The Confrontation
Sasuke's POV
Sasuke put the tools away, wiping them carefully with a soft tissue so as to clean them from the little blood that had stained the steel. He was glad to be done with most of it. Of course, there were still areas he hadnt dared explore with his own hands. He was comfortable enough to treat Naruto's wounds as it was but he couldn't get more intimate than that and touch parts of Naruto's body that he even had problem touching in his own one.
Wiping the sweat away from his forehead, he fixed his eyes on Naruto's body, searching intensely for signs of any other wounds left untreated. After a brief examination, he realised he had taken care of the visible wounds and he had done a job finished leaving apart the places he didn't have the courage to go to.
He felt slightly relieved now that he wouldnt have to worry about Naruto's health anymore. With Kyubi inside him, the blond would heal faster now that the wounds had been stitched up. He felt partially guilty that Naruto had to go through the operation in full senses but it couldnt be helped and at least the result was satisfying.
In some moments, the paralysis would leave Naruto and the blond would be able to move once more. In fact it might have already be over, only that Sasuke couldnt tell, suddenly feeling too embarrassed to lock eyes with his former friend.
But the question that breaks the awkward silence next finds him off guard. Not really, he knew better than to expect Naruto to act selfless as he always did, but when Sasuke was so worried about him, showing how little the blond himself valued his own life and safety really got to Sasuke.
Are they healthy?
Sasuke sighed and forced his eyes on Naruto, onyx locking in sky blue.
His glare was an angry one. A frustrated. He was honest about his feelings, whenever he had any. He never held back even if he knew how wrong he might sound at times. But after everything Naruto had seen about him, he wasnt afraid anymore if the blond would criticize him.
With Naruto it was like he always overviewed Sasuke's mistakes. Something Sasuke could never understand but he secretly took relief in it. He couldnt stand Naruto to never forgive him. It would sting. He didnt know why but that was the way it was.
And what kind of question was that? Healthy? The villagers? Most of them had been slaughtered on sight and the few ones that had survived, if they didnt serve for interrogation purposes, they were being sold as slaves or killed off.
Of course, it was all decisions that Madara took and Sasuke wasnt involved in the way things got ran around with the captives but still it seemed as if Sasuke had to be the one to let Naruto in the sad of the situation.
And this fact, this very fact that he had to be in that difficult position of informing Naruto of the thing he'd least like to hear right now was making him all the more impatient and irritated. He didnt have to deal with that. He had had enough worry as it was to keep Naruto alive and treat him back to health.
''I don't know in what condition they are.'' He growled, and his voice was more of the allarming tone, yet Naruto didnt seem to grasp it, he didnt seem to catch the tension that had rose in the air around Sasuke as if warning for a angsty storm to come.
Promise me, …t-they'll be okay.
You, ungrateful, selfless moron, theatening to ruin my happiness with your carelesness. How will you stay in life if this is the least you care for?
Sasuke almost felt tears of anger forming in his eyes but he pushed them back. However he didnt manage to do the same with the anger and awe that had gathered up inside him.
He slowly turned his head upwards to look Naruto through his raven bangs.
''You idiot…'' he started off slowly, but then he pushed back a lock of hair and fixed his burning glare on Naruto's cerulean eyed.
''…you are the only one I care for! Why should I have to promise to you anything like that?'' he snapped, his tone getting higher by each passing second, in a stable pace.
Standing on his knees, he covered the distance fast between him and Naruto and grabbed the blond's arms, shaking him violently, as his hurt and anger had blinded him.
''I am wasting my time to keep you in life…and you! You…are throwing it away! Just because you are a selfless baka that can't deal with things the way they are! Wake up, Naruto! This is a war, what did you expect! Just because I happened to pity you, this doesn't mean Madara would feel the same for all of those pathetic villagers that once laughed so carelessly at my clan's expense! How dare you to ask me to care about them?
Aren't most of them dust, anyways? And the survivors are rotting in their cells, as we speak. Heck, there might not be anyone left by tomorrow. I am no God, I can't save them all! Truth, actually is, I dont give a ********! It is you that I was concerned about! But no you have to keep on tainting me like that just because I happened to care! You conceited idiot! Throwing your life away like that all the time, while I am trying to save you! Seeing you like that,…it…''
It tears me apart…
'' Ungrateful dobe!'' Sasuke whispered in an angry tone.
Realizing just how out of control he had been and how much he had let his emotions take over him, the raven pulled back and removed his hands from Naruto's shoulders, standing up and making some steps back, as he regained his composure partially, though he still felt agitated and was taking deep breaths to calm down.
