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Special thanks to Beta Notes from the Classroom – check out her story "The Betrayal" in my faves.

Chapter 3

Nyota felt like her temperature had just dropped. So many were dead...her friends...Gaila? Her mysterious roommate. He wasn't the only one who'd lost. And they'd worked so hard for so long to be together. Now when she needed him, and if he admitted it, he needed her, he was thinking about leaving?

She wanted to scream. But something else came out. "After my grandfather died my grandmother's priest recommended that she make no life altering decisions right away." Swallowing, she looked at the floor and whispered. "It is best, he said...to wait a while after tragedy, before making life altering decisions...it is too easy to make a choice you will regret in the heat of emotion."

"That is...wise advice, Nyota," Spock said.

Perhaps. But it was not wisdom that prompted Nyota to speak it. It was calculated. She wasn't ready for him to say he was leaving; she couldn't handle it, not right now. She closed her eyes. The priest recommended a year of reflection at least - but she knew Spock wouldn't have the luxury of so much time.

She wouldn't have the luxury of so much time.

"We should sleep," she said.

"Also wise," said Spock. He sat motionless for a few moments and then said, "Would it be too much of an imposition if I stay?"

Nyota pulled her wrist out of his hand and wrapped her arms around his stiff frame. He closed his eyes and a sound that was almost a sigh passed from his lips.

"No, of course not," said Nyota. "Of course not."

x x x x

An hour later Nyota was still awake staring at the ceiling. Spock's body was pressed against hers. He wore his full uniform except his boots and was under Nyota's blankets. Long ago his body had shuddered through the spasms of REM sleep; now his breathing was deep and regular.

Nyota wore only a t-shirt, and only half her body was under the sheet. Turning her head she gazed out the portholes.

Starfleet would let Spock resign his commission under the circumstances, she was sure of that. Would they let her?

She looked with a sinking stomach at the shimmering stars. There was something cold and hard and in her mind that she hated to look at, but could not ignore. As great as the injustice to the Vulcan people, as much as she loved Spock, the stars still beckoned her. Could she let them go? And if she did, would she be too bitter to be what Spock needed?

Spock draped an arm around her and pulled her more tightly to him. Hot tears came to Nyota's eyes. Could she let him go?

She closed her eyes, and eventually the exhaustion of the horror of the day and her own tears let her sleep.

x x x

Starfleet did not let the Enterprise go to the Vulcan System. She and her crew were too valuable. Starfleet wanted to debrief nearly everyone aboard to learn as much as they could about the Nero and his weapons. A team of engineers set upon the Enterprise herself to see what they could learn from the blows the ship had taken.

Nyota walked down the hallway and stopped just outside Spock's temporary quarters, two flights from her own in the officers' dormitory. Brushing a stray strand of hair behind an ear she entered his access code. It had been a long, exhausting day.

Bowing her head into the rush of hot air that greeted her she entered Spock's apartment, she nearly collided with a tall frame. Nyota looked up; it wasn't Spock. It was his father, Sarek. She jumped a little. She'd been on egg shells since they'd arrived back on Earth two days ago. She was trying to maintain her calm, trying to stay rational, trying to make no ultimatums because...that was wrong, wasn't it? And every waking minute she wasn't working, and he wasn't working, they spent in each other's presence because...because...who knew how long they would have together? If Spock left for New Vulcan, less than a month.

But even though they were together, she felt like they were dancing around one another. They hardly teased each other; they did not make love. Worst of all, Spock hardly ever linked with her, and when he did he was so cautious, so contained; he might as well have been a stranger.

Sarek stared down at her, his face inscrutable, eyes almost unblinking. Nervously, she looked around him and saw Spock just a little further in the foyer.

Swallowing, she said, "Am I interrupting something?"

"No," said Sarek. "I was just leaving."

Her stomach took a precipitous fall, and somehow she knew Spock had made up his mind, and she wasn't going to like it.

The door whooshed closed behind her as Sarek left the room.

Coming forward Spock brushed her cheek with the back of his fingers and kissed her forehead.

"You're going to New Vulcan, aren't you?" she said.

