Title: Dying

Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Captain Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Mentions Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper, Gray, Lisa Hallett, Gwen Cooper

Warnings: Angsty

Summary: Dealing with death (Ianto's POV)

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Torchwood 'cause then I'd be all like "Hey, back off, Ianto belongs to me!" but I don't.

Not them. Anyone but them. I stared at Toshiko's desk from my seat at Gwen's. She'd gone home hours ago and Jack had gone out a good hour ago too. I couldn't comprehend what had happened. It all went so quickly. Just as soon as I had Jack back, had him in my arms and his pheromones playing with my senses again, I had lost Tosh and Owen. Had to watch her die, the smell of her blood so strong. All I wanted to do was scream, was to shoot Gray but I couldn't. It would only hurt Jack and he was right. There had been enough death.

All I could do was stare at her desk. She should be there now. She should be there and I should be laughing and telling her to go home, that she works too hard. She would smile her shy smile and say she just needed to run one more scan or someone like that. She really did work too hard. I don't care what Jack said, she was the one who got us where we needed to be. I moved my eyes to the Autopsy bay. A shiver ran down my spine. I didn't want to think of it, of how it still smelt of Toshiko's blood.

I thought of Owen, brave Owen, dying all alone. But he wasn't alone; he had Tosh with him, even if it wasn't in person. It would be quiet now. He wouldn't have his games blasting or his comments to throw in. I'd lost a friend. I don't care what anyone would say, I was closer to him than I let on. I was going to miss him. But it was worse than all that. I'd lost family as well as friends. We were broken now and nothing would ever entirely fill the cracks.

I kept playing Toshiko's video in my head, playing her saying those words. Owen. You never knew. I love you. He'll never know. It cut, we all knew it but he didn't. The one person who needed to.

The cog door rolled open but I didn't move, still staring at the wall. I knew who it was anyway.

"You still hear?" My captain's voice rang through the hub as his feet clanged against the metal grills of the floor.

"Yep." I murmured, still not moving.

"…Are you okay?" Jack stopped next to me; I could feel his eyes on me.

"Fine."

He sighed, "No you're not."

"Then why'd you ask?"

"Why so defensive?"

I shook my head, closing my eyes for a moment, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

"Ianto," Jack mumbled, "I know that you like to put a brave face on for the team, to help look after everybody, but it's just me now. I know you shed a few tears earlier but I also know that there is so much more pent up emotion in you and I'm here for you. I'm here to look after you now."

I didn't want to say anything but Jack had a way of making me talk, "Why them?"

"I wish I knew." He replied simply.

"Why not me? Of anyone of us that could've died today, it should've been me."

"Don't say that. Please don't say that."

"They had so much to live for."

"So do you. You know you do."

"I can't stop thinking about her, about that video."

"I know, I can't either."

I stared at her desk again. It was no one else's and it never would be.

"…Ianto? Look at me, please?"

I sighed before looking up at Jack. His smile so heart wrenchingly painful to look at. He wore that for me, wore it to let me know I was safe with him.

"You know I'm here, don't you?"

I looked at the floor for a moment. I slowly got up and turned to Jack, so many emotions swimming through me. Sadness, anger, hate, love. It was all so overwhelming. Before Jack had a chance to say anything, I had pulled him into a bone crushing hug, trying to fill the void their deaths had left. I rested my head in the crook of Jack's neck and tried to let him know I would be okay but it was useless. He and I both knew I wouldn't be.

"It's okay Yan. I'm so sorry."

"I can't do this anymore."

"Yes you can." Jack said sternly.

"No I can't." I looked into his eyes, "I've lost everything to this job. I lost Lisa; I've lost Toshiko and Owen. I don't want to lose Gwen." I looked away now, "I don't want to lose you."

"You won't."

"You don't know that." I looked back into his icy blue eyes, "You said yourself that you don't know if it'll wear off, if one day you'll stay dead. I don't want that for you, not you too. So I can't do this. I can't watch as more of the people I love die around me."

Jack's grip on my shoulders tightened, "Listen to me. I'm not going anywhere. You can't leave because I don't think I could handle losing you too. Not you."

"Face it. In the end I'm just another notch on your bedpost Jack. Nobody lives forever, except for you."

"Don't you say that Ianto, don't you think of yourself like that."

"I know you care about me now. I'm not saying you don't. I'm saying that in the end, in a thousand years time, you won't remember me."

"I will though, I promise you I will."

"I miss them. It's only been a few hours but I miss them so much. I need to get away from this."

"Please don't leave Ianto."

"Why not?"

"Because," Jack looked away and I could tell this was hard for him, "It would be worse than dying if you left. I'd be…I'd be numb. I'd be cold. I need you."

"No you don't." I refused to believe his beautifully maddening words.

"I do. Ianto," He tilted my chin to make me look into those beautiful eyes again, "I need you so much but right now, I need you to let me look after you, comfort you."

I stared into the sparkling pools for a moment, mesmerized by them and his voice. I pulled him closer for a strong kiss. He moved closer kissing me softly and running his hands along my body. His every touch was like electricity, making me tingle all over.

"Promise me you'll stay." He murmured into my lips.

I sighed into his, mumbling as I ran my hand into his hair and pulled him back for another kiss, "I'll stay, for you."

A/N: Yep I put some COE references in there xD