of help Izzy?" Rosalie asked, her tone dripping with worry.
"He was in the war, he suffers post-traumatic stress from everything that he saw, and he came to Daddy for help. To learn how we live; away from violence and to learn forgiveness. He hasn't learned it yet. If I want any chance for him to help me with our child, I can't have him as sick as he is. He needs to find his peace," Isabella told her sister.
"Well, you have thirty-two weeks to figure it all out, child. What a mess." Rosalie tsk-ed her sister.
"How is Rosie?" Rosalie asked, changing the subject.
"Won't let anyone near him hardly." Isabella told her. "Daddy's been working with him a little, but he hasn't gotten too far with him. Edward says he misses you." Isabella didn't want to upset Rosalie; she wished she could take back that last sentence, so she quickly changed the subject. "I want to go to school, Rose," Isabella told her.
"Bella, I don't know...I mean high school kids can be mean, and you'll be pregnant," Rosalie began.
"Rosie, I am not going to make friends. I want to go to learn. Please?" Isabella asked.
"Fine, but if you don't like it, just tell me. Don't feel like you have to stay and be tough," Rosalie said, looking at her.
"Rose, since when have we ever cared about what people think of us?" I asked, pointing out all the years Amish Paradise was blasted from teenager's cars as they drove past, or as they sat outside one of delis owned by Amish while playing that song. After all the looks, stares, and comments – Isabella could handle being pregnant in high school.
Isabella and Rose went through all the necessary steps in order for Bella to be admitted as a sophomore at the local high school. It wasn't easy, since she only had up to an eighth grade education, but thanks to all the extra reading and studying she did outside of school, she tested in at a tenth grade level.
The night before her first day, Isabella couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned, anxious for the day to begin. When she finally did fall asleep it was anything but peaceful,
Isabella walked down a crowded, noisy hallway, the kids laughing and joking with one another, all stopping to stare at her. She looked down at herself, her belly huge, her hair in buns, in her Amish clothing. She grabbed her stomach, surprised at how big it had grown. She pushed past everyone and opened the door labeled 'ladies room'.
When she opened the door to a stall there was no toilet, instead Isabella entered a new hallway.
Isabella walked down a hallway lined with lockers, not a soul in sight. She was scared and shaking, tears clouding her vision. She wanted to call out, but fear paralyzed her voice. She screamed for Edward in her mind, hoping the words would leave her lips. She reached down to feel her stomach – the basketball sized bump was gone.
EDWARD, she silently screamed in her head.
She looked down, her thighs were stained with blood – she could feel the blood trickling down her legs.
EDWARD, she screamed again.
Panic hit her. She began to run, trying to open all the doors, looking for someone to help her. She heard gunshots ring and a sob escaped her chest. None of the doors would open, as she desperately tried each one.
She heard the gunshots getting closer and she ran faster. She came to the last door; on the glass it read 'History'. She grabbed the doorknob and turned it, relief washing over her as she pushed it open.
A cloud of what seemed to be sand made it impossible for her to see. It was clear that this door had led her to somewhere different.
That is when she saw him, her Edward – covered in blood and dirt, in his army fatigues, a bloody pipe on the ground, but he was quiet and calm as he picked up a swaddled infant.
Isabella ran to him, knowing that is was their baby, and he and the baby suddenly vanished.
"Bella, Bella! Wake up!" She heard Emmett yell as he shook her. She opened her eyes wide with horror.
"You're having a nightmare," he told her. "Do you always scream in your sleep? You're gonna scare the neighbors," he chuckled. Isabella didn't find it funny. She could feel the sweat, feel her heart racing; her throat was even scratchy from the way she must have been screaming.
"I never have nightmares," she told him.
"Well, this Edward guy must be pretty scary," Emmett said. "Don't worry – only Freddy can hurt you in your sleep," Emmett tried to joke with her, but Isabella knew nothing of Freddy Krueger or Nightmare on Elm Street.
And she never wanted to have a nightmare again. She flipped the sweat covered pillow over before she lay back down, and waited for the sun to come up, afraid of what she might see if she slept again.
Rosalie took her sister shopping for clothes – not too many, since in a matter of months they wouldn't fit her. Isabella pulled out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt she had secretly taken from Edward's room before she left.
She tied it in a knot on the side of her hip, and slipped on a pair of chucks. Rosalie dropped her off at the front of the school. Isabella stepped out of the car and looked up the steps to the front doors of the school.
It was massive compared to the one-room schoolhouse she was used to. She hoped she wouldn't get lost as she took the steps one at a time. She reached the double doors, and pulled one open, revealing a long hallway lined with lockers. Noisy teenagers lined the halls, and lockers slammed shut. Isabella reached for her stomach, just to make sure and it was still flat. She noticed that some kids stopped to stare at her, but there was no huge bump or Amish clothes, so there was no reason for them to stare.
Then it hit her, she was the new girl. They were going to stare. She looked at her feet and nearly bumped into an unsuspecting Mike Newton.
"Sorry," she mumbled stepping to the left of him.
"It's cool, are you lost?" he asked her.
"I, ah...I just need to find the main office," Isabella said looking up at him.
"Right there," he pointed it out, a few doors down. "I'm Mike," he said extending the hand that wasn't holding an arm full of books.
"Bella," Isabella pointed at herself. "I have to go," she said walking forward slowly, "It was nice to meet you," she added as Mike smiled goofy at her.
"See you around, Bella." Mike's grin never fell as he walked away, a new spring in his step.
Bella stood outside the door to the office, she took a deep breath and she entered, realizing her dream was much scarier than reality. With a smile she introduced herself and began her day, as a normal English girl.
So, Reviews are fuckawesome – almost as good as Rob partying with John Stamos and Bob Saget this past weekend – and I love them. Now, for the amount of people who have this on alert – it doesn't show in reviews – So please, if you wait for updates and come read – leave some of your thoughts, it's one of the few rewards authors of FF get in return for their writing.
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