Dreaming By Your Side
Sasuke's POV
A peaceful sleep, you say? Maybe…it had been one till the usual nightmares popped up and ruined any false sense of serenity calming down his wary soul.
Little Sasuke is running.
He is running, running, running…But where? He can't see but he knows…He knows, he is just running to the usual same place he is running to every single time of that cold night that is repeating itself in his tormented mind: his house.
Itachi's figure is far away one moment and the next he is standing in front of him in all of his mysterious murderous galore.
His eyes are bigger than usual, like swollen. But he doesn't seem sad. Instead, he bursts out in a maniacal laughter that sends bolts of disgust and bad premonition to the little Sasuke, bolts of anger and bitterness for the betrayal on his part…because he already knows what's happened, only that he isn't supposed to, because it is just a bad dream and Itachi is just his guilty conscience trying to suck out of him the last hint of dignity still keeping him together.
''Foolish little brother…Revenge lead you nowhere. Now, go! Go back into that dark cold house, enter that room filled with blood and murder and tragedy! Go! All you will always see when you enter it will be just the same dead family. Nothing's ever changed. Foolish little brother…nothing…''
And little Sasuke runs off like a lightning, tears streaming down his eyes, …he runs into his house, Itachi's words still lingering in his ears like a radio that forgot to move on to the next song, always playing the same creepy depressive tune all over.
And there, for a minute, he freezes. He halts, cold in his step, as if he has been stabbed but can feel pain no more. The tears come to an end and all of a sudden his skin is completely dry again. But his eyes are wide and full of shock, fright and disbelief.
His parents are laying soulless on the floor, butchered and blood forming a thin round pool around on the carpet, soaking their clothes.
Sasuke holds his head with both hands, shutting his eyes tight, refusing to believe what is unfold before his young scared eyes. But he knows…a voice inside him tells him it is truth. He has been reliving the same scene all ever again, since that day that it happened for real.
But suddenly, he noticed that he has been hearing other moans and whines all along. Faint, but tragic and sad. And they are costant, they are threatening to make his head explode, too much pain filling the dark atmosphere.
He opens his eyes in a flash, his gaze falling in fear on the people who are surrounding his parents. They look pale as dead, they have gashes and deep wounds decorating all around their fickle bodies and in the air, the smell of rot…coming from them.
They are covering their eyes as tears are streaming down their cheeks and mix with the blood on the floor, all the while letting out loud mourning moans, their heads tilted to the dead parents on the floor.
Light? Where is light? Please, push that darknes away! I can't stand it!
Father…Mother…
Somewhere behind all these maze of unknown villagers, he manages to see a faint source of light in the back of the room.
He circles around the small crowd, completely deaf to their tearful curses anymore.
The more he approaches, the more it seems like a small childish figure is standing in that light.
It seems to be hugging its knees, and its little fragile body, dressed in casual summer clothes is trembling as if the kid is sobbing.
Sasuke can't help his curiosity, he walks closer and closer and closer, till he is standing only an open palm away from the crying being.
The petite fragile form shifts softly at the sound of Sasuke's voice.
''Who are you?''
He can tell kid has an innocent peaceful aura emanating from it, like that of an angel striken with confusion. And he can recognize who he is when the little boy lifts his head to look up to Sasuke, tears still running down, but determined expression.
When he looks into those hurting and accusative eyes, he can't help but also notice a hint of guilt racing around in them like a prisoner that is fighting desperately for his freedom. But it feels so strong. And for a reason he doesn't know, he feels as if what he is looking into the boy's eyes is nothing more than just a reflection of his own inner feelings.
''I am you.'' The boy replies.
Sasuke's breath is coming to a softer end, as he wakes up silently but not any less agitated from his nightmare.
He had always been having bad dreams about that day. But he didn't remember when the kid form had started becoming part of them. He couldn't remember, it was impossible to keep a record. He had lost count of how many times he has seen the same dream over and over again. It is almost as if his subconscious is trying to tell him something. Is he really feeling guilt somewhere inside him? What is that dream trying to tell him? He almost scolds himself inertly for trying to explain dreams. Being a pragmatist, he should know dreams don't make sense.
