Ok, after last night's epi, my heart is officially broken! I only hope the writers fix this, like PRONTO! I hope they take pity on us, but past evidence says they love to make us suffer, so all we have is our little universe, where we make everything perfect.
So from here, I´ll start deviating from canon and start hoping!
Anyway, thank you for those who continue to stick with me, and I promise I'll deliver the much needed fluff to ease our aching hearts!
So, that being said…
Again, I own absolutely nothing, Bones is totally Fox´s and HH and Stephen Nathan…
The song is "I need you", by Leanne Rimes. Beautiful song, and an even more beautiful declaration of love (I know, sappy romantic )
She knew they were avoiding each other. It was no question why. They both knew she was waiting for him to reach a decision. But being on the other side, seeing how it felt like to wait, to see him with somebody else stung like a needle to the heart.
She was in pain, and even if Angela had remained blissfully silent, she knew her best friend had seen through her and knew something was wrong. But what Angela didn't know was that she had cried herself to sleep every single night since she and Booth opened up to each other. Imagining him making love to someone who wasn't her was the single most painful thought her mind could come up with, but above all, was the bone-chilling fear that he might not want her back after all, that after realizing that Hannah was the better choice, the logical choice, he would dismiss her and truly move on.
She wouldn't blame him. Hannah was indeed the better choice. But if there was something their time apart had shown her was that love wasn't about logic, but about taking a leap of faith, even if faith was something she just started believing existed after she met him.
There hadn't been a case to bring them together, and she was sad and confused about it. She knew they both needed to take a step back, but she missed him too much. Now that they were back, she was finally ready to accept that the sight of him made her days brighten, even if now there was the added bittersweet taste of knowing he wasn't hers.
She saw the concerned look on Cam's face whenever she found her still in the lab at closing time, and she thought she also saw a bit of sympathy. Now she could relate to her boss, since she knew Booth hadn't given it his all when he was with her, and she now knew it had been because of her, because of the love he was starting to feel for her. Now she could understand the harshness Cam showed her at the beginning, and with all due reason, since it was a fact it had been her closeness with Booth that had ruined any chances of that second go-round be a success. Luckily, Cam and Booth had remained close friends, and she knew that she had become his source of peace and advice whenever they were at odds. She guessed Cam was already informed of everything that had transpired, and she was thankful she had given them both time and space. For all of her good intentions, Angela would meddle too much, but Cam had a maturity that combined helpful advice with a timely sense of knowing when to take a step back and let them deal with things on their own, without prodding into their affairs, but letting them know at the same time she was there for them.
She had tried to occupy her time writing, but after rereading the scenes between her new Kathy and Andy, she dismissed them as too filled with angst and despair, no wonder reflecting her own battered heart, and the unsolved conflicts of her life.
She closed her laptop, and took a look around her office, seeing past the glass doors and into the empty lab. After her time in Maluku she had realized her work was a huge part of her, but that it was no longer her everything.
Sully had pointed out sometime that she could sail away, that she could leave everything behind and that her work wasn't everything about her, and she had proved she indeed could. To find herself, to see herself through her own eyes, because she had feared so much knowing she was seeing herself through Booth´s eyes, and she could no longer think of herself without him.
She was exhausted. Her talk with Booth had only exacerbated her sleeplessness and lack of appetite. She had lost 7 pounds in the last 10 days, and she had compensated by wearing her less-fitting clothes. If Angela found out, she would be shoving food down her throat without a moment´s hesitation.
She needed him. She couldn't pinpoint the exact moment when he had become so indispensable to her, but it had been this realization that had made her flee.
But now that everything was in the open, and the ball was literally in his court, she could understand how all those years of him waiting for her to catch up with her reality must have hurt. And the thing is that notion made her feelings for him become even deeper, awed at the depth of the loyalty attached to his love.
She had met her father, and behind their encounter and her tales of her time away and his own stories of Russ, Amy and their girls, they both knew there was something else. She had seen the tender understanding in his eyes. Her father had always been incredibly intuitive, no criminal like him got away with everything he had done without sharp-like senses, and he was the one who, apart from Booth, understood her the most, and read what no other people could, what she was hiding.
