The Temptation
Sasuke's POV
Sasuke wasn't sure of why and how the figure laying next to him had dissapeared now or why he hadn't reacted. He was semi asleep, meaning he was half aware of what was going on around him, even not under perfect clarity. The thing that scared him more though was that Naruto wasn't asleep.
Did this mean he had heard everything he had said? He didn't remember what exactly he told to the kitsune but he knew he had said something heart felt and that was what was frightening him. He didn't want the blond to know, because Sasuke wasn't sure anymore…of Naruto's feelings. Had he forgiven him or was he pretending?
What if he was planning to kill him while he'd be under his guardiance as well? Even if the raven knew how unlikely such an act would be for the blond, he couldn't just let believe that anyone would have so much power, so much strength in their heart to forgive the traitorous deeds of his.
Naruto was so patient. But he vaguely wondered : would he forgive the same things if some other person was in Sasuke's place? If the answer was yes, he'd be able to feel relieved and bury his regrets forever. If not, that meant that Naruto had such a soft spot for the raven and that he might as well still be in pain from the betrayal. And Sasuke didn't want to deal with this in his mind.
He stayed silent and immobile, eyes tightly closed, as if he was trying hard to not return to a full awakening. It was early yet, he could tell, he was used anymore to be able to guess the time by the voices outside his room. The ones that probably, as he figured had dragged Naruto's attention.
It was mostly people training. But it was a brutal, cruel, inhuman kind of training. A training in which sometimes a part or even both were willing to fight to death to surpass their rival, prove their worth and risk getting stronger.
Sasuke himself had resulted several times heavily injured, though this was no serious deal for him anymore. Sure, he had found it a bit too demanding even for his likes-even for him who had been trained under the ruthless wills and tests of Orochimaru once- but with his infamous persistence and devotion to his goals, he managed to get the hang out of it relatively fast and now there weren't many ninjas on those training fields who could stand a chance against him for more than the first 3 minutes, let alone oppose an considerable challenge.
For that reason alone, Sasuke himself chose many times to train all by himself. At least, he'd save Madara from healing materials and beds in the small and unprofessional hospital room he had built for his minions.
His thoughts struggled to focus on what seemed to be moving painfully slow towards the window in the other side of the room. Eyes closed still, he could guess his exact location just by experience for many years on the field. He was not specialized in chakra detection but he knew the ups and downs of it.
He was in need many times of himself to detect people by their chakras on the battle or training fields, so he had fairly improved at something he didn't posess a genetic boost of.
Sasuke inwardly cringed, as his conscious returned back to a fully awaken state, leaving him frown annoyed by the intense source of light that was diving in the room out of such a small window.
He made no move to open his eye lids, move himself or show any kind of sign that he was awake. He didn't want to disturb Naruto's plans, or startle him or make him feel as if he was there to stalk his every move and punish him for it.
It felt bad knowing that probably that was the way Naruto perceived his protection but it couldn't be changed. All he could do was give him some minimal space to breath. His breath stopped in its tracks, as he heard something similar to a thud, as if something had hit the floor and he instantly guessed it was Naruto. Sure, he ought to still be clumsy so early after his recovery. He needed more time to regain his full strength, kyubi container or not.
But still it was amazing to see how fast the demon fox healed him. Before, he had such grave internal wounds and deep superficial ones that he hadn't be able to reach while he was stitching him. He was no medical nin. But the kyubi had that ability and it could surpass all the medical nins he knew off. Even Tsunade…But that was something to be expected from a powerful 9 tailed beast, wasn't it?
Slowly, flickering his eye lids open, he remained in place, breath as calm as ever. But….something felt weird about him…his face, …his skin,…his cheeks, they felt wet.
Had Naruto being crying? He shivered involuntarily at the thought, as his heart clenched in his chest. Then he froze at the thought. Of course not. It had been him who had been crying, in Naruto's embrace.
Coming to think of it, he remembered some beats. And it was strange how an emotionless guys of his likes came to be so sentimental and sensitive just by being close to a person he loved.
