Author's Note: I wrote this in my high school Horticulture class as an essay. The assignment was to write about plant anatomy from the point of view of a plant. My teacher told us that fantasy plants were fair game, so you can guess which one I picked. This was also the first time I wrote something from Twoey's point of view, and would follow it up later (and better) with "I Want to Thank You."
A Lesson in Horticulture,
by Audrey II
Hello humans of Earth! This is Audrey II. Yes, I'm a plant. And yes, I'm talking to you! What's the matter? You've never read anything written by a plant? Well, you are now, so shut up and keep reading!
Why am I writing to you? Well, I'll tell you. You humans just have no idea about the life of us green people, so I thought I'd tell you before I eat you–I mean, eat some lunch. I'm gonna' start from the top with basic plant anatomy.
Let's start with the stem. The stem is the part of a plant that moves food and water through its body. It's like a spine and a blood vessel put together. Without it, I would not be able to stand up, or use any of the sunlight and bloo–I mean, food that we plants need to grow. Sometimes I like to stretch out my stem and shake this pod around to stretch it out, and possibly grab some lunch if it's there.
There are two layers of the stem; the xylem and the phloem. The xylem moves food up through my stem (mm, food…) and the phloem moves water and food down the stem and into our roots. The roots are the next plant part I'm gonna talk about.
My roots keep me anchored into this stupid flowerpot until I get big enough to bust out, but they're also used for something else. When my little servant Seymour waters me, my roots take in water and other energy sources from the soil. They can also store leftover food for a while. My species can use our roots to grab things that we need or to move around inside this flowerpot when I want to. Being a big, strong plant has some advantages when you can move around.
Next are the leaves. My leaves are big and round, and I use them to take in sunlight for food. The leaves are where photosynthesis happens; where we turn sunlight into food for us, and oxygen for you humans. It lets you bites feel better that way. Hehe.
I have a second pair of long, flat leaves that sit near my base. Sometimes I like to shake them to get attention or to dance. That's right, I'm a singing, dancing plant! They also shade my pod on the hotter days.
One of the last basic structures for us plants are flowers. Flowers are what we use to reproduce, but I'm not really going to go into how that works. For all I know, there are little snacks out there reading this! I don't have flowers yet, but my species have big, red flowers that bloom in the middle of the night when we've had enough food to eat. As for our babies, little plants called pups grow out of our vines, when we're known as mother plants. What? Just cause I have a deep voice means that I can't be a mother? Humans…
Enough with the boring basic stuff, and now to the exciting feature: my mouth. I'm a one-of-a-kind flytrap. I use my pod, like those little flytraps here on Earth, to catch my food. I have big, sharp teeth that can cut through skin and bones, and a big tongue shaped like a leaf that licks up my prey.
What do I eat, you ask? Well, that's my little secret for now. You'll all know soon enough.
I sure am feeling hungry now. Where's that kid Seymour? He should have fed me hours ago! Anyway, come down to Skid Row sometime and meet me, the one and only Audrey Two, at Mushnik and Son's Skid Row Florists. I'll be waiting for our dinner date. Muahahaha!
-Audrey II