But his thoughts are soon coming to an end, as he realizes stunned where he is laying.
There is a candle lighting the small room and he can see he is lying next to Naruto- a part of him onto the blond's body.
He can more actually smell the dobe than see him. And that familiar scent is enough to both make him feel safe but also make him wonder how he ended up there on the first place.
Trying to recollect his thoughts, he results that it must have been when he had sat on the bed to feed him.
Damn it, I knew it wasn't a good idea.
But now it is too late to be regretting over this. Still not having overcome the double shock-one of the nightmare and the other of him laying almost on top of Naruto, he stays completely still, merely focusing on his and Naruto's breath, as they meddle together so perfectly, even if so different.
His is slowly calming down, passing from a frenetic rhythm to a stable relatively relaxed one.
Naruto's is just calm, rather a tad bit fastened at some moments but that's just about it.
He lets out a silent sigh, his chest weighing tired against Naruto's. Moving softly his head around the spot, he notices Naruto's hand around his shoulder and realizes the kitsune had dragged him closer.
This sudden proximity, as if everything had been okay between them since ever, was scaring him.
Not that he didn't enjoy it, but he didn't understand it and he couldn't explain it, thus it was slightly freaking him out.
But looking back to the past, he came to notice how it was him himself to initiate physical contact with the blond most of the times. Yet, when he caught himself on action, he felt rather taken aback by the easiness he had into doing it.
He didn't know whether the blond was asleep or not. He was afraid to move, as if he didn't want to break a begnin spell that was tying them together so harmonically.
Feeling still slumbering, he tried to move softly upwards. Whether he knew how he ended up like that or not, it didn't matter a lot compared to the fact that he didn't have enough strength to resist Naruto's natural warmth that was stroking his body on the places they came in contact.
Moving slightly upwards, careful not to move Naruto along, he slowly let his head down on Naruto's neck, burying his face deep in its crook .
He was probably going to regret this in the morning, if Naruto found him like that, but as long as he could steal more of those tingly personal moments with his dobe, he felt ready to deal with any consequences.
As long, as he and Naruto were close…
His left hand moved slowly to Naruto's upper side of head and his fingers entangled in his golden blocks, playing with them softly in a stable rhythm.
He closed his eyes, taking in Naruto's familiar soft scent: he smelt of oranges and vanilla flowers.
A fuzzy warmth dominated his entire being, as he silently pushed his body closer to Naruto's, to recover for the distance that was created upon his former movement.
Now he could feel his front coming in contact with Naruto's side. It felt safe, comforting, holding him so close.
There were so many things he longed to say to Naruto, so many things that he hated keeping inside him forever, so many things that ravished his heart dizzy, screaming to him to speak up…and probably Sasuke, as always, would just ignore those spontaneous feelings if he was in a proper state of mind…but being under the effect of slumber didn't do it for him and thus he ended up saying things instead:
'' Naruto…'' it was a soft mumble, against the blond's neck.
'' Don't let go…Ever. I don't want to lose you again.'' He whispered, completely forgetting to take into account whether Naruto could hear him confessing such affectionate and needy thoughts or not, in all of his slumber.
He was too dizzy to put his mind in an order at the moment, plus having Naruto so close to him certainly had a strong effect to his heart's strings. It felt that every time they touched, they could see, they could read inside each other. They could understand each other, see right in each other's hearts ,feel what each other felt.
And if they paid close attention to it, they might even be able to see that...they felt the same things deep down. They were the same in their cores of their hearts. Only that Sasuke had never realized it before, he had never opened up for anyone to see. And Naruto was always open about how he felt.
Be it pain, love, anger, loneliness, betrayal,...guilt...They had both experienced the same feelings during their lives, even if under different circumstances.
Sasuke now realized that, knowingly or not, he had given his heart to the the blond anymore, and he couldn't possibly live without his heart, thus he couldn't possibly live without Naruto.
