Chapter 16 – Courting Sorrow
Esme curled a delicate hand around the crown of Alice's head. Dainty fingers sank into a thick mess of midnight black spiky short hair and began a soothing massage of the scalp. Alice sighed but otherwise remained motionless. Face tucked into her elbows with legs drawn up to her chest, she looked the very picture of misery.
"Alice, sweetheart," Esme began softly before her voice faltered and the remaining words trailed off. The motherly vampire simply did not know what to say. Not without making the current situation worse. She hovered around her daughter, hand alternating between carding sure fingers through Alice's hair and continuing her gentle massage.
"I need to be alone," Alice murmured. Her tone belayed her weariness, coating each syllable with palpable despondency.
Esme withdrew her hand, a twinge of hurt momentarily swimming across her picturesque features before she swallowed it beneath a resigned mask. Sighing heavily, she bent and dropped a lingering kiss onto Alice's temple. "Ok, baby," she conceded. "Ok." Straightening, she turned and walked toward the door, opening it quietly and hesitating within the doorframe as she cast a worried glance back at her daughter. "I love you," she added.
"Love you too, mama," Alice responded automatically, though her voice was devoid of emotion.
Esme sighed again, took in one last glance of Alice hunched over her dresser and closed the door softly behind her.
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Emmett dawdled as he debated whether or not to confront Alice. But seeing her curled up on the front porch, looking so small that the bench seemed to swallow her already tiny frame, Emmett was halfway out the door before he fully comprehended that he had moved.
Now, he crouched down in front of his baby sister and placed a beefy hand on her denim-clad knee. Squeezing gently, he offered up a crooked grin sprinkled full of boyish charm. "Hey, pipsqueak," he called out, forcibly keeping his tone light.
Alice seemed not to hear him, eyes glazed over as they glued themselves to something probably not so fascinating in the distance. Emmett frowned and shifted closer, hoping his imposing figure would lure her out of her reverie. His bulk covered Alice in a wobbly blanket of shadows but still, Alice kept vigil to her present state, unflinching in Emmett's hulking presence.
"Alice, please," Emmett pleaded softly. "Talk to me." Desperation colored his every word; he felt as though he were watching a two train collision in slow motion and try as he might, he could do nothing to stop it. He took in Alice's pallor: she seemed paler than normal, more a sickly gray than a usually powdery white. Her normally vibrant eyes, so alive with joy and curiosity were now sunken in her skull, dull and blank with sorrow, blackened from lack of blood. Emmett knew Alice had not fed since…since that day. And whilst it would probably take decades for a vampire to succumb to starvation, if they could even die from starvation that is, the effects of not feeding regularly would no doubt have its consequences.
"Ally…" Emmett was determined to try every nickname he had for her in the book. Anything to garner a response even if she ended up kicking his ass to high heaven. He pushed himself upright, shifted, and then settled himself heavily on the bench next to Alice. His great weight caused the swing to tilt slightly in his favor, swinging erratically before Emmett dug a foot into the floorboards, stilling the movement. "Tinker-ballerina, you gotta open up that pretty mouth of yours. Where's that beautiful laugh that used to ring throughout the house, huh?" Emmett nudged at her side with his elbow before slugging a well muscled arm around her petite shoulders.
Alice sighed. When Emmett wanted something, he was like a dog with a bone. He simply would not be ignored. She finally turned listless eyes onto her big brother. "I just need some time, Em." Alice's voice was hoarse and bruised, as if she hadn't spoken in years. "Please, just let me be." With that, she shrugged off Emmett's one armed embrace and traipsed toward the cover of the woods, shoulders slumped over in dejection, her head hanging low.
Emmett watched her, concern marring his toffee dipped eyes. He dragged a frustrated hand through his cropped hair as Alice's tiny frame disappeared into the cover of the darkened woods before standing back up and retreating back to the house.
