Fandom: Transformers Bayverse ('verse)
Author: and
Pairing: Jazz/Prowl
Rating: PG-13
Codes: Death, Supernatural
Summary: It has been a long life, a long time to hold onto darkness, but even the Unmaker's Chosen can change.
Full Circle 5: Ready To Heal
"Ah'm countin' on ya," he reached out to his oldest surviving child and closed slender silver fingers, as sharp and strong as the day Whiplash had been born so many Primes ago, on his shoulder. "Ah don't want ta die, but ya can't let meh lash out again."
"I know, Jazz," the sleek black mech, so very much like his carrier, smiled and reached out to match the contact, linking them once more. "I won't fail. You trained me for today, remember?" He managed to half tease despite the tension and pain. Prowl wasn't his sire, but he had made his carrier very, very happy and Whiplash respected the tactician professionally.
Without another word they released each other and walked into the private, heavily shielded and secured medbay room designed specifically to keep Jazz in no matter what he tried. Or at least keep him locked in long enough to be immobilized.
Whiplash melded into the shadows, dampened his presence and settled in to watch the drama that was about to play out.
He, the entire family, every one of Jazz's kin left alive, had already said their goodbyes. As had all the mechs who considered Prowl a friend, and many who simply respected him for who or what he was to them.
Now it was just Jazz to be there when Prowl returned to Primus. Just Jazz and the shadow willing to stop him if Primus didn't answer quickly enough.
"Hay babe," Jazz's voice was soft, his vocalizer already thick with static as he sat by the low platform with his pedes tucked under him. He brushed his fingers across Prowl's worn cheek-plates, already graying slightly with his fading spark.
~Hello, my spark.~
Jazz trembled, his visor going black for a moment as a near-sob escaped him. ~If ah was, ya wouldn't be fading. Ah know, love. It's your time, we had a good life.~ he sighed, curling forward to press his forehelm against his bonded's, a hand over Prowl's spark. ~Ah have a favor ta ask ya, when ya see Him,~ there was still a faint tremor of not-quite-fear. ~Tell'm ah'm ready.~
~I will,~ Prowl promised, even his voice across their bond weakening.
~It's not too late, ya know,~ Jazz gave one last desperate, completely selfish plea.
Prowl found the strength to command his frame to cup Jazz's face with a hand. ~I know, love. It's my time. I'll be there for you, however long it takes.~
~I know,~ Jazz murmured, his spark wrenching in his chamber when the metal plates under his hand slid open a finger width, his bonded lacking the strength to open them further. He knew what to do, they'd planned this for hundreds of vorns, rehearsed it so it would not feel so horribly wrong when this time came.
Trembling fingers hooked into the gap and gently pulled them apart, exposing Prowl's spark chamber as it slowly spiraled open. Jazz drew in a deep vent of air and followed suit, slowly lowering his chest to his bonded's.
It was a contact like none before.
The merge came fast, very fast, with very little sensual pleasure. The comforting pleasure, that even in his last moments Prowl reached out to still his bonded's fears, washed over Jazz.
For a brief, all too long moment, the silver mech was tempted beyond reason to go against his bonded's wish to either extend the life of the spark merged with his own with the life he'd taken from others, or absorb it into his own so he never had to let go again.
He forced those thoughts from his processors and focused on the good emotions of the mech with him so completely until the gentlest overload of his functioning washed over him. The familiar sense of not being in his frame was soothing, calming, and he absently wondered if instead of giving Prowl a sendoff wrapped in love and gentle pleasure he'd gone along with him.
It wasn't an unpleasant a thought.
Another comforting presence, far stronger than their own joined the merge, touching the combined spark with a sense of welcome and belonging that could only be called 'home'.
"Welcome home," a familiar, once feared voice said, and seemed to brush against them and give them vision. Jazz found himself as a tiny bright light, joined to another beloved light, orbiting a spark larger than the largest star. A tendril of light connected the second small light to the living star, while another tendril connected Jazz to what he somehow knew was the physical universe of the organics and his frame.
"Primus," Jazz thought-murmured, fear once more licking up from deep inside. He still felt more unease than comfort here, but pressed against Prowl's spark, once more the strong bright white he'd desired since they first met, the fear subsided. "This ... after I extinguished you?"
The tendril from the star-like spark that was connected to Prowl brushed against Jazz with a strong feeling of amusement and affection.
"Ah. So you finally remember that. It is a good sign, actually. Finding your way past my brother's firewalls are yet another way you have overcome his control."
