I've decided that these oneshots are in chronological order after all :)

Summary: Kida is hitting on a girls again, but all the girls he meets today are just not who he thinks they are.

Warnings: Sexual themes implied and bunch of swearing. OC again. Plus some major digression from plot today.

Disclaimer: I own DRRR only under the condition that cats can fly and horses can breathe underwater.

The lesson of the day: DO NOT USE SEX APPEAL COMBINED WITH CUCUMBERS ON A CHICK WITH HIGH HEELS.

Kida Masaomi etched the hard-earned lesson onto his heart as he let out a groan/whimper/something-pathetic-enough-to-remind-a-passerby-of-a-drunk-salesman. His stomach felt like a balloon that had been punctured with a blunt pen, and he had lifted his shirt just to check if blood was oozing out of where the heel had made contact with his abs. Shit, the chick would send some of his ex-gang members down the drain to hell if she felt like it. Kida decided to let feisty blonds off his radar for a couple weeks; being sent to the ER was something he would prefer to avoid.

Nonetheless, he quickly straightened up to locate his next chick, who would definitely have the darkest hair and plainest clothes and flattest flats (no, he meant the shoes!) out of all the women within 500 meters from him. Maybe his standards for a chick had become a little to stifling, but hey, better than getting a puncture in the lungs and a concussion via high heels, right? Hopefully, a girl who met the status quo would magically solidify before him so that he wouldn't have to squander his time on the streets in search of any girl to pick up.

Kida doubted that such miraculous luck would happen today: the unluckiest of unlucky days. He had woken up five minutes late, and ended up three minutes late for class… and had gotten detention for it! That teacher was one serious bastard, the teen grinded his teeth at the unfair treatment. Kida perfectly eradicated other memories regarding incidents, such as not having done any homework for said teacher and also trying to hit on the wife of said teacher (hey, she looked a lot younger than her age you know), that would have added to the list of reasons why he had served detention in the first place. But that really didn't matter. Anyways, during lunch period, Mikado and Anri had been conversing between themselves without paying much attention to Kida's antics—which included some acrobatic attempt that ended up with the blonde with his back on the ground, a headache ringing his ears, and his ass in the air. Not in the sexy way. Then, he had spent an hour in the nurse's office with no beautiful nurse but the muscular PE teacher (why of all times did that period have to be sex ed?) to guard his side. After his spectacular return to the classroom, which nobody acknowledged anyways, Kida had simply waited for school to end so that he could hang out with Mikado, his best friend. A.k.a. boyfriend.

Said boyfriend had politely told him, with a kind smile, that he had to go help out a friend so please have a good time and no he was not sarcastic and no he was not at all sick of hanging out with Masaomi because all Masaomi did was pick up girls even though his boyfriend was standing there thank you very much you indecent bastard for your sensitivity. And so his boyfriend had proceeded to walk off, leaving Kida Masaomi dumbfounded in front of Raira Academy.

Yes, a very bad day indeed. Kida grumbled.

"Oi, Kida!"

The blonde's head automatically jerked around to face two girls, both with black hair and flat heels (bingo!). The one who had addressed him, however, was not a bingo.

"...Oh."

Shit.

"'Oh' is all you can give me? You are impossibly creative, Kida Masaomi."

Kashimoto Miyuki was back.

This was Kida's third time meeting her, and in normal circumstances, consecutive meetings with an intelligent beauty should have been counted as something similar to a miracle. However, the miraculous façade was ripped off during the second acquaintance a week ago, when the girl had revealed a personality possibly more, if not less, malicious than the one of Orihara Izaya. And that was pretty scary.

"Where's Mikado? Did he finally kick your ass goodbye, or maybe he kissed it?"

The snickering brunette, who had been such a sweet girl the first day he met her, had cornered him last week. I know you were the shogun of the Yellow Scarves, she had said with a weapon at his throat (why the hell a shuriken? Was she a ninja?). Apparently she had been stalking him—shit, another Harima Mika?—for a few weeks, which explained why the hell she knew so much about him the first day they met. Ugh.

"I really liked your personality the first time we met," Kida groaned. He had enough tact to ignore the previous question she had asked.

Miyuki frowned, "Too bad. I was supposed to be undercover that day. I mean, I was like such a cute little bitch I wanted to puke."

Ouch. She had a really sharp tongue. The unnamed friend behind her flinched.

"That wasn't nice, Kashimoto-san," the friend murmured.

"Nah, he's fine with it… Which reminds me, this is Kida Masaomi. Kida, this is Tachibana Akira."

The newly introduced brunette bowed quickly to Kida, and he took her in with a precursory glance that all males somehow master during their puberty years. Jet black hair in a single braid, fair-skinned, lean, glasses with a silver frame, big eyes, and a very decent sense of fashion. And very approvable flats (not to mention her bust was nothing compared to Anri-chan, but he could live with that). Kida nodded and flashed a smile before he glanced at the other female, who he was never going to check out under any sort of circumstances ever again.

