Thanks to my reviewers, you guys make me happy. I appreciate your comments and attention and I hope you keep reading and enjoying this story!
That Fine Line
~Don't let go
Don't let go
~To my love~
Can I get to your soul
Can you get to my thought
~Can we promise we won't let go?~
All the things that I need
All the things that you need
~You can make it feel so real.~
Cuz you can't deny
You've blown my mind
~When I touch your body
~I feel I'm loosing control
Sasuke's POV
Sasuke momentarily goes numb, and his eyes take a blank expression when he feels Naruto's arms reaching up and wrapping around him, dragging him close in a long desired embrace. He sighs, tired, but he is not opposing to this. He feels content right now, in Naruto's arms.
He feels bad for giving in like this, he feels bad for being weak in front of Naruto, he feels bad because he cant finish what he came for. Instead, he started off something else, more dangerous. Something he thought he had long before got rid off: bonds.
He shivers as he feels Naruto's hands around him, keeping him in place, where he really wanted to be, despite his mind screaming to him that he is weak, that he is an idiot, that this is not what he ought off doing right now.
But he ignores it all. Cause Naruto apologized once more. Cause Naruto still refuses to see Sasuke for what he really is. Cause Naruto still loves him despite the monster he is. Cause Naruto is his only safe way out of this lonely world.
Cause Naruto, is the only person he will always abandon to return back to later on. He knowas it is cruel, he is in fact sick of hurting Naruto and everyone that cares about him. But his path is that of an avenger, and he has already walked out of it, this very moment that he is resting in Naruto's arms.
He knows this and he accepts it. It is a sacrifice he is willing to do for his best friend, his strongest bond alive, Naruto. He is also willing to do many more things for him. Things Naruto would ask him, things Naruto as a hokage or as a friend would need him to do.
As a person with everything that comes with it. But stay in Konoha is a whole different matter to him. A favor, a chore, a whim he could never bring himself to do, not for Naruto but for anyone. And mostly for him, himself. Cause old wounds hurt and cause past never really fades when you love…when you hate…when you can't forget.
In Konoha, there is the house his family used to reside, the one that got slaughtered by Itachi, his beloved and once hated and misunderstood brother. In this village, there lay all of his former friends and people he used to know, people who once looked up to him, but anymore he is nothing more than a mere selfish criminal in their eyes.
He has betrayed them all. How could he ever accept to go back after having committed one of the things he used to hate so fiercely his older brother for: Betrayal?
His tears havent still stopped running down in between his and the blonde's skin, when he hears the later's voice, feeling his ears with their lonely shade.
I am not enough.
The sound of his voice still haunts his ears, lingering as in an accusing tone, but the sadness in his words seems almost tuned in with the tears that roll down the hokage's eyes and onto the avenger's pale skin.
He shivers lightly, burying his face further against Naruto's neck.
He feels a bit of anger struggling inside him but he ignores it. He reminds himself once more why Naruto is acting like a kid in disbelief, a kid that has lived its whole life in the shade and when they suddenly tell him there is a thing called sun, a thing called light, he denies it stubbornly.
But isn't this what Naruto really is? He always lived his life so far thinking that Sasuke was hating him if not being coldly indifferent. And now that he is having his feelings in the plate for him, he just cant believe they are there, he can't extend his trembling hand and touch them, cause he fears its just another illusion of the ones he made back ago when he couldnt come in terms with the idea of an emotionless / despising Sasuke.
His heart shivers more in pain as he feels sorry for Naruto. He feels bad knowing he was just another source of pain in his cruel lonely life so far. And he would give anything to make it up to him. Even if he had to do it the harsh way, the way that Naruto wouldnt get…
He raises his arms and wraps them tightly around the hokage's figure, heart beat against heart beat. He rubs his back softly, wondering if he really deserves all these tears. No, he doesnt. Yet, what Naruto said is true and he could never change that.
You'll never deserve anything I give you.
He doesnt hurt about that, he knew it from before. And bitterly, he agreed with it. Accepted it. Cause it was the truth after all. He had never done anything for the blonde other than sending his way new waves of bitter disappointment and disloyalty all the time.
''Sadly, the truth is…you're much more than I deserve.'' Sasuke whispers, and its a bitter acceptance.
He knows Naruto is far too lenient on him, he knows he doesnt deserve any of it, yet Naruto's literal and non embrace is too sweet for him to deny this very moment.
