Sasuke's POV
Sasuke looks silent at his weapons, laid one by one on the small leather in front of him. He presses two fingers against his left brow, rubbing it softly in tiredom.
He had returned some good 15 minutes ago, and he had left Naruto's food on the bed, next to the blond but Naruto hadn't touched anything so far from his plate and Sasuke himself felt too tired to focus his attention on that.
He was busy, busy wondering what he had done wrong during his last training battle, what amount of chakra he ought to have used during that particular jutsu, which was that movement his opponent had made that he expected the least without relying on his sharingan…Things he often obsessed with after every battle but only that this time he was actually using them to avoid thinking of the only person he didn't feel like dealing with right now: Naruto.
Sasuke would have very much rathered to avoid going back into that heated room, but the sense of responsibility was weighing heavily on his shoulders. He just couldn't afford to let Naruto starve. He had given both himself and the blond a promise: to take care of him. And he would do it, even if he had to suffer sentimentally out of their meetings.
But damn it, was Naruto making it so difficult? Upon hearing his rejection once more, he tried to suppress a frustrated sigh that came for his lips and he settled for a low grunt instead.
Teme…, I am not hungry.
It was the last thing he wanted to hear right now. Pinching the arc of his nose, he kept his glance on the small weapons laying in front of him, as if he was still examining them, his eyes shifting to each and every one of them, each passing second.
He thought Naruto could tell by now what Sasuke's reaction ought to be in those words. Oh ,wasn't he stubborn, though. Sasuke was stuffed to his limits, as Naruto didn't seem to have got phased by what he had told him before. He had a feeling it would be harder than he thought to take care of the dobe. Annoyingly hard.
He remained in silence, not wanting to waste more energy to yelling at the blond, it was pointless either way. Though, he didn't know for how much longer he'd be able to refrain himself for punching him right on his hurting face.
He did his best so far because he didn't want to hurt him more in the condition he was. But Naruto was making it too hard for him to stay his usually emotionless self. Well, wasn't that a characteristical one of the many effects the blond had on the raven?
His eyes flickered lightly as he heard again the blond's voice.
''I…'']
Sasuke rolled his eyes, secretly, and was about to shrug Naruto off, when he noticed something strange…The man had left his sentence hanging on the middle, kind of unusual of him, seeing as he always was his loud idiot self.
His glance still pinned in the small area in front of his knees, he wondered how much of a toll the recent happenings had really taken on his ex teammate. It pained him to see him like that. It wasn't the first time after their reunion to realize how much Naruto had changed, but it always hurt the same-if not more- to see it reconfirmed by every new uncharacteristic attitude Naruto had adopted lately.
Sasuke didn't raise his eyes on Naruto. He didn't have the power to do so. He knew if he did, he wouldn't be able to hide the pain he felt for Naruto's current bad psychological condition. He was broken.
Feeling awkward at the prolonged silence, he raised an eye brow with curiosity.
Sighing in a depressed motion, he decided to break it.
''Naruto…'' his tone was soft, yet serious, a hint of defeat and sadness lacing it.
''You do remember what you told me earlier this morning, right? ''
His fingers instinctively clenched around a kunai at the bitter yet so vivid memory.
I didn't want you to help me.
He didn't know why he said what he did next, but it was more one of those random impulsive moments of him that Naruto seemed to bring upon him so often lately.
''You told me that you didn't want my help.'' At that, he raised his head slightly to look over at Naruto's direction, eyes still pinned soullessly on the wooden floor.
''But you seem to forget that once I was the one needing your help, as you thought then. And even if I told you I didn't want it, this was never enough of a reason for you to stop trying. Even when you knew it was pointless, you never gave up on me, did you?'' his tone was soft, a small chuckle gracing the end of his sentence.
''I suppose that you understand how I feel now, then. So, stop being a hypocrite.''
At that, he finally dared to look into Naruto's eyes, a hint of anger and awe swimming around in his onyx orbs. Naruto had tried his best to understand Sasuke in the past, in a time at which this was the least Sasuke cared for.
But now it was different. He did need Naruto to understand him. He knew he was selfish for putting himself over the countless innocent victims of Konoha, for which Naruto was responsible once. But he had shut his conscience off long ago, even before he had killed Itachi. He had shut it down for everyone else that wasn't Naruto.