"With the state of my people being what it is, it is logical for all of us to participate in the rebuilding effort," Spock said. "Joining my father on the colony is perhaps -"

Nyota sucked in a long breath. It sounded like a hiss.

"You must understand," Spock said, "this in no way reflects upon you, Nyota ,and how I...how I..."

"The word you're looking for is 'feel,'" she said, turning her eyes to the ground and hating how angry her voice sounded.

"Yes," said Spock, his voice was low and dangerous.

She looked up startled.

For a moment she thought she saw anger flash in his eyes. Pulling his hand away quickly, he stepped back.

Lunging forward, Nyota caught him by his shirt. "Stop running away from me! Stop hiding from me!"

As fast as his fists had rained down on Kirk, his fingers were on her temples and they were connected. It was not a telepathic link, it was just empathic...but even in this lighter touch her mind filled with a silent scream. She felt like she couldn't breathe, like she was being ripped in two. He didn't want to leave her.

"Nyota, my people, my people..." he whispered. Her head began to hurt. Images of the Vulcans he'd been working with on the Enterprise, and the two Vulcan children flashed before her eyes. The images fractured and she was feeling what he was feeling. She burst into tears. Gasps for air flooded her ears. She had the sensation of her legs giving way beneath her, and felt something hot and heavy against her forehead. She felt like she was swimming in despair and she was about to go under.

Nyota pulled back for air and broke the link. Spock's head was bowed forward. The heavy weight had been his forehead against her own. The loud gasps were his. They were sitting on the floor, knees touching, his hand suspended in mid-air where her temple had been.

"Forgive me, Nyota; I lost control," Spock said, not looking at her.

Without a word, Nyota crawled onto his lap and laid her head on his shoulder.

His eyes closed and his hands wrapped around her back. They sat in silence like that for several minutes.

Bringing a hand up to stroke her ponytail he said softly, "I do not think Starfleet will let you break your obligation to them."

He took a breath. She wondered if she was supposed to say that she'd asked. She hadn't.

Swallowing, Spock said, "But I had...I had...thought...that you might be able to join me after your five years of service are over."

Nyota's body stiffened. The uncharacteristic stumbling for words...he didn't think. He hoped. But five years was a long time. And did she want to live on New Vulcan?

"But we are not bonded," Spock said. "I understand if..."

His voice trailed off.

They had not discussed what they would do if he went to New Vulcan. Maybe because Nyota knew he'd want to stay together. He was Vulcan. It's what they did. She wasn't sure. Her emotions were jumbled; there was a part of her that felt rejected, that felt like he was asking her to martyr herself.

Nyota shook her head, "I...I don't know..."

Spock's hand stopped. They sat in silence for a few more minutes. At last Spock said, "We both require sustenance. Perhaps we should make dinner?"

"Yes, okay," Nyota said. Shakily climbing to her feet, she straightened her uniform. She didn't look at Spock.

Spock stood behind her. She briefly heard him tinkering with the climate control - he always lowered the temperature to something in between what they both felt truly comfortable. He followed her into the kitchen in silence.

Spock took out the recipe - for her benefit, he had it memorized-ginger tofu and peapods.

Nyota speared the ginger root with a fork and began to slice away the skin on a cutting board Spock laid out for her.

It was a tricky business, holding the small piece of ginger still with a fork while trying to cut it. But she did it out of respect for his Vulcan sensibilities.

Bringing the knife down, her hand holding the fork slipped. She tried to correct her hold and somehow managed to nick her own thumb.

Spock turned. "Are you alright? Should I get a derm-aid?"

Nyota put her thumb into her mouth and sucked on the cut. The room was still so hot; she could feel perspiration on her forehead.

"If I didn't have to use the stupid fork!" she said.

She took a deep breath and looked at Spock. His face was a mask.

"I have to get out of here," she said. She closed her eyes. It was too hot. "I have to get out...I have to think..."

Spock said nothing as she bolted for the door.

A/N:

Usually, Nyota has her self a little more "emotionally" together, but she just endured a very trying experience, I think she's allowed to fall apart a bit.

So much angst! But hey, the ending is happy and we all know that.

Nyota & Reboot!Spock's POV next chapter. And Spock!Prime shows up.

…and chapter 5…well…bwahahahahaha…

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