Chapter 1:

Although this seems so obvious that I'm laughing a little at myself as I speak, I must make something absolutely clear from the beginning:

Haruhi Suzumiya is not an ordinary girl.

Oh, you say, with a knowing nod and wink. Especially if you already know her. Yes; she's the kind of girl who, on the first day of our first year of high school, announced to the class, completely seriously, "I have no interest in ordinary humans. If there are any aliens, time-travelers, sliders, or espers here, come join me. That is all!" And, up until the fateful day when I mentioned it to her, she wore her hair in varying numbers of ponytails depending on the "number" of the week. The moment I noted it, she cleanly cut the whole mass of her thick brown hair from her waist to her shoulders. Furthermore, she is always serious. Always. She approaches life as though it is a CIA mission which will fail and blow up the world if she doesn't miraculously save the day.

Of course, the irony here is that Haruhi goes even more unordinary than that. Because it's the other way around. Unless we, meaning the SOS Brigade (myself, Itsuki, Mikuru, and Yuki, don't keep her in check, she herself might blow up the world. Or recreate it. I never really understood how that worked, really, so I won't bother trying to explain it. Get Koizumi or Nagato-san to explain if you really want to know, but I have to warn you, the chances of you actually understanding what they say is pretty slim. The point here is, Haruhi Suzumiya is a god. Not a goddess; if you met her, you'd know what I mean. She can create and uncreate at her will, which makes being around her a little unsettling, like pampering a walking time-bomb. The other thing is, she isn't aware of it at all. So rather than risk telling her and all unfortunate consequences that might occur thereof, which I don't get either, the four of us hover around like a bunch of satellites around a super-nova, attempting to keep her from getting bored with this world and erasing it as easily as a a crayon scribble through a half-finished picture.

I feel like I've already touched on this, but it seems necessary to make a few more things clear. I am completely, 100% ordinary. I was raised in an ordinary, middle-class family, with one younger sister, and I've gone to very ordinary elementary and middle schools. I have brown hair and brown eyes and am exactly average height and weight. I even get average grades. I have no super powers. I'm not even bad or good at any particular sport! So why me? Why do I get pulled into this?

My accomplices are all extremely extraordinary. Let me introduce them, briefly.

Yuki Nagato: the alien.

Mikuru Asahina: the time traveler.

Itsuki Koizumi: the esper.

You see what I mean? Here I am, happily living my everyday, ordinary life, and then I run into her, and she forms the club, and now suddenly I'm surrounded by unusual people! Jeez, talk about making one feel small...imagine how powerless I feel now. Okay, I will admit, there was a time when I wanted life to be a little spicier. I did actually hope that aliens, time travelers and espers existed. That's old news. Doesn't everyone want that, though? Is there actually any soul on earth, besides 82-year-old ladies who only concern themselves with dog food and hairnets, who doesn't wish that maybe there was something else highly unusual on this planet? No, you don't count.

Anyway, where was I? Somehow I feel like I've been standing on a tall box labeled "Soap".

Well, today is officially the first day of my second year of high school. Whoop di do. After the usual, boring-beyond-words introduction and attempt to hype up the new Freshman and convince them that they've just become proud students at the most interesting school in Japan, classes commence. Thanks to Haruhi, of course, I am in the same class as her. Again. In fact, I do believe we are sitting in the same exact seats toward the back, next to the window, that we were in last year, one level up. I did mention that she can will things into being, right? Well, here is a prime example. I would be all too happy to be sitting on the other side of the classroom from her, but apparently, according to Koizumi et al, she has "chosen" me. Argh.

Let me demonstrate to you exactly what the implications of this are.

For the first ten minutes of homeroom, with the busy buzz of students hovering around and the teacher up front for the most part ignoring us and saying obligatory statements for appearance's sake, Haruhi sat behind me, scowling out the window, intensely ignoring me. For this ten minutes, I was divided between hope that she'd finally given up on me, and disappointment that the most attractive girl in the class was pointedly avoiding speaking to me or looking me in the eye.

Then, quite suddenly, she leaned forward, reached clear around me, and yanked my tie to force me to stare her in the eye. "Ne, Kyon! I've thought of it at last!"

"Grakkyspakktt..."

"Oi, enunciate, Kyon! It's so annoying when I can't understand what you're saying."

I grabbed her hand, which was currently cutting off my available oxygen supply, and firmly tugged it from my tie. "Ahem...I said, 'What did you finally think of at last?'"

"You could have said that from the beginning, you know. I've thought of how we can combine current activities of the SOS Brigade with my idea for a popular music band."

"Is that so," I deadpanned. Guess there goes all hopes for the disintegration of said club this year. Not like I had any to begin with.

She nodded eagerly, not noticing, or maybe ignoring, my complete lack of enthusiasm. "See, rather than just write normal music, I could write music with secret messages, you know, inviting aliens to come visit earth, or reaching forward in time to tell time-travelers to travel back to meet me."

And how exactly are you going to do that, Haruhi?

"Baka. People have been writing secret messages into their music for ages. Take Shostakovitch, for example. He wrote a piece with a 'cell'-that's a bunch of repeating notes—that spelled out his name..."

