Disclaimer: I don't own. I don't profit.

Special thanks to Beta Notes from the Classroom. She has a wonderful pre-romance Spock-Uhura fic now (yay! Romantic tension!) called "What We Think We Know". It's in my faves…check it out.

Chapter 7

"I don't know what you want me to say," Nyota said, trying to keep her voice even. She looked at Spock sitting in his meditation position at the foot of her bed. It was barely 06:00. He was already dressed in black regulation trousers and a black sweater; she was kneeling in front of him on the bed, wearing only a light summer nightgown.

Putting her hands to face, she got up and paced her room. "Of course, I think Starfleet would be a logical choice. You're great at what you do – a phenomenal scientist and a cool head in combat…New Vulcan is safer with you in the stars above them…"

She'd been told by Pike that Spock combined the best of brains and lethal force. And now she'd seen it for herself.

"But I can't be completely logical about this," she said. "I want you to say yes to Kirk, I want you to be with me –"

She put her hands down. This was a test – a test of her character. She couldn't make this decision for him; she could not live with that weight on her.

She looked out her window. In the distance she could see Golden Gate Park. Mist was rising from the trees.

"But it doesn't matter what I feel," she said, turning to Spock. "Or what I think. It matters what you feel and you think."

Spock was staring down at the mattress. "I find it impossible to extricate logic from emotion on this matter. On the Enterprise there is you –"

He looked up at her for a moment then down again, his jaw tightened, and she felt herself melt a little. "And the prospect of new discoveries…"

He took a deep breath. "But how much I would be aiding my people – "

He raised an eyebrow. "It is uncertain. If we are on an exploratory mission…" He tilted his head. "Can what one desires dovetail so neatly with what is logical?"

Nyota sighed. "I don't think there is anywhere Surak says it can't."

Raising an eyebrow Spock said, "No, his teachings are inconveniently silent on the matter."

Nyota wanted to make a dig at the 'inconvenient' remark, but remembered how relieved she was to have Starfleet to make up her mind for her.

Taking a deep breath she said, "I'm going to make some tea. Would you like some?"

Spock looked up at her. "No, there is some place I need to go."

She nodded. She wondered where he needed to be so early, but was too tired to ask.

Unwinding his legs, Spock slipped from the bed and brought his hand to her temple. There was affection there, but confusion was the dominant emotion she felt now. It was actually better than the emptiness he often felt – and a lot better than the anger. He would not touch her temples when he was angry, but his emotions seemed to strike him unawares now. Sometimes she felt the heat of his rage just before he withdrew his fingers.

He kissed her and a few minutes later he was gone.

X x x x

Spock walked down the hill in the narrow road in the Sunset District to a non-descript, square, cream-colored house.

He checked his internal clock. It was 06:35. He was about to ring the bell, but before he got a chance, the door opened.

"Spock," said his father. "Come in."

Spock tilted his head. There was a light telepathic bond between Vulcan parents and their children, but his bond with his father had always been weak. It would be odd if Sarek could feel his presence right then at the door. Had his father seen him coming?

Following Sarek, still in his meditation robes, Spock felt the familiar calm that came over him when he was near his father now. Was it the revelation that Sarek had shared on the Enterprise? Or the fact that he had no other Vulcan kin that were not estranged?

It was a comfortable change. Their relationship had been tenuous when Spock decided to enter Starfleet. Spock interpreted it as Sarek condoning the prejudice of the Vulcan Science Academy. His mother said it was because Sarek thought Spock would not be intellectually challenged enough in Starfleet and was letting the VSA's illogical prejudice influence his logic.

At least at first, Sarek had been right about Starfleet. Spock had not been challenged – and had used his free time in ways Vulcans would find…questionable.

"Would you like some tea?" Sarek asked moving through the small hallway towards the kitchen, floorboards squeaking beneath his feet.

"No, thank you, Father," Spock said.

The house was not grand. His parents had lived here before his father was designated Earth Ambassador and "were forced," in his mother's words, to move into the official residence.