His body stiffens as the next words are making rounds in his heads, taunting his heart's strings, so much that he has to grip on Naruto tighter to control his emotions:
I can't keep losing you.
His heart is aching, cause he is almost waiting in agony, expecting whats going to come on next from his friend's mouth. He didnt want that moment to come, he'd rather die.
His life has never been a fairy tale and it cant start being like one now. That is what Naruto always failed to get. But it was in his character, his optimistic vivid character to never give up and see life as a bloody war field that can transform into a spring field anytime if you just want it with all of your heart. But life doesnt work that way. Life has its own wants and humans are mere pioneers in its game.
They werent allowed to have any wants and if they did, life made sure to punish them for that. Sasuke knew that far very well so far.
''I don't like leaving you behind.'' his husky voice came as if it had will of its own, his lips moving to let the sound out, without parting from the warm soft skin he was resting his head on.
Imitating his voice, his lips started now acting on their own, his mind absent on the whole act, his heart being his only guide.
He didnt care what he just said, he didnt care what Naruto had said or what he was about to say. His feelings had waited long enough and were searching for a way out.
And at this very moment, Sasuke didnt care if it was wrong to treat a same gender person like that, or if it was right. All he knew was that it was love taking form in actions and for some reason his mind went numb on that and let emotions take on the rest.
The aformentioned wet from his own tears lips, started sucking and nibbling onto the hokage's skin, affection being their leader into their bold action, and not lust.
His soft cushions traced all the way up and down on the blonde's warm soft skin, never parting, refusing to miss its warmth. His eyes closed not too tight, not too soft, in order for the raven to take in all of the scent the blonde had to give out to him, to remind him of that familiarity he used to feel in the past when around him. Safety.
Leaving small kisses on the hokage's neck, all along its length, his head suddenly came to a halt, ceasing its light tilting as he felt Naruto's soft adored hands landing on his own pale neck and lips of the said person brushing gently but lovingly against his ear lobe.
The move itself didnt really take him by surprise- being for the tiny amount of time they had been in each other's presence for the day, they boys had got pretty fast accustomed to each others physical contact.
What really upset him was that this move had a weird kind of aura surrounding the hokage's moves.
It felt as one of those preliminary acts someone does, when he prepares someone else for something important or meaningful to follow.
Sasuke knew that all far too well from experience. And Naruto was far too predictable, at most, to make this easier.
His lips left the hokage's skin, but he didn't let go of the blonde man, his hands still in a grip around his precious bond.
He tilted his head slightly upwards.
Please. Stay with me.
Sasuke sighed in tiredom. He couldnt say he didn expect it. Yet, it didnt hurt any less. Cause he couldnt just do what Naruto was asking from him. He couldnt go back in Konoha, too many painful memories, too many hostile faces, too many hypocrisy for his likes.
But above this all, he couldnt stay out of…Naruto.
If he went back, he would make everyone forgive his raven haired friend and ex avenger. He would make everyone pretend that they respected him and that he was welcomed.
That they didnt feel butthurt for him betraying his village. That they werent afraid of him. That they didnt trust him. That they didnt think that their hokage had gone crazy and to be less lenient, immature and selfish.
Yes, that was what everyone would think of Naruto if he welcomed Sasuke back into Konoha.
Selfish, immature and a bad leader. And Sasuke couldnt do this to Naruto. It was the best thing he had achieved for himself, his dream, ever since he was a kid: to become a great hokage.
Sasuke could still remember with how much passion his blonde little friend was boasting and day dreaming of how he would become the fifth hokage one day.
He could still bring back in his mind the light of those cerulean childish eyes when he said those things.
And he couldnt ruin it for him. He wanted the people of Konoha to look up into his friend, as he did. Cause he knew what a wonderful person he was deep down. And he wanted this to be clear to everyone.
So, with cold hear and his tears drying slowly, he let his arms fall limp to his sides, giving up on their intense embrace.
''That is one thing I could never bring myself to do. I am sorry,… Naruto.''he says and with that he slowly pulls away to look his friend in the eyes, to make sure his message-despite how harsh it was- got through.
His heart was already aching in bitterness, he hated hurting and letting down Naruto once more but his care for him was too much and too deep to just let himself give in his feelings for the hokage and accept his offer…No, not offer. More like give into his heart wrenching plea.
He looked into Naruto's sad eyes, waiting to get slapped or something of a similar emotional outburst. It wouldnt surprise him. He absent mindly wondered if the tears had stopped falling from his eyes.