"Um...there aren't any 's's or 'h's on the keyboard..."

"It's too complicated to explain to a numbskull like you. Anyway, he had his name battling this other guy's name in his piece, and his finally won, and the other guy was too stupid to notice! And Bach found out that by putting four clefs around a single note he could spell out his name..."

Are you getting any of this? Because I sure am't. Is that a word, am't? You can say, "You sure aren't", but you can't say, "I sure am't". How is that fair? Anyway, rabbit trails aside, Haruhi was, once again not making any sense.

"Ooookay. So let me get this straight: assuming that there are beings from outer space which can hear your music, to begin with, what makes you so sure that they'll even be able to get your message? What if they can't understand the code thingie to begin with?"

"Baka." (You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means). "Obviously, aliens are way more intelligent than humans." (Knowing Yuki, I can't argue with that). "They probably already have the code figured out ahead of time. Maybe they're even correlating with time travelers to figure out what we'll be doing in our future so they can come up with a code for it ahead of time."

"If that's so, why do we even need to make the song? Wouldn't they already know what it says without us having the write the song?"

"Of course not. Because in order for them to remember it from their past travels, we have to write in our future so they will be able to know what it is for our present and their past."

Once again, if anyone can figure out exactly what she means, please come tell me and save me the constant headaches. We're out of aspirin, again, and Mom keeps on grilling me as to why it disappears at such a fast rate.

I sighed in defeat. "Whatever you want, Haruhi." I turned back around and slouched down in my seat.

This time, she didn't bother with my tie; she just grabbed the hair on the top of my head and pulled it backwards so that I was looking at an upside down view of Haruhi. I groaned. Do you ever quit, woman?

"In any case, the first step is to acquire some instruments. I want you to reserve the music room for this afternoon after school, and make sure that there are two guitars, a piano, a bass guitar, and a drum set. Oh, and a tambourine, for Mikuru. She really has no musical sense."

Having heard the opening song of the horrendous video Haruhi made last year, I can't argue with that, either.

"And make sure that all the amplifiers are set up right. I hate that screeching sound you get when the reverberations are messed up."

I cocked an eyebrow at her, which was probably completely ineffective being seen from my upside-down status. "Anything else, Hime-sama?" I asked sarcastically.

She thought for a moment. "Yes," she said finally. "Get me some coffee."

Haruhi never does mince words, does she? I hope by now you understand the situation so we can spare both of us the earlier elongated explanations.

Thus it was that I found myself in the purloined music room (having apologized profusely to the actual music club, who needed no more than the words "Haruhi Suzumiya" to understand that their case was hopeless), looking around bemusedly at the various equipment around me. Frankly, I have a little understanding of electronics, but absolutely nothing about music. I got as far as beginning to uncoil the various cords and looking back and forth bewilderedly between "input" and "output" when I heard very soft footsteps behind me and turned around.

Now is a good time in the plot to introduce you to Yuki Nagato, AKA, the blue/purple/grey/silver haired alien/schoolgirl extraordinaire. It was no surprise to me that she was holding not one, but three heavy books in her arms.

Sorry, Nagato-san. No chance for you to read right now. I need your help.

Her eyes caught mine and I couldn't help but smile. Yuki is definitely what you could call cute, although it took me a little while to get to the point where I could say that. I walked over to take the books from her, noting the small look of surprise crossing her face, and said, "Ano...Yuki, I'm really sorry to ask you this but...you wouldn't happen to know anything about setting up music equipment, would you?"

She nodded gravely, and wordlessly walked over the tangled mess of cords. I hesitated before setting down the books and walking toward her. She stopped me with a look. "There is no need for you to get involved," she said. "I am capable of doing this myself."

But isn't it bad for a guy just to stand by and watch while a girl does all the work?

"Nevertheless."

I sighed and leaned up against the curve of the baby grand piano, watching her slim figure working through the amps and cords. Despite the fact that I knew she was stronger than she looked, I couldn't help but notice how she struggled a little to lift the heavy amplifier.

Hurriedly, I rushed over and forcefully grabbed onto the handle, my hands overlapping hers slightly. "Seriously, just let me help, okay?"

To my surprise, a look of annoyance crossed her normally emotionless face, and she refused to let go, trying to yank away. Determinedly, I held on, attempting to slip her hands off of the handle. She put a hand on my chest, stubbornly attempting to push me away, with perhaps a little more force than necessary.

"Oi!" We looked up simultaneously, a little guiltily, to see not only Haruhi, but also Koizumi, with the ever present smile, and Asahina-san, carrying a tray of tea. I used the opportunity to finally shake her off and take the amp away.

"Nagato-san. Where does this go?" Expressionless again, she pointed silently to one corner, and I triumphantly carried my booty where the indicated.

Haruhi made an impatient sound as she crossed the room. "Kyon! I thought I told you I wanted this all set up by the time I got here!"

Has the word "please" never entered your vocabulary, Haruhi? Or the concept that maybe you didn't give me enough time to set up even if I did know what I was doing?