But they'd kept the house. Later, when his father was named Ambassador to the Federation and they were keeping a low profile – visiting friends or family on Earth-they would stay here.

Instead of going into the kitchen, Sarek went into the sparsely finished living room. The smell of incense filled Spock's nostrils. There was a familiar couch and ottoman in front of a large bay window. In one corner there was a burner where incense still burned.

"You are troubled," said Sarek sitting down on the ottoman and indicating Spock towards the couch. "Speak your mind."

His father read his emotions so easily...and yet Spock had difficulty reading Sarek. All he felt was calm.

Spock's emotions came over him quickly lately; one moment he was apathetic, the next he was filled with rage. Perhaps it was his general level of confusion?

Looking down at his hands he said, "I am questioning the logic of resigning from Starfleet."

He felt something constrict in the location of his side but continued. "On New Vulcan I will be useful, but my skills will be replaceable." New Vulcan would not lack scientists, or computer programmers among the expatriates.

"But the skills required for my service to Starfleet, especially as an XO and science officer, are much more difficult to replace," Spock said. His training and experience, specific knowledge of vessels and protocols, indeed, even his knowledge of human culture - the dominant culture within Starfleet-these were things that no other Vulcan would have.

"The new colony will not have a military. Perhaps staying in Starfleet would better serve our people," said Spock.

"I see," said Sarek. Voice completely level he said, "Have you consulted with others on this matter? Mr. Kirk, Ms. Uhura, perhaps?"

Not looking up, Spock said, "I did speak with Nyota...Ms. Uhura, but she said she is unable to be logical about this matter -"

A flash of anger erupted in his stomach. Spock looked up. Sarek was staring at him, head tilted. "And you think I can be?" A wave of pain and fear rushed through him and Spock contained the urge to shiver.

Of course he had thought...his father was always logical. Even when he told him not to contain his anger it had been with purpose - Spock understood that. But now...

Sarek put his elbows on his knees and steepled his hands together. Laying his head upon his hands in a most unVulcan like manner, he said, "Forgive me." He took a deep breath, and all the anger, fear and pain retreated from Spock like a sigh. Spock felt very alone.

His father had been projecting, probably since the destruction of Vulcan. He tilted his head and remembered his father excusing himself when Spock declined the dinner invitation with Josef. Spock wasn't the only one who was suffering lapses in emotional control.

Sarek stood from the ottoman and walked towards the window saying nothing. He looked on the outside as he always had to Spock. Distant. Aloof. Perfectly controlled in every manner. Control Spock did not believe himself ever capable of fully possessing. Control he envied. Control that he was sure Sarek wished in him.

But he'd slipped through the cracks in Sarek's exterior now. Maybe the cracks had always been there; he'd just been unable to see them? If his mother were here she would have gone to Sarek's side, put her hands on his...Spock would have seen only his mother's emotion. Not his father's. And he would have been embarrassed for his mother, for her emotional display. His father never voiced any disapproval for his mother's actions, and Spock had always thought it was because it would be illogical to complain about a human's behavior when one had married a human.

Maybe Sarek simply hadn't minded.

And now the calm that Spock usually felt when he was with Sarek...Perhaps having Spock nearby was calming to Sarek, and he was reflecting that to his son. It seemed unlikely. The tone of their relationship seemed to range from mutual disapproval to at best cordiality. Sometimes Spock was surprised that there was any familial link between them at all.

But things could change.

"Your doubts, about remaining in Starfleet?" Sarek asked.

Spock blinked. Standing up he said, "It is possible my engagement will not directly serve the interests of the new colony at all. It could wind up being an exploratory mission. Or if I accept posting aboard the Enterprise, a mission that is symbolic more than substantial." Perhaps Starfleet would relegate their publicity stunt captain to superficial tasks.

"And, I believe," Spock said, "that the prospect personal and professional satisfaction serving on the Enterprise might bring is clouding my judgment."

"An exploratory or symbolic mission..." said Sarek.

