The Star Wars of Penzance
Scene 2
(Scene changes to Tatooine. Enter chorus of Jawas.)
Chorus - Jawas
Climbing over rocky desert,
Where the rockes our toeses hurt,
Please remember that we are the Jawas.
Please remember we're the Jawas.
Same thing that our ma and pa was.
No- Sand people we are not
No, we are not
They have faces just like quiches;
We're a kind of Munchkin species,
We're a kind, a kind of Munchkin species.
Garbage men who dress like friars,
Or like Salt Lake City choirs.
See this trophy we have got.
(Enter C3PO, accompanied by R2-D2.)
Song - C3PO
I'm a prize that's worth acquiring,
Stealing, borrowing, or hiring.
Alien or humanoid,
Won't you buy a top-notch droid?
Jawas: Alien or humanoid
Won't you buy a top-notch droid?
3PO:
There's tradition in my wiring
Long as you could be desiring.
Vast improvement I've enjoyed
Since by Capek first employed.
Jawas: Vast improvement he's enjoyed
Since by Capek first employed,
3PO:
Once I played a robot miss
In Fritz Lang's Metropolis.
But I wish I could erase
All my work on Lost in Space.
Still, with reverence I obey
All three laws of Doctor A.
Where would science fiction be
Stripped of all its robotry?
Jawas: Here's a prize that's worth acquiring, etc.,
Librettist's Notes:
The biggest problem with turning Star Wars into a G&S opera is the same thing that annoyed me about the films themselves: no women! Star Wars is the very model of a modern movie that violates all three parts of the Bechdel/Wallace Rule. (See: /wiki/Bechdel_Test). So what do we do for a women's chorus?
I used Jawas. Why not? Who knows what's going on under those robes? The Princess is obviously my lead soprano, and I cast C3PO for my mezzo. C3PO is a machine, which has no sex. It can sing in any range necessary. As you'll see later, I had to cop out for a contralto, but I intended to make up for it in The Mikado Strikes Back by giving the contralto role to Darth Vader. Alas, Vader's portrayal of Katisha was never written.