Such things didn't have an effect on him. Because in his little own twisted and self righteous world, he did have the right to be selfish. He did have the right to want Naruto's attention , tears, hatred and love only for himself. He didn't care if he was an insensitive b*****d for that. All he knew is that his only chance to life, his only go at survival was Naruto. And a broken one didn't quite fit the image he had built in his mind about that moment.
He would make Naruto forget. Even if he had to break him and stitch him back together for this to happen. Maybe the blame and the innocent blood would never fade out from Naruto's conscience, but forgetting made moving on easier.
And just like everyone, Naruto would have to move on eventually. Because, Sasuke was afraid…He was afraid to see Naruto staying forever in the past, caught in his own guilts and ifs, just like Sasuke had.
No, that was a terrible fate, no one else but himself and only deserved.
But Sasuke was Sasuke.
And Naruto was Naruto.
A brief silence followed again. Gathering up his strength, Sasuke stood up weakly and walked over to Naruto, sitting softly down on the edge of the bed, eyes on the untouched food.
He always hated talking too much. But it seemed as today from all days, he couldn't avoid it.
''Don't think you are going to save any lives by not eating this. It will be forced upon you, just like with your medical treatment. ''his tone was harsh but tired.
He could very well lean on the bed, by Naruto's side, close his eyes and drift off to dreamland-if dreams were still a possibility in the painfully real emptiness that filled him.
He helped Naruto sit in a proper stance, in order for him to consume the food without a problem.
Yeah, right, good luck with that. He mocked himself inwardly.
It seemed as f he would have to feed Naruto himself. Which was actually less embarassing than the thought of letting Naruto starve to death out of his own hesitations.
Shifting closer to Naruto, he dragged the plate closer to them and picked a rice ball.
Cutting it in small pieces, he turned his gaze to Naruto, taking in his weak form. Was it exhaustion that made desperate tears threaten his eyes? He didn't know.
Taking Naruto's hand in his, he opened his palm out flatly and placed a small digestible piece of the rice ball in it and wrapped Naruto's fingers around it.
''Eat it.'' He said and he was frightened by how weak and tired his own voice sounded.
His eyes bored steadily into Naruto's, looking at him pleadingly.
When Naruto made no move to taste the food, he felt his moral go even lower.
Taking the food from Naruto's hand in nerve, he forced it into his mouth and placed his palm over his lips.
He kept sealing his mouth like this till the blond was done chewing the rice ball and it had gone down his throat.
Sasuke grunted satisfied, and then did the same with most of the pieces in the plate, always following the same forceful pattern.
When he was done and he saw Naruto would take no more, he smirked faintly, placing the plate on a small wooden trunk that served as a bed stand right next to the bed.
His eyes shifting back to lock with Naruto's cerulean temples, he couldn't help the small hint of gratitude and relief that was coming and going in them like a broken light.
He closed his eye lids for a second, exhaustion taking over. He didn't remember when was the last time he had taken a proper sleep. Well, it sure was before he met with Naruto, that was one thing he could know.
Without much thinking, his pale hand slipped under the covers and hesitantly found Naruto's nesting in it and clenching softly the blond's fingers as he rubbed them with his thumb in a monotonous motion that strangely seemed to calm the raven down.
''Naruto,…thanks.''
It was but a faint whisper before his powers finally left him as he leaned closer to Naruto, so much that his breath was haunting over the blond's neck in an unsteady pace.
His eye lids shut tiredly down, slowly, leaning closer to the other man by the second.
His mind so conveniently did't register when his hand abandoned Naruto's warm one , or when it settled on the blond's chest, gripping on his shirt perhaps a bit too needily for his own likes.
But he did realize when he leaned his head on his ex teammate's shoulder, when the said head slid slightly down his chest and when it finally settled for the place over Naruto's heart.
It did register the fast and uneven heart beats that functioned as a lullaby that was only meant for him to hear, for him to put him to sleep.
He softly nudged his head against the spot, as a strange feeling of completeness filled him in a flash.
Damn you, Naruto, why sometimes it feels so nice being close to you and some others it feels like hell?
Deciding he liked the current feeling of the rhythmical pillow under his dizzy head, he let his partial weight press down on the beloved kitsune, as he almost instantly drifted off to a peaceful-after a long time- sleep.
Naruto's POV
Naruto needed a miracle.