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Rosalie clasped Alice's hand, practically dragging the fellow vampire along the pavement. She blew a sheet of air through her teeth in annoyance when Alice simply went along with the tug, almost tripping over her own two feet in response, a high feat for a vampire to accomplish as their reflexes were so enhanced. Skidding to a stop, Rosalie turned and bestowed Alice the iciest glare she could muster. When the pixie vampire failed to shudder under the usually arresting stare, Rosalie felt the glare morph into a frown of concern. Not usually an affectionate person, wavy haired blonde vampire definitely surprised Alice out of her stupor when she moved forward to wrap the vampire in a surprisingly gentle and comforting embrace.
"Alice." The name emerged as a husky plea. "Al, you can't go on like this," Rosalie continued undaunted. She shot a passerby a well practiced scowl over Alice's shoulder as he stopped to stare at two unnervingly beautiful women embrace so openly in public. He tittered nervously, ducked his head under the heat of Rosalie's irritated stare and hastily moved on. Rosalie resisted the urge to roll her eyes as she pulled slightly away before turning her attention back to her sister. "C'mon, Ally, at least try. Bella would hate to see you like this." The last sentence was delivered in deliberately, driven into Alice's conscience with a well-timed whack. Rosalie was not above emotional blackmail if it meant snapping the petite vampire out of this depressive funk she had pulled herself into.
Rosalie watched, a grim smile of satisfaction darting across her lips as Alice yanked herself from the flaxen haired vampire, eyeballing her angrily for even mentioning the brunette's name. "That was below the belt, Rosalie," Alice growled. She furthered the gap between her and her sister, anger rolling off her in rivulets as she folded her arms in a gesture of defiance. "It was completely uncalled for, what you just said."
"Perhaps," Rosalie agreed. "But you know it's the truth," she taunted. Shrugging off Alice's livid expression, she continued. "Don't even start. You wouldn't be acting so defensive if it wasn't true," she pointed out flatly.
Alice's shoulders slumped forward as if the wind had been knocked out of her. Try as she might, she could not deny the logic of Rosalie's words. The blonde may play the part of the icy queen bee, hell bent on her looks and everything material but she wasn't stupid like her stereotype would otherwise project. The spiky haired vampire sighed and ran a hand through her already tousled hair. "You're right," she concurred softly. Then she rolled her eyes at the triumphant look on Rosalie's face. "You don't have to look so smug about it, Rose," All stated wryly.
Rosalie shrugged. Reaching for Alice's hand again, she resumed their walk down the line of boutique shops offered in Seattle. "C'mon, Alice. You need some retail therapy."
Alice's eyes widened. Digging her heels into the ground, she barely managed to keep the pavement from cracking as she dragged Rosalie to a stop. When her sister swung her head around to bequeath her with yet another scowl, her blonde mane swishing through the air as though it were in a shampoo commercial, Alice scrambled quickly for an explanation.
"Rosalie, I can't go into a mall. I haven't hunted since…" The midnight haired vampire trailed off, her words dissipating at the edge of her lips as the trickle of memories of that day suddenly pooled into a rising flood. She glanced down at her shoes, guilt ridding her face.
Rosalie mentally smacked herself. She had worked so hard to get Alice out of the house; outright asking Emmett to pick up their little sister, haul her over his massive shoulder in a fireman's carry and deposit her in Rosalie's car that she had forgotten the finer details. Like Alice's self-induced fast.
Rosalie made a split second decision; spinning them both around, she marched them back to the direction of her car. "Let's go, Alice," she commanded. Used to having people follow her lead, she did not give the pixie vampire a chance to protest as she wound her way around the thin knot of shoppers wandering up and down the walkway. "Excuse us," she barked as she elbowed past a bewildered couple.
"Rose, what are you doing?" Alice cried out weakly, her lack of feeding actually making her somewhat uncoordinated. Or maybe it was the power walk Rosalie had administered on the pair. "Jesus, Rose, where's the fire?"
"We're getting you fed," Rosalie explained matter-of-factly. Her tone brooked no argument. Reaching the car, she unlocked it and near shoved Alice into the passenger seat. "Then we're going shopping." She leveled a no-nonsense look at Alice. "Don't even try to argue. NOBODY interrupts my shopping."
With that, she slammed the door shut and walked around the car. Opening the driver's door and sliding gracefully into her own seat, Rosalie started the ignition with one hand, yanked the door shut with the other, and then floored it, stamping the pedal hard onto the ground and tearing out on the road.