Jazz felt, to his complete surprise, pride from the god.
"You did not extinguish my spark, Jazz, nor did you do anything to me that I did not allow. I fooled my brother into thinking that to destroy the part of me that gave life to Cybertron, he was destroying me. Tying myself to Cybertron was no longer in the best interests of my children. I have always existed whole in the dimension you are experiencing now, but the part of me that exists in the physical dimension was tied to a body whose time had come. You simply released that part of my energy to be present throughout the organic universe and encourage the evolution of species that would one day choose to change and grow into more equal partners with my children, and in turn allow my children to become to something more."
"Oh," Jazz murmured, still a bit dazed and only slowly grasping that he had been a tool of Primus when the Unmaker tried to use him directly. He forced himself to focus and not get lost in the fact that the bond with Prowl, an unusually quiet Prowl, hadn't broken yet.
~We are not done saying goodbye,~ Prowl's awareness brushed against his and Jazz clung to it, wrapping it around himself and himself around it.
~Never will be,~ Jazz mumbled, memories of grief and pain from the last four times filling his awareness before he forced it down again.
"You heard what I said, right?" Jazz asked, turning his attention uncertainly back to the deity.
"I did indeed, and your desire to heal and come home brings me great contentment. I have watched you take ever more control of your own destiny and choices during this final bond. You both have done so well. Even I had assumed Prowl would need to return several more times before this day came."
There was a flash of light from the tendril connected to Primus that made Prowl's spark shine even brighter, and suddenly Prowl, or the spark who had been designated Prowl in this latest journey to and from Primus, could remember.
The bright white spark was flooded with the memories of four additional life times spent in finding, then bonding to Jazz, giving his beloved ever more strength and light to fight the darkness of the Unmaker within him.
~It seems we both had secrets that were unknown even to us,~ Prowl enveloped Jazz even closer, showing him the truth. Jazz had not bonded to five separate sparks over his functioning. He had only bonded to one, five times. ~Each time, I have loved you even more.~
Then came memories of the lifetimes that didn't quite work out. Lifetimes cut short, or simply where they never crossed paths.
It was the two times, as Brightwing and Shade, where Jazz had cut those lives short that stunned them both.
"The best help I could send to you. The only way I could help you overcome the savagery my brother wrecked you. Each time he freely choose to return out of love for you. I made him from what was left of the spark of your carrier, Jazz. And Prima returned to be the carrier." Primus added, the god's thankfulness and awe at the journey both of his creations evident to them all.
They all got the image of Jazz trying to make his vocalizer operate several times before a bit of information flickered to the surface of his awareness and he nearly succeeded in pulling away from Prowl in the shame-fear-pain-loss-guilt that crashed into them. Showing Prowl that he'd destroyed kin long ago was hard enough. Comprehending that he'd show it to the spark that had carried or sired that line was entirely different. Then knowing that one time he had consumed and two times he had extinguished that most beloved spark pushed him to despair.
~I-we forgave you then. I-we forgive you now,~ Prowl pulled him closer, sending the fullness of his love and that Jazz's actions had indeed been forgiven by the carrier, sire and the departed spark involved . He created a small shield within his memories, just so Jazz could feel him drop it, feel what the shield was and recognize that there were none present.
With much the same passion that each bonding merge created, Prowl offered up each lifetime and what had transpired after it for Jazz to know in the greater context of it being a single existence.
Before even Prowl had grasped them, Jazz was making connections, linking up what was spark and what was life. He was out to determine how those very different sets of skills and existences connected Baritone, Lark, Stardust, Anchor and Prowl beyond the brilliant spark sheltering him even now. Studying himself, how he had changed, through the lens of what attracted him enough to acquire it and bind himself to it.
~Will you come back again?~ Jazz asked softly.
~I will always come back to you.~ He/they replied, pulling Jazz even closer.
"Or you may both remain here, together, with all those who love you." There were suddenly aware that within the sun-like spark, fully merged with their creator yet retaining their individual essences, were all of their creations, their children, and the generations that followed. Even some of the sockets whom they had shared, those who chose to make their homes with Primus instead of their own gods, were there. All eager to be reunited with the two brilliant sparks, all overjoyed and willing to be patient and accept of whatever choice the two made.
Jazz snuggled against his bonded, torn by the choice and the want he couldn't find a voice for, yet no longer had the ability to hold to himself.
