I know you're not here to read about my personal life, but I'm sicker than shit right now. The purpose of telling you that is so you know why the quality of this chapter is as terribly bad as it is. But I'm not going to take a break from updating daily. That's how much I love you guys.

Decision

"I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision." ~Eleanor Roosevelt

It wasn't for another week when Clare finally decided to tell Eli about what she was planning on doing with Luke.

He was sitting peacefully on the bed they shared, either reading or doing his homework. She couldn't particular tell what it was he was doing, nor did she care very much. She was too focused on being able to spit out her "epiphany" as one might say.

She stepped completely into the room and sat at the foot of the bed. Her weight transferring on the edge was what caused Eli to look up from his book. He eyed her curiously as he marked his page and set the novel down.

"You look worried," he noted, giving her his undivided attention. Clare let out an awkward half laugh and looked at her feet. She examined her shoes closely. Her mind kept yelling at her to stop distracting herself, but she couldn't help it. She didn't want to break the heart of someone she loved with just a single rash statement. It was something she had to think through and put gently.

"I've been thinking," she began, twisting her fingers weirdly. It hurt but she didn't care. It was something to take her mind off of the task at hand.

"Oh this is going to be good," he interjected sarcastically. The blue-eyed girl shot him a pseudo-glare, which he simply laughed at. She smiled at hearing his laugh. Laughing was one thing neither of them had been doing lately.

She stopped herself though. She had to focus back on telling him the truth. Her choice. Her decision.

Clare let out a loud sigh and continued, "This whole thing with Luke hasn't been working out. It's turned us into people were not. I know we said we'd do it together and be in love like it is in the movies, but we're being torn apart. Our entire lives are being held together with thin threads. That's why…I've decided to put Luke up for adoption."

She held her breath and waited for his response. He was staring above her head, looking deep in thought. She tried to decode his facial expressions, but they were too guarded to do so.

He finally responded, "So I don't even get a say in what happens?"

She knew it was too good to be true. That is, him agreeing with her and making it easy. Of course he'd start being a father the second she tried to relieve him of the duty. That was just the way Eli worked.

"It'll be better for him. He'll go to a loving family who can take care of him the way he should be. Everything will work out fine. I promise…" she attempted to reassure him. She knew that it was like breaking through stone though. Tough and rock solid.

"So the going gets tough and you just want to give up?" he was fuming by that point. She didn't understand it though. He had seemed so uninterested in being in Luke's life only a day ago. There was no way he could've changed his thought in only 24 hours.

"I'm making an adult decision for the benefit of our child," she threw back at him. She wasn't going to make herself sound dumb when she announced this. She had to prove to him that it was the right thing to do.

"Fine…do whatever you want…" Eli said bitterly, "It's not like he's both of son."

"Eli, you sarcasm isn't needed right now," She started rubbing her temples in irritation, "You know this is just as hard on me as it is you."

"Then here's a thought," he seethed, "Don't give him up."

Clare jumped up from the bed and started pacing, clenching and unclenching her fists. She wanted so badly to just go ape-shit and beat the living daylights out of the closest thing to her. But that wasn't the way to prove a point. That just showed that you are mentally unstable.

The blond turned to her boyfriend with gentle eyes, "You're going to be a great dad, Eli…when you're ready."

"Who says I'm not ready now?" he continued. He looked like a pouting two year old who got their favorite toy taken away. There was no way he was going to give into reason. He just wanted his toy.

Clare walked back over to the bed and kneeled in front of him. She had calmed down and was starting to think rationally again. She ran her hand down his cheek, her fingers feeling the outline of the bones in his angry, hollow cheeks.

"I'm sorry, baby," she said, uncharacteristically. She was never one to use a pet name, but found it fitting in the situation. She needed something to make him feel closer to her. So he could trust her. Trust her judgment.

"You don't get it Clare…you never will. I can't just give up on him. He's my son," Eli attempted to explain.

She kept stroking his cheek, "It's okay. This is the right thing. His life will be great if we just let him go."

He shook his head persistently. "What if it's not? What if his new parents are worse then we would ever have been?"

"We can't think of that. We have to think that wherever he is, he's happy. Don't focus on the negative. Think of the positive."

They were both silent for a couple minutes. Clare kept her hand where it was and stared into his emerald eyes. They were so hurt that it killed her. But he slowly softened and warmed up to the idea.

"Okay…" he gave in, tears in his voice. Clare wrapped her arms around him and held him close. They stayed like that for the rest of the night.