So, when they hugged outside the tiny Italian restaurant, and he tenderly brushed her hair, very much like he did whenever he bid her goodnight when she was a little girl, he whispered, "Have faith, baby girl. He has loved you too long to dismiss the chance he's being give now that you finally got it. Have faith my sweet girl, because your future is not far from you", and those words, along with the tender touch made her burst in tears in the middle of the street, but she didn't mind that she was allowing herself such an open display of emotions, all she cared was her father's arms wrapped around her, holding her in a way she had needed badly. He had wiped her tears, and kissed her forehead tenderly before departing, silence hanging between them, but her hope a bit mended after their encounter, mended enough at least to help her through the day.
She had everything money could buy, and yet she didn't flaunt her wealth. Because she had learned there were things money couldn't purchase. Her borrowed family had taught her that lesson.
I don't need a lot of things
I can get by with nothing
Of all the blessings life can bring
I've always needed something
But I've got all I want
When it comes to loving you
You're my only reason
You're my only truth
Booth had been the most fervent teacher in that area, and she had already assumed that her new findings about herself meant nothing if she had no one to share them with. Angela's word of so long ago came back to her, "A sunset is more beautiful when you have someone to share it with", and it couldn't have been more true. Many times during her time away, staring at the beautiful landscapes and vanilla skies adorning the Pacific the only person she thought of was him. Sometimes, she had daydreamed of him standing behind her, strong arms wrapped around her waist, solid chest colliding with her back, warming her from the slightly chilly Pacific night, sharing the view, standing there in silent vigil, letting their love deepen the bond that had always existed between them.
She tiredly placed her forehead on her arms perched on her desk, wishing for tiredness to overcome her overactive brain, but mostly, her overactive heart. Following his advice, putting her brain in neutral and heart in overdrive, had opened a world of new sensations, but pain was the one she was feeling the most right now, because everything was hanging by a single, solitary thread. One word from him and she could literally be soaring to the sky or falling to her demise.
I need you like water
Like breath, like rain
I need you like mercy
From heaven's gate
There's a freedom in your arms
That carries me through
I need you
She had to hope. She had to continue hoping. It was a strange notion for someone who, like her, had spent her entire life basing everything on facts and evidence, and not on the notion of intangibility, love being the primary example.
You're the hope that moves me
To courage again
You're the love that rescues me
When the cold winds, rage
And it's so amazing
'Cause that's just how you are
And I can't turn back now
'Cause you've brought me too far
She couldn´t deny what he had done to her, and she couldn't go back to the way she was. Even if before she was relatively comfortable with her life, the warmth she had found in all the lessons he had taught her couldn't be dismissed.
I need you like water
Like breath, like rain
I need you like mercy
From heaven's gate
There's a freedom in your arms
That carries me through
I need you
Oh yes I do
She felt drowsy, and she could feel exhaustion dripping from every single pore of her body, but she couldn't move. She thought of driving, but she feared she wouldn't be able to complete the ride to her place. She figured she would have to call a cab, since Booth wasn't around anymore to drive her home. He had a strange knack of knowing when the cases were too much for her, and her pride wouldn't allow her to admit just how exhausted he was. So he had used to breeze his way into her office, cajole/threaten her to bodily remove her from the lab, coax her with offers of much needed food and drink, and she was done. She always had given in, and the pleasure flooding his features at her surrender usually had sealed the deal, along with increasing the tingling sensation of knowing she was the reason behind that blinding smile.
Her frown deepened as she admitted to herself how rare that smile had become since her rejection, how fake it felt, and how much she yearned to see it again.
10 days without him were too much. And she wondered how long a human being could live solely on hope.
If he chose Hannah, she would only hug him and truly wish him the very best.
If he chose her, she would devote her entire life to show him he would have no reason to regret going with his gut. Because he had seen through her layers, and he had seen who she truly was.
Her body bent over her desk, she didn't notice the solitary figure standing in the shadows of the vacant lab.
He had been meaning to talk to her, but he was afraid. He was still afraid to believe everything he had desired was finally within arm's reach. He was still too stunned to believe the woman he had loved had finally put her fears aside and decided to trust him to lead them both into a journey towards the life he had envisioned they could have. And to be truthful, after Hannah's departure, he had needed a bit of time to come to grips with everything happening.
