CHAPTER ONE: ATTACHMENT

9:00 pm. Wednesday.

I firmly grasp the handrails as if there was no ground below me, depriving my palms of an appropriate blood circulation. My legs, tired from running all those errands. My mind, exhausted from the endless lectures. My hands, beaten from the furious scribbling on my notebook. And yet, I had to endure (whatever that was left of me) 30 more minutes of being slammed and squeezed and deprived of my own personal space in this human coffee press equivalent also known as the train.

No wonder coffee taste so bitter.

I took a sharp breath, regretting that I did it, for all I inhaled was 70% human sweat, 25% perfume/deodorant/cologne overload, and only 5% oxygen.

I slowly closed my eyes, fatigue finally overcoming my senses, too drained…to even…wait…for…my…bed -in-my-a--part--ment.

The next thing I know, there was darkness. Infinite, but somehow it seemed comforting.

I hear the steady beating of my heart.

Lub-Dub-Lub-Dub-Lub-Du-

A swift gust of wind distracts me-and the mix of fresh flowers filled my senses. Suddenly, it felt like spring again (a great contrast to the weather outside). And it somehow reminded me of the aroma of slowly brewing tea leaves, of freshly grounded spearmint and just-squeezed lemons.

Slowly, I inhaled, letting the scent of flowers, rain, tea, spearmint and lemons envelop me. I was surrounded by warmth. It was not humid-like. But just warmth, tingling and soothing. Like hot chocolate on a cold winter day, it warms me up on the inside.

I can hear my heart beating again, drumming a slow yet louder melody this time, and eventually lulling me to sleep again.

Thud.

My eyes opened in response.

The first thing I see is a field of yellow hair resting on my shoulder. What the-? I jerked back and my body collided with the cold metal wall, surprised at the sudden contact with a mere stranger, the scent of lemons, spearmint, tea and flowers on a rainy spring day instantly turning into vapor.

It's a girl, the long blonde hair and her sleeping face gives it all.

I breathe a sigh of relief. Good thing it wasn't some crazy-person trying to do who-knows-what-the-hell-he-can-think-of. It was just a girl.

She's just a girl.

Soft waves of wheat field-colored hair. Full thick lashes outlining her sleepy eyes. A straight nose with a slightly upturned tip. Somewhat pudgy cheeks. Pink pert lips. And a face that retained her child-like innocence.

She's, just a girl.

The mechanical doors slid open, and sadistically, more people enter causing groans and grumbles erupting from the other passengers. She stirs from her sleep, her glassy blue eyes slowly blinking. She adjusted her bag and within seconds, her head gradually drops again.

How can she sleep so peacefully in a condition like this?

Her head resting on her raised arm (Her arm must have been too numb already.), body slightly swaying from time to time, and hugging her bag like it's some kind of goodnight stuffed toy. I continue to observe her, even though I could hear my mom's voice telling me how rude I am right now.

I hear the doors beep again. And again, people still enter causing a domino effect. Her body shoved towards me. I grabbed her sides, keeping a safe distance. I tried to control my breathing with her being a few inches away from me. My eyes landed on her waist, where I was holding her. Immediately, I took my hands off and cleared my throat, distracting myself from the one-sided awkwardness of the situation. I feel another sharp shove again. My eyes landed on the protruding elbow of a suit-clad man behind her where the force was coming from. Obviously, the guy was trying to make more space for himself no matter how impossible it seems in this condition. I see it plunge at her side again, me wincing at the thought of the impact.

She's just…a girl.

I slipped my hand at her side again, the sharp thrust hitting my hand instead. An in one swift twist of my heels, I flipped our positions, her back now resting on the wall. I then rest my hand on the wall above, my back resisting the shoves of the businessman. What? I want my own space too!

And she's still sleeping?

She was now completely resting on the metal wall, arm both wrapped around her messenger bag, head bopping from side to side. My hand suddenly outstretched when her head was about collide with the metal pole.

Surely, this girl is quite troublesome.

I pulled my scarf and tied it on the wall just in case she might need a cushion again.

I breathed a sigh of relief and mentally patted myself for being such a nice person to help a friggin' stranger.

My eyes landed on her again. She just looks so tired. Maybe she had gone out for practice? Nah, her fresh spring scent says no. Partying? Too early. Library? Hell no. Work? I don't think so.

I continued thinking of reasons, until my brain got too exhausted from thinking and eventually ordered me to fall asleep.

I woke up when I felt someone knock me over. I peer at the window, checking what station I'm currently at. Then, my eyes fell on my tied scarf on the pole. And beside it, there was none.

At that moment, I felt a small (really, really, really, really miniscule) tinge of regret that I preferred to close my eyes instead of stopping by just to savor the scent of lemons, spearmint, tea and flowers on a rainy spring day.