The Star Wars of Penzance
Scene 5
(Enter Samuel.)
Recitative - Princess MabelHold, monsters! Though for liberation we have tried
And failed, this setback we perceive as slight.
For bear in mind that we've the Force upon our side,
And we're protected by a Jedi Knight.
Samuel:
This news, my dears, won't put us to the flight.
I don't believe he is a Jedi Knight.
Women: Yes, yes, he is in fact a Jedi Knight!
(Enter Obi-wan followed by Fred.)
Obi-wan: Yes, yes, I am in fact a Jedi Knight!
Samuel: For he is a Jedi Knight!
All: He is! Hurrah for the Jedi Knight!
Obi-wan: And it is, it is a bit of all right
To be a Jedi Knight!
All: It is! Hurrah for the Jedi Knight!
I am the last example of a sage and antique Jedi Knight.
I've information esoteric, strange, arcane, and quite all right.
I know the Lords of Barsoom, yes, and all the damsels in distress
From Jane to Dejah Thoris, each one in her most distressing mess.
I am very well acquainted too with matters Ellisonian;
It's good there's just one Harlan, so don't try to sneak a phony in.
I know Andre Norton's gender, at least when her pants, she has 'em off,
(Has 'em off, has 'em off… You all know what I'm going to rhyme with has 'em off!)
And in my sleep I quote whole books from Heinlein and from Asimov.
All: And in his sleep he quotes whole books from Heinlein and from Asimov.
I'm up-to-date on Moorcock, near as well as mortal man can be,
And can chant the incarnation-list of Elric of Melnibone.
In short, in matters esoteric, strange, arcane, and quite all right,
I am the last example of a sage and antique Jedi Knight.
All: In short, in matters esoteric, strange, arcane, and quite all right,
He is the last example of a sage and antique Jedi Knight.
I know our mythic history, J.R.R's and Evangeline's;
I understand "2001" right down to all the final scenes;
I can trace across two worlds the roots of Leonard Nimoy's pedigree;
Space: 1999 you will be glad to hear, I never see.
I understand LeGuin, which goes to show I'm intellectual,
And can prove in Freudian terms that Conan's really homosexual.
I've not quite finished Dune; even for me some books are just too long,
And I whistle my own theme but never sing a Close Encounters song.
All: He whistles his own theme but never sings a Close Encounters song.
I can work out the relationship of Elvish script to cuneiform,
And tell you every detail of Kit Canterbury's uniform.
In short, in matters esoteric, strange, arcane, and quite all right,
I am the last example of a sage and antique Jedi Knight.
All: In short, in matters esoteric, strange, arcane, and quite all right,
He is the last example of a sage and antique Jedi Knight.
Librettist's Notes:
More than thirty years after the fact, I feel it necessary to apologize for some aspects of the pattersong. If I were doing it today I'd make sure all the rhymes were properly tri-syllabic, and that the stress always fell in the right place. It was my first pattersong. I was less sensitive, in those days, to the ghost of Gilbert glaring over my shoulder insisting that I keep working until I get it right. But it was pretty good for a first try, and there are still some bits in it that please me.
Only a couple of the references should be too obscure of the truly fanatic fan. In the line about "our mythic history, J.R.R.'s and Evangeline's," the second name is that of Evangeline Walton, who wrote a tetrology of fantasy books based on the Welsh myths of the Mabinogion. It doesn't really deserve to stand next to The Lord of the Rings, which is a great work of literature, but there isn't any modern epic fantasy that does. Walton bears the comparison better than a lot of them.
I hope some people out there will understand "Kit Canterbury's uniform." Kit Canterbury was the founder and guiding spirit of Puget Sound Star Trekkers, a group which had branches all over Western Washington in the 1970s. I was one of the founders of Outpost 13 in Bellingham. Any other PSST folks out there remember that ferry ride to Bremerton on Halloween? I still have the sketches I made.