Chapter 3:

Sometimes I wonder whose boredom we have to fear more: Haruhi's, or Nagato's.

You will, of course, remember back to the computer club president incident. You know, the one where the four of us were sent on a mission to find him, and suddenly his apartment turned into a desert and we fought the cave cricket? Yeah, that. And all because of a stupid symbol Haruhi had randomly created for the SOS Brigade's home page. And guess why we ended up fighting the thing? I'll give you a hint: the cause is not of this world.

Well, it just so turns out that there was another computer bug "survivor", and a different member of the computer club had run into it a couple of months after the president had. To sum up, because how we got from there to here is boring, some random person randomly asked us to find the missing member, who hadn't shown up to the club for almost three months, and so we randomly found ourselves at the member's apartment, which just so happened to be in the same complex as the president. You can see where I'm going with this.

Wait, before I zip right into the battle, there is one little thing I should mention.

It was a quiet afternoon, the motion of the Ring of Pawah having stumped us for the time being, and Haruhi left directly as soon as the club "rehearsal" in the stolen room ended, as I suspected, to haunt the halls for more information. Koizumi gave Nagato a knowing look, and she gave me a look in return. Her mouth said, "I need to show you something on the bass." Her eyes said, "There's something else going on."

Whatever. I just hope it doesn't involve me.

This was the second time Nagato had given me a "private lesson" on the bass. And when I say "private", I don't mean what your mind automatically jumps to...or is just my mind that jumps to that? In any case, I must admit I was thoroughly enjoying the close proximity, even though she didn't have Asahina-san's rack, or Haruhi's looks, because ultimately Nagato just had a thing about her that was enjoyable to be around.

It didn't hurt that in order to show me a certain fingering last time, she'd slipped under the strap of the instrument, wedging herself in between me and it, and pressed my fingers on the strings with her own tiny hands. Now, any guy in such a situation with an attractive girl will start to get...you know...but before it could get awkward, she slipped back away as if she hadn't touched me at all, and continued with the lesson.

Moments like those with her made me catch my breath and turned my thoughts fuzzy, and secretly I found myself hoping that the same situation would arise this time.

To my surprise (and, I will admit, disappointment), she merely put away the guitar after everyone else had left, and stood facing me with her usual "I am about to attempt to relay information to you through words, which is admittedly flawed and inefficient, but since you are only human, it is the method which is necessary to use" look.

I sighed, put down the bass, and faced her. No such luck today.

"Kyon. Do you remember, about half a year ago, when Koizumi and I fought off the cave cricket at the computer club president's room?"

Frankly, my dear, it would be rather hard for me to forget.

"Such a situation has arisen again, and this time it might be significantly more dangerous. The species that we will be dealing with this time is more powerful than the last one, and it is absolutely necessary that we have you help this time."

Thanks, Nagato, but I have no special powers whatsoever, so exactly how the hell do you expect me to help?

"In human terms, what Koizumi and I need is a distraction in order for us to access its weak points and consider the best method of attack. In other words, you will be the bait."

At this, my jaw actually dropped open. You've got to be kidding me.

"I was never more serious before."

I resisted groaning and instead sighed deeply. "That's all well and good, but exactly how am I going to be bait without winding up as lunch?"

"My superiors have agreed to let you borrow a specific defensive power for the space of ten minutes. I will show you how to use it now, and transmit it to you once the battle has begun."

"So you should be able to take it out within that amount of time, huh?"

"Not necessarily. Depending on the situation, which we have yet to assess fully, it could take up to an hour."

I closed my eyes and shook my head wearily. "Fine, whatever. If I have to be lunch, I guess I'll be lunch."

Now she took a step forward and looked me firmly in the eye. "That won't happen."

I raised an eyebrow. "Wait a sec, you said my defense will only last for ten minutes. What if it takes you longer than ten minutes?"

She held out the palm of her hand, and I could see, even through the multiple regenerations she'd gone through since almost exactly a year ago, the thin white line of a scar that ran across it.

"It means that I will be at risk of damage, not you," she said.

You gotta admit, that's pretty sexy.

After a brief introduction, which consisted mostly of showing me exactly how to put out my hand at a 55 degree angle to my body, which might have been the trigger of the forcefield, as Nagato called it, or maybe because she just thought I'd look cool doing it, I apparently "knew" how to use it, and thus we shall jump straight into the battle.

Like last time, the room blew into a yellow desert of sand, as far as I could see, and myself, Koizumi, and Nagato were left standing there, waiting. I was expecting her to enable the power at once, but instead she merely looked straight ahead.

Um, Nagato? Did you forget?

"You only get ten minutes with it. I am waiting for the most opportune moment to activate it."

Ah...Well, at least I felt a little better.

"That's good."

Um, Nagato, I didn't say that aloud.

"I know."

Or that.

She pointed straight ahead, like last time. "It's here," she said, and I looked up in astonishment as the black and blue swirling cloud began to form in front of us, like a blackhole that might suck us in. I felt the whirl of spinning non-existent air whipping at my clothing and hair, and, I must admit, enjoyed Nagato's appearance with the wind from this angle.

The cloud began to disappear. Legs formed from the strands of mist, and then, acid-green, the praying mantis loomed above us.

No seriously? Last time it was a cricket, this time it's a praying mantis? Last time I thought it was creative. Now its just a little old, like a novel where the author ran out of ideas and started recycling old genius.

It gave us all a strange look, tilting its head from side to side, and cleaning the bristles of its front legs between the huge, incisor-like fangs in front of its mouth. Still Koizumi and Nagato stood there, motionless, and I realized suddenly that they had already begun the process of analyzing it, while it stupidly stood there, considering which of us to eat first, or whether it should ignore us completely.

