Chapter 7

"No, find another way!" John said stubbornly.

"There is no other way," Rodney replied. "We'll only initiate one program in the nanites," he explained, referring to their plan to reactivate a sub-program imbedded within Elizabeth's nanites to find the ZPM's.

But John was adamant. "I will not let you reactivate the nanites!"

Duncan Beckett took the moment to interrupt the conversation. "There's hardly any nanites left in her body as it is," he, too, explained. "Much of it had been replaced by her own tissues. Not all of it, mind you, but a lot."

"No," John repeated, and suddenly Elizabeth's calm snapped. For years now she had been willing to stay out of John's way; aware he thought of her as less than human. And for years now she had been virtually useless. But she needed to do this. For the first time in a very long time she felt alive; not just living. Besides, she trusted Rodney. He had been one of the first to trust her again. Hell, he had been one of those that had programmed the nanites.

"What are you so afraid of?" she snapped at John.

"You saw what those things did the last time," he snapped back at her.

His answer had been expected, but it still hurt her. A cold, solid sorrow washed over her. But it lasted less than a second. She was done with feeling sorry for herself. Cold sorrow changed to flaming anger in a heartbeat.

"How dare you? You think I am no longer good enough? I am a thing? Am I to be locked away like some dirty secret for the rest of my life?" She narrowed her eyes even further. "I am still human," she firmly stated.

But John was angry as well. "You are also a danger," he nearly yelled. "And every time I look at you I regret what we did to you," he finished.

Her anger cooled to a hot, solid weight in her heart. "Then maybe you should have left me to die with Oberoth," she calmly replied, eyes narrowed.

They were still gathered in the infirmary around Sitnalta's bed. Only a few moments ago she had slipped into a coma, and if Rodney had been adamant about not leaving her side earlier, he was now even more so. It was there that he had explained the procedure only half an hour ago. To Elizabeth it seemed like a lifetime. Before the fight she had been hopeful that she and John would at least learn to life alongside one another. But now it seemed as if he truly hated her.

But the part that really bothered her was that it still mattered to her what he thought of her. It shouldn't, but it did. She was an idiot.

Now, instead of answering her, John merely stalked out of the infirmary.

"I'm sorry, lass," Duncan told her, his eyes as haunted as she knew her own were. Duncan, too, was not exactly normal and he took it personal when someone implied they were not human – or did not have the right to be called human.

She nodded, one hand clenching the sheets.

Strangely enough, it was Rodney – Rodney who was usually unaware of the feelings of others – that found a way to ignite a spark of hope in her heart.

"You know, Elizabeth," he began, looking at her. "It was John who went back for you on the Replicator planet. He was the one that carried you to the jumper. And he had stayed beside you all the way home."

For a silent moment all of them stared at her, but her mind was light-years away. Then she smiled a small little smile and nodded. Without another word she turned and left.

As she walked out she heard Ronon's deep grumble: "If he hurts her again, I will shoot him."

"You do that, big fellow," Duncan answered. She grinned. Good old Ronon.

She finally tracked John down in the gym, where he was systematically giving Evan Lorne a beating. The younger man really was trying to defend himself, but John had been training a while now with both Teyla and Ronon and was in his prime. Besides, she could see he was driven by something more than mere anger. Lorne never stood a chance.

"Enjoying your session?" Elizabeth asked the younger man. Lorne took the opportunity of her interruption to end the session and to retrieve his pack. He looked over his shoulder at his angry superior. Then he frowned at Elizabeth.

"Not particularly, ma'am. I must be having an off day," he added before disappearing down the hall. This left only Elizabeth and John in the room. She slowly wandered in.

"You know, beating your subordinates might not be the best of ideas," she casually remarked. John glared at her before replacing his weapons and wiping the sweat from his face. She looked at him, her smile vanishing. "What happened, John? We used to be friends."

He stood absolutely still for a moment before answering her. "I'm not sure anymore."

"We have been through so much together," she tried again. "It used to be so much simpler."

"It is always simpler in retrospect," he told her.

"Why does it have to be complicated now?" she wondered, nearly whispering. As they had been talking, they had instinctively been moving closer together. By now she could smell the sweat on his body; he was that close.

"I don't want you to do this," he said, referring to the reactivation of the nanites.

"What do you fear?" she countered. She could feel the tension of his body – he was still angry. And now she understood his anger: it was the only way to control his fear.

As if in reply, he reached out and took a lock of her hair from where it fell over her shoulder. His next words surprised her.

"I really have been an arrogant, selfish bastard," he told her.

She smiled slightly at him. "There seems to be a lot of that going around, these days," referring to the same description Rodney had given of himself only half an hour ago.

He grinned that crooked smile of his. "No, I've been arrogant and selfish towards you," he corrected her. This took her aback. She had thought he hadn't been aware of telling her that, that night he had been drunk. And it had been more than a month ago that they had had that conversation.

"I suppose this is important," he continued. "Very well, we'll do this. But I am coming along," he sternly said. "I'll be calling the shots, understand?"

She suppressed her smile. "Yes, Colonel," she agreed.

He nodded and actually handed her hair back to her, so she had to take it from him. Then he turned and gestured for her to precede him out the room. She took two steps, only enough to draw a little in front of him. Then she turned back.

"Thank you for saving me," she seriously told him. "From Oberoth, that is," she explained.

He grinned slightly. "Who told you? Sitnalta?"

"Rodney, actually," she smiled.

He suddenly looked boyishly shy. He shrugged. "Yeah, well, I have my moments."

"Yes, you do," she said before finally turning and heading back to the infirmary.