That was the initial reason he wanted to get rid of any emotional bonds either way. As a kid, his heart was ready to burst of love every time he saw his parents or brother, before the tragic day. He knew he had a bit too intense feelings for his people, even if he was too young to have good self knowledge back then.
But he knew. And it didn't bother him. Because then he hadn't lost anything yet. And he didn't know how it was to lose those bonds. How it felt for them to be cut suddenly out of your heart, leaving you numb in pain, in shock…in fear and loneliness…bitterness.
But he soon came to learn. And he sweared to what he held as most important in his empty life….if he was in the place to know what life held for him before the tempest that hit his childhood with Itachi's crimes, he wouldn't have let himself experience such strong feelings for his family. And if he couldn't do that, he'd run away, just like he did with team 7 some years later.
Or if all the rest failed, he would have killed himself…to prevent him from every experiencing such deep absolute hurt. No one deserved to feel this.
Thinking of all this, though, wasn't actually helping the situation with Naruto and he cursed himself for his random flashbacks inside.
He could see the comparison now, the connection. Naruto's family was Konoha, his fellow ninjas of the academy, his teachers, his comrades…and Sasuke had helped in their slaughter.
Was he another Itachi for Naruto? It could be. Just like with Itachi, Sasuke was now the only member still alive in his vast ''family''.
But Naruto had forgiven him so far. Not only forgiven, but also he hadn't even blamed him for anything. Unlike the raven avenger had done with his older brother.
It all felt so unfair, so much that it made his chest hurt. If it was for anyone else, he wouldn't care, but this was Naruto, the man he loved.
Snapping out of his thoughts, he moved slightly and sat silently on his bottom on the bed, shifting the sheets away from him.
He looked at Naruto as a cat looked at a panicked mouse that was trying to find its way out even if it knew there was no escape.
It was both sad and amusing in the same time. But Sasuke wasn't there to torture Naruto. These days were over, hopefully.
He rubbed his eyes slightly, feeling his fingers coming in contact with the wet skin and turned his bored gaze on Naruto.
Even in that state, Sasuke realized that Naruto would never fight to save the others. Even if he knew that everyone was dead and done, Naruto would fight in his dreams, in their shadows, in his illusions, to save the irredeemable, the ones who were already goners, the ones who denied fiercely his help, everyone that was screaming for help even if they didn't know it.
Naruto was there for them all. But who had ever been there for him?
Sasuke left that question lingering in his hurting mind as he softly stepped down the vast bed. Giving a side ways glance at Naruto, he stayed silent. He didn't plan to scold him for moving away, but his silence spoke volumes, in its own.
He couldn't deny he was feeling sllghtly unnerved by Naruto's persistant tries to walk away in order to save the remaining villagers or escape. He didn't want to lose him. But Naruto didn't seem to want to be close to him anymore.
Maybe…wanting to save the others was an excuse for him to always run away from the raven?
His paranoid mind just couldn't make a rational assumption out of it all. Perhaps he was too possessive for his own and Naruto's good.
He made some slow soft steps towards Naruto, who was supporting himself against the wall.
His onyx eyed bored strictly into Naruto's, accusing almost, but then he shifted his gaze from the blond, deciding that he wasn't in the mood for a scene in the early morning.
Turning his back to the blond, he dove his hands into the water bucket that was placed on a small low table and he watered his face, rubbing the surface kind of harshly, to push the sleep away from his eye lids.
With a rushed glance over to the window, he saw it was indeed sunny and hot air was coming through, making the dust dance furiously, as in a hurry, under the yellow light.
After he swiped his hands with a small blue cotton towel, he tossed it on the bed and grabbed the side ends of his shirt, dragging it upwards and in the process, pulling it completely off him, revealing his bare chest.
Since today it was sunny, the less he had on the better, he thought. He would be out to train true time after all and sweat would just make it less comfortable for him to move around in his body.