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Jasper found Alice huddled into the corner of the couch. Legs drawn up to her chest, chin propped onto her chin, she gazed absent-mindedly at the flickering television screen, her thoughts clearly a million miles away.
Jasper sighed deeply in resignation. He knew how she was feeling, literally. Alice's pain was so profound, so bone-deep that for days Jasper was a walking imitation of Alice, his every facial expression and body language eerily echoing that of his sister. It got to the point where Jasper would have to leave the house just to gain some measure of peace and tranquility. He couldn't imagine being Alice; the emotions radiating off the onyx haired vampire like an unavoidable toxic fog were merely a fraction of what Alice felt. Whilst Jasper could comprehend such sorrow, he did not have the emotional investment that Alice had regarding the feelings. Yes, he cared about Bella, had come to accept Bella as somewhat part of the family, but he lacked that emotional connection Alice had with her. It was that emotion that most likely made Alice feel tenfold of what Jasper was feeling. The very thought of living with that kind of misery day in and day out made the former war hardened soldier shudder.
Jasper was thrown back to reality when Alice's woeful sigh drifted over to tickle his ears like playful fingers. Shaking his head to clear the cobweb of thoughts, he made his way over to his sister. Without saying a word, Alice inched forward a little, allowing Jasper room to slide in behind her. Settling his strong arms around her tiny waist, he pulled her against him, pressing a tiny kiss to the back of her head when Alice tucked it against his chest.
The pair sat in silence, albeit not an uncomfortable one. Alice's left hand inched a path down to Jasper's thigh where jumpy fingers began picking off imaginary lint. The low hum of the TV filled the space in the otherwise quiet living room and Jasper wavered his attention between Alice and the movie playing on the screen.
Finally, Alice shifted slightly. A mournful exhale flitted past lush red lips. "It's my fault, Jaz."
Jasper, who had silently been waiting for this confession, pounced on it with determined eagerness. "No, it's not," he insisted. He squeezed Alice gently around the middle. "You tried your best."
"My best wasn't good enough," Alice muttered brokenly. "How could I have been so stupid?"
Jasper shook his head, loosening blonde locks that streaked down his forehead. Jostling the fragile bundle that was his sister gently in his arms, he clucked his tongue disagreement. "It's NOT your fault, Ally," he argued. "She was in such bad shape. You had a 50-50 chance that it was going to work. Stop beating yourself up over it."
Alice hacked out a dry sob that shot forth unexpectedly. "But I can't, Jasper!" She twisted slightly in the circle of the former soldier's arms until her agonized gaze settled onto Jasper's; twin caramel pools tainted with guilt boring out from an all too pale face. "She was mine to protect and I—"
"Bella didn't ask you to protect her," Jasper cut in with blunt logic. He raised a pale eyebrow; it arched and disappeared behind fallen bangs. "You are not her keeper, Alice."
Alice shook her head stubbornly. "Doesn't matter," she countered. "Nothing matters. I'm still the one responsible."
Jasper blew out a breath of frustration. He had hoped Alice was getting better. His empathy power told him otherwise but he hoped anyway. She seemed marginally better after a forced shopping spree with Rosalie, even cracking a smile; it was a watery ghost of a smile, but a smile nonetheless. It had lifted Jasper's spirit to see it. However, today, today, it seemed as if Alice had regressed, retreating back into her depression. It was bordering on unhealthy, mentally and physically. Jasper was reminded of Alice's forced starvation; he was frankly stunned she did not go on a bloodlust-induced rampage when Rosalie dragged her to Seattle. But then again, Alice always had a strong willpower, stronger than she gave herself credit for.
Jasper rearranged himself, sinking further into the back of the couch. He was just about to reiterate his case when Carlisle descended the stairs, a half-hidden hopeful smile that was in danger of splitting into a full-fledged grin, tugging at the corner of his lips.
"Alice," he called out. There was a note of excitement in his voice. "Alice I think Bella might finally be coming around!"
A/N – You thought she was dead, didn't you? Didn't you? GOTCHA!