"Either would be less dangerous than the military engagement you expect with the Romulans," said Spock. "But perhaps less useful to New Vulcan."

"Less dangerous than an engagement with the Romulans?" said Sarek. "Like the routine repair to the reactor you performed on Epsilon 1235? Or your recent humanitarian mission to Vulcan?"

Spock straightened at the sarcasm behind the nearly toneless words. During the routine repair on Epsilon 1235, Klingons had invaded. Spock's life had been in grave danger. And the humanitarian mission to Vulcan...

He did not know what to say, so Spock said nothing for 4.35 minutes.

His father's shoulders rose and fell noticeably. "The benefits of exploration for the Federation - and therefore all Vulcans- cannot be discounted. Moreover," said Sarek, "I think that you do not fully grasp the power of symbols."

Putting his hands behind his back, Sarek said softly, "To have one of our own as second in command aboard Starfleet's flagship would remind our friends that though our numbers are small, we are still committed to serving the Federation...and it would make our enemies think twice."

Spock walked over to stand next to his father, processing his words. He was saying a career in Starfleet was still logical.

Spock gazed at his father's profile. Sarek was not looking at him, only gazing out at the mist. He'd lost as much as Spock, maybe more. And now he was giving up all he had left.

If his mother were here she would put an arm around his father's back, or take his hand...

There was a part of Spock that wanted to do so now, but he found he could not. His hands went behind his back seemingly of their own volition. But closing his eyes, he tried to find that

spot within him where the parental bond existed - difficult now that his father had retreated. Focusing all the gratitude he felt on that spot he said softly, "Thank you, Father."

Sarek said nothing. He just stared out at the mist.

x x x x

Canceling one's resignation apparently took as much effort and paperwork as submitting your resignation.

Spock almost didn't get it done before the Enterprise's first short test run after the replacement of the temporary warp core, so Kirk and the rest of the crew may have been slightly surprised to see him aboard - although he'd certainly shared his intentions with Nyota and the Captain.

Nyota had sworn that it would be impossible for him to navigate Starfleet's bureaucracy in time - even with his Vulcan photographic memory of all Starfleet protocols. Kirk had agreed with her, and even tried to bet Spock wouldn't have his enlistment reinstated before the test run...Still, the Captain hadn't assigned another XO.

Spock couldn't suppress quirking his lips triumphantly at the Captain when he applied for the position on the bridge, nor could he wipe that quirk from his lips as he strode past Nyota's station to his own.

He also couldn't help but notice Nyota grin.

x x x x

After his first shift and briefing were over, Spock went immediately to Nyota's quarters. He pressed the door chime and heard a loud, "Come in!" The door whooshed open and he found himself facing Nyota lifting up her mattress and putting on non-regulation sheets - she complained Starfleet sheets were

scratchy.

"Lieutenant," said Spock. "I didn't realize you were busy. Perhaps you want to focus on your professional pursuits right now?"

A pillow flew through the air and hit him squarely on the face. Spock watched it drop to the ground, put his hands behind his back, lifted an eyebrow in her direction and stepped into her quarters.

A wide smile on her face, Nyota said, "Door close."

FIN

To answer some general questions: TOS Kirk and Co. went back in time a lot - I'm sure this universe changed even before the Narada. I think Sarek was a little mellower in Reboot!, and because of what happened to Vulcan I think there is room for their relationship to be better in this universe.

Some might think Nyota weak for not pushing Spock back into Starfleet. I don't think so at all! I think she was letting him make up his own mind. I wouldn't want to be responsible for that sort of decision for someone else! That could be held against you later...

And I don't think Sarek was purposely trying to manipulate Spock...I hope that came through. I like Sarek a lot. He is super logical - and kind of quietly heroic here.

As to "What Feels Right"...I think we give too much importance to that "feeling" in our culture. A lot of the things that "feel right" at the moment, are incorrect. Irrational exuberance, the madness of crowds, the heat of the moment...etc. Not always, of course!