SM owns, not me
*****************IMPORTANT author note at the bottom, please read it!*****************
ScottishRose1028 is my awesome beta, and HippieStar truly rocks when I am trying to figure these wacky kids out, cause I'm telling you, they aren't being very helpful in telling me where the heck they belong.
Unfortunately, there is going to be a sacrifice, but isn't there always in a good story? I hope you enjoy this chapter as much I as do. The story is winding down, and I love you all so much for reading it, reviewing, rec'ing it on your blogs. One more chapter and an Epi, and srsly if more of you reviewed, even just to say hello, it mean a lot to know you were still with me!
"Not all wounds are superficial. Most wounds run deeper than you can imagine. You can't see them with the naked eye. And then there are the wounds that take us by surprise. The trick with any kind of wound or disease is to dig down and find the real source of the pain - and once you've found it, try like hell to heal that sucker"
Bella followed Edward up the three steps toward the bedroom. He had given her a quick tour earlier in the day when they had first arrived. He showed her the two bathrooms, the deck outside the rounded windows, the guest room, and his room. When she went to open the third bedroom door, Edward stopped her.
"I don't use that room anymore," he told her.
"Oh..." Bella shrugged. She stopped and turned to Edward. She wanted to ask about the room, but she stopped herself. "I...ah, I wanted to call my sister," Bella explained to him. She was sure Rose was worried sick. It wasn't as if she could go to Lancaster or call anyone there to see how things were. Bella knew the only way they would talk is if she called. She felt guilty for not calling sooner, but she was still upset over Rose lying to Edward. Even if that did seem trivial after the week they had.
"Yeah, the phone's on the kitchen wall next to the fridge," Edward told her.
Edward didn't want Bella to feel like she was being listened to, so he continued into the bedroom. He pulled off his jeans, and slipped in his favorite sweat pants. Then he climbed under the black and blue covers on his bed, attempting to stay out of whatever caused Bella to raise her voice out in the living room. This was her fight. He would be waiting for her if she needed a hug or someone to be on her side when she came in to go to sleep.
Edward rested his arm behind his head, as he started at the ceiling, waiting for his Bella to come keep him warm. Make him feel safe. His eyes were heavy, and Bella's conversation was taking much longer then he expected. He couldn't stay awake, and he fell into a deep sleep.
~X~
"You are in Chicago? Bella, the community just had a terrible tragedy and you should be there! Not with that Edward, in Chicago!"
"Rose you don't know anything. Dad went to his funeral; they are helping his family with food and money donations. And they forgive him. Yet you are shunned. It makes no sense to me. Why can't he forgive you and allow you to visit? It's so frustrating there! I attended all the services. We attended all the services. It's more than just running away. Everyone is saying that about Edward, but let's look at this logically Rose, Edward is running back. Because he ran away from here before he ran from the Amish." Bella lectured her sister on what she thought needed to be said about the situation and how she thought they were handling themselves.
"So, are you not coming back? Is that where you are going to start your life?" Rose asked.
"I'm not sure, yet. Okay? We haven't had much time to think about everything. We agreed that right now, this is where we should be. Have the baby. Give me some time here to see if I like it."
"And what is Edward going to do to support you, Bella? What about going to school? Emmett and I can take care of you. You can go to school and we can help with the baby. If you want to leave the baby with us, you know I will love it as my own."
"I know Rose, but it's not fair if I don't explore all my options. And being here with Edward is one of them. He said he can join the police force; he just has to do a twelve week course. I can go to school here, or get my GED. I'm not saying I have made my choice; I'm just giving it a chance. I can't pick the best choice for you, or the best choice for Daddy, I have to pick the best choice for me."
"Pfft...and Edward," Rose said his name as if it would burn her tongue.
"Yes and Edward, and our daughter. And you have to give him a chance because he will always be in my life." Bella went on to discuss more things, and Rose said she and Emmett wanted to fly out for a weekend to give Edward that chance.
When Bella crept inside the large bedroom, she didn't hesitate to place her head on Edward's chest. "I love you," she whispered to his sleeping form, and with a kiss on the cheek she closed her eyes.
~X~
"Sarah!" Edward screamed as violent water crashed below.
Sarah was hanging on a ledge. The fall wasn't high enough to kill her, but she kept telling Edward she couldn't swim. Edward knew if she fell she would drown.