"Kyon," said Koizumi from behind me in a low tone, "I'm going to start the first attack. It will give you approximately 5.6 seconds, and then it will charge. At that point, you need to distract it in any way possible."

Great. Exactly how am I supposed to do that?

He gave me a sideways look. "Throw something at it."

We. Are. In. A. Desert!

"That's not very good sentence structure, you know. Anyway, here I go!"

I saw him materialize the golden, miniature sun-like globe, and begin to run forward as though he was going to serve a volleyball. At the last minute, he tossed it up and smacked it against the praying mantis. It exploded against the enormous insect, and shattered into a fire-work display of sun-spilt splinters.

It was when Koizumi took on a grim expression and stepped back that I started to worry. "Now, Kyon!" he yelled, and I fumbled around in my pockets for something, anything. It just so happened that I had the stub of an eraser in my pants, so I fished it out and threw it at the praying mantis. It had zero effect, naturally, but it did succeed in planting its attention solely on me.

Oh, glory hallelujah.

"The force will be with you," Nagato said, and gave me a little shove.

I took off in a sprint, hardly noticing that Nagato had begun the string of commands in her toneless, unvarying voice, which would trigger the power she'd given me.

DOM DOM DOM came the sound of its legs behind me, not the skitter skitter of a normal-sized insect. If you'd added one more "O", it would have described my fate. I wondered vaguely, ignoring the sand that crept into my shoes, if this was how an ant felt.

It was way faster than me, and I panicked, leading it in a stupid sort of circle, trying to aim away from Nagato and Koizumi, who were busily (so I hoped) trying to figure out how to destroy the thing.

It closed in...I could feel its razor-sharp front legs graze my back...

"Use the force, Kyon!" Nagato said, raising her voice ever so slightly to be heard over the whipping sand and the pounding footsteps of the mantis. I gasped and twisted around, flinging out my hand as its gigantic mouth closed in on me. Nagato, this had better work.

To my surprise, an enormous shock of blue waves erupted from my hand, just like what Nagato had done before, and blew the mantis backwards. It halted, waving its front legs in the air, as if confused as to what had just happened, and I pulled back, panting, and blasted it again.

This time, it dodged and came straight for me. Oh crap. I ducked down and rolled backwards as it passed over me, taking a minute before it realized I was no longer in front of it and spinning back around. By that time, I'd already taken to my heels in the opposite direction. Koizumi took the moment to aim his sole attack at the creature, while Nagato simultaneously aimed her particle-disintegration thingie mabob at it. This combination probably would have taken out the previous cave-cricket, but it had little effect on the mantis, which merely healed itself with "Scarab". Again. No originality, people!

I had worked my way over to the two of them, meaning Koizumi and Nagato, and paused for breath, panting, "Now what?"

"Reassessing," came Nagato's cool voice.

"Reassessing my ass!" (Koizumi raised an eyebrow and gave me an appraising look which made me flinch a bit. Incidentally, I wouldn't mind Asahina assessing my ass). "Why don't you attack it before it heals itself?"

"It's against the rules."

"Rules?"

"Attacks may only be made one at a time, so it is imperative to choose the best course of action from among physical attacks, magical attacks, defensive attacks, and special items."

I groaned and smacked myself on the forehead, but Koizumi looked over at me sharply and said, "It's coming again. We need you to lead it off."

I took a deep breath and took off running again. The mantis really was stupid. It still hadn't noticed that all of the damaging attacks were coming from the other two, and continued chasing after me again.

Once more, I threw my forcefield at it, and continued running. But let's face it; running through sand is tiring.

I tripped and face-planted royally in the sand. Oh, shit.

And again it caught up to me, but this time it didn't seem intent on biting me or anything like that. Instead, it stood in front of me, while I turned, crab-like on the sand, and watched in shock, its body shaking and its red lights glowing brighter and brighter. I threw out my hand again, but this time there was no effect. The power had run its course.

I heard Koizumi call out, "Retreat, Kyon!" but I was motionless.

A moment later, the mantis self-destructed in bright green goo.

.

I'm dead. I have to be. Look, there's no more golden sand. Everything is dark. And I'm warm...

And...heavy?

I opened my eyes and looked up. Above me, a fan with one broken blade spun lazily against the dark ceiling. On top of me was Nagato, who smelled of acid burns.

I gasped and sat up, shaking her, only slightly noticing Koizumi across the studio room explaining things with his legendary smile to the young man who appeared dazed and confused.

"Nagato...Nagato-san, wake up! Please..."

She blinked, and I heaved a sigh of relief. She lifted her head and looked straight into my eyes. "I'm fine," she said. "Commencing reconstruction."

The burns on her back and legs began to disappear, much to the consternation of the computer-club member, who gave a little gasp and passed out on the floor. Heart of a lion, that one.

Nagato emotionlessly pushed herself off of me and stood, brushing off non-existent sand as if it still clung to her clothing. Despite her regeneration, she looked a little unsteady on her feet. Even Koizumi frowned and asked, "Nagato-san, are you all right?"

I also stood, and put an arm around the slight body. She leaned against me, closing her eyes. "Just...a little...dizzy..." she managed.

Nagato, don't push yourself too hard. Humanoid Interface or not, you still have a body. You are still physical.

She looked up at me with what I could have sworn was mischief, though the fading light from the opaque-curtained windows may have tricked my eyes. "Hai," she said, softly.

Author's Notes: I can't believe how many nerdy jokes I'm putting in here. Not that I have anything against nerds. Most of my best friends have been deeply engrossed in Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, etc. for ages, which means that I've caught my fair share of it, too. But I do apologize. It just...had to happen...too much to resist...lol

Wow, over 1000 hits already! Kimochi ureshii deshou! (or something like that, watashi no Nihongo ga honton ni warui desu ne...)