But this night he had finally gathered every ounce of courage he possessed, and drove to her place, surprised when her doorman told him she still wasn´t home. His thoughts then assumed she would be in her second home. The lab. He wasn't surprised when Richard, the security guard at the night shift, informed him that Dr. Brennan was still in the building and that everyone was home.
He walked slowly, not wanting to scare her, and saw her exhausted, dejected motions. How she softly closed her laptop, seeing her previous annoyance and how fast she hit what he guessed was the backspace button, clearly erasing every single word she had written.
She saw her lean a bit against her seat before dropping her arms to her desk and resting her forehead against them, inhaling deeply, obviously trying to get some rest.
From his vantage point, he could see every line of exhaustion etched on her beautiful face, and it cut him to know he was probably the reason behind them. He could see a glimmer of hope, but there was a sadness he couldn't deny. Her green-blue eyes cloudy, now turning to the misty blue he had learned to read, signaling deep anguish.
His heart broke for her, but at least he was here now, and he vowed to himself never to be the reason again behind that look. He vowed to himself to erase it every single day and instead bring that sparkle that had filled his lonely nights.
He used his sniper training and trained on her, noticing how she was still oblivious to his presence, staring at her, his eyes soft and tender falling on the short curtain of silk mahogany framing her face.
She jumped a bit as she felt a pair of hands brush the hair back from her face to push it to the side and caress the spot behind her neck, and she raised her head from her bent position, and smiled weakly at the owner. His smell had hit her a fraction of a second before she felt his touch on her skin, that's why she hadn't felt any fear, just painful longing for him, for everything he could do.
He bent a little to touch the arms of her chair and spun her around, their bodies facing until he got on his haunches and perched his arms next to her legs, his body caging her, but not trapping her, letting her feel his warmth but without overwhelming her with the intimate gesture.
"Hey, Bones. At the risk of sounding patronizing, you shouldn't be here. You should try to rest", he said, his tender tone making her heart jump a little in joy at his concern for her, "It's almost 11".
"I didn't want to go home", she decided to be truthful, "All I do is toss and turn and not sleep at all", now that they were so close, he could see it was true. Not even the makeup she was wearing could hide the discreet red rim under her eyes, speaking of her exhaustion.
"I can see that. Bones, baby", he didn't even mind the slip of the tongue, because she was both his Bones, his baby, and he was done playing around, "You can't do this to yourself", now that their bodies were so close too, he could see she had lost weight, "You have to take care of yourself for me when I'm not around. You're going to give me gray hairs before my time", he teased, trying to lighten the mood.
It didn't feel awkward to talk this way, his strong arms resting next to her thighs, his fingers caressing the skin of her hips over the light fabric of her pants. She felt loved, and cherished.
"I'm sorry, Booth. It's just that I…", she said hesitantly, "I've lost my appetite as well", he raised one hand to caress her soft cheek, again marveling at how soft compared to his own hand, knowing without testing that the rest of her body would be just as soft and silky.
"Baby, promise me you're going to try and eat a bit, even if I'm not here to force you. For me?", he said, his puppy dog eyes in full swing, making her legs turn to jelly. Good thing she was sitting, otherwise she would have had to hold on to him for support.
"I… I promise, Booth", he smiled charmingly at her soft promise, and with his free hand, he took her hand and kissed her knuckles gently, one by one, making her shiver. He marveled at how unusually complaint she was to his attentions, but he knew she had been missing him just as much as he had been missing her.
"Do you want me to drive you home?", he asked, his eyes fixed on her face, hating how insecure she felt. He guessed it would fade after he told her of his conversation with Hannah.
He saw she wanted to say yes, but that she was hesitant to accept it, and her next words confirmed his suspicions, "I was about to call a cab… You… Shouldn't you be with… Hannah?", she asked, and he smiled tenderly at her, his hand going again to her jaw line, caressing her skin, shaking his head, he replied, "I have nowhere to go, unless it's with you, Bones. So, again, want to go home, and try to give that rest a shot?", he asked, seeing her eyes widen a bit and lose a bit of the cloud that was hiding that spark he so badly wanted to see.
I need you like water
Like breath, like rain
I need you like mercy
From heaven's gate
There's a freedom in your arms
And it carries me through
I need you
Oh yes I do
I need you
ahh i need you
"Booth…", she said, "We need to talk", she said, hating to bring a subject that could turn sour quite fast, and he nodded his agreement, but he didn´t stop smiling at her.