That was Naruto for him, having that scary effect on him that made him expose thoughts and feelings that he never would have being with anyone else other than him.
His eyes tracing back on Naruto, he gave him the coldest stare he could manage and, though irritation was still swimming around in his onyx orbs.
''I pity you, Naruto. You want to help others but you have already given up on yourself. Tell me, how is this even possible?'' Sasuke asked , venom lingering bitterly in his husky voice which he made a great effort to make it come out as calm and collected but he couldn't help the slightly broken tone it had.
Damn you, Naruto. Why do I feel so vulnerable when you are around?
Then, a brief silence followed, and suddenly he felt all the regrets washing down on him for having spoken so harshly to Naruto. The man was already traumatized, he didnt need Sasuke throwing salt in his wounds already.
His eyes wandered around the room as if he was searching for something when in reality he was merely trying to calm down. Taking a few slow but deep and silent breaths, his glance returned to Naruto, not being able to part eyes from him for long.
He wanted to say he was sorry, but he just couldnt bring himself to do it. His lips wouldnt open to let out the three words that were burning their tips in such a guilty way.
Leaning his head slightly downwards, he let out a sigh and almost calmed down anymore, he walked back to his friend in a slow pace and bend down in front of him.
It seemed as the paralysis wasnt completely over as he hadnt noticed Naruto doing the slightest movement all this time. He hesitantly put a shaking hand on his shoulder and rubbed the spot with his thumb. Was it his way of saying sorry? One would figure it would need more than that to apologize for what he had said.
''I need to go soon so ...I think you should lay down on my bed. It would fasten your recovery.'' He said, eyes stably locked on Naruto's chest out of embarrassment.
Placing Naruto's arm over his shoulder, he dragged the blond closer so that Naruto was basing his weight on the raven, as the later slowly and carefully stood up, pulling Naruto with him. Clenching tightly on his arm, he led the blond to the comfy bed, covering the small distance that separated it from the pole rather fast but clumsily.
Leaning softly downwards, he placed the blond carefully on the mattress and pushed some pillows under his head so that he felt more comfortable. Dragging a thin white sheet over his body, he covered him to keep him warm, trying to keep an emotionless expression, eyes always avoiding Naruto's.
After doing so, he noticed Naruto's hand was lying out of the blanket, so he slowly took it in his hand and held it in silence for a few moments, his fingers squishing the soft tanned skin as if he was trying to find his sanity in the feeling of pleasant warmth the contact with the blond gifted him with.
As if he snapped out of his thoughts, he quickly glanced over Naruto stoically, as he dragged his hand under the blanket and onto his chest, where he left it to rest, while he removed his own hand that was still tingling from the touch with his kitsune.
Feeling in control of himself again, he locked eyes with Naruto seriously and nodded coldly.
''Get some rest. I will be back at noon, to give you your food.'' He said and with that he turned around rushingly, as if he was stressed that if he stayed any longer he might lose control again.
Without looking back, he walked slowly and silently out of the room, closing the door behind him. He hadnt had any rest as he had planned and he still had the time to do so if he wanted, but for some reason he couldnt handle being in the same room with Naruto right now, after the tensed scene that had taken part some moments ago.
Some training might be exhausting at the state he was in right now, both mental and physical but it would be good to help him get his mind out of the torturing thoughts that haunted his mind at the moment on Naruto's honor.
Naruto's POV
It's all expectations and rarely forgiveness. Because in another's eyes, he is suppose to be invincible. Imperturbable. Naruto appears strong, confident, carelessly crafted to perfection. There is nothing that could ever falter him–nothing that leaves its mark.
Naruto knows this had once not been a complete lie, that this wasn't a complete mask he put on for the world. When they were younger, he had been all those things in turn. A fighter and a strategist, skilled yet stupid when the choices meant his life. His confidence had been earned, through his timeless experience, through battles... through blood. He was good at what he'd done, and he had a long line of survivors to show for it.
Keyword? Had.
This sanity–and its bite–were fleeting and temporary. No one was meant to keep it as long as he had. Though Naruto knows that even Sasuke still expects him to soldier on. If only he could see inside, to the truly twisted individual he had become. That cold, deformed heart was being wrenched into the grief for his people, changing him into something unlike what everyone would like to think he was.
Because the truth is, Naruto is nowhere near unbreakable.
He is full of unvoiced thoughts and late-night agony, and he struggles to keep every emotion he has from showing in his eyes. His insecurities, his pain, are an open book that no-one had ever cared to read. Half of them had known what drove him to hide it, while the other half lived in fear of having it revealed. In the end, we're what's left. Battle-scarred, talking without words, they knew the ins and outs of everything, including each other. When it was time, they knew that too.