"Friend?"

"Very much so. She's just a student after all."

Which should mean that this friend was not a blade-wielding maniac who collected information via stalking and called Orihara Izaya a "friendly fucker who needs a stick up his ass" all the while smiling, which was Kida's mental profile of Kashimoto Miyuki. So this friend was a safe civilian.

"So apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?"

Which meant Kida had no qualms against hitting on her like he was born to do so (and maybe he was).

"You're hitting on girls without your boyfriend?" Miyuki raised an eyebrow. "How chivalrous of you."

Kida took his eyes off the blushing girl to briefly glare at the shorthaired brunette. She looked vaguely amused. "I'm not cheating on him. I'm just trying to talk to some girls. Jeez."

Then he redirected his focus on the brunette with a braid hanging down her back, blushing like… like someone somewhat familiar. Kida suddenly felt an inexplicable urge to hug the girl. Instead, he opened his mouth.

"You might not be the most beautiful girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away."

Damn his mouth and his pickup lines.

"We're not even in indoors," Miyuki groaned, her voice muffled by the palm she had buried her face in. Her friend had lowered her head and was shaking. Wait, shaking? Uh oh, Kida felt his body temperature drop a notch. She wasn't crying, was she…?

"I mean, if looks could kill, you'd be a weapon of mass destruction, you know."

Kida quickly tried to correct his mistake, though he was not sure what the mistake was, with another lame pickup line and gesticulations. Miyuki rolled her eyes as the poor victimized—and surely traumatized—girl crouched down and hid her face behind her hands. By the way she was quivering, the Tachibana girl looked like she was going to start wailing. Kida wanted to panic, but he didn't allow himself to show any of it (and why was this all so faintly familiar?).

"Ouch, insult to injury," Miyuki jeered, "you had to rub that in huh?"

"It was a compliment!" Kida defended himself

"Oh yeah? You had no idea about the double meaning in that one, huh?" Miyuki counterattacked.

The argument was silenced as the girl, who was now shaking so pitifully that bypassing individuals were glancing at the sight, started to emit some short erratic noises. Kida Masaomi cursed his luck today. Of all things, making girls tear up were not in his thing!

"Look, I'm sorry!" He apologized profusely. "Please, calm down and…"

Kida stopped talking when the sounds got louder, and his eyes got wider. She wasn't sobbing.

She was laughing.

"By the way," Miyuki decided to add in, "it's not a she."

Kida felt like Heiwajima Shizuo had wiped him out with a clean upper cut. He let his jaw drop to stammer out the most illogical, ridiculous nonsense he had ever uttered in his life: "Mikado?"

The fake "Tachibana whatever-her-name-was" lowered her-his hands to reveal a rather smug face. His boyfriend's smug face! Kida let his tongue roll on autopilot.

"How- wait, why did he-no but, seriously?"

Mikado grinned and explained, no longer using a false high tone that he had barely keeping up during his disguise, "Well, Kashimoto-san is experienced with disguise (perhaps a part of the ninja repertoire?), she and Karisawa-san helped me dress up and all. They were just helping me out, so don't go ahead and think that it's their fault, Masaomi."

"Helping you out?" Kida asked. "How is dressing you up in a skirt helping you out? And why did she help you?" He was indicating Miyuki.

She shrugged, "I'm a charitable person."

There were so many things wrong with this situation that Kida didn't know where to start. Good lord, did Mikado have a kink for dressing up as the opposite gender? Was that why the number of times they had slept together was still not even in the positive range? Well, not that Kida had anything against it, really. The look actually suited Mikado. The long hair (was that wig made out of real hair?), plaited skirt that reached his knees, the thin-rimmed glasses… Oh crap, maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all.

"Masaomi," Mikado said in that tone which implied he knew what Kida was thinking, and that whatever Kida was thinking was terribly wrong, "I did this because of you."

"Hai?" Kida gave up and let his brain collapse.

"What he means is," Miyuki is kind enough to explain, "He is sick of watching you drool after other girls, so he tried dressing up as one so that you'll own up like a man who has balls and be a loyal boyfriend. Now, if you will excuse me, I have business to attend to."

The two boys were left by themselves, in the middle of Ikebukuro, facing each other with beet red complexions. Mikado glanced around furtively before he called Kida's name. Kida shook his head out of his trance, a shock-induced state he had entered thanks to the alpha female's verbal abuse and its implications, to look at his boyfriend who did not look very much like a boyfriend anymore.

"Um, Masaomi, p-people are staring at us…" Mikado squirmed a little.

"Well, uh, yeah…"

"Can we, er, go to my place?"

Taking Kida's numb nod as a yes, Mikado took Kida's hand (and grimly noted that nobody stared, much in contrast to when so many people would stare and whisperwhen they held hands and it was clear that both were boys) to go home.

