Now that it is officially my ghost writing this chapter after I died of happiness watching the newest episode…
Love
"And I will always love you," ~ Whitney Houston, I Will Always Love You
Eli was numb. He just sat there, staring at his bedroom door. He traced all the crevices with his eyes. They existed, but were dulled down so they no longer looked like real cracks. But they were still there. They could sand the wood as much they wanted but the twists and knots would never disappear.
When he finally started feeling something, hate was the first word that came to mind. He didn't hate Clare for breaking up with him. He didn't hate Eva for telling Clare about the two of them. No, he hated himself. He hated himself for believing that he and Clare would've ever worked out. He was just being greedy thinking that she would reciprocate his feelings.
After the hate passed, he could only feel love. It was an emotion that was such a contrast to his previous state of mind. His heart ached for Clare so much it physically hurt. He wanted to touch her, hold her, love her. He had messed it up though. Why did he always do that? Why couldn't he ever prevent himself from breaking his own heart?
His mind switched over to Eva. He didn't know his feelings for her. He remembered when they first met. They were each other in the other gender. She was witty and smart. Whenever she'd look at him, he'd melt. But there was no way he had been in love with her. He didn't want to be lonely anymore. He wanted some one who would care about him. Someone to love him.
He was knocked out of his thoughts by a soft rapping on his door. He didn't respond, just blinked and waited for his guest to either leave or come in. They apparently chose the latter.
"Eli," it was Eva. She stepped all the way in. Her face was soft, yet pained. She looked like she'd been thinking too deeply about something. Something that didn't concern her, yet it did. She looked as if she'd aged years with only a few hours of contemplation.
The boy sat up fully on his bed. "I'm sorry, Eva," he knew he owed her something. She shook her head and sat at the foot of his bed. Her eyes looked soft, shining like the ocean. But instead of that reminding him of their fling, he thought of Clare. She had the same eyes.
"I think I should be the one saying that," she replied, her voice quiet and innocent. She looked down at her lap. Her shorts had ridden up to reveal the scars all up her thighs. Eli examined them like he had so many times. He reached forward and ran his fore finger up the longest one.
"I didn't mean to hurt you," he said truthfully. He could feel the raised bump of the healed scar. His finger couldn't stop feeling it as much as his brain told him not to.
"I know you didn't…" she looked across the room at one of his posters, "I was just jealous. You brought this new girl you were crazy about in and I thought you'd forget about me."
She sighed heavily and put her hand on top of his. She intertwined her fingers through his and toyed with one of his rings. Like him feeling her scars, it was her thing with him. Whenever she was scared or nervous, she'd grab his hand and feel better. She'd slide the ring up and down, feeling the ease of it going up and down his smooth skin.
"I love her," Eli breathed, looking at their hands. Eva looked up at him, her eyes glassy with tears that threatened to fall.
"I know," she nodded, a tear sliding down her cheek. Eli inhaled sharply and ran his free thumb down her cheek.
"Don't cry, Evi," his lips flickered with a small smile. She smirked, grinning.
"You know I'll always love you…" she confessed. He nodded, knowingly.
"I will too. But I won't always be in love with you," he explained. She looked down at their hands and pulled her small one out of his grasp. Eli kept his on her leg. He closed his eyes and removed it, tugging the ring she'd obsessed over off his finger. He handed it to her.
"What's this?" she asked, looking at him. The entire time she had known him, he'd never taken it off.
"Keep it. I know how much you love it."
She smiled again and leaned forward, hugging him. He returned the embrace. When they pulled away, Eva stood. She smoothed her jean shorts, fully covering her cuts. It was like putting the scars of Eli to rest. She would still have to look at them, but for now, they were gone.
She was just about to leave before turning back into the room.
"She loves you too…" she told, "She's just scared."
Clare was staying with the Torres' that night. Adam had welcomed her to stay with them the second she told him about her and Eli's fight. She sat on her friend's bed, flipping through a discarded comic book.
"So who is this Eva girl anyway?" Adam asked as he walked back into the room with a laundry basket. He started folding up his things while waiting for Clare's response.
"Eli's beautiful sister slash ex-girlfriend," Clare sat up all the way on the bed. Adam looked over at her with an eyebrow raised.
"Excuse me?"
"She's adopted. They dated when she was still his foster sister. But they broke up…sort of. She'd still obsessed with him."
"Then what's the problem? They broke up," Adam reasoned. He didn't completely understand what Clare's entire issue was. She seemed to be overreacting.
Clare stood up and walked over to Adam. She grabbed one of the clothing items off the top of the basket and started folding it. "But I had to wait for her to tell me…not him. He was going to keep that from me forever."
"Sometimes guys don't want to hurt someone so they don't tell the whole truth…" Adam explained, "And the past is the past. That's why they call it the past."
Clare sighed. She was just hurt that he was going to keep Eva from her. It wasn't like it mattered that he had dated her. It was just that he kept it a secret. And they had seemed very close. She had said they were still doing stuff together when he had slept with her.
Adam continued talking, "All I'm saying is that you should try talking to Eli. He really does love you. Anyone with eyes can see that."
The blond girl looked up at her friend. She smiled. "Thanks Adam. You're a great friend."
Yay for longest chapter!