He hadn't said a single word to Naruto all this time and even if he felt unnerved by his own cold stance against the blond, he kept his emotionless facade, as he tossed his shirt on the bed.
Shifting his gaze back to the kitsune, he covered the distance between them and stopped a breath space before him, looking in his eyes stably.
''They are training.'' He said in a low soft tone, as his gaze flickered knowingly to the window before returning his onyx orbs back to the blond, boring into him lazily.
He thought he'd save Naruto some time before he made his whole way to the source of the noise by telling him what exactly it was about.
Of course, Naruto could still resume his way there after Sasuke left. He knew how stubborn he could be but instead of ordering him to quit his pointless efforts, he thought he'd be more subtle.
With that, he turned on his spot and walked towards the door, leaving Naruto where he had found him when he woke up.
As usual, food for the blond was arranged to come long before the time the raven would be back. Now if Naruto would need a little help again with eating it or not, that was a whole different matter on its own.
Even if it saddened him to see Naruto denying things that could improve his health, he decided he rather enjoyed taking care of his kitsune. It was his own subtle way to express his caring, without being too poignant about it, without being all that open about his feelings, something he found hard.
He put his hand in the handle and opened the door, but came to a halt before stepping out, turning his head slightly sideways to look towards Naruto's direction, with the corner of his eye, his signature unreadable expression on.
''I'll come back at noon. Don't stretch yourself.''
And with that, he stepped out, shutting the door somewhat angrily, leaving the blond alone in the room.
Naruto's POV
Naruto used to think Sasuke knew, back before.
Before team seven, because surely that was why Sasuke really ran away and never looked back. Why he started acting like he'd never had a best friend or a make-shift family or anyone at all. For years, Naruto thought it was then.
Later, Naruto decided it was before he left. That whole period (almost a year) when Sasuke kept his distance through all those tight places and broken dreams, that must have been because he knew. Once he was gone, it seemed Sasuke's absence became more than Naruto could possibly handle. Clearly, he'd been mistaken somehow: Sasuke wouldn't have betrayed him so coldly if he knew how much—absolutely everything, down to the name written on his soul—Naruto had always been ready to give him.
To be honest, Sasuke really should have known when they were drawn together again several years ago. The fact of what Naruto wanted to trade for Sasuke couldn't have been clearer—it was laid out as solid proof in tears and blood. Sasuke couldn't possibly have missed it, he'd have to have been blind.
However.. now that Naruto's been sentenced to his own Hell, the blond knows the image of Sasuke and the world around them has grown irrevocably skewed; and he's sure that a certain knowledge must have been part of what allowed murder to be written off as a simple string of irony, and for everyone to be forgotten. Because now everyone was dead, and Sasuke's eyes were finally on him. He and Naruto were on the verge of being able to set things right between them, but it was all too bittersweet.
Mostly since Naruto didn't think they deserved it.
Not until Konoha's restored.
Even if he can't pinpoint exactly when it was, Naruto figures Sasuke must have known sometime—hell, he had to. How else could he have felt so safe in leaving, in rejecting Naruto and every part of their past? It had to be because he knew Naruto would always be waiting for him, just hanging on the hope of his return.
So it is in the silence of morning, after they'd rested aimlessly under moonlight and the illusion of sleep, Naruto welcomed the soft clarity that echoed.
No longer were they the stupid little boys sharpening their kunai. They were just stubborn men trying to hold onto their sanities. And they were bitter because of it.
In Naruto's eyes, this new life of his will always be filled with the same pain that flows on, like in an endless river. Because just like the history books report, every soldier must find their way back to the lines. No account has been shared about the care between supposed enemies, nor toward the names of all those the leader has lost. No, no. In his book, Naruto will always keep trying to find Sasuke, or keep making excuses.
The blond will forgive everything and anything without question, so long as it saves him. Because in the end, it won't matter when the ex-Hokage thinks he knew. It'll be written off in the uncredited edition of their lives, drawled on about in blank pages of their histories, repeating itself over and over.