They'd trained for years, laying the groundwork toward a future where they would be too slow to carry a job out–too damaged to have a decent chance at winning. His village no longer needed him, and his sanity couldn't stand to stay. So what's left of him now, with the way things are? He is what he does, and what he does makes no difference. But most of his success is a secret even from the people he helps. The people he wanted to help. Inside, there is little of Naruto that's left.
This much should be written down or carved into the wall. He knows there is just that sense of duty and darkness, the countdown to abandonment. There is the knowledge that Sasuke will leave him, because history repeats itself and no one will ever stay for Naruto. He is one thin thread away from collapsing under his heartbreak. He understands he has work to do, and the mission will never end. And Sasuke may mock him, for being that selfish giver, may care under a fleeting note, but Naruto has never been allowed to be anyone else.
Why couldn't things be less complicated? He wanted a map. To have someone explain to him what he should do with his life. His entire being was questioned and events happened that were never supposed to happen in the slightest. Like, being here. And Naruto couldn't handle it. His eyes sought an underlying sanctuary, but found none.
Eventually, they drifted back to Sasuke.
They'd always juggled this relationship with many things; reading into each other's emotions without really being surprised nor afflicted. He was grateful for this in some ways, it came in handy now and it would come in handy when Naruto had to look at Sasuke with his final breath. Hell, it would come in handy when Naruto finally found a way to save someone, when the world started to crumble apart and the apocalypse happened. Unfortunately, the apocalypse had already started. For Naruto, at least.
Who looked at him as the hero, now?
A broken smile was plastered on his face, the expression fighting off a grimace that was paralyzed only by Sasuke's disapproval. No one would ever notice the little dark shade in his eye from the way he was suffering, or the sharp intake of breath from being in the Uchiha's presence. He was being torn apart from the inside out, and nothing would stop this gut wrenching feeling that had taken over.
''I don't know in what condition they are.''
He just wanted things to be fixed. Didn't Sasuke get that? He blinks slowly, eyes hardening under the glare. Perhaps Naruto was just selfish, thinking of his own guilt over Sasuke's concern.
''…you are the only one I care for! Why should I have to promise to you anything like that?''
Sky blue eyes watched Sasuke with every bit of intensity that was within them. What was he thinking? What is he going to do? All of these questions Naruto was asking and repeating in his head as the silence seemed to linger forever. Watching Sasuke was like watching a tsunami come headfirst into your path, tearing apart everything that had been built over the years, to carefully disguise the horror beneath. You'll never understand, will you?
He felt his stomach twist. Sasuke shouldn't expect so much. Shouldn't even plan for him to just keep smiling, and to dismiss all of his misery as Hokage with nothing more than a bat of the eye. God, Sasuke! This wasn't about him. It was about responsibility. The ones he had held obligation to. Protected. It was his job. He was suppose to think of himself as a guardian. As someone who looked after everyone else.
Even if it tore him apart.
Warm hands embraced his arms, jerking the blond back and forth in a brutal pace. Naruto's breath caught in his chest, choked in a haze of white as his vision swirled and Sasuke was lost to him.
''-Wake up, Naruto! This is a war, what did you expect! ''
Everything. Nothing at all.
Blue eyes look up at the estranged Uchiha, unbalanced and glassy. Because whatever the Hokage could've said to him is lost on those chapped lips, broken into bits of air. ''Truth, actually is, I don't give a ********! It is you that I was concerned about! But no you have to keep on tainting me like that just because I happened to care! You conceited idiot!
''I didn't want you to help me.''
Sasuke tilts his head subconsciously as he continues to yell, pronouncing his jaw in the dim light of the room. Naruto stares helplessly back at him, stilled only long enough as the hands that had always held him so callously also kept him from falling over.
''Throwing your life away like that all the time, while I am trying to save you! Seeing you like that,…it…''
A lump grows in Naruto's throat, quieting the blond. He's waiting, anticipating the rest of that sentence. Even though he knows that the Uchiha will never say what he really meant to convey. It's all being built to another moniker, a string of useless babble neither of them would hold onto in the distant future.
Just forget me, Sasuke. It'll be okay.
Naruto wishes for maybe the millionth time that they could have a conversation with actual words, where meanings are clear and clearly stated. But he knows it'll never happen. Because both of them are pigheaded and stubborn. And both were meant for bigger things. Worse things than a personal happiness.