Koizumi, bless him, laughed a little and picked up a pile of cords. Evidently, like Nagato-san, he instinctively knew these things. "It'll take about ten more minutes," he told Haruhi, who merely sighed and sat down at the piano, playing a cord or two experimentally.

I took the rare chance of Haruhi being momentarily distracted to run an approving look over Mikuru's form. Haruhi had decked her out in a sky-blue stewardess outfit this time, though of course the hem of the skirt was a little higher than in a real outfit, and the bulging lines around her chest showed how tight it was. I enjoyed the fact, personally.

My thoughts were cut off rudely as Haruhi exclaimed, "Oi, Kyon! Where's the coffee!"

Oh no! I forgot the coffee!

Twenty minutes later, the first ten having gone to Haruhi scolding me while the others set up, and the next ten seeing me frantically run to the nearest coffee shop for two lattes, one caramel mocha and two iced teas, I arrived back in the music room, incidentally bumping into two of the real members who were bemoaning the loss of their room outside in the hall. Haruhi had already set herself up with one of the electric guitars, and was having Nagato-san show her (wordlessly) how to do some of the melodies on the upper parts of the neck. Koizumi, drat him, had taken over the drum set. I had to admit that even his practicing sounded good. Asahina-san was sitting on an amp in the corner, tambourine forgotten in her lap, and watching with a sweet smile. Ah, her smile! So adorable! Yet once more, I ignored the impulse to pull her into an embrace.

Instead, I walked over to where Koizumi was playing the drums. "Um...we have a problem," I started. I pointed at the bass guitar on the floor. "That is the only instrument left." I pointed at the drum set. "And that is the only one I know how to play. I can't read music at all."

"That's completely irrelevant, Kyon," Haruhi piped up. "Besides, you don't have to read music to play the bass. Just learn the music by ear."

It sounds easy when you say it, but sorry to break it to you, we're not all you, Haruhi.

I threw a frustrated glance at Koizumi, hoping I could at least win this argument with him. "Please, Koizumi. I really don't know how to play bass at all."

Koizumi shrugged a little embarassedly as he struck the snare expertly. "Sorry to say, but I've got absolutely no sense of pitch whatsoever." He smiled apologetically.

"Seriously, have you even tried?" Haruhi asked, still focusing on her guitar.

"No..."

"Well, then, get your ass over there and pick up the instrument!"

I sighed, giving in at last, and picked up the bass, adjusting the strap around my shoulders. To my surprise, it felt somewhat natural.

"Now try playing the strings," Haruhi said, and I did. And I liked it. I was as surprised as anyone.

But, that's Haruhi. If she wants me to play the bass, like she wanted me to be in her class this year, and wanted to be around aliens, time-travelers, and espers, then I will play the bass.

That's just the way it is.

The "rehearsal" ended, an hour and a half later, Haruhi completely ignoring the timid knocks coming from the other side of the door, and, my fingers sore from the heavy wire strings, I stretched and began switching off the equipment. (That much, at least, I know how to do.) Haruhi faced us all with a grin as she slipped the strap of the guitar off her shoulders and placed it in an upright stand.

"Okay! That was all right for a first rehearsal, but I want you all to practice before tomorrow, okay? Tonight, I'll write up some chord charts, and we'll meet here again."

The other three headed for the door, but I stayed firmly planted where I was in the room, in front of Haruhi, arms crossed. When she attempted to get around me, I blocked her path. She tried the other direction, and I blocked that, too. Before you go anywhere, Haruhi, you've got to listen to me.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Get out of my way, Kyon."

"No."

The little lines around her mouth stood out whitely as she pursed her lips together. "What do you want?"

I took a step closer and firmly placed both my hands on her thin shoulders. She gasped a little, suddenly seeming smaller. Every once in a while, I could get her like this. I have to admit, it felt good to have some control over her for once.

"Look. You've got to understand. You can't just kick people out of rooms like this. At least give them a little time, maybe every other day. After all, we've got other activities to do in our own clubroom, right?" Although I would rather do anything than participate in her pointless activities in that room, it was worth a shot to mention it. I, at least, have a little respect for other people.

She seemed to think it over, and then lifted her chin proudly. "Well, of course we can't take the room from them every day. That would be indecent. Okay, so we'll take the room on Mondays, Wednesday, Fridays, and maybe Saturdays if we have an emergency, and they can have it the rest of the time."

She said it all as if it had been her intent to do that from the beginning.

I let go of her shoulders and stepped back. It was better than nothing. "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow."

She stood there for a minute, awkwardly, as if she wanted to say more, and then abruptly passed me en route to the door. "Ja, then." She paused once more, indecisively, and then dismissed that thought and exited the room.

I took a sigh of relief. You see now what I have to put up with?

Author's Notes: Yes, I promise this won't deal exclusively with music stuff. But toward the end of the original series (I never bothered to watch series 2, hearing it wasn't as good), she expresses interest in forming a band, so I thought I'd start with that and see where that goes. Oh, and by the way, I've changed Nagato-san's name (in this chapter) but I maintain that she can smile. Not yet, not anytime soon chronologically, but it is possible.

Here are some translations. Feel free to inform me if I missed any.

Baka: idiot

Hime-sama: princess

Ano...: um...

Ja: later