Don't let go. Naruto blinks, watching the shirtless form shift from the bed and come toward him. The blond pauses, aimlessly stunned as Sasuke stop's just a hair away. Another inch, another breath..
''They are training.'' He looks at Sasuke as if he's grown another head; so flustered by the very essence that's settled before him and it's like burning his soul alive to be close like this, and not reach out and touch.
''For what?'' The sound is null of the meaning it hides, or by the reassurance that's unknowingly sought against his half-naked other. Minutely, Naruto remembers he's been making the same mistake. That he's leaving Sasuke for Konoha, and putting the safety of others before himself. Unfortunately, he feels no remorse. Because when it comes down to it, Naruto knows he'll do everything the same. Just like he knows the Uchiha would. If he doesn't, who will? Sasuke has set him up like a crutch without an arm for years— and he's never once complained. Never once thought more of anything Sasuke has given him, or doubted that one day he'd return. They've got hundreds of scars from their encounters, and millions more from the enemies they've faced alone.
Don't walk away.
And just like that, he was gone.
''Teme, wai-''
Naruto has swallowed Sasuke's abandonce twice, and the second time hadn't been any easier than the first.
In the briefest clearing in a forgotten grove of memories—someplace dark, because it matters to him if not Sasuke that silence be comfort now—he lays the last of his concerns to rest as the door slams shut.
He grips at his chest with shaking hands but can do no more, even with a lifetime of lectures behind him. He knows what's expected, but this is Sasuke and he just can't do it, can't forget Sasuke that way. Never. He almost wills himself to abandon the whole idea of caring about the door's secrets or his people, half-tempted to leave Konoha's memory to rot, because he knows how hard and lonely the coming days—weeks, months—are going to be. But he can't.
Because Sasuke's gone, and Naruto'll never be confident that he'll be true to his word.
Naruto stays put for the first few seconds, surrounded by Sasuke's scent as he drifts in and out of troubled thoughts. Sometimes he staggers and grows restless, too aware of the accusing silence. He starts toward the door then and slumps as if that will leave the curiosity behind, stopping a half-hour later when the weight of fatigue returns.
He doesn't think too much more when the voices begin to erode his conscience, clotting his heart. It isn't that he's hoping for a random miracle anymore, not by a long shot, just that he can't... he can't be anything for anybody else right now. Not polite, maybe not even present. He just wants to curl up and die, and the only thing that keeps him from doing it is knowing what other's have sacrificed already for him to still be alive.
Two hours go by, and Naruto's saves his energy for the restless souls and one-minute conversations with food-carting enemies. He'll take up his walking again soon enough but it won't help much, not for anyone else. He knows this despair all too well, having lived through it before.
In the too-long silence, he finds himself wandering quietly from the wall to the door in the shadow, searching for something that will never be there to find. He watches the frame while his soul bleeds down inside him, waking when his head thumps against the smooth coolness of the pine.
He takes his time to wrap his hand around the knob when he reaches it, tired of resisting the urge to hold something close like an extension of what this self-torment is. He hopes better then, with the comfort of that familiar thought. He twists it hard, letting the door swing on it's own accord.
The seconds tick by like a haunting reminder of all that he's lost and for an instant, he forgets that the people are gone and everything becomes harder; but he'll trade them willingly for those rare seconds when he dreams of childhood. Those dreams are all Naruto has left of his supposed family, and it takes every ounce of his strength to get going again instead of spending long hours drifting in and out and chasing the hope of finding the next dream instead.
He took a deep breath, and stepped forward to the image beyond the door. Biting his lip, holding his breath, he rocked back on his heels like a lost child, taking what comfort he could from such a simple action.
Oh god..
Gradually, Naruto quiets, and his breathing ceased. He swiped his wrist over his face, rubbing at the tired pupils. He just.. couldn't believe what he was seeing! There were people, everywhere. And they were so violent, so horrid to one another in so called 'training', Naruto could barely keep himself standing against the sounds and images that rushed back into his thin form. Somehow, he managed to catch himself on the verge of falling over, making quick work of clinging to the door as he gazed at each fighter for a second more; before shoving the door shut.