Kashimoto Miyuki swung around a corner into a dark alleyway. A lean figure leaning on the wall greeted her casually, "charitable, eh?"

With an equally amiable demeanor, Miyuki flipped the opponent off. "Hey, he threatened to sic the entire Dollars on me if I didn't help him. And didn't I tell you to stop sticking your nose into other people's business, Orihara?"

Orihara Izaya grinned. "But it's just too fun…"

She narrowed her eyes. "Back off, Orihara. I want them to get along. We don't need a war."

A Cheshire cat's grin hid very sharp teeth. "We'll see about that."

Kida found himself and Mikado sitting on the floor of Mikado's shabby apartment, facing each other in silence for about ten minutes. He licked his lips, which felt so chapped all of the sudden, and started to talk.

"Okay, so… You dressed up to seduce me?"

"Wha..!" Mikado's face flushed instantly. "No! I mean, well—yes, sort of. But that wasn't really the point!"

After an interlude of silence and heavy breathing on Mikado's part, Mikado started over.

"Well, I guess I was jealous of all the girls you talked to, when, you know, you took me to pick up girls? I know it's just a habit of yours and you're not serious about it, but still… I thought maybe, I wasn't enough for you. Besides, I am a guy after all, and that's why we can't be really, um, open about our relationship. So I felt a little… nervous. Especially since, you, erm, never. Uh, we never, did it before? So I thought maybe you'd prefer me like this and—"

Mikado's face was getting redder by the second as he spoke, and his voice started to shake along with his shoulders. His eyes stayed focused on a particular spot on the floor as if he had decided to become best buddies with it for the rest of his life. The fists that held Mikado's skirt were also trembling, and the knuckles were turning white. Kida knew what Mikado felt, what he was trying to say: Mikado was scared.

Kida wanted to introduce his head to a cement surface in the most physically dashing way possible.

He had let Mikado fear that their relationship might dissolve into a bland history faded into friendship, that Kida might choose long hair and soft skin over short black hair and hands slightly coarse from frequent technology usage. What an idiot I am.

"Mikado."

Mikado pried his eyes off the floor to look at Kida.

"I want you."

Mikado's eyes widened.

And there should have been so much more excuses, explanations, anything to tell him that Kida just hit on girls so that he could glance back at Mikado's jealousy—which is visible by that telltale raised eyebrow—and that no girl could ever be better than Mikado and so on. Kida should have gathered Mikado in his arms and comforted him and told him it's okay that Kida loved him even if nobody else approved and even if he can't kiss Mikado in public, and all Kida thought was that it's twice as thrilling this way. Kida should have told Mikado in his usual chatty way that he would love to sleep with Mikado but he was apprehensive about it a little, too—obviously they were both virgins—and he wanted to make sure Mikado wanted it also and all that crap.

But Kida didn't say or do any of it, but just looked at Mikado.

And that's all it took, because they were best friends for over half their lives. No garbled explanations and long tales were needed. Kida told Mikado enough. Kida wanted Mikado and Mikado only. Nobody else was needed. They were best friends and they were lovers and that was perfect enough.

"I want you too."

Mikado's voice was soft, soft as his hand that touched Kida's. His face had a tinge of red spread across his cheeks, and Kida found that, combined with tousled hair and a rumpled skirt, very arousing. Maybe today was a lucky day after all. The blonde hunter smirked as he intertwined fingers with Mikado and inched forward.

"You can fall off a building,"

Kida's breath ghosted over Mikado's lips.

"You can fall out a tree,"

Mikado's grip on Kida's hand tightened, encouraging the proximity.

"But baby,"

Kida's free hand cradled Mikado's jaw tenderly as he finished off in a whisper.

"The best way to fall is in love with me."

/These things are getting longer and longer... I'm sorry for the hazardous plot development today. So I'm going to try defend myself.

Yes, my OC was intentionally Mary Sue last time. I was making her act as "a girl Mikado can become jealous of easily" and I really didn't want to go into character development with her (I really try to have minimal OC influence in any of my fanfics) but she already has a very solid character in my head, so I decided to at least let her have a maniacal laugh in this episode before she disappears for good. She has some ninja qualities and hates Izaya. She's making sure Mikado and Kida don't start a gang war, so she is spying on them for now. That's about it, and I am pretty sure she's never gonna come out again (hopefully). I only added the Izaya scene to develop her character and also show why she helped Mikado.

About Mikado in here. Yes, very few lines and not much actions here. Sorry! It's just that I couldn't think of Mikado really pulling off an "I'm a girl!" act by himself for very long. So I gave him an assistant and very few lines and little time as a "girl" because Kida would find out really quickly (in my opinion). Too bad it didn't last longer...

So anyways, thank you for reading! I have a poll on my profile, and if you've read my work before (or if you're just curious) go to my profile and please vote! It's about a sequel to my previous works.

...And now the inevitable is coming... I am making a promise. It's going to be smutty next chapter. Stay tuned, folks. lol.