Although in his head, the idea seemed completely horrid. Maybe it was because of the word. Yeah, that's it. To him, 'miracle' represented something entirely foreign and undesirable. Maybe even a more foolish whim than his own self. More so, he disliked miracles because he'd never depended on them before. So to look for one now as a broken hope didn't seem like such a grand idea. Let alone.. a dependable one. But if it mattered at all, he still tried. Again and again and again. Naruto admits he was willing to lay down any price required, or any part of himself that might've been unhindered by what's already happened. As long as it meant gaining some small miracle, nothing mattered. There wasn't a price that could be too steep. Not an idea too drastic.
He just wanted to save those people.
Was that so bad?
He dreamed of seeing the round-faced children of Konoha again, and promising them all the happiness and faith that could no longer belong in the confines of his own self. He wanted to whisper that their nightmare would all be fixed- and that those nameless faces could stop lurking in the crevices or shadows, because tomorrow- sweet god tomorrow -everything would be better.
Because Naruto didn't deserve the miracle. They did.
I'll give anything. Do you hear me? Just… just…
It's that kind of awareness that keeps him spiraling. Especially since Naruto's true weakness has never lied with the obvious imperfections or the kyuubi. No. He has dealt with more counseling and torment than one could think possible in such subjects. He's battled for his life, and barely come out on the winning edge of every disaster. But; it doesn't help when he remembers his people's health is falling rapidly in those cells, ready to follow every bit of Madara's will, or being urged into nothingness. It doesn't help when Naruto begs Sasuke to do the same, though Naruto's not going to cross that line on a "maybe" that isn't guaranteed.
Naruto's weakness is his family, period. It might cost him one day— hell, it's already taken everything—but it runs to the bone.
He's only human.
And for Naruto, his family starts with Konoha and finishes with Sasuke Uchiha. He knew that the raven remembered their childhood with a totally different aspect, but Naruto.. Naruto was bargaining for something or someone to reverse this, since nobody within physical reach would. Naruto wanted to see them stand strong, albeit he knew that he wasn't right for the job. If he could only get it started…
You can even take my life, if you want it. But you need to-
If things were different, Naruto wouldn't want to miss a second of his time with the boy sitting across from him. If things were meant to be better, he would be laughing or joking about how funny Gai looked trying to grow out his beard. But he wasn't, and things weren't.
Sasuke may not understand, but Naruto did.
It was his fault this had happened. For not being very focused at his job and for not caring enough to see it coming. So that meant it was his resolve to fix it. He'd never even deserved the title of Hokage, knowing now that he'd only served to make it brittle and defeated.
Think about what you've done, Naruto. All the steps you took that were so wrong. Quietly, the blond is finding each piece that makes him the full-picture of Konoha's destruction. Unfortunately, there's no way to know how much farther his resolve can be crushed, until it's put to the test. Naruto feels his jaw clench with each part, mapping out the misery and horror over himself, while tracing languid shapes in the blanket.
You can have it all, if you just-
Consciously brushing against the lurking creature stuffed within the pit of his soul, Naruto stiffens at the overwhelming rush it gives him. He'd planned on taunting the fox later on, setting fire to the one thing he should never approach. But he's desperate here, thinking of all those faces and oh god Sasuke, he wants everything to be okay again. So much so he's willing to push whatever he has left into a grave.
''Naruto…''
The word draws him from the darkest corner of his mind, luring him back to the blankets. Blue eyes are dull, doggedly focusing on the ninja before him. The rhythm of his heart is awkward, anticipating the ongoing threat and danger that might be lurking within. He knows what he's praying for is useless. How it's another melancholy attempt at salvaging what he's already lost. But it doesn't keep him from wondering, or questioning all that's presented before him. The blond blinks, snuffing out the imaginary ember whom might've grown into his kyuubi.
Naruto watches Sasuke, wary.
He wanted to pretend he wasn't quite so sentimental toward the other now, but anyone could tell you just how impossible that was. By all means, he'd been so desperate to be in Sasuke's company for so long, he still felt that distinct relief seeing the Uchiha was simply okay. That he was all in one piece.
Look what I've done, teme! Don't you understand?
Naruto's breath huffs out all at once, his body protesting such a harsh movement. Sasuke's growling at him about being a hypocrite, justifying Naruto's childish manner. On some level, he does understand the point however, and sifts back in the bed.
And just like that, it was like a switch had been flipped.