"Don't let go! Look at me," Edward said, "Don't look down! Look me in the eyes!" He reached out his hand as her shaky hand went for his but she wasn't strong enough, and she screamed as her body hit the water.
"FUCK! SARAH!" Edward yelled as he watched her surface, gasping for air. He saw a rock, and he knew he needed to get her to that rock.
Bella woke up when she heard Edward scream for Sarah. "Edward!" she said shaking up awake. "It's just a dream babe, just a dream," she soothed his sweaty hair. He caught his breath and fell back onto the pillow. "Sorry," he said to the ceiling. "Don't be," Bella said bringing herself closer to him.
"What's worse? New wounds which are so horribly painful or old wounds that should've healed years ago and never did? Maybe our old wounds teach us something. They remind us where we've been and what we've overcome. They teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future. That's what we like to think. But that's not the way it is, is it? Some things we just have to learn over and over and over again."
The next day, Edward wanted to take Bella to his favorite place in Chicago. When he was growing up, he loved going to the Navy Pier. He usually went with his Nanny, but on the best days, his dad would take him.
When he first laid eyes on the uniformed men, he knew he wanted to be like them. Strong, proud, independent, fearless. That idea stuck in his head until the day he enlisted. Edward told Bella stories about his childhood, and all the fun he had there. How he skinned his knee running to get in line for the swings, and then threw up, the spinning not agreeable with his stomach. Then his dad bought him a Navy shirt, that read 'Take on a role that defies convention' and an ice cream cone to make him feel better. Edward still owned that shirt, even with all the holes his mother had sewed up.
He told her how he loved to wear his Cubs hat and go into the pitching cages, and see how fast he could make the ball fly. When he came with his dad, he used to go on the bumper cars with him.
"He would always tease me, cause he'd say I kept hitting the same car on purpose, because there was a cute girl and I had a crush. I would be mortified, cause he'd always wave at her. Can't complain though, that's how I got my first girlfriend when I was twelve," Edward smirked.
It was windy, and the water was choppy beneath them when they walked down the pier to enjoy the view. The boats were all so huge. Bella wanted to ride one, but first she wanted to go on the merry go round. Edward said he couldn't handle the spinning.
"You big baby! It's a sissy ride!" Bella laughed at him.
"I can't help it. I don't like going around in circles okay?" Edward teased her back by pulling her closer to him by her jacket.
A boat went by causing a big wave to crash against the pier. "Oh my God!" Edward was frantic looking into the choppy water; he began to shrug out of his jacket.
"Edward, what is it?" Bella asked, trying to see what he saw in the water below. He didn't think twice as he jumped off the pier. He landed with a sting into the cold water and searched for her.
"SARAH!" he called out over and over.
"Edward!" Bella called down to him. He was searching the water for a ghost. Bella felt warm tears run down her face as she called for him. "She isn't there Edward! PLEASE! Come out!"
He looked under water for her, still nothing. He was having trouble swimming in the water. A black wave came up and brought him under. He struggled to reach the surface, but then his head hit the wooden pole that secured the pier. And then he stopped. A light called to him in the distance and he swam toward it.
"OH GOD!" Bella screamed when she didn't see him come back up. "HELP! Somebody help! My boyfriend is in there!" People came running over, and luckily the Coast Guard wasn't far. Edward's body floated to the surface, face down. "Oh please Lord! Don't take him from me!" Bella cried as they pulled him out of the water and began to do CPR.
She raced down the steps and onto the beach to be by his side.
In the water, Edward kept swimming toward the light. He saw the faces of all the girls that were killed, even Sarah's. They were smiling. Edward had a nagging feeling that he should still be fighting but he still swam over.
"Join, us" Sarah said clearly even though she was underwater.
Edward looked up at the surface, he saw Bella looking down at him, her eyes frantic, wide with fear. He swan towards the light.
Edward awoke on a beach, coughing out water, as Sarah sat by his side, tossing pebbles into the vast ocean.
"What happened in that water?" Sarah asked.
"I saw you...drowning. I jumped in. I swam, I fought." Edward coughed up some water.
"No, you didn't, and you can't stay here, Edward." Sarah told him
"I don't want to! I have no idea what the hell to do!" Edward argued with her.
"Yeah, you do. It's easier here, but you can't stay. Because your parents already lost you twice, Bella will lose you, all those parents lost their children, and then your baby will lose you..."