Naruto's POV
Naruto Uzumaki was a simple man. He had a set list of things things he liked and things he did not like; and there was usually nothing in between. And because he was so simple, Naruto enjoyed the smaller things that got overlooked in life.
Like the stars peeking through his window, or having his paperwork finished, maybe even a bowl of ramen; anyone who met him could tell exactly what type of person he was. He was just that easy to read.
And most of the time, he preferred it that way. Better to be honest than shady, he'd say. So naturally, Naruto came to loathe things when they were complex. He wasn't even that great under pressure.
Which also explained why being Hokage had been running him into the ground. Because at first, he'd wanted to tackle the struggle head on, but instead, found himself being pulled under by it.
The reasons went on and on: taxes, schools, theories, religion—life was just too busy. Sasuke had always made it to the top of his to-do list though, right underneath FIND.
The Uchiha's existence was Naruto's only reason for getting through the day. The other reason was that he had no interest in dying without him nearby. It was not that Naruto was clingy, no. He just... god. He considered himself 'smitten'.
Okay? Enough to hold onto any shred of hope he might find toward reaching Sasuke. So he lived day by day, week by week. The blond never even looked further than next month unless he absolutely needed to.
I wish I could fix this, Being so loyal.. it had something to do with being alone most your life.
That's what he blamed it on. Naruto admitted this very fact the rainy evening when a man dressed in black approached him, and informed him of Tsunade's passing. It was complicated to think about, even now. Naruto hadn't gone to anyone for advice- let alone comfort -since he thought he was lucky enough to even accomplish some meager skills as a ninja.
Let alone, go on to do anything more with his one-dimensional life. But from there, he somehow entered himself under consideration for Hokage. He couldn't remember which one of his counselors had convinced him his current image wasn't fitting for the title, but they had. Perhaps it was best that they did, though.
Or maybe.. it wasn't.
Either way, Naruto discovered that time slipped by much more slowly when you spend hours trying to be spotless or inane.. thus stalling his search for the Uchiha. But it didn't matter anymore.
Cus' after years of being shoved into papers and told he was to blame if the slightest thing went wrong—Naruto no longer had the courage to verbalize how much he missed the raven. There were simply too many words to describe himself with. Like the way Sasuke growled, or the way he'd become totally quiet. Naruto even missed the way Sasuke would fold his hands so neatly under his chin. The way his eyes would grow distant, seeing something no one else could.
He really didn't care about who he was. What Sasuke became. Let alone how they were together. Or why. As long as he was with him, Naruto couldn'tve cared if his a** were on fire. He'd let the repercussions for their choices come. He'd have a chunk of his heart torn out in the end, and watch it get stomped on. He'd take hours of misery from Sasuke's abandonment, or violent speeches.
But when he'd finally cry uncle, get carted away to that obese office he loathed so much, Naruto swore he would do it with a smile. It was easy to imagine a life with Sasuke: all he had to do was make sure he stayed. Things would be simple, easy, and a much better end. However, these thoughts also made Naruto become anxious, afraid that everything might come crumbling down on him within seconds.
Cus' god knows Sasuke never wanted anything but Itachi's death. And even if he did stay, Naruto knew he wouldn't be with him long. He enjoyed his freedom too much, and for Naruto to even request such a thing as he had.. it was doomed to begin with.
And so went the cycle.
Sasuke was the closest to home he'd ever had; the closest to family he'd ever experienced. Naruto's feelings would never fade for this man, because as far as he considered, it was impossible. So Sasuke would be his best friend, if that was all he could have. That would be good enough, Naruto bargained. It had been for all these years.
''Sadly, the truth is…you're much more than I deserve.''
The light melted from his eyes when he saw that Sasuke thought such a thing of himself, and was instantly reminded of when he muttered such a thing aloud. Blue eyes leaked more translucent tears, cascading onto the raven's skin just as Sasuke did to him. He doesn't want Sasuke to think that. Because they were just words. Something to say when your mad.
But Naruto can't come outright with it. Can't keep saying he's sorry when he knows Sasuke will hold onto those words and burn them into his skin like a label. Naruto's fingers smooth out over the planes of Sasuke's back, holding on like if he just waited long enough.. everything would be fixed through some force of magic. That they would go back to how they use to, as kids. With muddy faces and a lifetime ahead of them.
''I don't like leaving you behind.''