Once it is closed, Naruto's body physically deflated.
He turns doggedly toward the bed, where he notices the food has been left for him. Everything has been left in a rather tidy, a bit too perfect for him to like.
This is how it's going to be…
Jiraya's voice is so certain when he lays it out for him so many years ago. There's how other people live and how the future Hokage must live. They aren't meant to be the same— won't ever be the same— and there's no use crying about it or trying to change it. There are places to go, things to be done, all of them important but not in the way other people understand.
Naruto needed to be perfect, those elders tell him, and he has to watch out for everyone. Because families don't really need much outside of themselves— so he'd better not get too attached to other people or places. Those things don't last.
Nobody ever said it could be lonely, always living with secrets. Nobody mentions that the future includes him turning his back on all the things he loved, always wondering if this is finally it, if this is the time he might not ever come back.
He frowns at the room. It's too quiet. Even with the noise of violence— louder than ever— there's silence underneath.
The rift between Naruto and Sasuke seems to grow tenfold, though Sasuke already left what seems like weeks ago. It's here filling the room, so large now that there's hardly space any more for Naruto to breathe. Every thing he thinks seems wrong, and he realizes now that it was only Sasuke who ever really listened, even if he didn't agree.
Naruto's never been so lonely as he is right now, staring at a future with the possibility of just him and this silence and a terrible, gaping hole where Sasuke and the world should be.
Never has so much space felt so suffocating.
The blonds heart is frozen, waiting on Sasuke.
All those things his sensei's taught him aren't enough now. Who to be and what to do was different with someone there looking over his shoulder and keeping Naruto firmly within the lines.
The clock is ticking...
He's lived without Sasuke before, survived and endured as Uzumaki do. But having done it—raw fingernails clinging from one day to the next—he'll be damned if he's doing it again. He doesn't want to know what it would feel like, stuck here in this room for the rest of eternity, not when Konoha's waiting to be rebuilt.
When all those souls are urging him to be saved, sweeping him toward the window at a cautious pace. A hand is fiddling through sunny locks, accounting the teachings from so many books or experiences.
I don't know where to turn.
Complaints of violence become his only company in this distilled room, permitting he perch quietly upon the sill. He won't look out at the people training, just stares overhead. He's forgotten what it felt like having time to count the clouds, or even what they looked like without a hinge of red.
For whatever reason, he ignores the smell of smoke that clings to only his frail senses, or the small flame that seems to trickle out of his beating heart. He's too caught up in the purity set upon the sky, and stretching out a small hand to trace it's patterns.
'Do you still want to save them?'
The voice is punctuated, like a rough grate being sanded against an open wound. It cuts through Naruto's facades easily, jerking him back against the sill in question.
''Who-?'' Naruto's body feels like it's burning inside, crackling under the skin. He isn't frightened though. Mostly cus' he catches on to what's happened. The fox's already tried taking over him before, on worse occasions than this.
So by now, he knows what that feeling means, about the disconnection of someone else controlling him while leaving just the scorched edges on his nerves to call his own. It doesn't mean he won't fight it. It means he'll win, albeit horribly shaken.
'You wanted a miracle, boy. Don't deny me.'
The kyuubi's got the boy here, although he'll be damned if he lets his guard down no matter how hard it is to bend against the demon's rule. Anxiety hovers pinprick-sharp behind his eyes, until everything suddenly shifts and jolts and falters as the fox pushes at his body with a toxic roar of laughter.
Naruto waivers for a moment—dazed by the sudden change—and then he snaps to in a breathless rush. He picks himself up, one hand supporting him against the wall as he groans. The blonds body is used-up tired by now, shaking with the vibrations from the creature as Naruto struggles for his focus.
Then the world goes blinding-white like the stretch of eternity, fire-hot agony until it just stops.