"Yes, we do need to talk, but first we got to feed you and get you into bed so you can have all the energy you need for us to become the best crime-fighting duo in the universe", she smiled back at him, and her own hand went to his cheek, caressing his face, loving the slight coarseness of his stubble against her palm, relieved that seemingly he wasn't about to leave her.
Still in front of her, he retrieved his cell phone from his jacket, and pressed a button. She frowned a bit, wondering how he might be calling, and was startled as she listened to his end of the conversation.
"Cam?", he said, "I need a favor. Bones needs tomorrow off", he listened to his friend, "I know it's a Friday, but it's kind of personal", he smiled at what he heard, "Cam, you're the best. Thank you so much for this", he smiled even more, "Yes, I promise I'll be taking excellent care of my Bones, ok?", there was something wicked hidden underneath, and she didn't know why, but she found herself blushing at the possessiveness of his words, and his smile was now in his eyes, that teasing glint she knew meant he had noticed. "Have a good night, Cam. And again, thanks for this. We both appreciate it", the use of the `we´ brought a rush of warmth and giddiness she couldn't fight, nor did she want to.
He flipped the phone shut, and said, "So, we're all set. We have the entire weekend to talk. But only if you promise to do as I say, indulge my alpha-maleness as you love to say and let me take care of you", she gave him a tender, loving smile, and nodded.
"Even if it goes against my beliefs, since I'm quite capable of fending for myself, I find that I'm surprisingly delighted that you're willing to take care of me", she said, her voice soft, and he smiled, "And I truly appreciate it", she had vowed to herself never to hide her feelings from him again, both the good, the bad, the sad and the joyous, "No one has been willing to take care of me in a very long time", she let her thumb enjoy the feeling of his skin, and that seemingly she now had the freedom to do so.
Turning his head so that he could place a kiss against her palm, his heart tugging painfully at the thought of her loneliness, of her solitude, of how lost she was, without having someone to love her, to let her know she deserved to be pampered and cherished as he had been aching to do for so long, he replied, "Bones, while there´s breath in my body, you'll always have me to take care of you, got it?", she nodded, and with a smile, he got on his feet, and tugged gently at her hand, steadying her as their bodies stood, facing each other.
"I'm going to take you home, and pamper you until you scream at me for being the overbearing alpha-male I am, ok?", he promised, and couldn't resist pressing a kiss against her forehead, feeling how her body was already leaning into his, his arms instantly going to wrap around her, fitting together like pieces of a puzzle finally making a whole, his voice dropped several tones as he added, "and I'm going to remind you you'll always have me, no matter what, baby", he felt her arms sneak around his waist, and smiled as he felt her inhale against his chest, savoring the chance of having her finally in his arms, where he knew she would always be.
"Okay", she whispered, "Please, take me home, Booth", and they both knew she wasn't referring to her literal home. They both knew she was talking about the future they had just started seeing was not only a figment of their dreams, but a very possible reality they would fight their way to have.
So, with that thought in mind, he disengaged their bodies, and they feel into their rituals, his holding helping her out of the lab coat and into her jacket, but not without pressing a loving kiss against her shoulder, which she surprisingly leaned against, like she was seeking his touch again, him helping her organize her laptop and her bag, and then, to add the final touch, his arm this time not at an angle and touching the small of her back, but firmly wrapped around her waist, bringing their sides together, her head on his shoulders as he indeed drove them home.
Richard, watching them after they bid him goodbye, had to smile, "Finally. I hope I get to see the family they're going to have". There had never been a doubt in his mind, staring at them through lonely night and playful banter that this image was not an end, but a beginning to a more fulfilling and certainly more surprising partnership.
Criminals of the world beware, because those two are certainly back.
If you noticed, the windows are still open. Musie continues to love your words, so please, tell me what you thought.
Since I already said my mission was to ease our aching hearts, this might have a bit more chappies… I don't promise anything, but I'll do everything to console and comfort both you and me… (sigh)… What I do promise is that if I continue, only fluff (and perhaps a teensy, tiny bit of tender smut) will join for the ride!
Tell me what you thought, and as always, a SUPERTHANKS!
And before I leave, I didn't truly revise, so I apologize for anything wrong here, ok?
XOXOXO to everyone