"Stop!" Edward yelled, upset.
"They are barely breathing - this would break them, and none of them deserves that. And this, this is the big one, so you pay attention. Do you know what kind of miracle it is that Bella is who she is? Do you know how rare it is that someone like her even exists? She is still an optimist. She still believes in true love and magic and soul mates. She's waiting for you, and if you don't come back from this...you will change who she is."
"I can't," Edward told her, hoping she would let him stay.
Sarah stood up from the sandy beach, and Edward chased after her. Before he knew it, he was looking at the future. A future where he wasn't there.
He peered into a bassinet that held his beautiful baby daughter. She had his eyes. But everything else was all Bella. She began to cry, and that was when he saw Emmett come to pick her up. "Shhh, I got you," he soothed.
Edward turned to Sarah. "Where is Bella? Why isn't she taking care of our child?" Edward asked.
Sarah wouldn't tell him any answers, just showed him. She brought Edward back to his condo. It looked the same, except there were portraits of Edward sketched all over the spacious walls. Bella was not who she once was. She was broken. Black words weaved through the sketches of his face. "Come back." "We need you." "I love you."
Sarah led him out the front door, but they now stood in a park. Edward easily picked out his daughter from the crowd. She began to run to him, yelling "Daddy!" He smiled waiting to feel her in his arms, but she went straight through him, and into the arms of Emmett.
"Bella couldn't stand to see you in her eyes. She changed." Sarah explained to him.
"What happens to her?" Edward asked. Again, Sarah had no words, and led him between two trees.
They walked into Edward's bedroom and Edward knew that years had passed. Bella was lifeless on the bed, a needle still inside her vein. She was gone. Edward choked on a sob at the sight of her.
"Does our daughter know about us?" Edward cautiously asked the future.
"She does, Bella arranged for your trust fund to become hers...I guess I can show you," Sarah said, opening the bedroom window. Edward followed her out, the fall landing them in a stack of hay.
Edward recognized the place...Charles' home. He knew without a doubt that the beautiful girl sitting across from him was his daughter. Her long brown hair with red highlights and piercing green eyes. She had the same mannerisms as her mother.
"Why did they leave?" she asked.
"To face their fears." Charles offered. "It was very brave of them to go."
"I'm angry at them...they both killed themselves...I have this money...from him," she said with disdain. "And I want you to donate it. You knew him."
"I did, and he'd want his daughter to have it," Charles told her, rubbing his completely grey beard.
"I have a father, he makes sure I am taken care of," she said placing a black book on the table. "That's everything. I don't want any parts of the people that made me," she said upon standing up and literally walking right through Edward.
"I have to go," Edward said.
~X~
The EMT pounded on Edward's chest for thirty counts, and then gave him a breath of air, as a girl begged on the other side of the beach for him not to leave her.
"You can't do this to me Edward!" she cried through another sob. "I can't do this without you!" she yelled at him.
The medic performing CPR on Edward wasn't very optimistic. "It's been too long, we need to call it," he said sitting back, his arms heavy from the chest compressions.
"Give up?" Bella yelled at him. "You can't just give up! He wouldn't leave me like that! Please!" She cried burying her head in the crook of his neck. "Edward, please I need you. We need you. Please," she whimpered.
She wasn't going to give up, she began to copy what she had just seen the man do before her, what she had seen Edward do the past week at the school house, and she began chest compressions. Before she went to give him oxygen she kissed his cold blue lips. Before she could give him the air she breathed, he coughed violently, his back rising off the sand. Water ejected from his mouth. The medics were back at his side, calling it a miracle. Bella just hugged him close, and she knew as long as she never gave up on Edward, he would never give up on her.
Bella rode in the ambulance with Edward on the way to the hospital. She never let her hand fall out of his. His father was paged to come, and his mother arrived frantically. They were waiting in the empty room for him to return when a tall man in green scrubs with olive skin, bright blue eyes, and short black hair walked in.
"Sam!" Esme stood and hugged him. "How is he?" she asked.
"He needs to be watched for the next forty-eight hours for pulmonary edema since he inhaled water. Plus, we'll need to watch for renal failure. His blood pressure was low for too long." Sam explained.
When Bella looked lost by all the medical talk, Carlisle filled her in, after introducing her to Edward's best friend, a first year resident.