''Sasuke,'' he murmurs. Naruto draws strength from the name, and shoves further against his emptiness.
'I can save them.' it urges back, catching his attention on an underlying level. Blond hair juts awkwardly against his tan cheeks, mussed from their previous struggle. Naruto is still trying to right himself properly, and stumbles amiably toward the bed stand.
''How.'' the choice Naruto's willing to make is as obvious as the one's he's made for Sasuke; of the ones he's still willing to forsake in the name of forever.
'You have to free me.'
Naruto grimaces against the rising flame that threatens to burn his skin inside out, forgoing any chance of fighting back this time as he barely manages to tumble back to the bed without gasping for air.
''Are you... are you l-lying?''
'Heh. Does knowing truth matter more than Konoha?'
For a moment, Naruto believes he's fallen further into Hell. But when a growl shakes from his cracked lips, Naruto feels the lonely fabric beneath his fingertips and cries such a sad sound, it borders on the insanity he's welcomed. The voice is dominating his body now, rumbling murmurs and doubts. 'I'll save them, boy. All of them.' Swallowing thickly, Naruto considers the fox.
Vaguely, he knows he's still alive. That he hasn't been conned out of life, yet. Only because he can feel the other's presence roll off of him like an endless nightmare that showcase the future, and all the promise it could hold. Otherwise, he would wonder—haunted by another's pain, his own soul a fading shadow in the blinding sun. It could all be Hell or just the bleakness of a world without hope.
They might even be the same.
The fox grows tired of this gallows humor, but Naruto doesn't have the energy to find new ways to entertain him. All he can do is hang on through another second, knowing they'll run out long before he's ready. Then he'll be gone.
In some ways, he already is.
''Alright.'' he says— and it's like a blur of faces that collide together all at once, forming the broken image of his only remaining friend; only survivor. The one who's defeated all odds and still come out swinging.. despite the scars that mar his body, or the coldness that threatens to break every shred of warmth inside.
'You're unbinding me?'
Sasuke will understand, he thinks, not even paying attention as the nulling sleep edges at his vision, or as the door creaks open.
''I'll.. give a-anything,'' he's wheezing, drawing Naruto's flaws all too close to the surface. His body twists in reflex from the brand of imperfection, shifting away from the voice stuck inside his own head. The food has been flung by this point, scattered on the floor in a fit. Naruto is about to thrash a second time when he feels someone's hands plant firmly on his arms, applying pressure to the limbs.
'Theres no turning back,' it warns, pounding into his head a million times harder than any ninja. Naruto struggles against the hands, mumbling and growling all at once. More hands are joining the previous, colliding with any part of him they could.
''I don't care.I don't care!'' Naruto whispers back.
There's a certain primitive aura that's circling his veins, waiting for the moment it desires. Naruto is wrestling with the nearest ninja that has him pinned, snapping his teeth together in the struggle.
''Just...!''
The blond's eyes snap open. He's frantic now, deafened by the sudden orange hue everything has absorbed; clouded by the bloody pupil his fox has declared. Naruto feels his soul being tethered back, dragged into the distilled darkness he's wanted so long. Albeit for some reason, he won't give in. Not even when white hands are clawing at his body from within, or when all he can hear is the fox's static. His gaze is roaming fighting searching hoping for something he can't even remember.
Not anymore.
''Sa-'' the name broaches his lips, but freezes against growing canines. The fox whispers something in his ear, giving a sweet promise of a home he'd never see again. Naruto's chest is heaving, rising erratically despite his ever-slowing heartbeat. The one thing he wants to say won't rest easy with anyone, but he doubts he'll even be able to say it.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you.. and that you had to figure it out alone.
He doesn't want Sasuke to think that he was the only one who knew. It wouldn't be fair. Murder and mayhem can be written off by whatever means, but Naruto doesn't want it to be because Sasuke knew. He wants it to be because he was waiting on that forever neither of them received.
AAAndd, done with this chapter, as well! Updating, here I go!
Please, review!
Thanks, thanks!