One second, Sasuke's over there, and the next, he's here. ''Um?'' Naruto is embarrassed by the way his voice cracks, but can't help the way the anticipation suddenly swells his chest to bursting, which he has held clamped down by fear for so long. He thinks for a moment that Sasuke will do nothing more than cave to his statement, and just give the food away. Because it'd make things easier. Maybe even tide his friends over until something could answer his miracle.
''Don't think you are going to save any lives by not eating this. It will be forced upon you, just like with your medical treatment. ''
So maybe Naruto's a bit of a light-hearted fool, not believing a word Sasuke says. He's so caught up in the way Sasuke's slumping, he doesn't care to focus much on the food being set in his hand, or the way Sasuke takes care in cutting each piece, and curling his fingers around it.
It's almost like Naruto doesn't comprehend what's going on, and meerely pushes the process from his mind. Cus' to him, his people deserve the food. Not him. And any second now, Sasuke's going to give it to the rightful owners.
Wait, I-!
Naruto jerks, eyes widening. He's pawing at Sasuke's arm as food is unwillingly shoved into his mouth, forcing the ex-Hokage to chew. He chokes as rice slithers down his throat- burning and making him feverish with anger. One look at his avenger though, and he slows. Begins to pout really, but quickly dropping his resistance. Sasuke sounded so tired, appeared so worn out. Something about that reached inside Naruto and burned, going deeper than any words could.
He shouldn't be doing this.
He swallows forcefully as Sasuke crams bit after bit, attention never shifting from the hollow expression on the man's face, or the bags settled unnecessarily beneath those eyes.
When he's finished, Naruto groaned. He was about to roll over and try to brush the entire situation off, when he felt the soft chill of blankets moving, and something warm sweeps against his hand. A question remains perched at the tip of his tongue; being shushed in it's own way as Sasuke's hand begins to linger, and his expression smoothens out. Naruto is almost afraid to move, lest he shatter some kind of spell.
''Naruto,…thanks.''
It wasn't the miracle he was asking for.
But... it was better than anything he'd imagined.
The blond's heart seems to stall altogether, watching as Sasuke fell down beside him. Everything about that moment has become timeless, and Naruto can't help but blink with confusion as to why Sasuke was thanking him in the first place. In correlation, his free hand began to draw upward, hesitating once or twice as he tried to decipher the true nature of the raven's exhaustion. Eventually, the ex-Hokage allows his hand to curve comfortingly against Sasuke's ear, drawing a deep breath as he tangled his fingers in those raven locks.
There is too much between them now for either to be letting his guard down like this. Naruto misses seeing Sasuke in such stillness, misses the clarity that Sasuke used to give him.
He leans closer now, taking in those heavy eyelashes and unfurrowed brow. Asleep, Sasuke is like nothing short of a fallen angel, and Naruto aches for the innocence that was taken so long ago. His eyes are drawn to a brief close, trying not to concentrate on the feel of his breathing.. or the way Sasuke remained so fittingly against his chest.
"I wish you'd never left," he murmured into that dark hair, as he stroked the other's cheek and breathed in comfort, Sasuke, and solace. They were one and the same. Naruto's grief has been quieted temporarily, his panic laid to rest. He felt Sasuke's body and his own blending together, forming a completeness that he had never known he was chasing.
For the first time he could remember, Naruto can breathe normally.
Hours tick by and daylight drifts into nightfall. The blond dozes in and out the entire time, his focus never once drifting far enough aside from keeping Sasuke close.
When he finally does stir into complete awareness, it's unexplainable as to why.
There is no hint of noise or movement in the room, and no ''feeling'' to be noted. Still, Naruto's head lifts as his gaze sweeps across the windows and corners. His eyes follow the unsightly path to the curtains, slowly coming back to rest on his friend lying beside him. Naruto has remained on his back all this time, head tilted toward the avenger, although at the moment, he can only concentrate on the way Sasuke's chest rises and falls like the sea inside of him. His skin has the sheen of silk, and Naruto's breath catches in his throat at the thought of touching it.
His hand droops to Sasuke's shoulder then, reigning him impeccably closer. The touch is gentle and soft; barely noticeable to the sleeping figure. But Naruto's staring down at him still, a tiny spanse of recognition coming to his face.
I missed you, teme.
A lot of cheesy words and moments in this chapter , I know! .
I hope I don't put you off.
I am on an updating spring now. I havent updated in months and I feel guilty but also I want to get done with the remaining chapters.
Review plz.