"They are afraid his lungs may have been aggravated, causing them to swell. This can lead to him drowning in his own body fluids. It's called drowning after drowning." Carlisle paused when Bella covered her mouth; she thought Edward was safe from drowning. Esme reached out and put her hand on Bella's shoulder to show her some comfort. "And renal failure is his kidneys. They play a very important role in ridding the body of toxins and controlling blood pressure."
"Is he...I mean, what are the chances of these things happening?" Bella asked.
"We don't expect any of these complications but we are going to be looking for them. In a few days, I'm sure he can go home," Sam smiled warmly at Bella.
When they asked Edward what happened, Bella begged him with her eyes not to lie. She mouthed "Get help...for us." He swallowed back his pride and he told them.
He jumped in after a ghost. Bella was proud; she smiled at him, kissed his temple and whispered a thank you into his ear. He squeezed her hand in return.
Once Edward was settled in a hospital bed, the psychiatrist, Dr. Dawn came in. She asked Bella to give them a moment to talk, but Edward insisted she stay.
Edward began to open up to the doctor about Sarah and the shooting. He knew he needed therapy, and he knew he would have to dig deeper than the shooting, but right now, he had jumped in to save a girl that was dead. That was what he wanted to talk about.
"Since the shooting, I feel like someone ripped out my stomach, filled the hole with asphalt. I laugh every time I remember that I'm never going to talk to Sarah again, because it just sounds like the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I can't believe it's real. But every time I look at her-" Edward paused to smile at Bella, "I feel better. It shocks me. It knocks my wind out, but it's true. I'd be happy just look at you from across the room. And even that, anything, any piece of you and hopefully, all of you... that'd be the best thing. Because I love you." Edward finished, never taking his eyes off Bella.
"I love you," she whispered back, making the doctor feel like she was intruding.
After he was released from the hospital, Edward began looking into training as a police officer, but since he was getting treated for PTSD, he was considered a liability, and told he couldn't start the training. It set him back, but also pushed him harder to get the help he needed. He was too proud to support Bella and their baby with his trust fund. He needed a job. Any job.
His first official meeting with Dr. Dawn, he told her about his time in the Army, leaving out nothing. Not even the fact that he wouldn't change a thing if it meant never having Bella - which made him feel guilty all over again. He wouldn't save a life if it meant losing Bella?
"Edward, some people believe that without history, our lives amount to nothing. I think you believe this. At some point we all have to choose: do we fall back on what we know or do we step forward to something new? It's hard not to be haunted by our past. Our history is what shapes us... what guides us. Our history resurfaces time after time after time. So we have to remember sometimes the most important history is the history we're making today." She explained to him.
"I just don't know how to come to grips with everything, I don't know why I feel like the only one in the world struggling with all this stuff haunting me, it's...it's exhausting. And I am scared." Edward finished, running his fingers through his hair.
"It's good to be scared; it means you still have something to lose."
He went home and began to share with Bella everything Dr. Dawn told him.
"BB, I don't know anyone who isn't haunted by something or someone. I mean, if I stay here, I don't know how to let go of my family. My father and mother, they will be alone. That will haunt me. So the only way we can clear out the cobwebs is to turn a new page or put the old story to rest."
"Is that what you want to do with me? Here?" Edward asked.
"I don't know Edward. I mean, you died. For like the longest two minutes of my life, you were dead. Because you saw something that wasn't there. I mean, is this the best place for us?"
"When I drowned, it was different for you than it was for me. Something happened to me, and I really don't know how to explain it without sounding like...I just feel different - I wanna be better at everything. Before I went in that water everything was so … complicated. Hard. And then they pulled me out of the water …and I came back to life. For a moment everything was so clear, as if the water had washed everything clean."
Soooo reviews are always an amazing gift, and you can do it anonymously, I accept anonymous reviews for all my stories. And teasers are available for those that ask.
I just wanted to let everyone know, I am working on something new, with a new author. So, put me on author alert. It's different from anything I have written. It's college, it's betrayal, family loyalties are tested...It's first person present tense, which is soooo much fun to write. It's called Sad Songs for Dirty Lovers...and it should be posting really soon under the penname DirtySecerts10, so if you want to put that account on alert, and come support what looks to be a angsty new story (link to that account on my profile) I'd love you all to come on that journey with us!