Then don't.
He wants to say this, but won't. He's a statue, waiting for the clouds to come plundering overhead. His grip is loosening on the angel before him, slipping from reality. That fox is talking again, snickering at his ignorance. Naruto wants to snap at it to shut up, but knows it won't. Even if he begs. Cerulean orbs settle on gazing straight ahead, through the dark tendrils of his face.
Among many things, Naruto understood Sasuke was all about the heat of the moment. While he, on the other hand, was about something longer. The sudden attachment to his neck was testament to this.
But Uzumaki didn't care. Sasuke could use him for whatever he wanted.. a rag, a punching bag, a friend. So long as he had more time. As long as he got to stay here, for just a couple extra minutes.
''That is one thing I could never bring myself to do. I am sorry,… Naruto.''
He wrinkled his nose.
Man. How stupid could he be? Of course he wouldn't stay. God, Naruto! Think! You knew this would happen. Why would Sasuke have ever wanted this? A life at home. With you, no less?
''A-ah..'' Drawing apart, he knew he was going to pretend it was alright. Pretend that his world wasn't breaking down.
Because he'd predicted this would happen. And yet, he put all his chips on black anyway. It was a fool's bet. And even though he had been the one to bring it up, he wasn't in the mood to talk about Sasuke's absence anymore.
But since he had zero control over the conversation, he wanted their time together to be perfect and for the arguments to be put on hold (because yes, if this meant anything to the raven, he would resume his habits of being a Hokage to cover how much he hurt.)
''No, it's... uh, don't be.''
He didn't even think. The words fell from his lips before he could scramble for a better response. It was far from perfection, and as a reconcilement, the blond straightened himself into one of his trademark statures, becoming rigid with legs parted at equal lengths. His chest broadened out and started bleeding again, small tears of red.
Naruto let his hands rest casually by his side, mimicking Sasuke. It was like he doubted his resources and strength, but somehow managed to keep himself together. Because being Hokage meant one had to be dignified, responsible.. and...
Above making mistakes.
Face flaming red, he decided the dirt was much more interesting than Sasuke and inspected it relentlessly to avoid eye contact.
''I... I could come with you. For a... ah, while.'' It was embarrassing to suggest and he felt exposed.
What if Sasuke thought it was stupid? Pf. Of course he did. He'd just flat out rejected Naruto minutes ago. What made you think he was going to change his mind about wanting the blond to follow? He finally lowered his stare from the nearby dirt to his shoes and raised one of his careful hands to his neck, rubbing the spot where Sasuke had been.
His jaw was locking up, another part of the performance. It meant that crooked smile of his would build up soon enough, and his eyebrows would smooth out into a reasonable curve. He was trying to avoid situations like these. Above all else, he should have been arguing.. not resorting to this. It was a child's demeanor, where one had to wait for permission to do something. And like many other things, he just couldn't grow out of it.
''It's...it'd be easy to...run.'' His voice was smooth, no longer carrying a ragged edge.
He wouldn't be surprised if Sasuke lied to his face and pretended he approved of this, then went running for the hills. He had obviously been lying about being happy around Naruto, which sort of gave him a little bubble of desperation. That and the fact that he had let himself be tricked by compassion so many times in the past (though it did give him a kinda guilty feeling because he was starting to feel like one of Sasuke's stalker/fans).
Naruto would be sad to leave Konoha but he would get over it eventually, right? Yes. He would. Just as long as Naruto remain useful and perfect like this, everything would be better.
''I mean, it's okay if you don't want...'' Naruto rambled.
He was trying to compose his word choices, like he always did under stress. Slowly but surely, he was slipping away, disjoining himself with the conversation. Deep down, Naruto knew this wouldn't work. Sasuke would turn his back on him anyway. See right through the charade. He would call him a loser, or a dobe, then run off to be with his little snake-squad someplace.
''Wait. I mean, uh, nevermind.''
Eyes expressing a false confidence he'd lost years ago, the Hokage shifted back another couple paces. His hands assumed a safe place inside his pockets, clenching into fists as he assumed this 'perfect' role again. He realized Sasuke was still crying. Hell, he probably was too.
''I get it. You don't... I mean,'' he paused, closing his eyes for a moment.
To others, it might seem like he was irritated. But to Sasuke, he probably just looked like a bumbling puppy.
''I get it. Okay? Just...''
If you want this story to live a long happy life, please R&R. 3
Ria.