~Want to live-love again,~ Jazz's spark whispered when his awareness couldn't. ~My Prowl. Want him again.~
"I can give you what you desire, if that is truly your choice. I can release you from the last of the control my brother has over you, so that you can return still fully Jazz, but free from any service to him save by your own choice. You will be like any of my children, making your own choices before returning to me and remaining with me as long as you choose. You will live, you will age, you will come back to me when your spark extinguishes from your frame, whether through old age or injury. What Prowl does is up to him. Most sparks would not wish to return to an aged frame. I can use some of the strength of your own frame, Jazz, to give new life to Prowl's."
Primus turned his attention to Prowl and gently inquired. " What do you wish, my child?"
Both sparks could sense that he already knew what the answer would be.
"Do you even need to ask?" He/they replied wryly.
Primus actually laughed. "You know that I do."
"I would return to a life with Jazz as Prowl," the brilliant spark replied. "Forgetting is a small price for it."
They felt Jazz's awe that he was worthy of such devotion, the indomitable self-assurance largely suppressed by the lingering fear-need in the face of his god. He gathered his courage, some small part of him still expecting that to voice such a desire was to have it taken away.
"I want to return to my frame, free of the Unmaker. I will gladly give some of my strength, my extended life, to have a proper lifetime with Prowl before we return to you."
All Jazz could feel in response from his creator and source was joy that he could give them such a gift.
Primus turned his attention first to his bonded's spark. "You will not forget this time, little one. There is no need to hide the truth from your bonded. You will be Prowl, but you will retain the memories of those you were before." Primus filled Prowl's spark with the knowledge of just how deep his gratitude was for his child's courage and love.
Then Primus turned his attention to Jazz, who still, after all this, was filled with fear of the only thing he feared in all existence. The one thing, ironically, he had never needed to fear. It was his brother's own fear, the one thing of his brother that was still able to dominate the spark Primus made.
"Be one with me for a time and be freed from my brother. You will not feel any pain, my child. He no longer dominates your spark. Who you were originally, and what your bonded has given you now far outweighs the darkness. You have nothing to fear. Your bonded will be with you the whole time. Let me show you both the little one who bravely went forth to face what the Unmaker would do to him."
With a last shiver of pain-expectation, Jazz relaxed and silently offered all he was to Primus.
Optimus, the only other who knowingly returned from being cleansed by Primus, had described it as a combination of the most brilliant spark merge, organic charge, and interface all at once. Both sparks suddenly understood just what he had described, and that the description fell far short. It was joy and pleasure at every level.
Jazz became aware that very little that mattered to him any longer was taken from him at all, and what was taken was also given back, still clearly himself, still clearly Jazz, only freed from any who would control his choices. Then he felt his spark gladly release the remains of the sparks he had consumed by the power of the Unmaker to extend his life. And he was glad to set them free, to see them absorbed back into the one who had made them to be healed or remade, glad that in releasing them, his lifespan would now be that of a normal mech. The last one to be released from him was what remained of the shredded spark of his own carrier. It was taken back into Primus. Prowl was his own spark now, fully healed, and did not need it to be whole. The rest of that damaged spark would become someone new.
When it was finished, they both realized that it was not just Primus surrounding them, but all that were within their source who loved them, welcoming them home for the moment, adding their forgiveness to that which Prowl had given, wishing them joy for their final journey in life together. It could have lasted a nanoklick or the lifetime of a universe. They were not certain. They touched each of their creations and descendants, and each of their sockets who had given life to their sparks and unique gifts to their children.
~You dudes enjoy yourselves,~ one particularly bright organic light laughed. ~I'm tempted to ask the big dude if I can have another go around. I miss being ole Prowler's lap kitten.~
~You will have all of eternity to be that,~ Prowl affectionately wrapped the first human they had claimed in his light. ~I have missed you. There are still so few who ever wished to fill that role.~
~Rascal,~ Jazz snickered and nuzzled him affectionately. ~You'll ruin my corruption of so many other organics if you come back,~ he teased.
~You'll have me on your lap again soon enough, Prowl-dude. And I won't cheat anyone out of the chance to have you both to themselves and conspire with you to get each other knocked up. I'll be waiting for you both when you come back. Besides, sex on this side is even kinkier. I'll have stuff to teach you,~ he teased back with a familiar wicked laugh.
The organic light gave them a quick and delicious charge and moved along for others to give the two their blessing.
~We're doomed,~ Jazz laughed, deep, rich and honest, full of joy unfettered by the darkness he had not chosen. It was true, his spark was still darker than many at the end of their lives, but it was the darkness of living, not the darkness forced upon an innocent spark.