Speaking of struggles, I tried for quite some time to get this out, there is a little lull in the middle there, basically it is the space of time that the HSC was on and that I was desperately trying to solve a virus on my computer. Thanks to those who stuck with me. Hang in there I will not abandon this story!! I would now like to welcome you all to the world of the University
Over the next few days Teyla was subjected to more tests and physiotherapy visits, by the time she was released she was starting to get as frustrated as John usually was in the Infirmary. Kimberleigh was perfectly healthy but she had to stay in the infirmary with Teyla, which gave John time to finish the nursery.
He walked slowly beside Teyla who was holding Kimberleigh, as they made their way to their quarters. Teyla was walking normally but the scar was still healing so Carson had ordered no heavy exercise or off-world missions and regular check ups. He still hadn't talked about the prospect of infertility with either of them yet, partly because he wasn't sure of his results and because he didn't want to hurt his friends.
When they got to the room John led Teyla to the now finished nursery with all the things they had brought from Earth. They couldn't paint the walls of Atlantis but he had hung a mobile from the roof above the cradle and set up a little set of drawers and filled it with all her clothes and the presents they had received from friends and family. There was a little pink lamp with ballet shoes propped up against the base as a decoration from Elizabeth, A small statue, hand-carved by Ronan from some wood on the mainland. He had said it was a tradition from Sateda and was given by a warrior friend of the family as a representation of the child always being protected by those around them. Teyla particularly liked this idea and was very thankful for the gift. Rodney had uncomfortably given them a set of baby monitors that he had made himself that worked with the Atlantis systems so they could be anywhere in the city and be able to hear her. There was a leprechaun toy from Carson, a Teddy Bear from Cadman, a baby book from Kate Heightmeyer and multiple presents from other members of Atlantis, some for Teyla and the rest for Kimberleigh.
"Did you put all this together?" Teyla asked
"What else was I going to do while you were having all those tests done?" she took in everything around the room and smiled at the gifts she remembered receiving. The day before Jinto and Halling came over from the mainland bringing traditional Athosian gifts from just about the entire village which were now dotted all over the room.
"Thank you John" She moved over to the cradle and lay a sleeping Kimberleigh onto the mattress. He kissed her temple gently
"No, thank you. You did most of the hard work, you had me worried for awhile" he kissed her again before they went out onto the balcony "How are you feeling? Do you need to sit or lie down or something?"
"I am fine, I have been lying down all week, even longer"
"True," he relaxed against the bar on the balcony and watched her breathe deeply, he understood what it was like to get out of the infirmary and look out at the sea again.
John approached his beautiful wife and kissed her gently
"I missed having you with me" he kissed her again and wrapped his arms around her, she did the same and they leaned in to kiss again when they were stopped by Kimberleigh's crying. John put his finger on her lips and moved away to go and get her, bringing her back to her mother
"Hey bambi, what's wrong?" she nursed her and John took her to burp. Teyla had not had the opportunity to watch John with their daughter since her birth and was warmed by the affection she saw in his eyes for the tiny child. She approached him and looked down at the now happily gurgling baby "that was a treat, wasn't it bambi, we haven't seen daddy much have we?" She kissed the little girl's head and moved back into the bedroom. John soothed Kim to sleep and lay her in the cot before going to Teyla who was sitting on the edge of their bed, already dressed in her night clothes
The next morning they all visited Carson for Teyla's now daily check up. John entertained Kimberleigh, and the Infirmary staff, as Teyla had her tests done. Once she had changed and was sitting with John they came to chat about what he was looking at.
"Now, this may be a little premature in saying but I am a little worried about the rate of healing of the scar tissue in Teyla's cervix. It could heal to the point of being exactly as normal, or not. Any future pregnancy could risk another tare but not only that but a future pregnancy may not even be viable if the scarring does not clear. I'm only telling you this because progress has been slow over the last few days when it has been faster in previous weeks" The couple sat in shock
"So," Teyla paused to straighten her thoughts "I may never be able to conceive again?"
"There's a possibility of that being true, yes"
"How much of a possibility?" John asked
"I'm not sure until we know how much scarring remains permanent" there was a shocked silence for a few long minutes
"Thank you Carson" Teyla stood abruptly and turned to walk out, John and Carson both stood, John going to follow her and Carson to speak
"Please continue to return so we can monitor this" He notice her back was still turned "…And Teyla," she turned at the use of her name "There are a lot of people here that will talk to you about this, please use them if you need to" She nodded and left the office. John stood and went to follow her "Make sure she doesn't hold all this in lad" John nodded and shook Carson's hand, not knowing what to say.
As John was leaving he almost knocked into Elizabeth entering Carson's office
"Hey, is everything OK?" she asked indicating the door Teyla had just left through
"There's been a few set backs, she's not taking it well"
"I'm sorry John, Carson told me a little about it"
"When? Before us?!"
"He wasn't sure of his results, and I did ask him to tell me, I'm sorry if you don't like it" John sighed and indicated to the door
"I should go after her" Elizabeth nodded and stepped aside to let him pass, he checked the nurses were fine with Kim for a little while longer and went after Teyla.
By the time John returned to their room, Teyla was gone, in truth, he didn't even know if she had gone to their room or not, he then made his way out of the room to find her. He tried balconies and all of the likely areas she could have run to as he headed out towards the gym, he was sure she'd be there but it also depended on how much she wanted to be alone. When he arrived at the entrance to the gym, John found the door locked. He personally unlocked the door and found Teyla, moving around the gym in her usual workout style but with much more ferocity and concentration. He watched and listened as she moved and cried out as she attacked an invisible enemy. He continued to watch for quite some time before he decided to intervene as, it was getting very strenuous. He reached out and touched her shoulder, she promptly swung around with her sticks, he ducked and tried to avoid her sticks as he called out to her. He managed to grab her wrists, stopping the deadly accurate blows.
"Teyla" she looked directly at him as he tried to console her "let me in, please" She stared straight ahead as if she was seeing straight through him and pulled at her hands
"Teyla" he said again, a little more forcefully, keeping hold of her wrists. Her eyes seemed to adjust to him before filling with tears, the sticks dropped to the floor and he wrapped his arms around her. He was surprised at the sobs that were racking her body and even more so when he felt her knees give out. He slid to the floor with her in his arms and let her cry it out, mentally locking the gym for privacy.
All of a sudden she wiped the tears from her eyes and stood up, picking up her sticks she packed her bag again. John stood and faced her
"Please talk to me" he moved to sit on the bench, she sat beside him and looked into his eyes
"It is a large part of my past that if a woman is deemed infertile, they would be separated from her family and when I was very young there were still women being banished. Since the Wraith are such a threat, many of the males of my people will not accept women who cannot bear them a child."
"Teyla, if you think I will not love you if Kimberleigh is our only child, that is so far from the truth" he reached out to brush her cheek, she looked away, feeling ashamed at her actions
"I feel as if I am being a terrible mother for this, but I worry that some of my people will not accept me any longer"
"Carson said there still may be hope, and we're not looking to have more children too soon, Kim is barely 2 months old" Teyla looked down at her hands
"I am sorry for behaving like this" He reached over and pulled her into his arms
"This is a really big thing for you, I understand, but you have to know, I will always stand by you" he kissed her gently and helped her up. "Why don't you head back to the room and clean up and I'll go and get our beautiful daughter". He kissed her again and they headed off together.
A/N: Sorry this took so long, thank you to those who have stood by me. I apologise for any spelling mistakes, I will go through it and update the corrections soon, I thought you'd want it sooner.
I have holidays now so I'll try to get it finished during these holidays
Thanks for your help and support
CharmedAli