Cause Sasuke and Naruto were one… Two souls in one body, one soul in two bodies…It really didn't matter what he phrased it as…because the boy in his dream seemed to know the answer long before the raven had even searched for it:
The little boy looks up at him, tears still running down from his clear cerulean eyes, but with a determined expression on his innocent childish face, that tanned skin marked with whiskers, fading behind his messy golden locks.
Naruto…
''I am you.''
And upon those tender thoughts…, Sasuke let his hot tears run down on his friend's neck.
Maybe life had a meaning, afterall.
Naruto's POV
The world has stopped outside, leaving silence to rule the white room with a dull air. Everything around them is stagment; forgotten amongst a sea of ivory. And still, Naruto can't find it inside himself to take his eyes away from Sasuke. He's scared, mostly, about what's happening. About whether after all these years, he's finally gotten what he's wanted— or if he's fallen victim to another cruel illusion.
Sometimes, Naruto isn't even sure whether any of them actually survived.
He blinks, brushing the pad of his fingers against the soft skin of Sasuke's arm. Every breath the other takes is like electricity being shot into his veins, ruining him with the overwhelming serenity and perfection of pain. Did he register how deep this dark devotion could possibly run?
Probably not. Naruto nuzzles his face in Sasuke's hair, sighing desperately and trying to suck in every detail of this moment. Because if there's one thing Naruto's learned, it's that this quiet is short-lived. So he watches tensely, as smooth breaths are broken by the knowledge of what's coming.
Nothing lasts forever, least of all him.
He feels himself slipping at the edge of consciousness, where the pale skin and serenity will soon be replaced by blood. Strong, potent blood that will coat his hands, and rip Sasuke away.
''Don't let go…Ever. I don't want to lose you again.''
Albeit startled by the words, he wants to promise that he won't. That he can't. Not even if they're torn apart by things Naruto will never understand.
But he doesn't.
Because unlike past encounters, he's no longer sure of whether he'll be able to keep that promise, or if he'll just be forgotten by the morning's twilight. And if things were different, he would have tried with everything he had in him to make it happen. But things won't just change in a matter of hours, so he holds no hope for wishing on what he knows is impossible. Blue eyes swim with memories and regrets, remembering the plans he had for their lives.
Suffice to say, none of this had been in the dream. Looking back, he knew that he wouldn'tve believed a word of it, had someone warned him. Everything had been so bright- so torrent with promise. The academy built up their lives as ninja for years, promising more than possible.
God, he still remembered the look on Sasuke's face, the day they graduated.
It was the same repugnance he'd admired for the duration of their commradery; a type of nobility and sophistication no child should be forced to grasp at such an age. He knows it had bothered him for petty reasons at the time.. but they hadn't wound up in this situation simply because they were competitive teammates.
No, it was something stronger than that. Something neither would ever admit to knowing. Then again, personal afflictions had never came up, in all their training— the line was drawn at "targets, not people," and there was never the possibility for conflict over what was necessary and what it would cost.
They'd all been a bunch of kids pretending to be grown ups, killing each other over a petty rivalry. And now the remaining 'survivors' were equally damned because of it; scarred up and destroyed by a war he never wanted to fight, never intended to become a part of. It has captured Naruto's vibrancy and left him broken and blackened inside, and murdered all of their friends. It has ripped away everything again and again, until he was left screaming in that cell.
No one would ever understand it, either.
Sounds of Sasuke's devastation are the glittering shards left in his spirit, slicing through Naruto's heart like the cruelest, coldest glass. Naruto grieves for Sasuke, for all the ways he can't protect him. The world is larger and less controlled than even their darkest doubts had ever fathomed. But Naruto's arms hold Sasuke so tightly to hide the betrayal that wavers within them, to keep him from the swallowing black in this empty room.
''Shh..'' he whispers, looking listlessly to the window, as if stars alone could save them. ''I'm here.''
The worst part is that Naruto can't tell if Sasuke's tears are all for a dream, or partly for himself.
