The Star Wars of Penzance
Scene 6

(Enter Vader, with his light saber activated.)

Vader: You may be knowledgeable, Obi-wan, but you were never much good in an actual fight.

(Obi-wan activates his light saber. He and Vader duel.
The Stormtroopers leave the women to help Vader. The women try to escape off stage, but Fred hesitates. Vader is getting the better of Obi-wan.)

Obi-wan: Wait! Have mercy! Have you ever known what it is to be an orphan?

Vader: I may be evil, but even I wouldn't perpetrate that routine on an audience.

(He runs Obi-wan through with his saber. Obi-wan collapses dramatically, eventually ending with his feet and arms in the air like a dead bug.)

Fred: Obi-wan! No! (He tries to rush back. Ruth restrains him.)

Ruth: Let's go, kid. Don't intrude on the old man's big death scene.

(All exit. Scene changes to the fourth moon of Yavin.
Biggs enters, with a chorus of X-Wing Pilots, and Mabel.)

Mabel: Gentlemen, the Death Star is approaching our base and will be here to eradicate us at any moment, Led by my heroic Fred Skywalker, one of you pilots will do the glorious deed of wiping that over-grown Skylab from the face of the universe.

(Exit Mabel.)

Biggs: Yes, and I have a sneaking suspicion I know who is going to do the glorious deed and who's going to get wiped.

Song - Sergeant Biggs

Biggs: When the hero puts the kibosh on the villain
X-Wings: On the villain,
Biggs: You will find that many others try the same.
X-Wings: Try the same.
Biggs: But although our hearts are staunch as they are willin'
X-Wings: They are willin',
Biggs: You must search the credits close to find our name.
X-Wings: Find our name.
Biggs: Our feelings we with difficulty smother
X-Wings: 'culty smother,
Biggs: For being vaporized is hardly fun.
X-Wings: Hardly fun.
Biggs: Ah, take one consideration with another
X-Wings: With another,
Biggs: A bit player's lot is not a happy one.
All: Being left with just a death-scene isn't fun.
Isn't fun.
A bit player's lot is not a happy one.
Happy one.

Librettist's Notes:

Instead of dumping Han Solo, couldn't I have given him the Sergeant's role? It never occurred to me, but it wouldn't have worked because it didn't fit the structure of the opera. G&S buffs may have noticed that the songs in my pastiche follow the same order as in Pirates. Gilbert knew how to structure a play; I don't. I was quite the Star Wars fanatic, but I was even more fanatical about Gilbert and Sullivan. Star Wars fanaticism wore off; G&S fanaticism didn't.

Skylab is another 1970s reference.