''I wanna go home.'' In his mind, Naruto's pretending to be ten feet tall, with everything to lose. His voice betrays all that he works to gain, feigning a soft reign as he looks away from the raven ahead of him.
Sasuke asked something he didn't understand. The kyuubi-host felt his attention drift up, eyebrows knitting into a neat furrow as so much about him became that same statue from before.
How could he help others.. if he couldn't even help himself?
It was logical. An understandable and inquisitive question. One of which Naruto himself held no shred of balance toward explaining.
''What else-'' he sprouts, voice flat and tired, ''am I suppose to do?'' For Naruto, there would be no peace until the dead return again, and the world reversed it's fixture. His attention faded into something beyond Sasuke's figure, dreaming of an unseen home that had once been so dreadful and agonizing for the Uzumaki.
''I could still help hem,'' he whispers finally, uncaring of the shaking hand that seems to be wary of broaching him a second time. Naruto knows he will have bruises from the last time the Uchiha touched him, yet he holds no regard or ill-intent toward Sasuke as he makes a move forward again, fingertips grazing the soft plains of his shoulders in attempt to draw his focus. Back to reality from the place he wished had never been taken from him, and back onto the resolute firmness of his teammates betrayal.
''I need to go soon.. ''
Naruto isn't sure whether he nods or not, but faintly registers that Sasuke always has to leave- and that this is just another part of his memories taunting him with a present hurt. His eyes fall shut as he felt that arm wrap around him, being coaxed into a feeling of safety with Sasuke so near. When he was lifted, a numb arm stretched around Sasuke's torso and allowed him to bury his face in the crook of his neck, almost hiding. The taste of copper was still hot on Naruto's tongue, robbing any chance for the blond to memorize Sasuke's sweet smell, or the way his body fitted perfectly against his own.
It was ironic in a sense, how easily he drew into step with this traitor again. All these years of wanting and dreaming.. and now that he had the Uchiha within grasp, he would do nothing more than bask in the silence bestowed upon them.
The world around him shifts; melting like a faded memory to new scenery... a new angle in the pristine room. Naruto is ashamed, his head tilted away from the other. It was like being on fire, stuck so close. Did he get that? Naruto blinks, and damn, if he doesn't feel the tears resurfacing.
I'msosorry.
A lingering touch is drawn against his hand, stalling at the edge of each finger as it's drawn upward, cradled by Sasuke. And it was fitting, in a sense, for the boy who thought he lost everything, to be rescued by the boy who'd lost his childhood before he could understand what was going on.
He was holding his hand.
It felt warm in such a cold embrace, the pale limb forming across his own. What was it about the Uchiha that made everything slow down? That made time stop?
Nothing can be rebuilt if time stops. He brushed the tips of his fingers against the back of Sasuke's wrist, speaking without needing. ''Get some rest. I will be back at noon, to give you your food.'' He knew then, that Sasuke had shut him out. The blond waited; held his breath; and watched as he'd left him in this barren room again.
Left him with the fragments of everything he once was. Despite everything he's seen and battled.
Too bad forgetting doesn't end it.
Naruto drifts asleep within moments of muttering against Sasuke's pillow; his blond locks tumbling down past the nape of his neck as his breathing hallowed out. The comfort that he chases is only short lived, but it's long enough that Naruto is given a decent resting order, and has time to relinquish the hurt inside his body.
[ timeskip ]
He'd spent his life trying to make up for something that had never been his fault to begin with. So it made sense, that now that he'd wasted so much of the medical supplies, Naruto should concede to not eating. Such an ideal may not make sense to some, but in the Hokages mind, you had to give to take. Air rasped from his lungs as he remained utterly still, watching with defeated interest as the food before him remained uneaten, unconsumed. The Uchiha hadn't come anywhere near him since returning, and Naruto hadn't done much to help the matter.
Unconciously, he swept his attentions toward his hand, carefully shifting each finger to make sure he'd retained full control since waking up.
''Teme,'' The name breathes out in a rush of lost focus. Naruto can't think–he just nudges the food away. ''.. I'm not hungry.'' Do people like Naruto get second chances? Soft eyes drift to a close, figuring that Naruto already knew the answer to such a foolish question.
Nonetheless, he was careful to continue pushing away the food provided to him. He's just so tired even after the couple hours of sleep he'd just had, and blames the kyuubi for trying to keep him from something he wants to be without in the first place;life.
''I..'' the words are slow to form, being processed in the Hokage's mind. The blond tilts backward, levelling his gaze with the ceiling. He leaves Sasuke waiting, just like the many times the other has him.