It's for this reason, that he wants to know where things suddenly went so wrong—why no one told them about all these gray areas that have found Naruto, that made his confidence bleed.
Fingers begin to twine their way though his hair, lulling him from the consideration. His attention slants from the window at an agonizing pace, giving him time to count the breaths Sasuke takes, and the traitorous hitches that give way to the raven's misery. It draws him to glance down, sleepily acknowledging Sasuke's outline fitted against him; and allows himself to relax.
Unfortunately, morning comes too soon.
The first thought in Naruto's head when he awakes, is ouch. His body feels like it's on fire, crackling beneath skin. His ribs are throbbing, advertising the dull ache left-over during from healing session by the fox's command. He fights off the urge to let go of a low moan, or stretch back and choke on something tangible. His second thought, once cleared of the hurt, is Sasuke.
The kitsune brushes a sluggish hand along the edge of the other's cheek, creating a timeless embrace to ensure that he's still there- even when he could sense it. And for a moment, Naruto sits back in wonder. If he could do this for eternity, of watching over Sasuke… could he handle it?
He'd agree in a heartbeat, even if it meant spending the rest of his time in the Netherworld, but still— it's Naruto's fault for everything bad that's happened to Konoha. He knows he could try, but he's dreading the possibility of failure. What it could mean if he failed.
He has to think logically. He can't be so selfish anymore.
Sasuke is better off without him in almost every way, and he swears he'll give him up the moment Uchiha chooses. He's lived without Sasuke before, survived and endured as ninja do. It wasn't favorable, but he'd managed.
It was a day by day process, something you couldn't look too far ahead with, lest you fall upon the hidden agony. In the end, he'd never be able to breathe right without knowing that Sasuke's okay, and that his nightmares have been pushed away for at least an hour.
But it's still Sasuke he's holding right now, and Sasuke he'll always return for.
Blue eyes draw sidelong, catching the soft breeze that pushes through the open window.
Was that open last night?
He yawns— a silent, tired move —and turns his body to entangle closer to Sasuke. Naruto hooks his arm up through the raven's and ignoring the silent world around them, he tries to gain a bit more sleep.
Whether he gets it or not, is another question entirely.
That's held off for now though, and Naruto focuses entirely on the borderline of dreams. This—the world or something else—is barren and dusty in his mind, albeit with one resounding thump, it becomes abrasively loud. Naruto flinches, catching the sound coming from a faraway place outside the door, and waits for the third noise before slowly disconnecting himself with Sasuke, a frown flush on his lips. Everything in him wants to just curl up closer pretending he doesn't hear it, but he realizes now that's impossible.
Not with a voice inside him chanting that he needs to go to that door… to see what's on the other side.
The ex-hokage glances forlornly at the sleeping form he has separated from, making sure to keep the blankets around him as Naruto slips upward. He's shaky at best, teetering as he takes the smallest step. It's only when he sucks in a huge breath, thanking kyuubi for it's busy night; for patching up enough bits to provide the useful elements of walking on his own; that he manages his first solid step alone.
Well, mostly.
He has to hold onto the edge of the bed to move, stretching awkwardly toward the nearest wall when he's out of space. His chain, creaks under the strain, though he ignores it. It's not until he hears voices that he considers the foolishness of his choice, and twists back toward the bed.
A new ache rips up his back, threatening to throw him off balance. He pauses, reminding himself that every tomorrow is yet another broken promise. And that what's happening on the other side of that door….
May be someone he's suppose to save.
Just.. One step at a time. This is the darkest, most dangerous step he's taken so far, but he shoves the thought away. He imagines the things he might find on the other side. Most of them, horrible.
Too bad, he doesn't even make three, and he's sliding to the ground.
A tan hand swats angrily at his legs, cursing them for being 'stupid'. He gives the limbs a couple moments before he grunts his way back up, clinging to the flat surface behind him. Footsteps reach his ears this time, tapping into the distance. This is all probably for nothing, but he's wasted enough already to just get moving.. To keep edging his way on.
One peak, and I'm going back.
Review, plox!
Have a nice day! :D